Chapter Forty-Seven: Becoming What One Hates

….

The next day it took both James and Sirius to get Remus through classes and by dinner, which he wasn't eating a single bite of, it was clear that he wasn't hearing a single thing any of them were saying.

"Remus Lupin is a real wanker. And his deepest desire is to snog Lily Evans." James teased waving his hand in front of the pale boys' face.

"I'm beginning to think that's your deepest desire." Sirius scoffed quite pleased when James' neck went a bit pink. Poor Remus seemed to just be trying not to pass out where he sat, his face nearly falling into the bowl of soup he'd only taken a bite of the whole time they sat there.

"Guys think we out to take him to the matron?" Peter asked for the third time that evening glancing at Remus with wide eyes.

"Mn no not time yet," Remus whispered with a pained expression which caused Sirius to slam his cutlery down, a bit too loud, wondering what the hell that meant. When Remus didn't even flinch at his nonverbal outburst he motioned to James to try to help Remus up as inconspicuous as possible. It was much harder than it should of been, considering despite being quite out of it the bloody stubborn fool seemed to be fighting them to stay.

"What's going on here you four?" Frank Longbottom asked coming over with a concerned Alice and Patricia on his heels. Sirius immediately felt protective of Remus and didn't want any of the three to know what was wrong with him, but James seemed to have a different idea.

"Hi, Frank. Remus isn't feeling well." Patricia looked alarmed then worried, but James had said this with such a matter of fact openness that Frank merely nodded thinking nothing of it. He went over to Remus hunching down some and placing a hand on his arm.

"Not feeling good huh? Come on then let's take you to Madam Pomfrey.: Remus looked like he was going to protest but at Frank's gentle tug he followed his lead and the two of them left the great hall Patricia stopping them when they tried to follow.

"Why can't we go? Alice is going!"

"That's because she's Franks girlfriend, besides more than four is a crown. Remus sure gets sick a lot huh?" Sirius glowered at her wanting to go along. James sighed and nodded.

"Yes, he sure does…" Patricia seemed a bit surprised that James didn't sound like a lovesick puppy and she nodded ruffling his hair.

"Cheer up. I'm sure he'll be feeling better in no time." She looked them all over as if making sure they weren't keeping something from her, which they were, and for a second Sirius considered telling her about Remus' uncle. I mean Patricia was quite a bit older than them, but he said nothing and she gave them a few more words of encouragement before going back to her half-eaten dinner.

As Sirius watched her leave he realized he did have an older student he was close to, someone he could trust, someone nearby. Someone who would probably know what to do considering she'd be a mother soon and that meant some sort of innate wisdom, or so he'd been told. He sat back down and leaned in, Peter and James following suit.

"I'm going to talk to Drommie. I mean ...I think she'll know what to do."

"Better than nothing I suppose." James sighed still looking upset and Peter nodded eagerly.

"Yeah, it's better than nothing." He echoed feeling hollow.

….

Remus didn't return that night, or the next day, or the day after that, or the day after that. It was two days before James' birthday and they were all beginning to worry he wasn't going to make it. It was also the Saturday that Sirius sought his cousin out deciding he really needed to talk to her.

"Shhh, Ted stop that!" He found her where he gambled she'd be. In that courtyard, where he had first seen her and Ted snogging. Where he had first found out he was going to be an uncle, well close enough to one, since if he considered any of his cousins his sister it was Drommie.

"Drommie can we talk?" He asked not even bothering to make it seem like he stumbled across them accidentally. Andromeda looked at his sad eyes and kissed Ted on the cheek whispering something to him before they both walked over.

"Alone." He muttered shooting Ted a dark look. Ted didn't seem at all surprised or bothered really instead he stuck his hand out with a wide friendly grin.

"I don't think we've been properly introduced. I'm Ted Tonk,s your cousin's boyfriend."

"I know." He muttered darkly.

"Sirius…" Drommie said in her warning tone. But he didn't want to behave, not in front of the idiot who would cost Drommie her family.

"I'm not shaking his hand. Not after what he did to you!" He shouted upset at himself for thinking this was a good idea. He ignored the look of shock then horror on Drommie's face and took off running out of the courtyard. Running to the lake as fast as he could, tears blurring his eyes. He heard Andromeda call his name but he didn't listen, didn't want to listen. It was Drommie that was supposed to be the one who would listen, who would make this all better because Sirius didn't know what to do about any of it and he hated it.

"Sirius Orion Black!" She shouted now almost caught up to him. He stopped at the water's edge wishing he had some food to throw to the giant squid.

"We need to talk." He heard Drommie say softly and seriously from behind him. He shrugged his shoulders a bit feeling moody, even though he knew she was right.

"You didn't tell me." He muttered trying to keep the childish hurt out of his voice and failing.

"I didn't tell anyone Sirius but I was going to tell you." She put a hand on his shoulder which he quickly shrugged off, he wouldn't be consoled so easily. He heard the frown in her voice as she continued clearly worried.

"Which begs the question of how you found out." She put a hand on his shoulder again but this time it was firmer and she used her hold to spin him to face her, eyes narrowed in a way that Sirius was accustomed to meaning he was in trouble with her. Despite being mad at her himself he folded quickly unable to stand the mild look of anger, but even worse disappointment in his dear cousin's eyes.

"It was an accident. Remus and I were in the courtyard I found you in one night you were talking about it…" Drommie gave him a weird look but seemed to calm down, the disappointment had gone as soon as she could tell he wasn't lying.

"What were you two doing? Surely you weren't snogging were you?" Sirius felt his face get hot and quickly pushed away from the slight fascination he felt. A mere second and he convinced himself it was because he was sort of becoming curious about that stuff, now that he was twelve. But if he was going to snog anyone it would be a respectable pureblood female to produce heirs with so that his mother wouldn't disown him completely from the family. He wouldn't even consider snogging one of his mates!

"Ew! Gross Drommie no we were just talking!" Drommie looked at him a bit skeptical then shook her head.

"I suppose you being in the kissing courtyard was a mere coincidence then. You didn't tell anyone did you, either of you?" Sirius shifted guilty and her stern look was upon him once more.

"Only James and Peter but they won't tell anyone they're my good mates." He explained having utter faith in them to keep this secret. Drommie gave him an exasperated look then sighed heavily. Excitement bubbled up in Sirius now that his cousin knew he knew and gave her a grin and a quick hug.

"Congratulations! I'm going to be the best uncle there ever was!" His outburst made her chuckle slightly but then her expression grew sad and serious, and Sirius knew exactly why. It was the same reason that almost more than being happy for her, he was scared. It was the same reason why he couldn't feel pride and actually felt more than a bit of shame he'd never admit to.

"Sirius you know what this means right? Ted isn't "good enough" for our family."

"You could always…" He began but knew that wasn't an answer at the disgusted look Drommie gave him.

"I would choose Ted over them always!" She saw Sirius flinch and her gaze softened.

"But that doesn't include you, Sirius. I want you to be apart of my life, of this baby's life. But I'm not going to put you in that position because it's not fair to you." Her voice was sweet and soft and it felt like a knife through Sirius' heart.

"No! I want to be apart of your life. I'll even be nice to Ted. Please, Drommie oh please don't leave me when you leave them." He was quite proud of himself for not crying, even though he felt really close to doing so.

"Sirius I can't ...not with how your mother treats you. Not with how angry they are you're in Gryffindor already."

"I don't care!" He shouted and now Drommie was crying slightly, quickly wiping the evidence of tears away with her sleeve in a much more elegant fashion than Sirius ever could.

"They'd beat you so badly! You'd end up in St. Mungo's again, or down in the basement." He flinched at that and she pulled him into a hug, this time a long one so that he could bury his head into her chest and cry privately.

"Please." His voice broke, he couldn't lose Drommie he just couldn't. She was one out of only two, sometimes three if he counted Regulus, which made his family bearable. Without her….he wasn't sure how he'd survive family functions, let alone day to day life in that grisly manor.

"Look ...I'll send you pictures and letters while you're at Hogwarts and I promise as soon as you are away from the family you can come to visit. But I know they will react badly to this and I don't want you getting hurt more than you already do."

"They won't find out!"

"Sirius…."

"Please!" He begged shamelessly gripping her hands in his, eyes widening in earnest. He could tell he was wearing her down, that he was winning, and it relaxed him some.

"I'll…..I'll think about...about it." Drommie relented carefully.

"When are you leaving?" Sirius asked quietly letting go of her hands, surprised when Drommie took one of his hands, interlacing their fingers tightly.

"Soon as I get my part of the inheritance." She said honestly swinging Sirius' arm like she used to do when they were little, he wouldn't be surprised if she broke out into the little nursery rhyme she used to sing him when he would cry to her. They'd walk around his aunt's grounds so that one of the nannies didn't see and report Sirius' shameful weakness back to his mother.

"I'm done crying." He assured her in a similar fashion to how he would've back then, both his way of saying thanks and that the coast was clear for them to return. Drommie gave him a small smile.

"Still let's stay like this. I don't know how much time we have left." Something about her tone made Sirius stop dead in their walk around the lake.

"Drommie….when are you leaving?"

"Over break." She whispered not meeting his eyes. Sirius pulled away from her feeling betrayed.

"Aren't you going to finish Hogwarts?" He hollered even though this was only the beginning of the many problems he saw with this. Drommie rubbed the back of her neck and sighed.

"Yes of course. But I can't bear it anymore Sirius. I'll announce everything at the end of spring break that way when I graduate I don't have to go back there. Unless...unless of course, they accept me, Ted, and the baby." There was a gleam of hope, ridiculous unearned hope in her eyes that hurt Sirius' chest. He looked away from her.

"They never well." He said quietly finding it kinder to break her heart now rather than let the hope continue to grow over the next few weeks. He certainly was aware of how easy it was to hope their family would be better and to have that hope crushed painfully. She sighed straightening her posture.

"I know." She responded coolly and Sirius felt both relieved and bad that the faint glimmer of hope in her eyes was gone.

"Where will you stay? After Hogwarts?"

"Ted's parents. They already know and are supportive. They are going to help us get married as soon as Hogwarts is done. That way the baby will be born into a proper loving family." Her tone had softened and she truly seemed happy about her prospective future. Sirius knew he should give in and just be happy for her but he felt a lot of worries about it all which made it impossible just to be supportive.

"When is the baby due?"

"Early September."

"Can this Ted guy provide for you? I mean ...you won't just be living off the money you nicked from grandpa?" Drommie colored slightly and put her hands on her hips.

"Now see here Sirius Orion Black, Ted is a good man who will provide for us but I'm not exactly helpless either. And the money I OBTAINED was mine, to begin with, the money I convinced grandpa was going to be partly spent on a business prospect I ran by him. That I'd run my own patisserie." Sirius gaped at her finding it impossible that their strict grandfather gave Drommie her money over such a stupid proposal.

"He bought that?"

"With my mother's persuasion yes." She gave him a sly smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I may have agreed to actually meet some marriage proposals. But mother got grandfather to see the wisdom in the idea. Afterall a lady has to have her proper hobbies and little tea and baked good shops seemed to qualify." Sirius wasn't sure whether to feel horrified that Drommie had lied so successfully or impressed that she had pulled off what very few Blacks had done, getting their inheritance before getting married. He found himself smiling and shaking his head and Drommie smirked and shrugged her shoulders, though Sirius could tell she was upset about having to do so, more than she would ever let on.

They continued their walk around the lake discussing possible baby names, and what sort of pastries Drommie would make for her pretend shop, and even what sort of terrible dates her mother had set her upon. By the time they had made a whole lap around the lake, the sun just beginning to set, Sirius had forgotten all about why he had come to talk to her in the first place.

"Well, I should probably get back to Ted. It was good getting to talk to you Sirius. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Just please don't tell anyone else." Sirius reassured her he wouldn't for the hundredth time that day. She gave him a brief hug and made to leave but Sirius grabbed her arm tightly, the real reason for all of this coming back to him like he'd been hit with a quaffle.

"Drommie wait. I…..I have something to ask you."

"Sirius I told you I'd think about it." She sighed misunderstanding the sudden hesitance and sadness on his face.

"No not that. Listen ...one of my mates…...he…..well his family situation is quite a bit like mine minus the dementor….."

"You mean he gets beat when he acts up or causes trouble?" Sirius flinched at her rather neutral tone about it, he could basically hear her saying "then he should behave better," as she had said to him in the past so many times. But Remus was different, Sirius often deserved the beatings he got because he had ultimately done something wrong or stupid. But Remus, he really doubted that his friend was the kind of kid to cause trouble at home, he didn't deserve the treatment he got, not one bit.

"NO, it's different. Drommie he does nothing wrong. He gets really good grades but if he messes up his grades even a bit they get really mad at him. He recently told us all and we don't know what to do?"

"Sirius if he gets good grades he should be fine. Pureblood families often put such pressure on their children. Perhaps James should spend less time goofing off with you if he's going to get whacked for low marks."

"No that's not ...I mean….just,...can't I help him somehow? Should we tell someone?" Drommie's eyes narrowed and she lashed out gripping Sirius' arm hard and pulling him towards her.

"Did you tell anyone Sirius?"

"What? No...I mean only my mates but…." He was surprised at the anger in Drommie's eyes and she shook him a little looking stressed.

"You better hope they don't tell anyone. You know that won't do any good and you'd end up in a lot of trouble. A Black doesn't air their dirty laundry, our family is too good for that." Sirius bit back the sorrow rising in him, he thought Drommie would be sympathetic. She had always seemed to be supportive of him, only telling him to shape up for his own good. Not only did she see anything wrong with it, but she was also mad at him for saying something! The disappointment in him churned and churned inside him and soured into cold bitter anger.

He yanked away from her, his eyes just seconds before filled with tears, now hardened in anger.

"You mean MY family. They aren't yours, not anymore. You aren't really a Black anymore you threw that away for your mudblood baby daddy" His harsh words did the trick and seemed to hurt Drommie almost as much as she had hurt him. She raised her hand her eyes flashing, looking more like her mother than Sirius ever saw her. He was sure she was going to slap him, was entirely ready for it, expected it really. But her hand which lashed out towards his face stopped mid-swing. She gave him a look of utter betrayal which hurt more than a slap would, and turned and stalked away.

Sirius watched her go realizing with a heavy heart they had both acted more like their parents than they ever had before. He felt gross and contaminated and jumped into the lake screaming obscenities into the water until he finally calmed down and felt the influence of his family seep away from him, sinking into the depths of the lake.

…...

It took him a long time to trudge across the ground back into the castle. He didn't think anything could cheer him up but that was before he found Remus sitting on his bed reassuring Peter and James over and over that his dad didn't hurt him when he went to see his mom. Sirius didn't think, merely leaped onto Remus' bed hugging him tightly.

"You should have told us you were leaving to see her!"

"Would you have let me? Sirius, you're soaked, what happened?" He let Remus go realizing he was indeed still very wet, and now so was Remus looking at him with a mix of irritation and concern. Sirius grinned and shook himself like a dog all over Remus and his bed.

"That's what you get for leaving!" He said smugly, James and Peter laughing as they walked over to join them, staying on Sirius' bed though which was dry. Remus was trying to look stern but Sirius was pleased to see his lips twitch in amusement.

"Did you just decide to go swimming in the lake?" He asked incredulously. James gave Sirius a confused look clearly wanting to ask how his talk with Drommie went, but a subtle head shake from Sirius kept him quiet.

"Actually yes. You should try it sometime it really increases one's ability to focus on homework."

"In that case Sirius you might want to go swimming a lot more." James teased and Sirius stuck up one finger to show him what he thought of that comment, a signal that wasn't in their secret language so even Peter understood.

"You can't be rude to me Black it's almost my birthday."

"Correction Potter I'll only be the most respectable gentleman on your birthday, and not a single day more." James laughed and Remus, who still seemed pretty pale and tired stifled a laugh.

"Sirius I doubt you could even pull off a day." Sirius stuck a tongue out at him but laughed along with the others, he was so glad Remus was back safely, so glad indeed.