Chapter Fifty-One: Pensive Potter

Remus was right to assume he was going to be interrogated when he returned. However, they seemed to buy his lie about falling asleep and the rest of the evening was a peaceful day.

However, the next morning when he woke extremely early as usual in order to change and shower in peace, he found James waiting for him after the fact.

He was sitting on his bed, fully dressed, and seemed possibly bothered by something.

"Happy Birthday James. You ok?"

"Remus, can we talk?" James asked looking upset and definitely bothered by something, he could tell due to the way the boy was holding his chin like he always did when displeased by something he couldn't figure out.

"Um sure?" Remus was considerably confused rather than concerned thinking perhaps it was school-related as he didn't associate James with deep uncomfortable questions. In fact, out of all his friends, James seemed to give him the most space, either because he knew he needed to in order to balance Sirius or because he didn't know what to say.

So it didn't occur to Remus it might be different this time. He simply followed James, having dressed in the bathroom like always, and the two of them went down into the common room which was deserted. The remains of someone occupying the area earlier was evident by the roaring fire, candy wrappers, and pillows on the fur carpet rather than the couch.

It was only when James resumed his position that Remus realized with concern that he had been up before him.

"Why didn't you sleep last night?" James looked hesitant sitting up, hugging the pillow close to his chest, and leaning back against the couch. He patted the spot next to him, an invitation for Remus to join, and seemed to be thinking carefully about how to respond.

Remus hesitated but ultimately sat down, this was James after-all, not Sirius.

"Well...I'll tell you, but...can I ask you a question first?"

"Sure." He replied still drowsy and tired, not a morning person despite what they all thought. Besides he was used to James' questions, one more insignificant and silly than the next. James had recently been asking would you rather questions to all the boys in the dorm. Remus wasn't sure if James did it to ease tensions, cause people to laugh, or because he was actually curious about the answers, but he had come to expect such questions from James by now.

James nodded, he wasn't smiling nor was he frowning, he looked rather neutral as he sometimes did when he was in what Sirius called a 'Pensive Potter' mood. Remus was beginning to feel a little worried now, he wasn't used to James being so serious around just him like this.

"Where did you go, during my party? I was hanging pretty high up you know ..." James' tone was calm though he sounded hurt. Remus realized in horror that James had seen him exit the Slytherin bleachers, coming from exactly where the Slytherins who attacked had been.

"It's not what you think! I wasn't one of the attackers I promise!" Remus shouted terrified this would be like the letter fiasco all over again. He wasn't sure what he'd do if they all started thinking he was some sort of Slytherin supporter, they already gave him trouble over hanging out with Severus. What if they didn't see it as a big stretch? Then he saw James baffled look before the birthday boy burst out laughing.

"Blimey Luping that's not where I was going! You honestly think I'd think that. I'd trust you with my life mate." Remus was surprised to hear this, I mean he knew they were all friends but he had no idea how much James' trusted and valued his friendship. He felt his cheeks go red, and James' got a bit pink before he shook his head grinning.

"Even if you hang out with Snivellus because of Lily, I know that's because you're just a good person and not some sort of secret Slytherin supporter." James laughed again at the thought.

"But…..the letters…" Remus muttered feeling embarrassed and defensive. James gave him an apologetic look and put a hand on his shoulder his expression saddening when Remus habitually flinched, though he said nothing about this.

"We didn't know you then now did we. Besides…" He sat up straighter a very familiar cocky expression on his face now. "I was the one who thought something was off don't you remember? My mum says I have excellent deduction skills." The pride on James' face switched quickly to sadness and he slumped over, looking upset.

"What's wrong?" Remus asked concerned by the dramatic change. Why was the mention of James' mom making him sad?

"You first mate. I haven't forgotten you know." Remus looked at James' scrutinizing gaze and recalled all the times he had a calm demeanor. If he could tell anyone what happened it was James he realized.

"You can't tell Peter and you especially can't tell Sirius." James nodded like he had been expecting this.

"Promise."

"I solemnly swear." He answered immediately, raising his hand like he was taking an oath. Remus smiled at the dramatic ways of his friends. Then he took a deep breath and explained what happened. To give him credit James stayed calm to the end, making only a few outbursts, and his hair getting more messed up as he kept running his hand through it visibly stressed.

When Remus finished he gaped at him for a second then took a deep breath.

"I'm gonna kill them!"

"James you're supposed to be the calm one!" Remus exclaimed aghast, his friend was now on his feet, his eyes blazing with intensity.

"I am calm."

"Then be serious."

"I am."

"No Sirius is Sirius." James gave him an unamused look and he sighed realizing that while his friend before him was less likely to confront him on serious matters when he did he was much less likely than Sirius or Peter to be distracted after the fact.

"Well I won't actually kill them but on my pride, as a Gryffindor, I'll get them back for hurting you, and for dangling me in in the air." He added as an afterthought and Remus' chest hurt at how protective James was being of him.

"If you retaliate then they will and it will never end. Be logical James."

"I am being logical. And my logic is they need to pay for what they did."

"They could have done worse…"

"Remus don't do that. Please don't." James pleaded sounding pained and Remus shut his mouth, preventing himself from saying that it hadn't been that bad. James seemed to know that what Remus had told him had happened, which was most of the truth, was underexaggerating what had actually happened. Remus realized he wouldn't be able to stop James, but if he couldn't stop him he knew he could at least stall him.

"Not until after spring break."

"Why?"

"Because Sirius will join in even if he doesn't know why, which you can't tell him!" James reassured him he wouldn't then asked why Sirius couldn't participate in the revenge as it would be downright rude to leave him out of it.

"Because spring break is soon and...well he'll be around his family." James' eyes widened and he looked nervous.

"But he said they'd be on vacation and it wouldn't be a problem!"

"Well, that's true," Remus said quickly despite not really knowing that he hoped it was true though. "But if he gets in a bunch of trouble, especially for targeting Slytherins, well it's a sore spot for his family and he may get in a load of trouble ...which...would be bad…"

"Oh," James said dumbly looking pale now. Remus looked away from him feeling self-conscious. He could almost hear James' thoughts connecting more pieces of his friends' lives, realizing Sirius couldn't for sure say he'd be safe and neither could Remus.

"Remus…."

"It's your turn." He replied quickly, desperate for a topic change. If James' heard the high pitched desperation he was kind enough not to say anything.

"Fine. But I really need to talk to both you and Sirius about spring break. I…..I'm really worried about that. And don't say I shouldn't be because we both know that's a load of rubbish." He added sharply.

"As for my turn, well it seems sort of a foolish problem now…." He trailed off sounding self-conscious but believed Remus who assured him whatever it was it wouldn't be foolish.

"I told Sirius but I knew he wouldn't get it and he didn't And I didn't tell Peter because Peter is...well Peter he looks up to me so much I don't want him...well I don't want to let him down or anything him being the youngest and all. But ...um it's my first birthday away from my mum and dad. I know it's dumb and I've been away so long it's not like I'm a homesick baby or anything….but well I mean I miss them on my birthday. That's not crazy right? I mean you get it, not with your dad obviously but your mom... Oh, sorry. I shouldn't have mentioned her should I of?"

Remus wasn't sure if he felt more like laughing out of relief the problem wasn't a big one, which he never would because of offending James, or cry because his friend's problems seemed so normal.

"You can mention my mom it's ok...she...she's doing a bit better. But it's not stupid James. I bet loads of students felt that way during their first birthday away. You were telling us last night what big celebration birthdays are for your family so it makes sense you're feeling a little homesick and all. I'm sure they are missing you too. Have you floo'ed them yet?" He asked wondering why his simple words seemed to console James so much. As soon as he heard Remus say it wasn't stupid he relaxed considerably, and his suggestion to floo his parents made James smile brightly.

"That's a great idea. I was worried it would make me feel worse. But...well I wasn't even thinking about how they're missing me. It's my duty as a son to check in on them after all." Remus nodded agreeing as James continued to justify talking to his parents today. It took a while but he decided in the end he was going to floo them before everyone else woke up.

"They always get up really early. You'd really like my parents Remus and they'd love you! They keep telling me how proud they are of me and you're just as good a student as me if not better. You've gotta come see them. Maybe over summer. They really are the best."

"I'm sure they are James." He said simply since he was at a loss at what else to say. James was now so excited to talk to them that he didn't notice Remus growing upset, both at the mere thought of summer and because James' parents certainly wouldn't love him. For a second he tried to think about what it would be like for James with his parents if his friend was a werewolf. But that quickly became much too depressing and he tried to excuse himself so James could have privacy, only James didn't want him to leave.

"Oh just say hi real quick then you can go. I've told them all about you…...er not all." He amended this time noticing Remus get upset. He tried to get out of it but finally relented, because if he was being honest with himself he was curious.

James talked about his family only a little less than he talked about quidditch, his stories about both topics never boring the many people he told them too, even if they were being heard a second or third time. James was a natural storyteller as almost as much as he was a natural-born leader, his friends often looking to him for the final decision on things, even Sirius.

"Fine."

"Brilliant! You're the only one they haven't met yet since Sirius and Peter were here when I talked to them once before at the beginning of the year. It was hard not to floo them every day at first." He admitted with a sheepish grin. Remus nodded as if he understood since he sort of did. It took months before he stopped fretting over his father, and it was only the fact that he was too poor for floo powder that he didn't try reaching his father that way earlier.

Thinking of his father made Remus feel sick and he tried to ignore the thoughts reminding him consistently his father was sick, didn't want to see him, and knew him to only be a burden. He shook his head as James crouched down by the flames which quickly turned green and clearly announced his address. Then he stuck his head in and back out the flames becoming normal colored once more.

Remus expected James to be disappointed since he couldn't speak to his parents but the boy was grinning, and when he noticed Remus' confusion explained his parents would floo him back. Marveling at the fact the Potters were rich enough to waste floo on a few seconds of transaction, he waited for the fires to go green again.

There were a few moments where nothing happened and Remus felt bad that for a second he hoped James' parents wouldn't floo back because then he'd have to see them. He positioned himself at the edge of the couch out of sight just in time as the flames crackled and two heads appeared though Remus could hardly see them from where he was at.

"Happy Birthday James!" They cheered together and James laughed at their exuberance.

"I wanted to check in on how you two were doing without me there." If James' parents knew he called also because he missed them they didn't show it. They discussed how much the missed James to the point it would have seemed drawn out and fake if it wasn't for the sincerity that was somehow communicated clearly even through the flames.

James told his parents about his party and the Slytherins attacking. His parents both seemed strongly opinionated about the students, and it wasn't hard to figure out where James got his desire for justice and deep dislike of dark arts from. His mother seemed to think reporting them to Dumbledore was justice while James' father had hinted that the only way to stop a Slytherin was pranking them or event hexing them until they backed down.

He had said that he had a gift for James that would help with that but Euphemia Potter gave him a sharp look and the matter was dropped, despite James' persistence. Just as James started talking about school and Remus was thinking he could slip away, after all, the boy crouched by the fire remembered Remus was there and beckoned him over.

"Mom, dad I've finally got Remus here. I figured you'd want to meet him." They both assured James they very much wanted too and reiterated to James once more that any of his friends were welcome to visit.

"Remus come here." James beckoned again when he realized Remus wasn't coming over. Sighing heavily to himself he forced himself to walk closer to the fire now properly able to see what had before been blurry movements in the fire.

The Potters looked old, but it was hard to tell with floo. However, Remus knew they had James late as he had bragged about how special he was to his parents because of this many times. They both looked as kind as James described them being, though it also appeared a bit terrifying as their faces were currently made out of flames.

"It's nice to finally meet you, Remus," Euphemia responded with as much warmth as she had to her own son, it was rather unnerving. He tried to match the radiance of her smile though probably failed.

"The pleasure is all mine ma'am."

"You have such polite friends James," Fleamont responded sounding proud of that fact, his tone sounding all too familiar to his son's when James was proud about something. Remus was sure the older man had sat straighter and puffed up in a similar fashion to how James did when he was really proud of something. He supposed James' choice of friends was important to his parents, and they seemed supportive of his friends, which were both things Remus wished his father did.

"I'm so glad you recovered Remus. James was ever so upset." Remus was worried the adults would ask about what had caused the coma but they didn't. In fact, they moved on to talking about classes and interests, and somehow Remus felt included in the conversation with the Potter's in a way he never had quite felt before.

He felt rather warm as he listened to James and Fleamont jokingly argue about their generation of Gryffindor quidditch players being the best, and realized it wasn't just from the fire.

"No dad the current team is the best. There are still players from last year when Gryffindor went undefeated!"

"Yes, but their star player is gone. Perhaps I'll agree this current generation's team is the best when you're on the team son." James beamed and while he was a happy student, the joy on his face talking to his family was the sort of joy Remus had only ever seen him have while flying. By the time students were sitting and coming downstairs Remus felt he had gotten to know James better somehow, or at least understand a little more why his parents were so important to him.

"You two boys get a good breakfast, it's very important. Pay attention to your classes and have a wonderful week. Happy Birthday again love! Your father and I can't wait until you return home!" Euphemia called in farewell happily. Fleamont added stay out of trouble but winked when Euphemia wasn't looking.

"Bye, mom bye dad. See you soon." James seemed so much happier and he thanked Remus profusely as they climbed back to their dorm. He flung his arm around Remus and demanded to know his impression of his parents, satisfied when the only feedback was good as he had expected. Remus wasn't lying, he did like Mr. and Mrs. Potter a great deal, it also made him miss his family terribly, more specifically his mom.

When James fell back asleep, the 'only half an hour' turning into nearly two, he pulled out his mother's quilt. He sat in his bed with his curtain drawn and held it to his chest trying not to think too hard about how excited his mom would be to speak with him through floo, and how proud she would be of his choice in friends.

….