Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.

Challenges listed at the bottom.

Word Count - 2556

Fic Detail - TonySteve / Post Civil-War

Trainwreck

"I feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me."

Steve could only look around them and agree with Tony, because falling through a portal into, well, nothing, was certainly… something.

"They'll find us," Tony said, sounding certain. Steve couldn't fault him for that. He knew that Strange, Rhodey and Bruce would be searching high and low for Tony at least.

This kind of rescue mission wasn't really his team's speciality, and he could only hope they were letting Tony's team take the lead.

Of course, that they had separate teams in the first place was a sore spot in Steve's mind, and he winced despite himself. He hated that they weren't all one team, hated that this was the first time he'd seen Tony in months.

But it was—mostly—his own fault, he supposed. He wouldn't be so arrogant to take all the blame, but he knew that he could accept the lion's share on his shoulders. He was living with the guilt from his mistakes daily, but it always hit just that little bit harder whenever he was in the same place as Tony.

There was something about the weary look in Tony's eyes whenever they had to communicate that cut Steve deep no matter how much time passed them by.

Spinning again, mostly so he wasn't just standing staring at Tony, but there was nothing to see. Everything was just… white. Almost blindingly so.

Turning back to Tony, he saw the man was glaring into nothing, rubbing a hand through his hair. The gesture was so familiar, it made Steve feel sick.

"So… we just wait?"

Tony nodded and sighed. "Yeah. I guess so."

…

Not having a way to tell how much time was passing was driving Steve nuts. Tony didn't seem to be faring any better, but then, Steve thought this must be his worst nightmare. Just so much nothing.

"What?" Tony asked, turning to Steve.

"Uh. I didn't say anything."

Tony blinked and then looked away, his cheeks flushing slightly as he muttered about an auditory hallucination.

Steve couldn't pull his eyes away from Tony. There was something so innocent in the way he was sitting, his arms wrapped around his knees, holding them to his chest. It was an extreme contradiction to the danger that Steve knew Tony could be.

"We could, uh. Talk?" Steve offered awkwardly, shifting a little so he was facing Tony more. "If you want."

"I don't really know what to say," Tony replied. "It's not a common occurrence for me, I'll admit. I really don't have the energy to fight with you right now, Steve."

"I don't want to fight," Steve assured him quietly. "I don't ever want to fight with you, Tony."

"And yet, it happens every time we try and talk."

Steve nodded but huffed. "I can't sit here in silence. I'll go mad."

"We all go a little mad sometimes," Tony murmured and his lips tilted up.

"Uncalled for," Steve teased. "I'm not quite at psycho levels, just yet."

Tony's small smile turned into a grin and a spark of amusement flickered through his eyes. "You still haven't watched Star Wars, but you've watched Psycho?"

"How do you know I still haven't watched Star Wars?" Steve asked.

"Wilson grassed you up. He came by the tower last week to pick his wings up."

"Oh, I see how it is," Steve said, shaking his head. "He lives with me, eats with me, spars with me, and then he comes to you to badmouth me? He's fired."

Tony chuckled. "Maybe you'd be more popular if you watched Star Wars."

"Maybe we should all sit down when we get back and watch it together," Steve suggested hesitantly.

He watched with dismay as longing entered Tony's eyes, only to be fought away as the brunette man shook his head. "I… I don't think that's such a good idea, Steve."

Steve wanted to argue the point, because it sounded like a great idea to him, but he bit his tongue and looked away, the silence between them uncomfortable.

Just like that, they were back to square one.

…

What felt like hours later, but could have been mere minutes for all Tony knew, the air around them seemed to shift slightly, before a green portal opened up. Never before had he been so glad to see Stephen.

"Oh thank fuck for that," he muttered, pushing himself to his feet. He was aching from the battle they'd fought before being sent through the portal, and he was tense from spending time alone with Steve, and honestly, he just wanted to go home.

With Steve just a step behind him, Tony travelled through the portal and found himself back in the Tower mere seconds later. Rhodey and Bruce were on him in seconds, both talking as they tried to find out if he was okay.

"M'fine," he assured them both. "Just tired, I promise."

Across the room, he could see Barnes, Wilson and Clint checking Cap over in the same way.

"Did it work?" Clint asked, looking between Steve and the group surrounding Tony. "Did you two sort your shit out?"

Tony blinked and then looked at Steve. "What?"

Steve shook his head, looking as confused as Tony felt. "I don't… what are you talking about?"

Rhodey facepalmed, and Bruce looked down guiltily when Tony looked at the two of them for answers. Eventually, Stephen sighed.

"It was brought to my attention that the two teams should be more… connected. Given the biggest… issue in that happening is the relationship between the two of you, the rest of us thought that perhaps some alone time would help… remedy that."

"So you just slung us through a portal with no warning straight after a battle?" Tony asked, his tone flat.

Steve looked angry, but Tony was just… he was tired. Of all of it.

"Tones—"

"We could have been injured," Tony said, glancing around the room as he talked over Rhodey. "Either one of us. We could have hurt each other, it's been known to happen. There are so many ways this could have gone badly—"

"You were never in any danger," Stephen tried to assure him, but Tony shook his head.

"Have none of you realised that Steve and I are adults? We can deal with out 'issues' when we're both good and ready, if and when we choose to do so. We don't need stupid schemes like this one to help us."

Turning away, Tony left the room, ignoring his name being called. Bunch of meddling assholes.

…

Tony slept hard, and when he woke up, he found himself staring at a dark sky through his window.

"What time is it, J?"

"Four minutes after three in the morning, Sir," JARVIS intoned.

Tony nodded. He'd slept for a good eight hours, which was practically a record, at least lately. Climbing out of bed, Tony padded to the bathroom to relieve himself, before he left the penthouse for the kitchen.

Coffee was calling, and then he supposed he should get to the workshop. His suit would need work doing on it, after the fight, and he probably had SI stuff he should be working on too.

He wasn't expecting to find the kitchen already occupied by a tired super soldier, not least because said super soldier didn't live in the tower. Steve and his team were living in the compound, while Tony hosted Rhodey and Bruce at the tower.

"What are you still doing here?" Tony asked, as he pressed the button on the coffee maker that made it whirr to life.

Steve shrugged. "Everyone was tired after the fight yesterday. Nobody wanted to be in charge of the jet."

Tony snorted. "Right."

"Tony… they didn't go about it the right way, but… they weren't wrong. We are the main problem between the two teams."

"I know. I'm just not sure what you expect me to do about it. Until you can admit that you're not perfect, I can't talk to you about… well. Any of it."

"I wasn't the only one that messed up," Steve sighed.

"I know that too," Tony agreed, taking his mug from under the coffee maker and holding it between both hands. "I'm not perfect, Steve, but the difference between you and I is that I never pretended to be perfect. I own up to making mistakes, being a bit of a mess sometimes. I own the fact that I'm as far from perfect as can be sometimes, and I try my best to make up for the mistakes I make. I feel the blood on my hands, but at least I admit that."

Tony turned away after a moment of silence passed between them. He'd said his piece and it was up to Steve what he did with it.

Honestly, if Steve decided now was the time to walk away for good, then that would be okay, Tony thought. He had closure and he knew he could close the door on this part of his life without too much regret.

He got to the door before Steve finally spoke.

"Tony, wait. Please. Don't walk away."

Tony stopped, and slowly, he turned back to Steve, silently waiting for whatever Steve felt like he needed to say.

"I messed up," Steve admitted, running a hand through his hair. "I messed up big, and I hurt you, and I don't know how to make that up to you. I should have been honest with you, I know that, Tony. I know that a lot of what happens rests on my shoulders, and I know that if I had tried to talk to you, then a lot of the people that died would still be alive. So yes, I feel that blood on my hands too. I just… I don't know how to start making things right."

"You could try apologising," Tony offered quietly. "Because you still haven't and that kinda sucks, Steve."

"I…" Steve almost argued, before he stopped, frowning. When he spoke, he sounded horrified. "I haven't, have I? Not properly at least."

Tony shook his head.

"Tony… I'm sorry for not telling you the truth, and I'm sorry for not trusting you when I should have. I'm so sorry that I hurt you, I never wanted that."

Tony twitched slightly, but he nodded. "Okay. Thank you. I'm sorry for attacking you and Barnes. I was emotionally compromised, but it still wasn't right."

"I… I think I probably deserved the attack," Steve said quietly. "But thank you."

"I should go down to the workshop. Suit needs working on so…"

"Do you mind if I… can I come with you? I'll just… sit on the sofa. Like I used to."

Lips tilting up slightly, Tony nodded. "I think I still have one of your sketchbooks, if you want to draw."

…

Things didn't go back to the way they'd been, but they did change. The two teams spent more time together, relearning how they worked cohesively. Tony only noticed after the fact that Steve and his tam were almost living back in the tower, spending more time there than they did at the compound.

It didn't bother him as much as he thought it would.

As joint leaders, Tony and Steve didn't clash as much as they had when Tony had been under Steve's command, and in all the ways that counted, they were once again one team instead of two.

Tony was even a little bit grateful that they'd dumped him and Steve through that portal not that he was planning to tell any of them that.

Of course, the downside of spending so much time around Steve was that he was remembering everything that he liked about the man. Before… before the shit hit the fan, Tony had had the tiniest of crushes on Steve.

It had been miniscule. Almost nonexistent even.

Okay, so he'd been utterly in love with him, but whatever.

After the 'Civil-War' and the subsequent two year absence, not to mention the months they spent operating two separate teams, Tony had believed himself over that particularly bad idea. He really didn't want to fall back into the same hopeless trap.

And yet…

He couldn't seem to stop himself.

…

"You've been quiet for the last few weeks," Steve said, sitting down on the sofa beside Tony.

The genius looked up from the book he was flipping through and shrugged. "I've had a lot on my mind."

"Anything I can help with?" Steve asked, his brow furrowed with concern.

Shaking his head, Tony sighed, and closed his book, tossing it onto the coffee table. "It's… I'm fine. It's nothing."

"Doesn't seem like nothing," Steve pushed. "I just… I just want to help."

"Can you stop being so lovable?" Tony asked, and then closed his eyes because he really hadn't meant to say that at all. When he opened his eyes, he found Steve staring at him, hurt brimming in his eyes. "I didn't mean that like it sounded."

"How did you mean it then?"

"You… you're just so…" Tony shook his head. "You scare me, Steve. Don't look at me like that, I don't think you're going to hurt me or anything. You just… I thought, after everything, that I could just be your friend and it would be okay, you know? I thought… I guess I thought I was over you. Except I'm not. And I'm trying to… not love you. So."

"I…" Steve blinked at him. "What if… what if I don't want you to be over me?"

It was Tony's turn to stare.

"I mean, I had no idea that you… felt that way? But I… I want that too, Tony. I want you."

"I can't," Tony said, shaking his head. "Aren't you listening? I just told you that—"

"Feel the fear and do it anyway," Steve said, interrupting him. "You were the one who taught me that, Tony. We could be… we could be so good."

"We could be a trainwreck," Tony countered. "If we tried, and we fucked it up… Steve, it's not like it would be just us facing the consequences. The team… hell the world, if we couldn't get our shit together. Is it really worth it?"

"Yes."

Tony groaned and rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "I'm trying to not be selfish for—"

He was cut off when his lips were covered with Steve's, a hand resting on his jaw gently. It was a sweet kiss, chaste and practically innocent, but Tony's heart pounded hard in his chest and when Steve pulled back, Tony couldn't help but chase him, pressing their lips back together insistently.

Steve broke the kiss, but pressed their foreheads together. "We could be… so good, Tony. Tell me you'll take the chance. Tell me you'll let me love you."

Tony pulled back just enough so that he could meet Steve's gaze without his eyes crossing.

"We… we have to do this right," he said slowly, quietly. "We have to do it so it sticks, because… I don't think I can handle losing you again."

"We will," Steve swore. "We will, Tony. We're going to be fantastic."

"I love you," Tony murmured, pushing forward for another sweet kiss. "I love you, Steve."

"I love you too."

Written for:

Disney: T1. Someone living with guilt over a mistake.

Book Club: 1. Cheryl: Innocent / Glaring / Fear

Scamander: 27. Fear

Basement: 10. "I feel like the universe is playing some horrible practical joke on me."

Film Festival: 26. "We all go a little mad sometimes."

Marvel: 18. Extreme

Lyric: 2. Auditory hallucination

Funfair: Jack O Lantern: Hollow It Out - 6. Popular

Galleon: 17. Book

Pumpkin Toss - Large Pumpkin, 11. Green

365. 282. Badmouth