Chapter Thirty-Eight: Suspicion Smells Like Werewolf

….

They had only a few hours before detention with Professor Blavatnik started and they wasted no time. They had gone to their dorm where Remus had been forced to relate everything he had heard, remembered, seen, and suspected. It truly felt amazing to get, at least one of the many secrets off his chest.

"You moron!" Sirius shouted again and Remus still was surprised they all had not, declared they wanted nothing to do with him. Not only had he been terrible this week, unable to do much of anything besides worry about the shadow man and his schoolwork, but he was now involving them in something very dangerous.

It took some convincing but they were able to make him realize they were still his friends and that they weren't mad at him for being irritable the past week but for not saying anything sooner.

"You don't get to play the hero!" Sirius had continued pacing back and forth twitching slightly in anger.

"YOU don't get to protect us! That's what all this had been about, hasn't it? Why you didn't say anything sooner?"

"Well ...well I didn't want to get you involved in anything dangerous." He had protested only to be drowned out by complaints.

"Bollocks! The four of us are a team! We handle danger together!" James cried indignantly.

"That's right," Sirius repeated firmly. Remus nodded because they expected him to, but he wasn't sure he had done the right thing. If one of them ended up in a coma, or worse, he'd never forgive himself.

They were convinced he had been scared about Professor Blavatnik and just him. But Remus was more afraid of the shadow monster...of Fenrir Greyback. Dumbledore had talked to Remus a long time the night Lily had gotten him.

She hadn't gotten in trouble but as soon as Remus hinted his fear Dumbledore had excused her. Then he had told Remus the name of the monster that had plagued Remus' mind all these years.

"Fenrir Greyback that's the name of the man who bit you, Remus. Calling him by his name gives you more power over him. He is not a monster Remus he is a man." Remus had found the truth hard to swallow, found it almost impossible to say the name even his mind. At the mention of Fenrir, something in his memories seemed to unlock and he knew with certainty that Dumbledore was right about who had bitten him, who had taken him.

"I don't know ...don't know if I can sir." He had admitted fearing the name would make the monster, man, whatever he was more alive.

"Always use the proper name for things Remus. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself."

Remus knew Dumbledore was wise but that particular advice still seemed rather ludicrous to him. Dumbledore had assured him that Greyback wasn't in the castle nor had he been as Dumbledore had checked. That they had checked for that terrified Remus because he didn't want to think that the shadow monster would ever come after him again.

He had asked Dumbledore what he thought had happened to Remus recounting to Dumbledore what he remembered. Then Dumbledore pointed out that the full body curse reminded Remus of Greyback and that his brain probably filled in the missing pieces.

"Make no mistake Mr. Lupin. Someone attacked you just like someone attacked Ms. Roong and we will find out who." Remus had felt a little reassured by that but he kept thinking he'd run into Greyback, made worse by his persistent nightmares on the subject.

It didn't help he realized Dumbledore knew, he knew! Not just that Greback bit him but that he had kidnapped Remus. Luckily he hadn't realized this until after Dumbledore left, for he now found it impossible to meet the headmaster's eyes.

How had he known about that? Was it more obvious than he had feared? Needless to say, Remus' week had been one of the worst ever, which was kind of funny because it wasn't a week leading up to a full moon.

"Remus? You're zoning out again." Peter called giving his arm a little shake. They were all looking at him again so he gave them a tense smile, hoping it didn't look to pitiful.

"Sorry."

"Ugh quit apologizing." Sirius groaned.

"What are we going to do about detention?" James asked as they finally got to what mattered. It took them a while but they eventually decided it would be best to play dumb until their detentions were over. They also discussed how to prove their professor was a part of this which required breaking into his office and finding the remains of the Bloodroot Potion the staff had discovered was what had been used to poison Renilo Roong.

"Sirius, how do you know if there will be any left?" Remus had asked in an attempt to stop such a stupid plan.

"Because the villains always leave evidence behind. That's what all the detective books I've read taught me." Sirius announced proudly, ignoring James laugh.

Remus tried to get them to take this seriously, but he should have known only Peter would. Still, they all reached somewhat of a compromise to at least wait until detention was done, so Remus had time to think of something else.

Then they were walking to detention and Remus hadn't caught up in school yet and he also had to think of something to give Lily for her birthday, then there was the fact they were walking into the office of the man who may have chased him off a tower.

When they got there he was waiting, the four desks in the same place they had been before. Same sheets of paper, same enchanted quill, same stern intimidating professor.

But something felt...different.

"Sit down boys and we will begin." The other three went to their desks but Remus just stood there trying to figure out what was wrong. He looked around feeling a strange clenching feeling in his gut.

James and Sirius were gaping at him, this wasn't the plan, he should be following the plan. But Remus couldn't help it, all the hairs on the back of his neck standing up, convincing him something just wasn't right.

"Professor ...um…." He couldn't speak his eyes were trained slightly behind the Professor where he occasionally saw the faintest flicker of movement. It wasn't easy to spot, someone had to tilt their head just right to see the ripples of unnatural movement. Professor Blatvnik was looking at him surprised.

"What is it Lupin?" He felt foolish pointing out something that might or might not be there so he said nothing just shook his head.

"Then sit down." He snapped and Remus obeyed quickly. They were given the same speel and then the Professor left.

Remus' hand moved and he scratched out several lines before. Like last time, he stopped quickly, unable to write anymore. But he didn't leave this time something still feeling really off.

He looked around and found Sirius looking at him a confused look on his face. He flicked his pinky twice. What's up? Remus shook his head then touched his ring finger to his pointer finger three times. Later. James looked up and his mouth was hanging open.

You understand? He mouthed looking absolutely bewildered. Remus nodded feeling self-conscious, he only knew a bit of the secret language the trouble makers had created. James mouthed wow and looked impressed.

Remus left his desk and walked over to where their Professor had been standing. Once more the hair was standing up on the back of his neck. He crouched down reaching down towards the floor, feeling the air hesitantly.

Suddenly Remus was holding a rather shoddy invisibility cloak in his hands. It took him a second to realize besides the knock off invisibility cloak there was also a disillusionment charm camouflaging a handle on a trap door to blend into the floor. Now he looked at his friends all of them staring at him with eyes wide as saucers, lines they were supposed to be writing completely forgotten.

Do it. Sirius and James were both signaling with their free hand that wasn't magically scribbling nonsense. Remus looked away feeling torn. With a trembling hand, he reached out and touched the cool wooden planks. His heart was in his throat as he slid the metal lock and lifted the trap door by the still disguised knob handle.

He couldn't see what was beneath besides pitch black darkness but he knew, he could smell it. He closed the trap door covered it back up and left the classroom without looking at his friends.

Then he ran through the halls horrified. Everything felt small and suffocating and he rushed outside staring at the night sky shaking all over. He knew the smell of that place he knew the smell because he had spent every night once a month in a similar small enclosed place for years and years. Either his Professor was a werewolf or he was harboring one, and Remus was pretty sure who that werewolf was.

Either his Professor was Greyback or he was helping him. Remus curled himself into a ball and cried. Should he go to Dumbledore? It was tempting but what if the headmaster already knew? How couldn't he? Maybe that's why he had been so insistent that Greyback was a man, not a monster.

Maybe Greyback had changed or maybe Remus was being ridiculous. After hours of crying, he realized he didn't know enough and he wasn't about to ruin someone's life without being certain of what he was accusing, not when he personally knew the weight that accusation would have.

He convinced himself whoever the werewolf was it wasn't Greyback, that he was somewhere far away like Dumbledore told him. But it was impossible to completely quiet that small voice of doubt which rang in his head like a warning bell he had to just keep ignoring, unsure if this was a wise decision or not.

…...

When Remus finally entered the dorm he let out a strangled cry as Sirius tackled him to the ground shaking.

"Where did you go?" James demanded standing over them his arms wrapped tightly around his chest. Peter rushed over his eyes and face red.

"What? What happened?" He asked a rush of panic running through him as he finally convinced Sirius to let him go.

"Didn't you hear? Another student was poisoned!" Remus felt himself go cold.

"What?"

"Yeah, we thought it was you. Where the hell were you!" Sirius demanded sounding like a nagging mother, though Remus could tell it wasn't on purpose. He swallowed down his guilt.

"Sorry I thought your detention would be taking a long time."

"Why did you run out like that?"

"I thought I heard our Professor coming and...I guess I panicked."

"What was down there?"

"Nothing just some textbooks and stuff."

"Then why was it hidden? With a second rate invisibility cloak of all things!"

"On top of a rather poor or faded disillusionment charm…"

"How did you know it was there?" Remus' head was spinning from all the questions they were shooting at him.

"Please! I just want to go to bed!" He finally cried and they all went quiet.

"...ok….."

"Goodnight." He could tell his friends were angry at him but he didn't care. He laid down wrapping himself extra tight in his blankets and fell asleep plagued by guilt and nightmares.

…

Remus told himself he'd talk to Dumbledore if anything else happened. Deciding on this he was able to calm down some. He convinced James and Sirius to hold off on questions until after Lily's birthday. That morning he dug through his trunk for something to give her crying out in frustration when he couldn't find anything.

"Here." He turned only to have a book shoved in his face.

"Wh...what's this?" He asked taking the book from Sirius. He still seemed upset with him and had a look of hesitation on his face.

"A book she will like. Just ...there's your present to her alright?" Remus wanted to protest but Sirius' tone prevented him from doing so.

"Thanks."

"Yeah, whatever. Just tomorrow actually talk to us ok. You aren't the only one freaked out by all of this." He muttered to himself. Remus frowned and nodded tucking the book into his bag.

"I'm sorry."

"For what Remus?" Sirius asked angrily and Remus flinched staring down into his bag.

"For not being a very good friend….." He whispered, feeling tears sting his eyes again. There was a long silence and when Remus looked up Sirius was gone.

His chest clenched painfully and he spent a long time getting his bag ready to hide his tears. James and Peter were a little less upset with him, but only by a little bit as he found out at breakfast. After trying to talk to them only to be ignored he bit his lip and went to sit with Lily. At least she wasn't mad at him.

"Happy Birthday." He said sitting on the edge of her group of friends, all the girls from her dorm which she now got along with. Quite opposite from Remus really.

"Oh thank you, Remus! Have you caught up with studies?" She asked beaming at him brightly.

"I will be by the end of today." He assured her with a small smile. After breakfast in which he found he got along with all of Lily's roommates, he was feeling a bit better. They even invited him to their small little party they were having.

They giggled a lot and shot each other looks which he didn't understand but he told them he'd come as long as it was small.

"I guess I can give you your present then." He pointed out to Lily who grinned.

"You didn't have to get me anything! You already made that wonderful scarf for me!"

"That was for Christmas." He found himself laughing, which had seemed quite foreign to him lately. Then they got on the topic of Remus' knitting and he felt quite embarrassed but in a good way, by the end of the conversation, he had promised the girls that he'd make the rest of them scarves. He left the table wondering what on earth he had gotten himself into.

True to his word he was caught up on his studies by the time night rolled around. He found Lily and her roommates after dinner and they walked around outside just talking. Then surprisingly enough Dorcas knew how to sneak into the kitchen and they had cake and drank pumpkin juice in celebration.

Remus was ecstatic to tell his roommates about the secret passage into the kitchens before remembering they were mad at him. This upset him once more made worse by the fact Lily loved the present that was given to him to give to her by Sirius. The girls were talking about playing a game of Gobstones but Remus ducked out early.

He was sure to apologize but they didn't seem to mind, Lily looked a little disappointed but she understood as he told her he really needed to get some sleep after all the full nighters he spent catching up.

So Remus headed to his dorm to find his roommates playing a much rougher game of Gobstones which seemed to have dissolved into them just chucking the flagstones around nearly breaking their dorm windows. Remus tried to smile, it looked like fun in a sort of boyish daring way he'd come to enjoy, but as soon as the door opened they all stopped what they were doing, cast each other a look and crawled into their respective beds.

So Remus got ready for bed trying just to be thankful for the fact they at least weren't pranking him anymore and fell asleep yet again with a heavy heart.