Chapter Fifty-Nine: Recovered Memories

Remus felt terrible as he stalked off to see Madam Pomfrey. He had been doing such a good job at staying calm with Sirius, which hadn't been easy after finding that paper a few days ago. He felt sick and shaky, they were going to find out. He had to make them stop somehow or they were going to find out! How many months would it take next year when they were studying the moon during astronomy to realize at last the pattern to his disappearances?

He had been trying all day long to wrack his mind for some sort of excuse, everything from he helped his dad with his job which was with werewolves to the shameless lie his mother was one. In the end, he had just lost his patience with Sirius, he felt bad but also hopeful that maybe it would be enough. Maybe he had scared Sirius into leaving the matter be, at least for a while.

His head was pounding. He had yelled at his friend, yelled in anger actual anger towards Sirius. He was still angry but also guilty, and his head kept pounding, pounding, pounding.

Pounding painfully and making it harder to stay calm with certain annoying roommates of his, who invaded his privacy, tried to get him to play Quidditch, and cared about him. He shook his head, forcing himself not to feel bad for yelling at Sirius, he wouldn't feel bad about it. No matter how sad and desperate Sirius looked he wouldn't be fooled into expecting his tolerate friends to be tolerant enough to accept a werewolf.

He knew he should keep his promise and go to the medical ward, that he at least owed Sirius, but he found himself walking right past it. He just couldn't seem to make his legs work, so instead, he found himself walking to the library, for once hoping Lily wasn't there. Just a minute of peace and quiet, he promised himself, then he would go back before they could all arrive with study materials and worry.

He sat down at the table staring at the bookshelves trying to figure out what was bothering him so much. Then it hit him so suddenly he nearly toppled backward in his chair. He remembered, he remembered exactly what had happened the night he fell out of the tower. He slumped into his chair as the feeling of betrayal that had been tugging at him now was much worse, now that the picture had finally become complete.

As he sat there shaking slightly from the remembrance of what had been a rather terrifying ordeal, he realized he had to tell the truth about Severus Snape. He had to tell Lily that her best friend was a traitorous Slytherin and caught up with the worst people. Then he realized he also had to tell Sirius, but he couldn't. James perhaps, or Andromeda even. Feeling terribly tired he closed his eyes and found him reliving that whole night over again, as if it had just happened, or currently was happening again.

…..(January 13th, 1971)...

He reached Professor Blatvnik's office, nervous and very much on edge.

"Well, I suppose it's at least something you showed up. I heard Ms. Meadows is having a celebration at the moment. This will only be a moment then you may return if you wish."

"Professor am I in trouble?" He asked uncertainly still having no clue why his Professor wanted to speak to him privately. Professor Blatvnik raised a single eyebrow, looking thoroughly unamused.

"Are you in trouble? Tell me Mr. Lupin do you feel you should be?" Remus felt taken aback by the question, weary that this may be some sort of trap. He was going to say no he did not but he couldn't get Lily's glare out of his head and the disappointment and shame his father was sure to be feeling once he learned about Remus' troublemaking.

"Yes, sir. I know what I did was wrong." Professor Blatvnik looked irritated then sighed.

"That is why you are here and your friends are not." Remus was even more confused now but was beginning to realize his Professor must not have known he overheard, that he wasn't in danger. At least he hoped he wasn't.

"I don't understand Professor Blatvnik."

"It's Blatvnik, Mr. Lupin, Blatvnik." Again Remus heard no difference but he nodded solemnly as if he did.

"Do you know why you finished before your friends Mr. Lupin?"

"No, sir."

"Come now Mr. Lupin you are one of the most talented students in my class. Surely you must have some semblance of an idea." Of course, Remus had an idea, a pretty good idea, but it wasn't one he wanted to voice.

He glanced around nervously. If Professor Blatvnik knew he was a werewolf surely he was going to capture him somehow. He imagined being an exhibit in a cage for his fellow Hogwarts students to poke at and be afraid of and he shuddered. He looked up realizing Professor Blatvnik was watching him with his eyebrows raised. Remus felt his mouth go dry, was he really going to make him admit it.

"N ...none sir."

"Do not lie to me Mr. Lupin or you really will attend detention with your little friends again." Professor Blatvnik replied sounding, not so much angry and disgusted, as disappointed. Remus felt like he was going crazy.

"Because I'm different than them sir." He whispered unsure what sort of mind games his Professor was playing on him, but thoroughly hating it.

"Different how?" Came the sharp question, this time anger in his Professor's voice. If his Professor knew and he told him then maybe that would convince him that he was a responsible werewolf, different from the monsters his Professor seemed to despise. But if he didn't know and Remus admitted it, well he couldn't let that happen. He considered his options carefully, more detention was nothing compared to being killed or sent to Azkaban or kicked out of Hogwarts or any of the many scenarios Remus often had nightmares about.

"Please don't make me say it." He whispered, unable to keep the edge of panic out of his voice. There was a long silence and Remus was sure any minute now he'd be stunned or killed or something. When no spell was fired at him he hesitantly looked up to see his Professor gazing at him confused, and surprisingly enough, concerned.

"Mr. Lupin I am not entirely sure what you are implying but you are wrong. I don't know if you are playing dumb or are actually dumber than I thought but since I haven't got all night I'll just tell you. My detention gauges a student's level of guilt and remorse. That Mr. Lupin is why you finished way before the others. That is why I would hate to see a promising student like you weighed down by such ...undedicated immature students. I don't want to see you pulled into their antics again. I expect better from certain students, especially ones that could be prefects in the future, and you are one of them, understood?" Remus stared open-mouthed at his Professor.

He hadn't even considered such an obvious option. He was much too preoccupied with it having something to do with his lycanthropy. His defense against the dark arts professor was looking at him weirdly again so he shut his mouth and nodded. He vaguely heard himself apologize and promise to do better before he was dismissed and further detention free. He went from feeling dreadful and panicked to feeling light as a feather.

He thought his Professor must have hated him, must have found out about him, but he had said Remus was one of his most talented students! He felt a little dizzy from elation, he was succeeding all of his expectations at Hogwarts. He'd be sure to stay out of trouble, to keep his studies up, and not let his roommates be a bad influence on him.

He didn't think they were weighing him down, but he couldn't afford more detention, both for his father's sake and his own.

Prefect!

Sure, such a thought had occurred to him but he never had really felt he had what it took. However, having a Professor's vote of confidence, a professor who didn't even seem to like him, made him realize for the first time ever it might be possible. Then maybe, just maybe his father would be proud of him.

As he started to walk back to the common room he decided he would much rather study than go back to the loud party where Lily would angrily ignore him and Sirius and James would try to drag him into the thick of it. So he went to the library instead. As he tiptoed through the seemingly deserted place he realized he wasn't alone.

"Why aren't you at the party like everyone else?" He was surprised to find Severus there this late. He looked rather miserable, his face buried in a book he didn't seem to be reading.

"Parties aren't really my thing." He replied politely, going to sit across from him deciding it was as good a time as any to give Severus his belated Christmas gift.

"Well, Lily likes them. Except when it's for me of course, then she doesn't like birthday parties very much." He muttered darkly and Remus realized with a start Lily had mentioned Severus' birthday before, a birthday that had already passed nearly a week ago.

"Surely she wouldn't forget!" Severus scowled at him as if he was mocking him or something.

"No, but she didn't do much. Hard with us being in different houses, she said. She was polite enough not to mention I didn't have any other friends. My whole house….they don't like I talk to Lily but I have a plan." Remus wasn't entirely sure why Severus was giving him a dark look but he brushed it off letting the elated feeling of maybe being a prefect one day rise above Severus' moodiness.

"Well, we're friends."

"No, we aren't." Severus scoffed sounding disgusted at the thought. Remus was in too good of a mood to be severely hurt by the comment, after all, he didn't really want to be friends with Severus. Acquaintances was much more appropriate, and he'd be friends with the boy if he was more pleasant, but he was beginning to feel that wouldn't happen.

"Here. Happy Belated Birthday." He said abruptly not wanting the cold silence to stretch any longer. Severus' scowl melted into shock as he took the lumpy package Remus had accidentally kept shoved at the bottom of his bag since Christmas. Figuring Birthday would be better now than admitting he had failed to give Severus a Christmas gift for weeks seemed much smarter, especially considering his current mood.

"You…..got me a present? This better not be a prank." Remus almost smiled but knew much to well what that felt like, so he shook his head and watched as Severus opened the gift. He felt embarrassed as the boy regarded the pouch.

"It's not much...I just...well Happy Birthday."

"Thank you," Severus said after a long while looking at Remus with surprise that didn't seem like it would ever leave his face.

"No problem. I mean we study together all the time and…"

"Get out!" Severus cut him off sounding serious, his voice quiet. Remus was taken aback figuring the present would at least make Severus a little more tolerable in his attitude towards him.

"But I was going to study..."

"No just leave, you have to leave now!" He snapped and Remus rose to his feet rather upset but deciding arguing with Severus simply wasn't worth it. He was about to leave when three figures rounded the bookshelf flanking either side of him.

"Severus why the bloody hell did you summon us we need to….. Who's this?" Remus went pale as two older Slytherins, all much bigger than him, and one who seemed his age immediately pulled their wands out. Feeling uneasy he glanced at Severus who wouldn't meet his eyes.

"He's no one." Severus drawled lazily but the three boys didn't seem to believe him.

"Severus we let you hang out with that Evans girl because that dirty little bint is the only woman whose knickers you'll get into considering your ugly mug." Severus usually glared at the slightest inkling of an insult at Lily, he had nearly hexed one of her roommates because of it.

However, in response to the older boy's nasty comment he merely dipped his head submissively though Remus saw his fists clench to the point his knuckles were bone white.

"He just sat at the same table. I don't even know him." Remus was surprised that Severus was trying to defend him and even more surprised it almost worked.

"Well alright then…"

"With a brain like that, it's no wonder the older students haven't accepted you yet Rosier." Cooly drawled the tallest boy who seemed to be in charge and who had a malicious glint in his eyes, coupled with a chilling smile that made Remus feel nervous. He had addressed the only boy who might be a first-year based on stature, and who seemed to have as little leeway with the group as Severus did.

Surely these weren't the 'friends that were a bad influence' Lily always mentioned, they didn't seem particularly friendly to anyone.

"Yer right Mulciber." Muttered the youngest one who shot Severus a pleading look.

"Of course I'm right you dimwit. Aren't I always right Avery."

"Concerning school not so much but you have an uncanny knack for sniffing out those who are unworthy." Teased the other older boy who hung by Mulciber, the leader, in a similar fashion to how Sirius hung by James.

Remus knew he was in trouble, he glanced around while the two older boys who actually seemed to be friends smiled at one another. Severus had straightened himself and seemed to make up his mind about something. To make matters worse, there was no professor, librarian, or other non-Slytherin insight. Yes, he was definitely in trouble, this group wasn't the average bullies he had grown used to.

He was reaching for his wand wondering if he could get away quick enough to reach some form of help when Severus grabbed his wrist so tight it hurt and pulled the wand out of his pocket.

"Mulciber I caught him reaching for his wand. I also recognize the filthy mudblood blood now. He's James and Sirius' roommate." At the mention of his roommates, Mulciber and Avery's faces darkened considerably and even though he was worried for himself he was more worried about what these older boys may do to James and Sirius in the near future. Sirius and James had made powerful enemies and they were too foolish to notice it seemed.

"Well, I guess you've redeemed yourself after all Severus. Maybe you aren't hopeless yet. With this, you might even gain the recognition of Bellatrix herself." Remus wasn't surprised Bellatrix seemed to be the one in charge of these malicious boys. He remembered the pain she had caused Sirius and his blood boiled.

"You can't use me as bait. I might be their roommate but I'm not their…." Rosier who, it seemed, didn't want to miss out on the glory cut Remus off by slapping him hard across the face.

"You being their roommate is enough. They are "noble Gryffindors" after all." Mocked Avery with dark amusement. Remus felt his irritation and worry about his friends grow. Surely whatever they were going to do couldn't be that bad right?

"Bellatrix says her mother told her the Dark Lord was keeping Dumbledore busy this weekend so we can take our time figuring out what to do with them when they show up to rescue this one." Mulciber pointed out looking delighted at what this meant.

"He gets sick a lot though so no one will notice if he's gone. We'll have to let his roommates know we have him." Severus pointed out now seemingly 100% sided against Remus. Dread clawed against his rib cage, strangling his insides. He tried to pull away from Severus, but the boy who was as nearly skinny as him didn't budge.

Remus forced himself to stay calm. He'd been kidnapped before and this time it was children, rather evil children but none of this group seemed older than 15. This meant the range of spells and hexes they knew shouldn't be enough to cause lasting damage. Sure they could rough him up both magically and not but they wanted him as bait. If he kept his head down he could get through this easily enough.

Then what? When James and Sirius didn't come for him would they give up? Would they send a letter like he was some hostage? Would James and Sirius come then?

Of course, they would and that was what Remus was really afraid about, he didn't want them getting hurt. Especially not Sirius who he was sure his cousin would target the most, and he was sure his friend would make it worse by mouthing off to her. Then of course, so would James. He had to find a way out before then.

He was lead unceremoniously through the dungeons and up and down again, his head forced down. While he managed to keep some track of where they were in Hogwarts he soon lost track, more concentrated with keeping his ears peeled for a Professor. As they walked through the castle though it seemed the Slytherins were as skilled as his roommates were on avoiding Professors when needed.