Chapter Forty: Kisses in the Moonlight

After a few hours of swapping horror stories, Remus' winning by far, though Peter getting attacked by a hippogriff was a close second, they called it a night. Remus knew Sirius could have won if he had told about being attacked by a dementor, just like he could have won if he told about being attacked by a werewolf. But neither of them would. Instead, Sirius told a funny story about being attacked by gnomes at his uncle's, and Remus saw he only laughed a little bit harder than need be.

It didn't surprise him that when they all called it a night, because unfortunately, tomorrow was an exam in potions, that Sirius slipped back into his bed. Remus expected whispered questions but instead, he sat bolt upright realizing Sirius was crying.

"What's wrong?" He whispered because he knew Sirius would kill him if he brought the others' attention to something he clearly didn't want their attention brought to. It's not like Sirius particularly cared if he cried in front of Remus, at least it felt that way, but he seemed more reluctant to do so in front of anyone else.

It made Remus feel strange and a bit special, but mostly just guilty because he knew he hadn't repaid all of Sirius' honesty about his past. Especially not after the things he had been told when in a coma.

"Can we talk? Not here. Unless you know how to cast an Imperturbable Charm." Sirius added with a painful attempt at a smile. Remus suggested if they both turned out the candle and waited for James to start snoring they could talk right here, but Sirius wasn't having any of it.

Remus didn't particularly want to go anywhere alone with Sirius, worried he hadn't bought his lies as the others had. But in the end, his blasted conscious won and he found him slipping out of the dorm with Sirius because he couldn't let his friend cry like that and do nothing.

He had assumed they would be talking in the common room but realized it wasn't empty, that it actually wasn't all that late. In fact, his friends had been going to bed early lately, which surprised him but he wasn't going to complain about it. Not when his nightmares kept him from getting much sleep either.

"What now?" He whispered into Sirius' ear who had done a good job at calming himself down before they entered the common room.

"This way." Remus wanted to protest realizing Sirius was no doubt planning to break curfew for the hundredth time, but he had grown rather numb to the idea so followed him, if not a bit reluctantly. The fat lady warned them about curfew but Sirius brushed her off and soon he was grabbing Remus' hand and tugging him through the halls.

"Where are we going?" He asked in a whisper, but if Sirius heard he didn't listen. Remus was surprised when Sirius pulled him outside into a large courtyard. They were hidden by the shadows of the pillars framing it, but Remus still felt exposed the moonlight far too bright for his liking.

"Sirius, what are we doing out here?"

"Shhh." Sirius hissed and pushed his head down so they were both crouched behind the railing as a Professor walked by. Luckily the Astronomy Professor didn't turn around to see them mumbling to herself, surprisingly not about stars, but about the friend she was going to meet in Hogsmeade.

"Yuck. It's so gross to think of them having a life outside of school you know?"

"Sirius."

"I mean like ...for all we know her friend is more than a friend and….."

"Sirius…."

"Yuck! But man we need to go back and properly explore Hogsmeade. I can't wait until the third year. I just bloody can't! Of course, now that I think about it I know my blasted parents won't sign the damn form and…"

"Sirius!" Remus shouted exasperated his voice echoing dangerously in the courtyard. He flinched sure they'd be caught but no footsteps retreated back so he assumed Professor …. Either didn't hear or didn't care enough. However, more importantly, he got Sirius to stop rambling.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" He asked gently noticing the boy seemed far more anxious than usual. He jumped a little as Sirius' hands gripped his wrists tightly. It was an odd move for comfort but he assured himself Sirius must be awfully upset not to just hold onto one of his hands like usual.

Still, he couldn't help feeling his grip was tight yet seemed to have more of a purpose to it, for starters his hands weren't shaking not even a little bit. In fact, he seemed more worried Remus would run than anything else. It suddenly all made sense and Remus felt his eyes go wide as he tried to pull away.

"Please don't!" He begged a small part of him worried Sirius would do worse than force him to answer questions. But he quickly silenced that worry focusing on the much more likely possibility. Sirius held him tight and his plan was quite perfect. If Remus struggled too much he risked them getting in trouble, both of them. Neither could he scream or use Lily as an excuse to getaway.

Sirius clearly had thought this through carefully Remus was both impressed and frustrated. Of course, he knew it shouldn't have come to this, to Sirius all but hunting him down, that he shouldn't have been avoiding him so plainly. He knew he should have told Sirius a little more, at least enough it didn't come to struggling with Sirius in the cobblestone walkway that surrounded the courtyard.

"Sirius let go of me."

"No! Not until we talk! Please, Remus, I don't know what to do anymore I don't I can't ...you were so cold." Remus froze in his attempts to yank himself away. There was that desperate edge to Sirius' voice that once more left him a little shaky.

"I'm sorry."

"No ...no I don't want you to apologize. Just...can we talk...just the two of us ...please?" His voice nearly broke and Remus found himself nodding before he realized what he was doing. Sirius didn't let go though.

"Promise you won't run."

"Sirius you are starting to hurt me," It wasn't really causing him pain but a great deal of discomfort and the memories they were pulling to his mind of other times he'd been restrained hurt a lot. Sirius let go immediately, looking guilty.

"Sorry." He knew Sirius expected him to run now but Remus didn't. He found himself staying because of how quick Sirius had let go. It nearly brought tears to his eyes he felt so touched. He reminded himself it was a dumb thing to be touched by, and luckily Sirius took his watery eyes for distress.

"Look…...I'm not going to demand everything just…...just a few things. Please, you have to talk to someone Remus. Why not me?" Remus could tell just how nervous Sirius was to ask that.

"Ok."

"And I know you hate talking about yourself so maybe you could just nod yes or shake your head no or something ...or you could like mime it out. Bloody hell I'd take anything at this point."

"Sirius…."

"I just…..I'm sick of not knowing like anything about one of my mates. I mean we're going to live together for years so…"

"Sirius."

"Huh…..wait…..did you say yes?"

"Technically I said ok...but same difference." Sirius' eyes brightened.

"No, take backs!" He said hurriedly as if this would make a difference. Remus nearly smiled but was about to give one of his secrets away to Sirius and felt rather sick, so he didn't his lips frozen in place.

"Ok."

"You don't need to sound like your going to the gallows," Sirius remarked sadly, perhaps a bit of guilt in his eyes.

"Beggars can't be choosers." He shot back in a shaky whisper. Sirius gave a wry smile and shrugged.

"I suppose not. Sooooooo how do you want to do this?" Remus couldn't believe Sirius was taking into account his opinion and feelings about this. He knew how desperate Sirius was for answers, how much not knowing something he wanted to know drove him nuts. But he was still trying to make this as painless as possible for Remus as he could. This time Remus really did manage to smile.

"What?"

"Thank you." Sirius looked taken aback then scoffed.

"Should I trick you into coming out here more often?"

"No...just. You're a good friend thank you."

"Duh." Sirius retorted with a lopsided grin, but Remus noticed his cheeks seemed rather red.

"Does this mean you are going to tell me everything about yourself. That you've given up and realized fighting is useless."

"No."

"Yeah, I didn't think so."

"How about…..one question?" Sirius didn't look happy about this but he actually seemed to be considering it, and for that Remus was grateful.

"Like James used to do."

"Still does sometimes."

"He comes up with some weird questions to. He's such a berk." Sirius said fondly, Remus nodded in agreement

"Do I eventually get more?" Remus flinched and shrugged slightly. Sirius sighed heavily, rather dramatically Remus thought. But he shouldn't be surprised considering Sirius faked tears to get him here, at least he hoped they were fake.

"Fine. Beggars can't be choosers I suppose. But you really should think about promoting your friend to something higher than a beggar." Sirius pointed out and Remus flinched before realizing he was kidding and gave him a hesitant smile back.

"What's your question?" He asked suddenly finding it hard to breathe. There were so many questions he could ask, questions he probably didn't know to ask but if he did Remus would be in big trouble.

"How has your dad hurt you?" Remus nearly let out a breath of relief before realizing this would be the wrong response. This was supposed to be the worst secret he had, the only secret he had. Besides after a few seconds, the weight of the question really sunk in and he found he didn't want to answer it much at all. But Sirius was looking at him so concerned, so hopeful that he let out a sigh.

"He…usually doesn't mean to hurt me." He began surprised when Sirius didn't scoff or try to refute this. He was waiting patiently, listening very closely to Remus. This kind of attention would be nice when Remus was trying to get Sirius to do his homework, but not now.

"He…..well…..drinks a lot…." He could still feel Sirius' gaze on him even as he firmly stared at the ground. He fell silent for a while hoping that would be enough for Sirius, that he could fill in the blanks.

"And?" Remus wanted to cry but he knew if anyone deserved the truth, could handle and understand the truth, it was Sirius.

"He gets really angry….he drinks because of my mom and other stress….he's not a bad dad…..not really. He does his best." Remus cried, only for the second time tears actually making their way down his cheeks in front of his friend. But his head was ducked so he wasn't sure if Sirius knew or not.

"And?"

"And I have to take care of him a lot…..make meals…..and clean up…since he's not around and sometimes he'll pass out or get sick or…."

"Remus, does he hurt you?" Sirius asked impatiently. Remus flinched tightening his hands until he could feel his nails digging painfully into his palms.

"Yes."

"How bad?"

"N…...not that bad…."

"Remus."

"He doesn't mean to Sirius you don't understand he thinks I'm some...one different." Remus nearly had said something, nearly given away the fact his dad often sees him as a monster, not a person.

"What does that mean?" Sirius asked sounding baffled. Remus shook his head.

"One question."

"Come on Remus!"

"Sirius you agreed to one."

"Fine, then tomorrow night we'll come back and…."

"No. That's all you need to know."

"But that's not fair. I've told you so much!" Remus felt himself getting angry, he wasn't comfortable saying anything more. Sirius should respect that!

"I said no!" Sirius flinched at Remus' quiet but angry tone looking angry, then sad, then angry again. He opened his mouth to say something they both probably would have regretted when the door to the courtyard opened slightly. Sirius put a hand on Remus' head to make sure he was crouched low enough and they both fell silent, close enough that Remus could hear Sirius' beating heart.

"Free at last." Shouted a happy voice that Remus couldn't place but the voice that came after he could and he looked at Sirus who had gone very pale in horror.

"Oh be quiet Ted you'll get us in trouble." It was Sirius' cousin Andromeda, she sounded different though, giggly and her tone was a bit higher. Remus yanked Sirius back down as he had tried to straighten slightly to try to peek over the concrete at his cousin.

"Oh, I don't care as long as I'm with you Drommie Bear~" Ted Tonks sang sounding rather strange himself. Sirius made a gagging sound and Remus clamped a hand over his mouth with a warning look. He was pretty sure Ted Tonks was a prefect and even if Andromeda was Sirius' cousin he had a feeling she wouldn't stop Ted from docking points, as she would probably think they were spying on her.

Andromeda laughed, quite loudly. Neither of them seemed to care about getting in trouble, maybe being a prefect meant different hours. Remus tried to think through if he'd read that somewhere before and not the rather nauseating display of flirting that was going on a mere few yards away from him.

"You're high Ted."

"High on love perhaps."

"I love you too."

"Not as much as I do."

"Yes, I do."

"No, I love you to the moon and back." Andromeda gave a shrill laugh again, she sure seemed to be enjoying herself. Remus could feel Sirius glaring daggers at Ted through the concrete his jaw tense with anger.

"You are so silly."

"Andromeda."

"Yes."

"I won't leave you. I promise I won't. You won't be alone. I know I only find out a few days ago but I really have made up my mind. We'll be a family. I promise I'll make a good dad." Sirius' jaw dropped and Remus no longer could keep him from peeking over the concrete, his poor friend's face red, his eyes so wide he looked much younger.

"I know Ted," Andromeda responded softly. No more giggly high pitch tones from either of them. Remus almost wished they'd go back to that the air feeling thick.

"I'll take care of you."

"We'll take care of each other." She retorted but it was a gentle reprimand and she was gazing at Ted with such love it was both appalling and oddly thrilling. Sirius' nails were digging into his hand so he would no doubt have bruises tomorrow but Remus didn't pay him any mind wondering with a throb if his parents ever looked at each other like that. Before fights and monsters, and being chased out of town after town and sickness which led to death.

He really hoped so. He hoped his father seemed as happy as Ted seemed to be a father, that his mother was as radiant as Andromeda when she looked at him. Then she pulled him into a kiss and suddenly Remus was able to move again and he ducked back down quickly pulling a shocked Sirius back down with him.

He was struck by a distant, very sad thought as Ted and Andromeda took a long time kissing, finally finished, and left the courtyard with whispered words of love neither he nor Sirius could properly hear. No one would ever look at him that way, no one could ever possibly look at him that way, ...not if they knew what he was.

…...

Sirius and Remus both walked back in silence each gloomy for their own individual reasons. Remus forced himself to come around for his friend and stopped in his tracks so that Sirius, hand in hand with him would stop as well once they were safely inside the now abandoned common room.

"She's going to be ok Sirius."

"She's going to get disowned from the family." He croaked.

"She doesn't seem to mind that."

"She's going to be the laughing stock of the school."

"No one is going to laugh at a Black." Sirius seemed to stand taller at that then looked at Remus surprised. It was true for the most part, no one would dare laugh at a Slytherin Black but Remus knew he didn't need to clarify, and he had seemed to successfully calm Sirius down.

"It might not even be obvious at that point? Right? And maybe there are spells to hide it or she'll wear baggy robes. I don't know enough about, pregnant women." He explained his voice rather high pitched.

"Nor do I. But they both seem capable. You've told us lots of times what a strong person Andromeda is. Besides, you'll support her even if no one else in your family will." Sirius smiled a little then his smile grew wider and it was almost contagious.

"Blimey, I'm going to be an uncle!" Then his smile suddenly fell and he seemed nervous.

"You think I'll be a good one?"

Remus smiled at him and gave him an encouraging smile.

"The best." Sirius smiled back then they both made their way upstairs. Neither of them seemed to realize they were still hand in hand.