TRIGGER WARNING - self harm, mention of rape, past suicide attempt, drug and alcohol use

Amelia's POV

Hotch had sent the team home for the day, Kate and I were sharing a hotel room. I could see her watching me as I quickly grabbed my stuff and hurry into the bathroom, I knew she had seen the little white box in my hand that had blood stain on it. I watched her face and could tell she had become increasingly worried and I also knew she was on the other side of the door listening to make sure I was okay.

Kate's POV

45 minutes had passed, and I decided to check on Amelia

"Amelia are you alright?"

"Amelia open the door right now please" I was pounding on the door. I had seen the white box and the blood on it. I knew what she was doing in there but I didn't want to believe it.

Amelia's POV

I heard Kate pounding in the door, begging my to open it. I quickly snapped out of my daze and realised how deep the cuts were on my arm. There was no point trying to hide it from Kate anymore.

"just a second Kate."

I slowly opened the door and looked at Kate with tears streaming down my face.

"Amelia I was so worried about yo—oh Amelia why did you do this, what is going on, please talk to me?"

"I don't know Kate, I just got so overwhelmed and I once I started, I just kept going"

"ok, let me have a look at them and help you get cleaned up" I knew she cared and only wanted to help but I hated letting her see me so weak.

"why would you want to help me Kate, I'm disgusting."

"Amelia you are not disgusting, and we need to get those cuts looked at"

"NO, IM NOT GOING ANYWHERE, LEAVE ME ALONE"

"Amelia, take a breath, okay, we won't go anywhere then, but we do need medical supplies so we can stop the bleeding, okay"

"uh-uh okay, I'm sorry Kate"

Kate found a first aid kit and cleaned the cuts up on my arm. She helped me get changed into new clothes and we both got into bed and snuggled up to each other. I prepared myself for the conversation that was about to unfold because I knew she would want to talk about what just happened.

Kate and Amelia:

"Amelia, I know you probably don't want to talk about this but we need to have this conversation. So when did you start cutting?"

"it started when I was 11, everything got too much to handle and I felt like I had no control, so I started cutting and it gave me the control I needed. But after a while it stopped working, so I would cut deeper and that worked for a while. That went on for about 3 years but then I become severely depressed and suicidal. I started using drugs as another way to cope, I went on a massive spiral and I got raped. I was pregnant, but I was in such a bad place that I freaked out and attempted to kill myself. My parents abandoned me as when I started using, so the hospital put me in the psych ward to get better. I stayed clean for 10 years but about a year ago I started cutting again, I guess I just wanted to have control again"

"oh baby, I'm so sorry you went through that, but cutting yourself is not giving you control, it's an addiction and it controls you. I know you can't just stop, but I'm going to help you beat this addiction, okay."

"I want to stop Kate, I really do, but I can't, besides this is my problem and I'm just too fucked up to be helped"

"Amelia you are not fucked up, you have an addiction, I'm going to help you through this"

"okay"