Chapter Sixty-Four: Lily's Meltdown

Sirius didn't think the weekend could get any worse, what with the new rules and Remus still avoiding him, and Patricia telling them she couldn't train them anymore until next year. Then Remus disappeared. It wasn't the 20th it was only the 18th and Remus disappeared!

"What exactly happened Peter?" He asked Pettigrew angrily, the boy having dragged Remus to Madam Pomfrey earlier that day convinced he'd been poisoned because Peter had a stomach ache.

"When I got there Madam Pomfrey checked me out. She said I was fine only before we left she asked for a moment alone with Remus. It was only a moment and then we walked back. He seemed fine I swear! Remus was a bit tired looking and maybe a bit paler than usual but he seemed fine."

"How is it they are still letting him visit his mother even with everything going on? With all those rules you think they'd make him wait a mere two weeks before seeing her." James concluded pacing back in forth in the dorm as Sirius interrogated Peter for the third time.

"We're missing something. We have to be missing something. Peter, you must know more, think, really think."

"I'm trying Sirius but that's all that happened."

"It can't be." He shouted extremely frustrated. He shrugged off James' hand on his shoulder and joined him pacing around. It was eight-thirty, Remus should have returned thirty minutes ago like he often did after studying but he hadn't. It's not like he had just forgotten an earlier curfew either. They had gone looking for him and couldn't find him anywhere and had to retreat to their room in defeat. Sirius was so mad at him! Yeah, maybe they would try to stop him if he tried to see his mother but Remus could have at least left them a letter explaining where he bloody went.

"Maybe his mum doesn't have two weeks," James concluded in a small voice and Sirius stopped pacing in front of the window. He tried to focus on what was the blurry outline of the full moon through his tears and quickly wiped his cheeks as the tears fell.

"She can't die. He's already been through so much. His mum can't die that's not fair."

"Neither is all the people being killed by Voldemort."

"Why are you bringing that up?" He asked James angrily finally gaining control of his watery eyes.

"I'm just saying…..the world we live in isn't fair."

"Well, it should be!" He snapped turning around to gaze angrily at James who looked uncomfortable with his own suggestion about Remus' mom.

"I agree. But...well we need to consider the possibility. I mean it makes sense. Why he hasn't said anything each time he goes back, why he's always so sick and upset afterward." Sirius hated that it did make sense, an awful lot of sense. It would explain why Remus said nothing, even now. He tried to imagine how he'd feel if he actually liked his mother. When that didn't work he thought about if he lived with his Uncle Alphard and if he was really close to dying. He realized he wouldn't want to talk about it either, not even with his closest mates.

"Well ...if…..she does. He knows we'll be there for him right?" Peter asked uncertainly still looking a little on edge as if he expected Sirius might yell at him again.

"We'll damn well make sure he does," James said somberly. They all tried to play a game of Gobstones since they just couldn't think about this anymore but they ended up studying or pretending to study by themselves instead.

Sirius for one couldn't get any of it done the new realization that this might be the last time Remus might see his mom making him feel terrible. During their fight, Remus had said "if you keep digging we won't be friends I can guarantee it" which was still confusing to Sirius.

Surely Remus didn't think if his mother died they'd stop being friends with him? But Sirius remembered the way Remus' uncle had written such terrible stuff and he couldn't help but wonder if Remus believed what his uncle said about him.

Maybe his uncle had convinced Remus that once his mom died his dad would leave or something and then he'd be an orphan and maybe then that would mean no one would want to be his friend? It seemed ludicrous but Sirius had no better idea. He finally was able to fall asleep after deciding when Remus got back he'd have to show him just how good of a friend he could be, they would all have to.

…

The next day meant finishing up their defense against the dark arts class. Professor Blatvnik was in a mood and they were all grateful this was their last class and that they had all already finished their exams. Their Professor seemed so angry that Sirius was convinced if their practical exam had been today and not nearly a week ago, that their Professor would have hexed someone into next week.

Instead, they spent the last class listening to Professor Blatvnik go on about everyone's exam scores and how terrible they were. He insulted them all on technique and nearly made Lily cry when he told her she ought to spend less time with her nose in a book and more time practicing things so she didn't wind up dead. When he finally had enough of that he went on and on about how dangerous dark creatures were. Normally Sirius would have been paying attention, especially as he went on about detecting creatures like werewolves in human form, but he was much too busy whispering to James about what a heartless person their professor was.

He had gotten a much lower mark on his exam than he felt he should and James was just as sore about his mark. It seemed, in fact, no one but Lily was listening to their Professor everyone preferring to mutter to themselves or their friends how unfair of a grader he was as they looked over his mean comments he left on each and every one of their written exams. It didn't look like Lily was any happier though even if she was scribbling everything their Professor said down furiously.

"Mr. Potter, Mr. Black you of all people ought to be paying attention to this. Even students as dumb as you shouldn't be caught unaware if a monster attacks them." Lily's hand went straight up in the air, her eyes daggers.

"Yes, Miss Evan?."

"Professor I think it would be beneficial if you went over how to block curses again."

"Very well." Professor Blatvnik replied slowly after thinking it over for a while. Never had the whole class hated Lily more than they did at that moment. There was a loud collective groan but it didn't stop their Professor lining them up and sending them hurling back into the wall whenever they failed.

After their particularly rough class ended, James who would normally avoid Lily went storming up to her.

"Thanks to you we're all sore as hell. WHY can't you just mind your own business, Lily."

"Well, it was better than the alternative Potter." She replied defensively. Sirius who had been complaining to James about their Professor's weird and rude comment walked over to catch up to him.

"No, it wasn't."

"Yes, it was. Listening to him go on and on like dark creatures don't have souls." Sirius gave her a weird look, she was getting awfully worked up about something their professor had been doing all year long. James also seemed baffled.

"So? They are monsters that don't have souls. I'd rather listen to the same stories over and over then have him send us flying into the wall over and over since we can't cast protego fast enough." He complained rubbing his arms to prove his point.

"You are the worst James Potter. You have no soul. I hate you I absolutely hate you!" She screamed livid, tears in her eyes. James seemed stunned but before he could react Lily was shouting the same spell at him their Professor had been using for the past fifteen minutes. James went flying back with a shout knocking over Peter who had been standing a bit behind him.

"Lily wait up," Dorcas shouted seemingly as surprised as all the other first-year Gryffindor's still in the hall.

"What was that about Dor?" Sirius asked her after shooting a glance behind him to make sure Peter and James were ok.

"I don't know. Personally I think she's just being a sore loser about not getting top marks in defense against the dark arts. But don't ever tell her I said that."

"I won't. Just try to keep her crazy from hurting my friends." He muttered to Dorcas who he had no problem with. She gave him a helpless shrug then rushed after Lily, who he had loads of problems with. He went over and helped Peter up.

"I thought she was nice." He pouted as Sirius helped him up James already on his feet thanks to Jeremiah's help.

"If you ask me, I bet it was her time of the month." Laughed Jeremiah Cattermole, he clearly expected James to find this amusing but instead, he was glaring daggers at him making him shrink away.

"Don't you dare make fun of her Cattermole you hear me?"

"Calm down James he was only joking." Gary attempted to defend his friend but James seemed too upset to care. Mostly the two different dorms stuck to themselves but it was no secret Jeremiah practically idolized James. Sirius almost felt bad for Jeremiah especially since James' defensiveness towards Lily didn't make any sense. But if he was being honest Jeremiah was annoying and Gary was a bit of a bore, so he said nothing as James told them to leave and they did, Jeremiah looking hurt.

"Come on mate it was just a joke." He sighed throwing an arm over James' shoulders feeling them sag as he let out a breath.

"Yeah, I know. It's just ...I don't know." Sirius wanted to point out this was further proof James fancied Lily but his friend had this earnest rather lost expression on his face so he let the matter be.

"At least defense against the dark arts is over. We don't have to see that grumpy possibly evil professor again." He said cheerfully. Sure, he really wanted to know if Professor Blatvnik was behind the poisonings but he had been more than a bit preoccupied with Remus lately.

"Yeah, I guess. I can't believe what low marks I got." That remark led to them complaining for the next hour about their defense professor and his class, then after lunch, they got to work.

They had decided, after discussing it a bit more than they should have needed to, to show Remus even if his mum died they'd be his friends. In order to do that step one was cheering Remus up when he came back from visiting her and at the same time showing what wonderful friends they were. It turned out that deciding how to help Remus and show him they were supportive friends was harder than they thought it would be.

After taking a break to study for Transfiguration which dissolved into an impromptu pillow fight they got back on track about deciding what to do. This led to a lot of arguing amongst them on just how best to do this. After yet another pillow fight, this one more violent, they moved their conversation down to the common room where they couldn't get distracted by beating each other with pillows.

Sirius was sure finding a new secret passage to show Remus was the best way to go while James wanted to take him flying because he said that was the best way to cheer anyone up. Peter was at a loss and kept saying they should just make him eat a bunch which didn't sound like a good idea to anyone.

"Now what are you lot doing?" Came the most annoying voice behind them, sounding exasperated.

"Evans leave us alone," James muttered angrily, still sore from being tossed across the hall, at the same time Peter quickly said.

"Trying to figure out how to help Remus." Sirius watched Lily closely, still trying to figure out how much she knew. She glanced out a window as if that's where the answer was then turned her eyes back to them, a very angry expression on her face.

"How on earth do you plan to do that?" She asked a hostile edge to her voice that definitely had not been there before. Sirius wondered what the bloody hell had gotten into her. James looked ready to throttle her held back by Peter who was grasping his arm for dear life.

"Where do you get off talking to us like that. He's our mate and we don't need a stupid girl's help figuring how to cheer him up." Lily still looked mad but something about what James said made her expression soften until she appeared more exasperated than flat out pissed with them.

"Suit yourself but just so you know Quidditch and secret passages aren't the answer." Then she left and as Sirius saw her look out the window again, he could have sworn she was close to tears.

"Something really is wrong with her."

"I know she's absolutely mental. Just batty!"

"Well sure but that's not what I meant." He explained as James finally tore his eyes off her retreating figure. Sirius was surprised when he saw her leave not to go upstairs but slipping out of the portrait by herself.

"What do you mean?" Asked Peter who seemed to have told Lily what they were doing for no other reason than to have her like him again. Sirius doubted Lily ever stopped liking him, or perhaps the better word was tolerating him. But he wasn't going to point out to Peter she had only been after James when she sent them both flying, not if he was going to be a little snitch.

"She was almost crying and now she went off all by herself in what will be in a few minutes breaking the rules." James' eyes widened and he turned around looking at the portrait hole which had already swung closed.

"She was crying?" He asked sounding worried. But Sirius waved him off deep in thought.

"Remember when she hinted she knew something."

"She was just being a know it all but shouldn't we go after her?"

"I reckon she actually knows something." It hurt his pride to admit this. The fact that Lily found out whatever it was about Remus first, he was quite sure would haunt him to the end of his days. But he was also concerned because Lily didn't go around crying for no reason. Whatever she knew about Remus made her close to tears, which was worrisome indeed.

"Sirius I said shouldn't we go after her?" James asked again. Sirius knew he only wanted to go after her due to his sense of chivalry but he agreed for a different reason. If he couldn't get Remus to tell him then he would just have to get Lily.

"Come on then."

"But it's ten minutes to eight."

"Don't be a wet blanket Peter come on." They all left quickly Liam shouting angrily after them that he'd assign them detention if they weren't back in ten minutes. Unfortunately, they had waited too long and had no idea which way to go to find Lily so they were forced to retreat after only a few minutes.

"Now what was the point of that?" Liam asked angrily as he walked over to them eyeing them as if he suspected they had dung bombs hidden under their cloaks.

"Just to irritate you Liam," Sirius replied with a cheeky grin. James grinned too.

"And to keep you on your toes, sir." He added with mock respect. Liam turned purple and was about to yell at them when Kingsley put a hand on his shoulder.

"Up to bed you three."

"But Kingsley we aren't confined to our rooms at eight just the common room," James whined and Sirius could have sworn he almost saw a smile on Kingsley's stoic face.

"You should have thought about that before you bad-mouthed one of your prefects." He replied smoothly. James opened his mouth to argue but Sirius jabbed his stomach, they couldn't backtalk Kingsey, no one backed talked Kingsley.

As they left for their dorm he heard Kingsley tell Liam that he couldn't let them rial him up so much and something about them looking for his reaction. Well, Sirius couldn't really deny the truth of that.

….