Chapter Fifty-Eight: Flight and Fight
Flying class was everything he hoped for that day. The practice games were going well. Peter and Marlene weren't on his team and for that, he was grateful for since the two of them were probably the worst flyers in their year. But the opposite team also had James which was definitely a plus for them. They played with the Hufflepuffs, mixed altogether instead of just facing them outright, as this was supposed to merely be for fun or whatever.
It was a pretty evenly matched game even though his team lost both the first and second scrimmages. He was disappointed Remus wasn't doing better on the broom, both a terrible Chaser and an even worse Beater. It wasn't until the third scrimmage in which Sirius fought for him to be the Keeper that anything changed. He wasn't, truth be told, expecting much from Remus at that point, but with his friends' quick reflexes he was a great Keeper. Good enough that James started taking things a bit seriously, and Remus provided the tipping point needed for Sirius' team which won scrimmage four and five.
"You're brilliant!" Several, perhaps a bit biased, Gryffindor team members encouraged Remus who had gone rather red. Even a few Hufflepuffs acknowledged he wasn't half bad. At this rate, Remus would be on the team in no time!
"Honestly mate you keep blocking the goals like you've been doing and with a little more practice you could probably be on the team next year!" He pointed out, sure Remus who now knew he could play, would want to. It hadn't occurred to him Remus, even if he was good at a certain position, wouldn't want to play.
"Is that what this has all been about Sirius?" Remus asked sounding rather cross, but he didn't have enough time to say anything else as Professor Yasin blew the whistle and they were off. This time James was playing Seeker, which he seemed thrilled about. Everything was going fine, Remus putting in less effort probably because he was upset at Sirius for some baffling reason, but who was still blocking a majority of the Quaffles that came his way.
Then Dorcas who had incredible skill at being a beater, the position Sirius was hoping to go for next year, whacked the Bludger at a first-year Hufflepuff named Bailey. The boy was knocked to the side slightly and attempted to change course quickly. This caused him to accidentally slam into Remus, who had his eye on Lily, who also had talent, and who was approaching fast with a Quaffle.
A more seasoned flyer would have been able to stay on his broom no problem. But Remus had only recently been getting better at flying and had never been higher up than he currently was until today. Remus tried, he really tried to stay in his broom which went flying and then spinning out of control, hurling to the ground with him clutching for dear life. Sirius immediately tried to reach him. So did James, who though much further than Sirius to begin with, caught up to him, but neither of them were able to reach Remus in time.
"Remus! PULL UP!" They cried in unison as Lily screamed for him to watch out, which was much less helpful advice than what they had yelled. It seemed Remus heard them both and perhaps tried to do both, but it was too little too late and his broom hit the goal post. Luckily at this point, he wasn't too far off the ground because he fell the rest of the way off his broom, crumpling rather hard. But it also looked like he may have hit his head, so Sirius was understandably terrified.
James and Sirius reached Remus at the same time the Professor did going very pale.
"Oh, this isn't good. I'm going to get sacked. I'm going to get sacked." He fretted giving Remus a little shake as if hoping he'd simply snap back just fine.
"Professor he needs the Matron!"
"No, he's fine he'll be just fine."
"Professor please." Lily pleaded, having landed with the other students a bit aways, but having approached their Professor concerned about Remus who still hadn't stirred.
"Right, yes of course. One of you go get the Matron then." Several people jumped up at once but Sirius didn't look long enough to see who went. He was beginning to panic that Remus had somehow gone into another coma, and he probably wasn't the only one.
"Oi mate wake up." James groaned sounding sick.
"Please Remus." Lily sniffed.
"Come on you bloody moron you have to wake up!" Sirius pleaded with him letting out a shout of anger which turned into one of happiness as Remus let out a soft groan his eyes fluttering open. Sirius tried to get closer but their Professor waved them off demanding they give him space.
Professor Yasin had Remus propped up against him and the boy let out a strangled shout fighting feebly to sit up properly and getaway. Willing to bet Remus was more distressed at being confined and gripped tightly in someone's arms than the pain at the moment Sirius shouted to him what had happened, loud enough to make sure he was heard.
"Mr. Black please be quiet he could have a migraine." Remus though, upon hearing Sirius' explanation, stopped fighting.
"I'm alright. My head just hurts a bit."
"Yes, I imagine it does." Professor Yasin gave a relieved laugh and helped Remus up to his feet to the clapping of everyone. If Remus wasn't flustered before, he sure was now which Sirius took as confirmation that Remus was ok. Sirius went to his side taking over for the Professor so he could address the other students to pack up and head out as class was over.
Only Dorcas, Lily, Peter, James, and Sirius stayed with Remus. Hovering near their friend who was forced to sit on the bleachers with an icepack pressed to his head by Madam Pomfrey, who was currently chewing out Professor Yasin with a good deal of anger in her loud voice.
"Blimey mate you did a good job staying on that broom. Imagine if you had fallen from higher up."
"Potter don't be so morbid Remus doesn't want to think about that he nearly died!"
"I didn't really nearly die." Remus gave a slight laugh, but the gesture must have hurt him because he pressed the ice pack a little harder to his head and quickly stopped.
"Well, I for one am glad Madam Pomfrey is giving a piece of her mind to Professor Yasin. He is far too lax and his classes are far too dangerous!"
"Are not!"
"James how can you possibly say that! Remus nearly died!"
"But he didn't so it's bloody fine! Don't blame Quidditch blame…" James stopped yelling abruptly and gave Remus an apologetic look."Sorry mate, I didn't mean…"
"No, it's alright. It was my fault. I guess I should have mentioned I missed the class on stopping falls before we started playing." He gave them a sheepish smile and Sirius let out a strained laugh.
"Yeah, that probably would have been smart."
"Definitely. But hey Remus if you aren't totally scarred maybe you could be the Keeper for when I do extra practice after getting on the team?" James asked eagerly ignoring a dirty look Lily shot him in retaliation muttering something about him being an insensitive berk under her breath.
"I wouldn't mind helping if I have the time. But I'm not joining the team." He replied giving Sirius a pointed look.
"Remus, why do you have to miss so many classes? I mean flying isn't that important but you miss loads of them."
Lily blurted and Sirius bit back a grin, he wasn't going to say anything he really wasn't but he hadn't brought it up which meant he wasn't the bad guy. That meant he could pry without feeling guilty because it had been Lily's fault this time, not his! He wanted to shout for glee but turned his attention to James who looked outraged at Lily's comment about flying not being important.
"Hey!"
"Oh be quiet Potter! It really isn't." She cut him off dismissively sparing him an irritated glance before her attention went back to Remus, her eyes softening with worry.
"But Remus you've missed an awful lot of classes since the beginning of the school year." Lily pointed out, once more twisting locks of hair around her fingers. Realizing he still had to be careful in this opportunity to bring things up, he pondered his words carefully sure to speak in a way that wouldn't out Remus' situation since he was that good of a friend of course.
"I mean we all know school is important to you. Surely your parents get that." He commented innocently, pointedly ignoring the sharp look of irritation Remus shot his way.
"I get good marks so it's fine," Remus replied cautiously, sounding remarkably calm as he ignored Lily's worried look.
"Yes but…"
"Lily I promise it's fine. Speaking of grades what are you all doing for your final potions project?" Sirius listened frustrated as the topic turned to classes and marks and what they all expected their finals for the year would be. They talked for awhile Remus occasionally touching the side of his head before the Matron came over and looked him over.
"I should make you come to the hospital ward…."
"Madam Pomfrey there's an important Herbology exam tomorrow!" Remus pleaded before she could continue and James scoffed while Lily looked both concerned and awed by Remus' dedication.
"Mr. Lupin!" Madam Pomfrey spoke quite harshly and Remus flinched and hung his head. She looked cross for a second before her expression softened into the usual concerned almost guilty look she had whenever Sirius noticed her staring at Remus.
"I was going to say that you seem fine. So since you have classes tomorrow I will allow you to return to your dorm if...and only if you are careful and come to me if your head gets any worse." Remus nodded still looking rather abashed and ashamed though Sirius wasn't entirely sure why. He was quite sure students arguing with Madam Pomfrey's medical decisions was part of the job description, even though it was always a losing fight.
"Sirius, James, and Peter I trust you will keep an eye on him." Peter nodded quickly his eyes wide as if he still couldn't entirely believe Remus was turning down a possible excuse to get out of a test, instead rather going so far as to study for it. Sirius wasn't surprised that was Remus' decision but he still doubted his friends sanity quite a lot.
"Yes Madam Pomfrey!"
"Of course ma'am."
"Good lads. Now off with the lot of you." Remus was the first to get to his feet and walk away his face burning. Sirius was quick to follow after him and heard him whisper "why does it always have to be me," under his breath.
"Aw cheer up mate. You escaped near-death yet again."
"It's bloody impressive if you ask me," James replied catching up to them, Lily and Dorcas close on his heels, while Peter was lagging behind. Remus didn't slow down so neither did Sirius.
"Yes well, it would be nice to only have to do that a few times." He muttered seemingly frustrated, though Sirius wasn't entirely sure about what.
"It's only been a few times." James pointed out uneasily, shooting Sirius a look that Lily definitely noticed. Remus noticed as well and blinked a few times as if reminding himself where he was, then gave them a grin that didn't altogether look quite right.
"Obviously I'm exaggerating." Sirius felt a chill run up him and had to remind himself to breathe, Remus wasn't dramatic unless he was joking along with his mates. However, this didn't seem like his sort of joke.
"You don't exaggerate. Remus, what is going on?" Lily asked in that demanding bossy tone of hers that Sirius currently loved. He had to give her credit, she sure had guts. Remus looked between all of them, even Peter who had caught up and was gasping for breath having completely missed what just happened. Peter looked around as if expecting someone to explain but no one did.
"You're right, it just feels like it's been a lot of times. I'm sorry I'm just really irritated since my head hurts so bloody much!" Sirius grabbed Remus' arm before he could start walking again with his long strides.
"It's getting worse!"
"No, it's just…."
"Getting worse!" He repeated again giving Remus a look of anger and disbelief.
"It's ok Remus I'll bring you your studying materials. I'll meet you in the hospital ward." Lily offered kindly and Remus stopped fighting, Sirius nodding in agreement.
"No, we'll meet him in the hospital ward." James corrected giving Remus a thumbs up. "We won't let you be all alone don't worry mate." Lily looked like she wanted to argue but seeing Remus being actually cooperative for once she wisely kept her mouth shut.
"Alright. I'll take him to Madam Pomfrey. Peter and Dorcas make sure Lily and James don't kill each other."
"Hey!" Both Lily and James shouted offended then shot one another disgruntled looks at agreeing on something. Sirius smirked and gently led Remus away from their growing roe on who was more immature.
"Oi, why do you always have to be so stubborn?"
"It doesn't hurt that bad." Remus attempted weakly but Sirius, at the moment couldn't find any more of his naturally low levels of patience to draw on.
"Liar!" He shouted angrily and they walked in silence for a while.
"I told you that you don't get to be a bloody hero. I don't care how strong you are or how much of a pain tolerance you have. I don't care how many times you had to help yourself or get no help for your injuries or illnesses or whatever. You need to figure it out already that you're not alone anymore! You aren't alone!"
He was quite proud of his passionate speech. In his mind he imagined Remus breaking down and confessing whatever it was James knew and he didn't, and all his other secrets while he was at it. It was very touching, in his head at least. Sirius wished he could make his imagination become reality, at least in this case.
Sometimes he really hated reality.
Remus did not seem impressed, in fact, he seemed downright angry.
"Then stop trying to figure me out! If you want to be friends if you want to stay friends stop interrogating me!" He shouted angrily. Sirius was stunned, Remus had been frustrated with him before, loads of time, even a bit angry on occasion. But never like this, never with such rage in his normally gentle eyes.
"Remus…."
"No, you don't get to do that. You don't get to make me feel guilty when you're the one picking me apart like some sort of lab rat!" Sirius was confused until Remus chucked something, it was soft and bounced off his head rolling a little ways away from his feet.
"If you want to be friends stop it. Because if you keep digging we won't be friends I can guarantee it!" He sounded calmer now, more resigned somehow.
Sirius wanted to argue but the look in Remus' eyes prevented any words he had been thinking of shouting back at him. Remus looked afraid and desperate, and he realized he was too. As Remus cooly told Sirius he could take himself to the hospital wing he bent over and picked up the piece of parchment he had been using to keep track of Remus' disappearances.
His last entry, about Remus leaving on the twentieth, about him leaving around the same time every time was scrawled out angrily. Sirius' messy penmanship was scribbled over in angry yet neat words that read "STOP IT". As Sirius held the ripped-in-half parchment together to make it whole he knew he was getting close, really close to whatever it was he had been trying to find out since the beginning of the year.
But as he watched Remus storm off angrily he was faced with the painful realization that finding out whatever it was Remus was so desperate to keep hidden might cost him a friendship he really treasured. A friendship he knew he didn't want to be without.
A friend he couldn't be without. Feeling rather numb Sirius shoved the evidence of his investigation into his robe pocket and walked towards the Gryffindor common room, hoping his head was bent forward far enough that no one could see his tears.