Chapter Four
By the time someone returned to her, night had truly fallen, she hadn't been aware of the passage of time, her mind having been fixed on the little boy. He was grey now, the colour completely gone from his skin and his lips were blue a sign that life no longer existed in his body. Her heart ached in her chest, this was a child whose life had been snatched from him, he hadn't done anything wrong, he was innocent not yet corrupted by the world. Now here he was lying on the cold, hard concrete without any life in him. It was getting colder and colder, but Ana wasn't aware of that, her skin was on fire, she was sweating in her trousers and blouse.
"Ma'am, the forensic officer is here. I'll stay but you need to go and see a medic and get checked over, your hurt." He said as Ana turned to look at him, every muscle in her body protesting and her skin burning where she had multiple cuts and bruises.
"I'm fine." Ana said though she was aware of the pain in her arm and shoulder, she knew that they were the worst injuries she had.
"Ok, well walking wounded have all gone to the church hall, down the road if you want to make your way there." He suggested. "I'll get an officer to take you." Ana knew she would have to leave now and slowly peeled herself off the ground, ignoring every ache in her body. She leant over and kissed the little boy's head.
"Sleep in peace little one." She whispered, she pulled back and saw the officer wiping a tear away. She smiled apologetically before bowing her head. "No, what about the families? Has anyone done anything for them?" Ana asked, aware that by now family members of victims would be trying to get information.
"There's another church whose hall has been opened for them. Come on, you need to get cleaned up and have a coffee." He said already signalling one of the younger officers over to them. "You need to leave here, or I will take you by force." He warned her quietly. Ana sighed, she knew there was nothing more she could do here now, but she needed to see the families, make sure they were being taken care of and supported.
As she walked away with the officer she looked around. It was night now but the whole scene was lit by headlamps and red and blue flashing lights filled the sky. Ana felt so heavy, her feet hurt. The air was thick, and it was hard to breathe. She gritted her teeth, her jaw tight. She was shaking, the adrenaline calming a little as she walked. Bodies still lay broken all over the now red tarmac, the stench of blood and death, a smell Ana had smelt before, filled her nose. Her skin was on fire, every hair stood on end as she tried not to focus on any of the faces. Those she'd seen so far, she knew, would be burned into her memory forever.
"Has anyone helped the Leader of the Opposition?" Ana asked as they walked past the constituency office, it was now empty, the door still wide open.
"He was the first removed from the scene." The officer reassured, she gave a small tight nod, at least she knew he was being taken care of.
They walked the rest of the way in silence, it was a good mile to the church where the families had been taken but Ana didn't care, she needed to make sure they were being taken care of. The officer left her at the door and she took a deep breath before going inside.
The light dazzled her, it was so bright. It was also alive with noise, people talking both upset and worried about their loved ones. The room slowly fell quiet as all eyes turned to her. She was obviously a victim and the first one they had seen by the reactions, most looked horrified, some sympathetic.
"Miss are you ok?" Someone asked hurrying over to her, she figured it was one of the volunteers of the Church because of the way she was behaving. She shook her head lightly, trying to clear her head, she needed to focus.
"I'm fine. What can I do to help?" Ana asked hurriedly, she didn't want to stop and think right now, she just wanted to help. The woman, who had the kindest grey eyes gave her a sympathetic smile, she knew that Ana was blocking out what had happened and realised she couldn't stop that.
"We're making tea and coffee in the back." She said her head signalling the way. Ana relieved she was being given something to do followed the lady through to the back, away from the glares of the family members who wanted news of their loved ones.
"You're all over the news." The woman said as they went into the busy kitchen, half a dozen ladies were busy making tea and coffee and putting biscuits on plates.
"I am?" Ana asked confused, unsure what she meant by that.
"Helping everyone. You're an MP right?"
"Ana Steele, Chesham and Amersham." She replied.
"Yeah, they were showing some mobile footage of you helping people and stuff, they said you were an MP."
"Sorry I didn't catch your name." Ana said, being in such a daze, she didn't want to think about the media, they weren't important not like the victims and the families.
"Agnes." She smiled softly. "Come on, lets get you a coffee."
"I'd rather just help." Ana said her hand on her injured arm, it was causing her some bother now and she knew she just needed to throw some energy into helping again so she could put her own needs to one side.
"Ok, well as well as making tea and coffee we have lots of sleeping bags upstairs that are donated for homeless people but as it's getting late we should offer them to the families, they're not going to get any news for several hours." Agnes said sadly, she was clearly affected by the families she'd spent the evening supporting.
"That's a good idea." Ana agreed, some wouldn't get news for several days so they would need to rest up.
"But lets at least clean your feet up first?" Agnes suggested and Ana looked down at her bare bloody feet before giving Agnes a timid nod.
Ana allowed Agnes to sit her on a chair and she waited impatiently as Agnes fetched a bowl of water and some towels to wash Ana's feet.
"I'll do it." Agnes said as Ana bent over to take care of herself and that was the only sign Ana needed that someone was now going to take care of her so she could let go a little.
Agnes didn't speak, there was no point as it was unlikely that Ana would hear her anyway as she was crying softly, her little shoulders shaking as quiet sobs engulfed her. She couldn't imagine what the young woman had been through and so she didn't push her or question her, instead, having seen how much Ana had helped the people on the street on the TV she felt it only right take care of Ana's feet for her as Jesus had done for his disciples, a form of 'do unto others'. Ana had helped so many, taken care of so many, it was only right someone now took care of her.
She found fragments of glass and stone embedded in Ana's soles and as Agnes did what she could to pull them out Ana seemed oblivious to any pain they caused her. She dried Ana's feet gently with a towel and when she put Ana's feet back on the floor Ana smiled grateful yet defeated and wiped the tear tracks off her cheeks, unaware she was spreading the dirt and blood around her face.
"Thank you." Ana said softly, grateful to the older lady for her act of kindness.
"It's the least I could do." Agnes smiled. "Now let me get rid of this and we'll sort the sleeping bags." Ana smiled and nodded grateful to be able to get back to doing something because she knew if she stopped she'd fall apart.
Agnes led the way and Ana was shown dozens of sleeping bags and mats that would help these families get some sleep, though she knew it was unlikely any of them would sleep at all. They handed them out, the families tried to ask her questions, but she didn't have any answers. All she could do was reassure them that they would know soon. Even though she knew that was a lie too, the bodies wouldn't be moved for several hours and then the job of identifying them started. It was going to be an anxious few days for some of these people waiting for news.
By the early hours of the morning, many of the people in the church hall were sleeping or at least pretending too. Ana knew she needed to go over to the other church and see the walking wounded and make sure they were being taken care of too. She bid farewell to the ladies who had been taking care of the families and made her way out to the cold crisp September air. She took a deep breath but then choked, it was still thick and suffocating. She shook her head and tried to regain her composure. Focusing on the walking wounded she started to walk, her mind was racing, she'd barely been able to think other than about other people. She had a considerable amount of injuries, but the more she thought of other people the less they seemed to hurt. Her feet were burning too, the lack of shoes meant she'd hurt them too, but she hadn't really noticed only when Agnes had taken care of them. At some point in all of this though she'd stopped feeling anything of significance. She looked like the walking dead, not that she realised that. Her clothes no longer blue and white but shades of red, a mixture of her own blood and the blood of the victims she'd helped. They were ripped too; the blast having sent debris towards her and she knew eventually she'd need to be checked over, she may have been injured more than she was willing to accept.
The truth was she knew she was being fuelled by her adrenaline, and somehow or other it was still pumping in her veins. She knew this feeling, but in a very different context, it was subspace in a non-sexual sense. Or maybe it was what Christian called Dom-space, the way he would become powerful and lose sense of himself a little. He would be aggressive in that, not enough to hurt her but she'd always safe word when she realised he was in that place because of the risk. It had only happened a couple of times where she had pushed her limits. He'd always described it as an energy that pumped through him, pushing him to be harder and faster. That's what Ana was feeling now, rather than blissfully unaware she was fully aware but pushing harder and faster with an energy she had but didn't know where it had come from.
Arriving at the second church she went in, this was slightly more sedate than the other church and she could see nurses treating some of the injured. Ana walked towards the back where she figured the kitchen would be. Just like in the other church a group of people were hard at work making tea and coffee. Here they were also cooking something, the smell filling Ana's nostrils and for the first time in hours, she smelt something other than blood.
"Oh, my dear, let's get you cleaned up and seen to." One woman said clutching at Ana's elbow gently, ready to help her and see to her.
"No, I'm fine." Ana said shaking her head. "Please." She insisted desperately, she knew the moment she'd stop she'd break. She couldn't break, not now.
"But you're covered in blood, let us find you some clothes… and your shoes, you have no shoes!" She said hurriedly, she was extremely concerned about the injuries that Ana had though, there was too much blood for it to all be hers.
"Honestly, I'm fine." Ana said, she didn't want to change, she didn't want to stop. "Can I help?" Ana asked, hoping they wouldn't turn her away.
"Of course you can dear, here butter the bread." One old lady said making room for her by the counter. She could obviously sense Ana's reluctance to take care of herself in any way right now. Grateful for something else to do Ana went to the sink to wash her hands.
Bile rose in her throat as she watched the water turn red, there was just so much of it coming off her hands into the sink. She squeezed her eyes shut after putting some soap on her hands and she quickly washed them as hard as she could to get rid of the dirt and dried blood that had stuck to her. It sickened her to know she had the blood of multiple victims, people who had been cruelly injured for no apparent reason all over her and while she could wash away the blood, she knew she'd never wash away the memories.
Once she was sure they were clean she went to get to work. She buttered the bread quietly, not worrying at all about the conversation floating around her. The cooking had been the smell of soup being made, this church also functioned as a foodbank and had their own vegetable garden so one of the ladies had started making a homemade tomato soup out of all the tins of tomatoes they had and some fresh herbs from the garden.
Ana was glad to be able to help hand the food out, it didn't matter that it was close to morning, most of the people here hadn't eaten in hours. The chaos had passed now, people were snoozing, eating, chatting almost as if nothing had happened. Ana realised like she was, most of the people here were still caught in a daze.
"Has anyone taken names?" Ana asked turning to June who she was helping to give out mugs of soup and pieces of bread.
"No." June replied. "I know the police would normally do that but we've not seen anyone. I expect its chaos out there with the Emirates and Chapel Market going off. I suspect someone will be by soon or maybe we could do it. I don't know."
"Anywhere I can get some paper and a pen from?" She asked again taking control of the situation and June signalled a door with her head.
Ana handed the bread over to one of the other volunteers, she knew that they needed names of all those victims that were in there that they could then let the families know where these people were. That would be one way of reuniting people. She found herself in a quiet office space and took a moment to catch her breath. Tears stung at her eyes, but she shook her head, no she was not going to cry now, there was still so much to be done.
She found some paper, a clipboard and a pen and made her way back into the large hall. Starting with the person nearest to her and working in a clockwork manner she took the names of all the victims and any loved ones that they had been with at the market but who had not shown up at the hall. She knew these names would either be the severely injured or the dead. The last name on the piece of paper was her own, just in case, someone showed up at the church where the families were looking for her, though she didn't know if Christian or her parents would even be able to get near to them. They likely would have stopped all the trains during a terror incident. Though she had no confirmation that it was a terror incident yet, it was unlikely to be anything else.
After getting all the names she accepted a piece of bread just to keep her going before she decided to make her way back to the family church to see if she could start reuniting some of the families. When she stepped out she was dazed to find the sun rising and for a moment the light blinded her. Then she was deafened by the screams of the world's media who had tracked down where the victims had been taken and were waiting for an exclusive. Of course, so many of them recognised Ana too and called her name loudly trying to get her to give them a statement. Cameras clicked, flashes dazzled her. She blinked and shook her head trying to focus as microphones were thrust at her. She had no expected to walk out into this. Her arm went up to protect her eyes.
"Ana how are you feeling? Are you inured?" One voice came across a bit clearer than the others to Ana.
"I'm fine." Ana shouted back, trying not to get too overwhelmed by the shouts that were so loud she could barely hear herself think. She squinted and pulled away from the crowd that were all vying for her attention. It was frightening. They were a pack of hyenas and she was a piece of meat.
"Ana you stayed to help people, how many did you find dead?" Another shouted.
"I don't know. I didn't count." Ana replied automatically, that was a disgusting question in her mind, but she was just answering in her panic.
"Ana, they're saying that it's a terrorist incident are you aware of the bombs that went off at the Emirates?"
"Yes, the police made me aware." Ana said she was desperately searching for a way to get away from the press so she could make her way to the other church to see the families. Her head whipped from side to side looking for an opening that would allow her to run free from them.
She was suddenly and violently pulled back and before she could even think about what was going on she was being dragged away.
"Get off me!" She screamed tugging at her arm, ignoring the hissing pain in her bicep.
"I've got her. I'm taking her to the safe house now." He called into the walkie-talkie in his hand before clipping it to his belt. He'd been searching for Ana for a couple of hours and now he had her it was his job to get her to safety.
Ana knew that voice, it was Jason Taylor! Before she could ask him what he was doing there she was scooped up onto his shoulder. She kicked and punched at him, instinct kicking in, she wanted him to put her down but he ignored her protests, he had a job to do and he was doing it.