Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.

Challenges listed at the bottom.

Word Count - 1324

Fic Detail - TonyClint / Fluff to the eyeballs.

Faulty Information

"He's not a fair maiden you can woo with your robin hood skills," Natasha quipped, her lips tilting up in a smile that Clint knew meant she was laughing at him inside.

"I didn't say he was," Clint replied, glaring at her. "That doesn't mean that he won't be interested!"

"Who?" Bruce asked, walking into the kitchen to get a coffee before he went down to his lab.

"Nobody," Clint muttered.

Unfortunately, at the same time, Nat replied, "Tony."

Bruce blinked. "You, uh. You're going to ask Tony out?"

"Who's going to ask Tony out?" Steve asked, as he, Bucky and Sam joined them, fresh from their morning run.

"Clint," Bruce said, wrapping his hands around his mug.

"Really?" Sam asked, tilting his head curiously. "Doesn't he tend to go more for… leggy blondes?"

Clint rolled his eyes.

"No offence, Pal, but I just don't see you and Stark together," Bucky said, picking up a plum from the fruit bowl. "Besides, you seem the settling down type and he… doesn't."

"I'll prove you all wrong," Clint announced, standing up. "Tony will fall in love with me and we'll be deliriously happy, and irritate you all with our sappiness!" Whatever it takes! And you can all kiss my ass."

He stopped out of the room with the eyes of them all on him. Before he made it completely out of hearing distance, he heard Nat say, "This isn't going to go well."

Well. He'd show them.

…

"Uh. Thanks?" Tony said. "You can just… put it down on there, I guess?"

He waved at an almost empty space on his desk, and Clint eagerly moved forwards to put the coffee and salad on the desk. Unfortunately, he wasn't expecting an excitable DUM-E to come and say hello, and what followed was a comedy of errors so ridiculous, even Clint couldn't believe it.

It ended with coffee all over Tony's papers and salad all over his head.

Tony blinked up at him in disbelief.

"Oh, my god," Clint gasped. "I'm so sorry, Tony."

"You—it's fine," Tony said, looking at the mess on his desk. "I'll just… clean this up."

"Let me help—"

"No, I'm good, honestly, Clint. I, uh. I'll see you later."

Recognising the dismissal for what it was, Clint slumped and left the lab.

"You've got lettuce in your hair," Nat said, when he walked past her.

"Fuck off, Nat," he growled.

"I did try to tell you, Clint; you don't win friends with salad."

The glare he sent her way had even her looking for a sharp exit.

…

Pepper stared at him with shrewd eyes for a long moment, before she seemed to accept that his intentions were pure.

"You could take him to a dog show? Or the zoo? He likes animals, but his uh, his father would never let him have a pet. So… animals is generally a good idea for Tony."

Clint grinned at her. "Thanks Pepper!"

…

"Why are you holding that kitten like it's got a disease?" Tony asked, watching Clint with concern.

"Oh. There you are!" Clint said, standing up. He held the kitten out to Tony, who took a hasty step back.

"What do you want me to do with it?" Tony asked, raising his hand to put it over his nose and mouth.

"I, uh. I got her for you. See, I gift wrapped her and everything," Clint said, gesturing to the purple bow he'd painstakingly tied around the kitten. He had the scratches to prove he'd done it himself.

"Um. Why?"

"Well, Pepper said you like animals, and I thought that maybe you'd like your own because you didn't have pets when you were younger and I was going to get you a puppy but they need more attention so I thought that maybe a kitten because cats are independent, you know, and—"

"Jesus, Clint, breathe."

"Sorry."

Seeing that Tony wasn't going to take the kitten, Clint pulled his arms back and tucked her under his chin.

"I… appreciate the gesture," Tony said unsurely, "but, uh, I guess Pep forgot to mention that I'm allergic to cats?"

Clint blinked. "Are you being serious?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah. So, um. If you could… I mean, you can keep her, she's cute… but if you could maybe keep her on your own floor? That would be… great. Thanks."

Clint watched Tony walk away and looked down at the kitten. "Well. That didn't go so well, did it, Kit-Kat?"

…

"Have you thought about just asking him on a date?" Natasha asked, raising her eyebrows at Clint. "Because like… that seems the easiest way to do this."

Clint rolled his eyes. "But then he won't know that I'm serious about this."

"Right." She drew the word out, and when he glanced up at her, he wasn't overly surprised by the cynical expression on her face. She had no faith in him whatsoever. "So, what's the plan this time?"

"Keeping it simple," he replied. "A got him a bottle of that whisky that he really likes. It was soooo expensive, Nat, oh my god, I thought I was going to have a heart attack!"

"Clint—"

"So, I'm going to give him that, and then, hopefully, he'll ask me to join him and we can go from there, yeah?"

"Clint—"

He shook his head at her. "Nope. Not here for you doubting me so I'm just gonna go now and you can do whatever it is you do when you're not being mean to me."

"But Clint—" she called as he stepped into the elevator. She sighed as the doors closed. "Tony's three months sober."

…

At least Tony was nice about it, Clint thought later. He hadn't been offended, which was… well. Clint stared at the whisky bottle. How was he supposed to woo the man when all of his information was faulty?

He pulled a hand through his hair and sighed. Maybe he should just accept that Tony wasn't interested and leave it be. Maybe the others were right and he wasn't Tony's type.

Maybe he just wasn't good enough for Tony. Not that the genius would ever say such a thing, he was unfailingly kind to the people he thought of as his, even while he could still be a sarcastic shit. He never cut too deep. It was just another thing Clint appreciated about him.

And he should be happy, really, to be thought of as one of Tony's people anyway. He didn't have many people he claimed.

So…

Clint opened the bottle he'd bought for Tony and brought it to his lips. No sense in letting it go to waste, and it really was good whisky.

…

Clint blinked when a bunch of roses was pushed in front of him on the breakfast bar. He looked around the roses to Tony, and stared when he saw the genius looked unnaturally nervous.

"It's been brought to my attention that, uh, you like me. In a dating sort of like, I mean, not that you like me because what's not to like and oh, god, why do people let me talk? But anyway. Uh. So, you've been acting weird because you wanted to date me and uh… right?"

Clint nodded mutely, trying not to visibly melt at how adorable Tony looked when he rambled.

"So, maybe we can go on a date? Tonight? I was going to book a table, but we both like burgers and diners so I thought burgers and milkshakes at a diner but I can book a table if you want me to?"

"I'd really like that," Clint said, beaming at Tony. "The burgers and milkshakes, I mean. Like… a lot."

Tony nodded, apparently relieved. "Just, uh, do me a favour and stop doing me favours."

Clint snorted. He could do that. And best of all, HE HAD A DATE WITH TONY!

Who knew it could be just as simple as asking?

Written for:

Disney - T1: Someone being determined to prove doubters wrong.

Angel's Archive - 16. "Just do me a favour and stop doing me favours."

Film Festival - 8. Purple

Basement - 4. "You don't win friends with salad."

Marvel - 15. "Whatever it takes."

Pop Figure - Margaery Tyrell - 1. Shrewd / 2. Rose / 3. Maiden / 4. Kitten

365. 229. Cynical

1000. 339. Glaring at someone.