Chapter Thirty-Six: In the Shadow of the Full Moon

Remus heard everything going on around him. In the beginning, the many noises and voices sounded so far away he couldn't hear much, if anything, of what was being said. But after who knows how long the voices seemed a bit clearer. It was only Madame Pomfrey and Sirius Black that kept him from not being with the shadow man in a never-ending nightmare.

Only them that kept him sane. Two voices were all he had left, one soft and motherly the other boisterous and daring. Each vitally important to him, something he couldn't do without.

He didn't know what was going on, his brain couldn't seem to comprehend whatever it was. His brain couldn't comprehend very much at all. He didn't know how much time had passed or much of anything, just those two voices reminding him who he was.

"Minerva, did you convince young Mr. Black?" He recognized that voice though it took him a moment to place it... Dumbledore. He sounded strange and far away, not pleasant and close like the usual two voices were.

"Yes I told him Mr. Lupin was being moved to St. Mungo's and that seemed to do the trick, though he was quite upset." He had to work hard for this name too...Professor McGonagall. What was she a professor of? And who was Mr. Lupin, he didn't have the answers, though he could tell they were of vital importance.

"Foolish Human so weak and dumb."

He wished he could forget that voice. A low rumbling growl that sent chills down his metaphorical spine, for he could physically feel nothing at the moment. He wasn't sure how, but the wolf had been yelling at him for however long they had been trapped in this dark place together.

"Shut up." He yelled back though no sound came forth. The wolf heard him somehow and howled his resentment in return. How could the wolf hear him if he didn't speak? Oh right because the wolf was him, and it was getting stronger, something must be happening soon. Something big and important and scary but he couldn't remember what.

"Well that is understandable Mr. Lupin is his friend after all. However, he must not find out Remus is here I fear he is already too suspicious."

"Professor, what will happen to him…...will it break his coma?"

"One can only hope Minerva. I believe it will. That by tomorrow morning we will have a very confused and distressed student on our hands, but a conscious one." Mused Dumbledore sounding very fond of whoever this student was.

"Indeed," responded Professor McGonagall and she sounded hopeful and relieved. He felt he should feel that way but too, all he could feel was a cold chill and a bone reaching dread at what was going to happen soon, too soon.

"It will be my turn human."

Came the angry and eager growl again. He wanted to respond but he'd been feeling weaker for a while now, unable to shout as loudly to the monster sharing his consciousness, and his head which was scrambled and lost was begging for a break.

"Soon flesh soon blood soon freedom from chain soon soon." The howling was excruciating and tugged at all that made the confused boy what he was, threatening to pull him to pieces. He wasn't sure why it was so important to fight the voice but he knew he had to. Even if losing himself to the violent haze scratching at his conscience seemed oddly tempting he wouldn't, he just wouldn't.

He couldn't feel the hand on his shoulder but he could hear Dumbledore was closer now and a surge of warmth ran through the cold dark that surrounded him and shut him out from the world.

"Good luck tonight Mr. Lupin. Ah, Madame Pomfrey impeccable timing as always."

"Of course I would never be even a minute late for something so important. Are you coming with us tonight?"

"Yes, I want to make sure everything is in place."

"Will…...will he wake up tomorrow?"

"Let's hope so Poppy. Hope is one of the most powerful magic we can have at a time like this." There was a heavy sigh and once again Remus had no way of knowing but he was being carried by Dumbledore to the whomping willow. He wasn't even able to follow the rest of the adults' conversation, feeling far too weak and dizzy. Instead, all he was aware of was the ever-growing presence and persistence of the wolf which filled him with growing worry.

He was faced with anxiety such as he had never known which had taken over him, though he didn't know it was because he was terrified he wasn't safely secured in the shack. He was, of course, courtesy of the headmaster, but between his lack of physical feeling and overall confusion, he couldn't reach this conclusion.

Instead, he just felt intense panic though he couldn't pinpoint why. So it would be another bad full moon. Rage and an unquenchable thirst for flesh and blood kept him going all night. And though the several worried adults had no way of knowing, the wolf was indeed conscious and moving. This was both good and bad for the insane anger and disgust at its human captor left the wolf very violent this time indeed.

…..

He was first aware of the pain, as always, then of his fingers and toes twitching. The confusion that had plagued him for a long time cleared and with it came again an intense panic. He forced his blood-caked eyes open finding it hard to see. But based on the feel and smell he was in the shack and he relaxed.

He hadn't hurt anyone then. Now things could go back to normal. He waited for Madame Pomfrey, the idea of her happiness at seeing him conscious numbing the sharp pain that came every time he took a wheezy breath. He stayed awake the whole time, wanting to see someone happy he was back, part of him fearful no one would be.

Surely it would be easier if he hadn't transformed this month if the coma kept the wolf back and he had just stayed like that burdening them less than he usually did. But he tried not to think of this just like he tried not to think about how his father hadn't visited him. As much as he tried not to think about how often and loyal Sirius had been with his visits.

He no doubt owed his intact sanity to Sirius and Madame Pomfrey for without them he would have gone insane trapped with only himself for what felt like a long time. Before he could put together how long it had been based on last night being the full moon he heard the door unlatch and could practically feel the unusual nerves rolling off the matron.

"Goo Ning." He managed his tongue swollen and numb from biting on it too hard.

"Oh thank Helga!" She cried loudly rushing over to him in a very un-composed manner. Her response was sincere and immediate and it warmed him greatly to hear the concern and relief in her voice.

"Good morning Remus." Came the calmer deeper response of Albus Dumbledore. It truly surprised Remus he was here, which was saying something because usually his sense of hearing and smell was elevated. He tried to acknowledge the headmaster but the relief of being cared about, and the current attentive care of the matron healing his wounds, dragged him into a safe shallow unconsciousness.

…

When he woke the second time he was aware it was very late and wasn't able to place what woke him until he heard the door open, soft footprints following. The footprints of someone who wasn't supposed to be here. He didn't need to hear his voice to know who it was.

"Remus…...Remus…" Came the urgent whisper, as if Sirius hadn't believed whoever told him Remus was conscious. He thought about not answering but that went out the window when he heard the panic in the poor boy's voice.

"I'm alright."

"You aren't bloody alright." Sirius laughed tensely but sounded relieved. "Guess they should have sent you to St. Mungos earlier huh?"

"St. Mungos?" It took Remus awhile to remember the bits of conversation he had caught while in a coma. For the first time, he wondered if there would be any lasting damage and felt the need to get up.

He struggled to sit up and Sirius rushed to his side though paused awkwardly unsure what to do. Remus thought he looked quite silly bent over his arm outstretched as if expecting Remus' coat, with a wide-eyed lost expression on his face. He covered his mouth to keep back the laughter but found it impossible to do so.

"Well, maybe I shouldn't have come." Huffed the embarrassed boy but he was smiling at Remus so he knew he didn't really offend him.

"Do you not remember being at St. Mungo's?"

"No." He was grateful this wasn't a lie. He didn't remember because he never went there. Seeing Sirius was waiting for something more he chose his words carefully.

"But whatever they did must have worked." He moved his legs and arms again just because he could.

"Hang on the others are outside the door. Madam Pomfrey tried to get us to see you in the morning but there was no way that was going to happen."

Then Sirius was gone and Remus worked hard on sitting up. He could hardly do that and was terrified it might be because of the comma before realizing it was because of the monthly abuse of the moon. Luckily he realized his scars were exposed and he was able to wrap a blanket over his shoulders in time before the door opened again.

He could see three figures at the door and a smile broke out across his sore face. They all cared! They all wanted him back! He nearly started crying but realized he had worried his friends enough for a lifetime. So instead he pointed out they must be breaking the rules because he knew it would relieve them, to hear him sounding so normal.

"You sound like you just took a nap or something." James laughed his laughter tense, his voice full of relief.

"Oh, Remus!" Peter cried and ran over hugging him tightly, far too tightly. He tried not to cry out in pain but that went out the window as he became a victim to Peter's strong embrace.

"Oi, you dumbass you're hurting him!" Sirius howled yanking Peter off Remus, luckily before the pain caused him to pass out.

"I'm sorry." Peter quickly apologized shifting in the dark with guilt.

"I….it's ok…." He whispered hoping he could keep the pain out of his voice.

"Shouldn't you ...I don't know...not be in pain?" James asked uncertainly, joining Sirius and Peter, all of them now crowded around the head of his bed.

"I don't know. Oddly enough I've never been in a coma before. Have you?" Remus was glad he was able to hide the pain this time. He reasoned Madam Pomfrey hadn't given him his usual potions for whatever reason because every breath he took brought with it a fresh stab of pain. But it almost felt good after feeling nothing for such a long time.

"No haven't had that pleasure." James joked back with another tense laugh. There was a very heavy awkwardness hanging just beneath the surface of all of them.

"What happened?" Sirius asked urgently unable to hold back any more, Remus was impressed he had lasted as long as he had.

"I don't know," Remus responded truthfully. Of course, he didn't mention the last thing he remembered was heading towards Professor Blatvnik's office. He still felt it was best not involve his friends in this. If Professor Blatnik had really done this to him he wasn't about to let the same happen to his friends. There was a long silence and he could feel Sirius' calculating gaze boring into him.

"You don't remember? Really?" He asked at the same time Peter asked in a high pitch voice.

"You didn't jump did you?"

"Of course not!" Remus responded quickly, horrified.

"How can you be sure if you don't remember anything?" Sirius pointed out quickly.

"I…..well…..why would I?" His question felt a little too desperate as he toyed with the scary possibility he might have. But surely not!

"I….I remember little bits…." He admitted because he could tell he hadn't really convinced any of them.

"What do you remember?" Sirius demanded. Remus could tell they weren't planning to leave anytime soon and as much as he appreciated their concern he felt terrible and just wanted to sleep.

"Can't this ...wait? I mean it's possible more will come back and then I can have a better idea." He attempted weakly.

"No," Sirius said firmly and now sounded rather angry. Remus flinched at his tone which was a mistake and he inhaled sharply against the pain.

"Sorry." He finally said unable not to apologize, especially when he remembered how upset they had all been that first scary night. Sirius laughed at first quietly then louder and louder as he seemed overcome with mirth.

"Only you ...would apologize for being in a coma!" He wheezed gesturing at Remus incredulously. James covered Sirius' mouth with his hand but he too seemed overcome by the incredulity of Remus' apology.

"Don't forget it's past curfew," Peter whined looking at the door.

"I don't want our detentions with Professor Blatvik to start up again." He added. This time Remus jumped recalling precisely what happened after the one detention they had been in. Surely his professor hadn't really done this? He let out a sharp breath again from the pain of moving and regretted sitting up, though he felt better addressing his friends this way rather than laying down.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked sharply, his laughter, which seemed closer to sobs than laughter after awhile abruptly stopped.

"Nothing."

"Not nothing. It's like every time you move you feel pain. That's not normal." Remus was about to ask how Sirius would know this, worried his friend may have been put in his own coma from his mother. But he didn't get the chance as Sirus' hand darted out and clamped firmly on Remus' shoulder.

Now Remus prided himself on having a very high pain tolerance but Sirius' hand felt like a scalding burn and he couldn't help let out a small choked sound of pain. Sirius let go right away but now they were all looking at Remus intently. He wondered if it would make things worse if he called out for Madam Pomfrey, sure his friends would be angry at him, but at least he could have some time to think of excuses.

"Why are you in so much pain? Lily made me read a stupid book on coma's and being a little sore is one thing but…..but not this!" Sirius sounded fearful and Remus' guilt grew. He seemed to be causing his friends more distress now that he was awake than when he had been in a coma.

"I…" He tried to rack his brain for a plausible excuse.

"Stop that!" Sirius cried angrily raising his arms in a gesture of deep frustration.

"S….stop what?" He stammered still trying to come up with a plausible excuse.

"Stop stalling. Spit it out, Remus!"

"I ...have a weak pain tolerance."

James scoffed, his arms crossed very tightly over his chest.

"No, you don't. We all saw that potion hit your hands not that long ago. Peter may be a bit dramatic but you didn't react at all." He sounded as stern as Sirius, and Remus swallowed his fear. It was one thing dealing with Sirius' suspicion but he wasn't sure how he could handle all of them being suspicious.

"Fine but you can't be mad ok?" There were three muttered sounds of consent. Remus apologized inwardly to Madam Pomfrey but seeing no other option pressed on.

"I've been back for a little bit. I don't remember being at the hospital but I remember afterward. It wasn't her fault since I surprised her, but Madam Pomfrey was levitating me getting the bed ready and well….she dropped me." He finished feeling terribly guilty.

"You must have been high up to be in this much pain." Sirius didn't sound convinced but Remus said nothing holding his breath. He knew nothing he'd say would convince Sirius, that hadn't been his goal, he only needed the other two to believe him.

"Oh but she's usually so careful," Peter responded sympathetic and sad. Remus waited for James' response, he could feel the boy watching him, calculating him, running the logic behind his answer against whatever theories Sirius would come up with later.

He didn't expect Sirius to keep quiet about what he thought he'd learn about Remus' dad anymore. He knew as soon as his friends left Sirius would reveal it as some sort of theory he had. He just needed the others not to believe him, or at least doubt it.

"I guess that makes sense," James said slowly and Sirius made a strangled noise of anger.

"Why do I even bother! Can't you tell he's lying!"

"Why would he lie?"

"Fine! Whatever! Then tell us what little you remember about before you ended up in a coma before you make excuses about that as well." Sirius demanded his voice quiet but full of anger. Remus felt bad and was finally forced to consider what he did actually remember.

"I ...remember the party being loud. I was frustrated since I couldn't give Dorcas her present. I decided…..to leave since I was getting a headache. Then things get fuzzy and the next thing I remember is I…." He froze finding it hard to breathe.

"What?" Sirius asked his voice much more gentle now hearing the way Remus' voice was shaking.

"I…..um…..something was chasing me….." Remus stammered because he remembered the shadow man, remembered being terrified for his life. Remembered hurling himself out a window because it was better than what awaited him inside.

"Something," James noted quietly.

"Yes ...s…..something…..a monster…," Remus whispered horrified. Was the shadow man still in the castle? Had he bitten someone last night? Surely Dumbledore would know if a full-grown werewolf had broken into his castle! He needed to talk to the headmaster immediately though just in case. He bit down on his lip until it bled to keep himself from crying.

"Remus ...Remus….you've got to calm down you're freaking us out." Sirius pointed out sounding uncertain. Remus realized he was hyperventilating, wheezing and struggling for each painful breath. He tried to calm down but it seemed impossible as he remembered being put in a full-body binding curse, of breaking free of it, of shouting and anger and fear, and of being chased.

"Sirius we should get Madam Pomfrey."

"Shut up James I'm trying to think."

"He's clearly telling the truth. Come on mate just look at him."

"Remus…..Remus, you've got to calm down." Sirius demanded as if this would make Remus listen to him, and seemingly angry when it didn't. Then Petter crouched down and spoke in a soft voice.

"Remus you are safe. Everything is ok. Everything will be ok." He explained in such a soft convincing voice he found himself listening to him, clinging to his words.

"Just take deep breaths. It's ok everything is ok." He assured Remus and finally, he found himself able to calm down.

"Dang Pettigrew. How did you do that?" Sirius asked sounding impressed.

"My little brother gets panic attacks, especially during storms. My mum and I got pretty good at calming him down. We had to otherwise he'd lose control of his magic and shatter all the windows." He added as an afterthought and James let out a low whistle also impressed.

Remus felt foolish and silly but the others didn't seem to think so. If anything they sounded nervous, taking his panic as a sign something must be really wrong. It made Remus feel better but also worse because what if it hadn't been the shadow monster? What if he had just convinced his friends there was a monster loose in the castle and there wasn't one?

But what if there was? He asked himself and he knew he really had to talk to Dumbledore.

"What do we do? The investigation didn't uncover any monster." Peter wondered out loud.

"I don't think there was an investigation."

"HAH!" Sirius shouted sounding very smug though Remus didn't know why. Investigation? He couldn't think Dumbledore would let that happen. Because the ministry didn't know Remus was here and couldn't. So he was preventing the investigation, but what if that put others in danger? Oh, he really needed to talk to Dumbledore!

"Can…..can one of you…..get the headmaster?" Remus dared to ask, the fate and safety of other students winning over annoying his friends.

"What if he's in on it?" Sirius asked dead serious.

"No!" Remus shouted because he wouldn't let his friends doubt Dumbledore. not even for a second. Not when the headmaster had been so kind to Remus, had in many ways saved his life. He owed Dumbledore everything.

"Are you sure Remus? Because it's Dumbledore's fault there was no investigation. Why else would he keep this hidden from the ministry?" Remus had to stop himself from shouting it was him, it was his fault.

"I know Dumbledore isn't involved. Trust me, he's not."

"I don't think so either mate. I mean it's Dumbledore!" James pointed out as if this explained everything. Between Remus and James' insistence, Sirius let it go.

"You want us to get him now?" James asked turning his attention once more to Remus.

"Yes please." He wasn't going to force his friends, not if there was a chance they'd get in trouble. But the sooner the better and James seemed to realize this.

"Alright, I'll go."

"No, I will." All four of them jumped as a fourth person entered the room. Remus recognized the voice immediately.

"Lily." He cried surprised she would risk detention to visit him.

"I'm so glad you are ok Remus." She responded staying in the doorway sounding tearful.

"How much did you hear?" Sirius asked sounding suspicious. Remus didn't want Lily to get dragged into this any more than the others, but he didn't think excluding her was the answer. Lily was very stubborn if they told her she wasn't allowed to help they would never hear the end of it.

"Enough. You really ought to place an Imperturbable Charm if you're going to have secret conversations you know?"

"Do you even know what you're saying? That charm is too advanced for us!" James muttered irritated almost immediately by the girl's presence.

"I'm sure it's not that hard." She insisted sounding rather stuck up which Remus knew would probably result in another argument between James and Lily. He suddenly felt very tired by his rambunctious friends. There was no resting when they were around.

"Have you ever done it?" James asked smugly, knowing she hadn't.

"Well no." Lily sniffed haughtily.

"Lily, were you offering to get Dumbledore?" Remus cut in sharply before a duel could break out.

"Yes. I was going to say you lot have already been given a detention." She admitted suddenly sounding rather unsure of herself. James went silent seeming to struggle with the idea she was trying to help them. Sirius had no qualms about letting a girl take the fall for them, it seemed, as he responded brightly he thought it was a swell idea. Remus sighed heavily.

"It's alright Lily. I….it can wait." Remus attempted to assure her but after how desperate he sounded a few minutes prior he wasn't surprised when she wasn't buying it, though he really hoped she hadn't heard all of that.

"It's fine I don't think Professor Dumbledore would punish a student for visiting him. Besides the Professors have been pretty lenient with us with…..well everything going on." She finished perhaps realizing that bringing up Remus' coma would upset him. He was going to assure he wasn't offended by the mention, it's not like he had forgotten he had been in a coma for the past week, but it occurred to him how much class he had missed. So he suddenly felt quite sick and therefore he didn't say anything.

"How do you reckon that?" Scoffed Sirius.

"Well I mean Professor Blatvik seemed to have forgotten about your lots' detentions and Professor Flitwick has been letting you three talk to each other during class more than he normally would."

"Or Blatvik is a forgetful twat and Flitwick had just given up on controlling us." Lily sighed heavily but seemed to realize there was no arguing with Sirius about, well, much of anything really.

"If you're sure Lily." He knew he sounded hoarse and quickly dropped his voice back into a whisper not wanting to have to explain why his voice he hadn't used in a long time sounded like he had spent all night screaming.

"Just be careful."

"I will Remus." She said warmly then left before James and Sirius could say something else stupid to her.

"We probably shouldn't be here when Dumbledore gets here." James pointed out begrudgingly. It sent another jolt of warmth into Remus that they wanted to stay with him. Both Peter and Sirius seemed equally as hesitant about leaving him but with James' insistence, they all left promising to be back as soon as they could.

Sirius lingered slightly behind and knowing he wanted a word alone with Remus, James waited in the hall with Peter.

"Did you ...could you hear while you were in… you know."

"You can say coma it's not like it's a swear word though if it was you'd probably say it more."

"I'm serious Remus."

"I know you are Sirius I haven't lost my memory." Sirius scoffed, slightly amused. But Remus knew he wasn't going to drop this.

"I heard some things...it was kind of in and out if that makes sense. But…" He hesitated not wanting Sirius to feel self-conscious.

"It wasn't your fault Sirius. Not about me or your brother or your mom treating you so bad. None of that is your fault." Sirius shifted and Remus knew he had made him uncomfortable despite trying not to.

"Yeah well…...you reckon if I was in a coma you'd tell me a bunch of embarrassing stuff to? I bet I could pretend to be." Sirius teased and Remus let out a soft whispery laugh. A silence fell which quickly became awkward then Sirius mumbled he should probably leave and left before Remus could say anything else.

Torn in more ways than one by his friends visiting Remus simply waited for Dumbledore to return, hoping Lily was right about not getting in trouble.