Chapter Thirty-Four: A Gloomy Weekend

Sirius kept his promise. He visited Remus once more Thursday, as they had been sent to their dorms upon all getting a chance to "talk" to him. Sirius decided he would visit Remus at least once a day, though this didn't seem like enough. Of course, the fact he'd be available for Remus meant he wouldn't get to go home like the others would, "oh darn."

By after dinner, Thursday rumors had begun to spread about a Gryffindor getting pushed out a fourth-floor window. Classes had resumed that Friday though those who had been huddled outside the hospital ward were excused. With another level of drama added to an increasingly unsafe seeming school, the muggle-borns were jumpier than ever.

Sirius had heard a few girls talking about their parents urging them to leave when he'd finally give up the fight to stay the night in the hospital ward Thursday. The matron assured him he could visit whenever he wished as long as he slept in his dorm.

So he had reluctantly shuffled back to his dorm catching the two girls who shot him fearful looks and rushed out. Sirius felt offended momentarily by their fear but brushed it off and staggering finally reached the dorm where the others had already been escorted, no one putting up as much as a fight as him.

James and Peter were already asleep though it couldn't even be seven at night yet. Sirius went to take a long hot shower, for the second time that day, realizing he looked dreadful and feeling so as well. With his bloodshot eyes, pale skin, and messed up clothes and hair, the girls had probably thought he was what had become known as the 'Phantom Student' who was thought to be who was attacking muggle-born students.

Of course, no one realized Remus wasn't muggle-born so it seemed like two had been attacked. It was possible Remus had been mistaken as a muggle-born, a mistake Sirius had made until Remus had finally told him his father's occupation.

But Sirius didn't think this was it not with how jumpy Remus had been a few days before…..well before this. He had also mentioned something about a professor being behind this and Sirius was worried this was bigger than all of them could have imagined.

After his shower, he wasn't able to sleep and headed down into the common room which was a mistake. Sirius usually enjoyed being the center of attention but this day was anything but typical.

Gryffindor's swarmed him each wanting to know what was going on and about the student who fell seeing as Sirius was friends with him. Sirius angrily told them to sod off finding it irritating none of them knew Remus' name, well almost none of them. Sirius realized Patricia was one of the few students not approaching him.

She was surrounded by books her head buried in one so she looked for one bizarre second like an older Lily. Sirius would have teased her any other time but he wasn't sure he'd ever be in the mood again and he had to focus his attention on growling out threats so they all stayed away from him. Patricia didn't seem to be bent out of shape. Did she know?

Dumbledore had told them it was best to keep this quiet until the details of what happened to Remus could be pieced together. But surely Patricia had a right to know. Sirius had nothing against Dorcas but personally didn't think she and Remus had been close. Between Dorcas and Patricia, it was a clear winner who was closer to being Remus' friend, something the adults seemed to have missed entirely.

She looked up and shot him a grin rolling her eyes and gesturing at the students like they were nuts. Sirius suddenly found it much harder to move his feet, she didn't know. Maybe he shouldn't say anything after all but she had noticed his expression and her exasperation at gossiping students had turned into concern.

He nearly collapsed and would have probably fallen on his face if she hadn't grabbed his shoulder and steadied him. So it was him shaking not the room? He wondered if he looked like Remus did when he couldn't seem to take a step without collapsing, wondered if this is what he felt like. It was a very unpleasant feeling.

When? When Remus woke up Sirius would make sure to keep an eye out for how often he struggled to walk. But he couldn't believe he was thinking about Remus' secretiveness now. It didn't matter anymore, it just...didn't.

"Sirius what's going on. I assumed the student had been you or James pulling a prank or some sort of stunt."

"What are you dumb or something? Why would classes be canceled Thursday then!" He snapped his anger flaring once more. Patricia recoiled and her worry turned into full-blown fear.

"I thought that was the plan…...I hadn't seen you a lot so I figured you were in double detention or something. But…this isn't like you what's going on!" She was no longer asking she was demanding the information. Sirius was upset and sleep-deprived but he wasn't an idiot.

"Not here there are too many people." Patricia's eyebrows had creased a deep frown now on her face.

"Um…..alright. I know a place."

Sirius followed her out into the hall because he didn't know where else to go. He was about to scream angrily because some stupid student had dared to follow them out the portrait. He whipped around face livid ready to threaten the seventh year if that's what it took. Then he recognized the fretting student as one of Patricia's friends from her year.

"Frank I can't talk right now I'm sorry." The nervous but kind looking student glanced at them running a hand through his short blond hair.

"Just making sure. Sorry to bother you. Can't be too careful with everything going on." He shot Sirius another nervous look clearly having noted the hostility in his gaze and realizing he was friends with the boy who fell.

The one who, it seemed, was too unimportant for his blasted name to be remembered. Sirius sized the fourth year up ready to sock him if he asked a question just to soothe his curiosity, friend of Patricia's or not.

"I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I'll leave you two be. But if you need help getting Gryffindor's to leave you alone let me know. I have a very loud yell." It was a clumsy attempt to cheer up Sirius. He hadn't been expecting this and nodded.

Frank nodded back a grim smile on his features before he turned back into the loud common room an air of authority and protectiveness around him.

The fat lady swung back and Sirius was turned around by Patricia who was very stressed. Unlike Lily whose outward tears had been nearly immediate Patricia seemed instead to close in on herself. She was stone-faced and the only indication she had any idea of the seriousness of what happened could be found in her eyes which were burning with anger.

"Which one of you is hurt?" She demanded and Sirius was glad she had pieced things together quickly enough he didn't have to awkwardly attempt to explain while keeping his own tears in check.

"Remus." Patricia's face remained the same, her eyes still blazing, but Sirius noticed her hands were fists, her knuckles white.

"Take me to him." She demanded her already powerful voice hardly suppressing her rage. Sirius was very glad Remus had befriended Patricia and that she was on their side, no matter who or what they were up against. Sirius wasted no time in taking Patricia to the hospital ward.

"Now see here Mr. Black when I said for you to return later I didn't mean this early. You need to sl….." Madam Pomfrey stopped chastising him finally realizing he wasn't alone.

"Ms. Rakepick what are you doing here?" The matron asked shifting slightly so the aisle that led to the room Remus was in was blocked. Sirius vaguely wondered if she was this protective of all her patients.

It made sense the matron knew Patricia as not only was she older with more years of illnesses and injury, but she was a professional prankster and injuries were an occupational hazard.

There was no trace of the usual devious amusement that could always be found in Patricia's face and Sirius wondered how the matron recognized her as she looked so different.

"I've come once more to visit Remus. Who did this Madam Pomfrey?" She asked with more composure than Sirius had, the anger skilfully suppressed into her tightened fists it seemed.

"Of course you can visit him. Forgive me for forgetting you're his friend too. It's been…..hectic." The matron finished sounding stressed but she looked a bit better at the prospect of another friend of Remus'.

It was almost like she hadn't been expecting this many which was funny because the matron was nice but she tended to be quite distant with her patients, probably to avoid being accused of favoritism. If Patricia found the matrons seeming familiarity with Remus odd she said nothing just merely clenched her jaw and followed the matron.

Sirius knew he should have warned her what state Remus was in but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't find the words. The walk with her had been accompanied by a heavy silence and Sirius just hoped she had listened closely to the rumors.

This appeared not to be the case as Patricia let out a strangled shout of surprise and rounded on the wall punching it with her first.

"WHO DID THIS?" She thundered looking much more imposing than a fourth-year student should. If Sirius hadn't been so worried about Remus he'd be too tongue-tied to say anything to her. As much as Patricia slowly taking James and Sirius under her wing was surreal and amazing, as much as a dream come true as it was, he'd take it all back to have Remus back to normal. Well normal for Remus anyways.

"Ms. Rakepick I assure you if I knew I'd tell you." Madam Pomfrey responded and Sirius was shocked her famous calm composure was shaken, not out of fear of Patricia as he initially thought but out of anger for the same reason they all were angry. Sirius shifted trying really hard not to wonder how this piece of information, the matron's clear fondness of Remus, added to the rumbled puzzle pieces.

Of course, it was possible she had just been charmed by Remus as anyone who seemed to talk to him for more than a few minutes seemed to be. Remus had been down here a lot, much more than the first years should be. Something was nagging at Sirius, something about professors and secrets and danger, but nothing fit together and he was much too tired to sort anything out.

He had meant to stay with Patricia while she visited Remus, to ask her afterward who her thoughts were on who could have done this. Perhaps even tell her about Remus' stranger than normal behavior and strange comment about professors. But instead he nearly collapsed from exhaustion and a tittering matron forced him out into the room and into a nearby hospital bed.

"Since you are so persistent. But I better not catch you bothering him." She tsked at him but she was looking at him kindly. He fought to keep his eyes open, he needed to, needed to talk to Patricia. But he failed just like he had failed Remus, had failed to get to know him, to help him.

….

Sirius woke a few hours later feeling at if he had slept on a Nundu, everything sore. It took him a few minutes to realize what had woken him up. He sat up gripping his wand tightly, on edge with everything that had been going on. He dropped his wand realizing almost immediately it was James. He scanned the room twice before finding Sirius' dark shadow amongst the pitch-black hospital wing.

"Hey."

"Hey." There was a long pause things feeling wrong without their usual jabs and playful energy, or energy really. James sounded as tired as Sirius felt.

"So ...well I know you don't like home much but I was talking to my mum in the fireplace in Professor's McGonagall's office and she said to make sure you knew you could come home with me tomorrow morning. Blimey is it really nearly already Saturday" he muttered.

Sirius agreed the day had gone by very fast for how little they had done. None of them, not even Lily, had even touched their homework. Sirius was sure Albus had talked to all the professors because anytime they had glimpsed one they only received sympathetic looks.

Sirius didn't hesitate to stay. He had to reassure James, who would relate it to Peter, that it was ok for them to leave for the long weekend. He could tell by how unnaturally quiet they had been they needed it. It took a while for him to convince James of this and even longer to convince him that he really was fine to stay behind.

"Alright. We'll be back on Monday. Professor McGonagall said we'd have to do go back to classes but that the professors are all pretty good at working with students who've been through a tragedy or whatever." He mumbled clearly uncomfortable about it.

"Also she's talking to us all. Trying to gauge our feelings or whatever. Be on the lookout mate she'll be after you next. I just came from there. You wanna know what's worse than Professor McGonagall being stern, Professor McGonagall being nice and understanding." James exclaimed sounding thoroughly grossed out. For mere seconds things seemed back to normal and they both grinned sheepishly at each other.

Then they both seemed to realize where they were again and why. Sirius felt guilty he had smiled which was rubbish because Remus would be more upset if they didn't smile. He knew Remus wouldn't want them acting like this, but he didn't know how else to act, at least not at the moment. He wished James a good weekend though it felt robotic and slipped into Remus' room. His guilt intensified as he slipped his hand in Remus' cold one. It didn't make him feel better but he felt closer to his friend and would be right there if something changed.

…..

He wasn't surprised to be woken Saturday morning to Madam Pomfrey's kind but stern insistence he wasn't to come back until after lunch at the very least. He had attempted to argue, of course, but she told him he needed to get some fresh air, food, and actually sleep. So he stormed out with a few choice swear words that he knew she wouldn't get him detention for, not when she seemed as unhappy about Remus' situation as him.

He was surprised though that when he entered the common room, all the students giving him a wide berth, Lily had come over to him. She seemed to have her own flock of students trying to get information out of her and her normally neat hair was sticking every which way as if she had been yanking on it.

She shot a glance back at Dorcas who seemed to be a bodyguard of sorts, threatening away anyone who wanted to bother Lily. She looked like she hadn't slept well last night either which he could tell from the bags under her eyes which became more prominent as she came closer, a book clutched to her chest, and a very serious expression on her flushed face.

"Sirius this is a book about medical coma's. I….I'm staying until after dinner to research but…." He tried to be patient as the girl's eyes filled with tears.

"Do you think Remus would be upset if I went home for the rest of the weekend? I wrote to my mum and dad yesterday and they really want me to visit home ...what with everything going."

Sirius watched Lily her fingers twisting her long vibrant locks into all sorts of painful twists. He wasn't sure why they all seemed to think he'd know what Remus wanted. They had all unofficially dubbed him Remus' best friend, the one who was closest to him, who knew the most. He supposed this was true considering how little everyone else had known. But how could he explain to the others that just because he had known Remus wasn't a muggle-born that he hardly knew more of them?

"Yeah, I think he'd want you to do what's best for you. I mean…you know how he is." He explained though he didn't have a bloody clue how Remus was.

He thought he did, perhaps an inkling, but he couldn't be sure. He wasn't sure about anything about Remus. However, his answer seemed to be correct because Lily gave a small smile, said he was right and handed him the book.

"Here. I need you to help me with research. Will you help?" Sirius gave her a look not seeing any point to flipping through the pages on coma's or whatever else nonsense was in the book. He figured it was a great way to lose hope Remus would recover, and he needed that hope, badly.

"No." He finally responded and LIly's face fell, she looked absolutely crestfallen.

"But this could help him." She attempted, sounding stunned Sirius would turn down a chance to help. Sirius didn't believe it would help, didn't want it to help because then he'd have to read it.

"How can you be sure?" He snapped angrily wanting to throw the book away, to not look at the cover of a very old wizard in a bed similar to Remus with a similar blank dead look on his wrinkled face.

"I...I'm not sure. But I have to do something. This could help and it's better than doing nothing right? I figured you'd understand but I guess I was wrong." She responded cooly hugging the book against her chest like it might be Remus' only hope. He hated to admit it but he realized Lily was right. If there was even the smallest chance it would help Remus he would do it, no matter how upset it might make him.

"Give it back. I'll do it." Lily looked hesitant, perhaps realizing this book would be at the mercy of a very angry Sirius. But she finally handed it back to him. They looked at each other unsure what to say. Finally Lily muttered thanks and that she'd be back Monday before going back to her seat Dorcas protected, picking up a similar looking book and diving into it. Stares had followed her and Sirius also felt them on him as he walked up to his dorm room.

That weekend Sirius slept little. He never thought he would spend his free time reading something not for class. But he did. He was right that the book would destroy his hope and by the end of it he had no help to offer and very little hope Remus would ever wake up. One particular account of a kid who had been poisoned and woke up fifty years later was almost more depressing than those who never did.

Then there was so much of it Sirius didn't understand, the book was much too complicated with large words he didn't even pretend to know. Just the sort of thing Remus would probably love to read, that swat. He hoped Lily had made more progress but Monday morning he was sure he would find that she had not.

He wondered if maybe he should have gone back with James because nothing had changed with Remus and Sirius' weekend had been terrible.

At least James had warned him about Professor McGonagall so he knew what to expect when she told him to meet her in her office after breakfast Sunday. She had asked him questions about Remus and if she knew why he had left.

"Probably because he doesn't like parties much. He's more the read alone in a corner sort of swat." Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows then went onto asking about how he was doing.

"Just swell." He had responded trying to sound as chipper as he could. His professor did not look amused. Sirius didn't care. If she thought he was going to be honest with a professor about his feelings of all the things, she had another thing coming. He answered each question with a more ludicrous answer than he had the following question.

Trying to one-up himself and not worry too much about what she was actually saying. He was eating and sleeping and shitting fine and he would be going back to classes on Monday without complaint, well verbal complaint anyways. He could tell Professor McGonagall was getting more irritated as her eyebrows rose higher and higher and she looked increasing exasperated with him. It was a battle of wills, sort of, and he was pleased to report he came out on top.

"Mr. Black! This is an attempt for us to help you. If you aren't going, to be honest with me then I can't do anything to help you."

"What? Maybe I really do dream about gnomes evading Hogwarts and feel unsafe with the structural integrity of this school." He had repeated his response, once more like this was the worst thing he could ever think of happening. He had nearly smiled when he saw a vein twitch in her temple.

"Mr. Black!"

"Well…..you can do one thing." He had sighed heavily as if finally giving up. McGonagall seemed to think so anyway, for she had leaned in, her exasperation replaced by concern

"And what's that?"

"Well I mean no homework sounds like a good start to me." She hadn't been amused and dismissed him from her classroom with a look of deepest disappointment.

Sirius had almost toyed with the idea of writing his brother Sunday, knowing he would be sympathetic, before realizing he wouldn't be allowed to anymore. If possible thinking of his little brother facing the dementor was almost worse than thinking about Remus. But he decided not to even try to write to him and Monday morning came and he had never felt worse about receiving no mail.

He thought he'd be sitting alone since Peter, James, and Lily weren't due back until first hour started but instead, his cousin sat down next to him earning puzzled looks from a lot of people. Drommie didn't seem to care and it took everything Sirius had not to bury his face in her shoulder and cry in front of all these people and everything.

"Let's go for a walk." She responded quietly not because she cared about what fellow students thought but because any minute now her sisters would arrive in the Great Hall. Sirius had no problem with the idea and set down his untouched muffin before following her out onto the grounds. They walked in silence but he could tell she knew what had happened and how it impacted him because she kept glancing at him with concern.