Chapter Twelve

Ana stood in the mirror looking at herself. She had put on a plain black dress that fell to her knees, it was sleeveless with a boat neckline just allowing her silver day collar to be on show. She'd chosen this on purpose, it showed the injury on her arm and the cuts on her legs. Today, she was making her way to Westminster for PMQs, she was going to sit with the Shadow Cabinet as the Deputy Leader took on the Prime Minister knowing that the Islington Bombing would be the hot topic. This was the only way she felt like she could confront the Prime Minister and the Government's silence, by being there and glaring at her from across the floor. She'd pulled her hair back into a low ponytail, unable to put it up too much because of the injury on the back of her head but she wanted to show the angry cut on her forehead. She wanted the Prime Minister to have to see her injuries while she pretended this terrorist attack didn't happen.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Christian asked as he pinned a baby blue ribbon to Ana's chest, baby blue having become the colour chosen to represent Chapel Market. Ana didn't know or realise it was because baby blue had been the colour she had been wearing that fateful day.

"I need to." Ana sighed, she'd thought long and hard about it. "I owe it to John and Doug." Ana explained and Christian gave her a small nod, he wasn't going to argue against this even though he wished she didn't want to go. She was still healing physically, and emotionally she hadn't even started. He worried about her taking on too much too soon.

This was all taking such a toll on both of them. Christian didn't know if he was coming or going half the time, Ana was so on edge, scatty and not knowing what she wanted, and he just wanted to support her and be there for her. However, Ana was pushing him away at times, she didn't want him mollycoddling her, there were times when she was crying she didn't even want him in the same room as her and he couldn't quite handle that.

Of course, he had no choice but to respect her wishes. That's what he thought was best, giving her space when she asked for it and being there for her when she needed him and wanted him. Their relationship, for now, completely changed. Ana was in charge, whatever Ana wanted or needed he'd bend over backwards to make sure she had. It allowed them both to cope with the devastation they had faced.

Ana pulled on her trainers knowing there was no other pair of shoes she could put on with her still lightly bandaged feet and then she allowed Christian to carry her downstairs, she'd had to promise him that she would do minimal walking. He would take her into the House of Common's for morning prayers, helping her transfer from her wheelchair to the bench and then he would collect her, that was the deal.

"Morning guys." Kate said as they joined her in the kitchen, they were driving into London and as Ana needed to be there for morning prayers they had a very early start.

"Morning." Ana replied as Gail bought over the coffee and some toast.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Kate asked as Ana seemed to be in a bit of a world of her own. Like everyone, Kate didn't know how to take Ana right now and was walking on eggshells out of fear she'd make her upset.

"Hmm." Ana nodded. This was important to her. She knew that the others wouldn't understand but they just had to trust that this was what she needed to do today.

A couple of hours later and Christian wheeled a very nervous Ana into the Chamber, the handful of people in there putting in their prayer cards turned and stared at her. She kept her chin up, she had nothing to be embarrassed about. Ana wrote her name and slotted it in on the front bench. She would normally sit on the second row but she wouldn't be able to get up there today, plus she was a member of the Cabinet so she was allowed to sit on the front bench anyway and often did when Doug would be bringing up her portfolio in any way.

They went down to the House of Commons Stranger's dining room to grab a coffee, once again as Ana was wheeled in most of the eyes in the room turned to her. She took a deep breath and jutted her chin out, she would not appear ashamed or embarrassed.

"Hey Ana." Emma smiled as she approached the trio.

"I'll get the coffee." Kate said quietly leaving Christian and Ana with the Deputy Leader of the Labour Party.

"How are you?" Emma asked giving Ana a gentle hug.

Emma was an older woman, early fifties, with dyed honey blonde hair and piercing blue eyes. Ana had always got on well with her, she'd been very caring of Ana since she'd joined the party and like John saw her as future leader material who needed to be taught the ways of Socialism. She'd taken it upon herself to be Ana's teacher and guide and Ana adored her. They also had similar backgrounds which had helped Ana as she'd thought herself a hypocrite being a socialist from a privileged background.

"I didn't think we'd see you today." Emma said sinking into the chair next to the table Ana had been tucked under.

"I couldn't be anywhere else today." Ana replied sadly. "They're pretending it didn't happen Emma." She said tears glistening in her eyes, it was breaking her heart that the Government were behaving the way they were.

"Just to give you a heads up, all six of my questions is to try and get her to comment on it and there is an agreement among the entirety of the opposition that we will only ask her about Islington, nothing else today, we want her to acknowledge the victims."

"That sounds amazing." Ana said taking Emma's hand and giving it a grateful squeeze.

"Would you be ok if I was to refer to you being here?" Emma asked. "Just pointing out to her while they ignore what happened you're sitting right in front of them?"

"Yeah of course." Ana said, it wasn't like she could pretend that she wasn't there, and most eyes would be on her anyway.

"Ok, I just wanted to make sure you were ok with that." Emma smiled gently, she was such a thoughtful woman. "How are you doing?"

"I'm ok." Ana said quietly. "It's going to be a long road."

"I know, I was devastated to hear about John." Emma replied sadly. "And Doug."

"Doug will get there, he's strong." Ana replied, she had to have faith that Doug would soon be on the mend or it would destroy her.

"But you're ok?" Emma questioned.

"Physically I'll heal, most of the wounds are superficial. They're most concerned about my arm, hoping I'm not going to need a skin graft. Then emotionally… well nothing a lot of therapy won't help with." Ana tried to make light of the situation, but it was really difficult to do so.

"Everyone is calling you a hero." Emma said quietly. Ana rolled her eyes, she hated the title.

"I wasn't the only person helping." Ana said quietly. "There were others."

"Ana most people ran away, you stayed and helped." Emma said quietly. "People are calling for you to be on the next Honours list."

"Oh jeez, that's stupid." Ana sighed. "I didn't do anything spectacular, I just helped people who were hurt."

Emma gave her a gentle smile, everyone knew she'd done so much more than that and gone above and beyond what most other people did but she didn't want that kind of recognition. That was ok, if she didn't want it then she wouldn't pressurise her to accept the title of hero. Though, to many that's what she was.

Ana returned to the Chamber for morning prayers and then went back to the Stranger's dining room for some food before PMQ's. Many members from both sides of the House came to see how she was doing, asked her how she was feeling and how she was coping. Ana found that she was surrounded by love and it warmed her heart. However, she was also becoming increasingly angry at the Government's position who were ignoring this as thought it hadn't happened. The bottom line was it had happened, over a hundred people were dead, thousands of lives changed forever and yet to the Government, it hadn't happened.

When it finally became time for PMQs Ana was on edge. Christian wheeled her into the heaving chamber and it fell silent as all eyes turned to her. She closed her eyes, trying to ignore the stares but then members of her own party began to clap. She looked at them, they were standing and clapping. Clapping in the house was rare, it went against convention to have anyone clap in the House. Other opposition members began to clap too, and then The Speaker joined in and then eventually members of the Conservatives did too. It went on for what felt like forever and Ana didn't know if it made her want to laugh or cry, but as members of the Government started to file in the Speaker called for Order! and Christian was able to help a blushing Ana into her seat. He kissed her head before taking her wheelchair out of the room. Those sitting nearby gently tapped Ana on her back and shoulder, a show of solidarity with her on what would likely be the hardest PMQs of her career.

The Prime Minister walked in looking her usual stoic self. The anger bubbled inside Ana. It was obvious that the woman opposite her was sleeping just fine at night. Ana had to grind her teeth to prevent herself from screaming something at the PM. She badly wanted to. She wanted to confront the woman who owed it to the country to acknowledge the attack on Islington.

The question about the Prime Minister's business kicked off the session and Ana gulped as the Speaker called for the Deputy Leader of the Opposition to start with her questions.

"Mr Speaker, I'd like to start by offering our condolences to all the victims and the families of the victims of Islington. It has been a devastating attack on our country with the death toll now hitting over a hundred, the worst terrorist incident to have ever hit our country. We also mourn the loss of our friend John Flynn Member for Islington North and I know the House will join me in sending love and condolences to his wife Rhian and his two boys. Mr Speaker, it has been five days since the worst terrorist incident to hit our country occurred in Islington, the death toll is now at one hundred and five. Yet, this Government has been silent. Would the Prime Minister please take a moment to acknowledge the victims and their families and pay her respects to the hard-working first responders and members of the public who fought to save lives on that fateful day?" Emma sat down and Ana gulped as she watched the Prime Minister rise to her feet, gracefully like a swan, it was disgusting.

"This Government will not give rise to terrorism. Mr Speaker, we do not negotiate with terrorists, we don't give attention to terrorists. To continually go on and on about the events of September twenty-six does nothing but tell the wannabe terrorists of this country that they will be given the attention they're seeking in order to martyr themselves. To stand united against terror we must ignore the acts they commit, show them they can kill and maim but we will not allow them to be martyrs for their causes."

Ana's blood boiled, Elena kept her eyes on The Speaker, speaking directly to him rather than at the opposition like she normally would. Ana knew it was so that she couldn't see her. Ana's hands became fists on her knees as she fought against the rising tide of anger inside her.

"Emma Phillips!" The Speaker called as the Prime Minister sat down.

"Mr Speaker, acknowledging those who have died and were injured is not the same as acknowledging the act of terror. People died, people's lives were changed forever beyond our comprehension. This was a devastating attack on our country. We owe it to the victims and their families to acknowledge their pain. Mr Speaker, we are not asking the Government to acknowledge the individuals who are responsible for these heinous acts, who I might add are still out there. We are asking that the Prime Minister acknowledge the victims, one of whom is sat here today still recovering from her injuries." Ana twitched as she felt eyes on her again, she crossed her arms across her chest defensively.

"Prime Minister…" Ana couldn't help but notice this was the quietest Prime Minister's questions she'd ever witnessed. There was no jeering from either side, just mutters from the benches of either acknowledgement or disagreement. It was strange to Ana. Normally the benches would be so loud she would feel the need to put her hands over her ears, today she thought she could even hear a pin drop between the questions and answers.

"What we are trying to do Mr Speaker, is prevent more victims, by ignoring these acts of terror it will reduce the want of wannabe terrorists from acting on their thoughts, knowing that they will not get the attention they so deeply crave. This continued discussion about the event will see more and more terrorist incidents occuring in this country. The best thing we could all do, Mr Speaker, is keep our grief and condolences private so as not to aggravate more terrorists."

Ana's pulse raced, her palms were sweating, and she could feel the flush of anger rise through her body She couldn't believe this, she'd really thought that by now the Prime Minister would have given some kind of insincere apology to the victims but nothing. Even her own Cabinet was looking at each other nervously, shifting in their seats as though they were extremely uncomfortable.

"Mr Speaker, as well as ignoring the victims and their families, this Government have failed to acknowledge the emergency services and first responders who went out to help those injured. She also is failing to acknowledge the heroism of the Honourable Member for Chesham and Amersham who despite her own injuries fought for the lives of those who were injured, going above and beyond the call of duty to keep members of the public alive. Mr Speaker will the Prime Minister please acknowledge the hard work and dedication of those people who saved lives on the afternoon of September twenty-six?"

Ana wanted to bury her head in her hands, she didn't like that Emma had called her a hero. However, she tried to appear stoic as the Prime Minister once again rose to her feet, adjusting her navy jacket and squaring her shoulders back.

"We will not give acknowledgement to terrorists." She said before returning to her seat. Ana looked around at everyone who, like her, were surprised at the Prime Minister's response, nothing long and winded, just a sentence.

"I need to get out of here." Ana whispered to the Shadow Health Secretary sitting beside her. She felt like she was either going to scream or cry and she couldn't do either in the chamber.

"Come on, I'll help you." Timothy replied and with his help Ana rose to her feet. The House fell silent and Ana wanted to cry for drawing attention to herself but she needed to leave quickly. No one left their seat during PMQs and so her doing so was a statement, one she did not want to make. The House remained silent as she was led to the door, those standing at the end making room for her to walk through.

As soon as she stepped into the Member's corridor she gulped at air, she couldn't believe that had happened.

"How fucking dare she?" Ana spat as Timothy continued to hold her arm.

"I know." He replied. "She's lost it Ana, completely lost it."

Ana and Timothy walked through the corridor to the central lobby where Ana's eyes fell on the live broadcast point. Not really thinking it through she let go of Timothy and marched over to the BBC News Reporter who looked surprised at seeing her out early.

"We aren't live till after PMQs." The journalist said.

"Can you pre-record?" Ana asked, knowing she needed to do this before she bottled it.

"I'll find out." The journalist smiled before putting her finger to her ear piece, Ana knew the producers had heard her. "Ok."

Ana was placed next to the journalist and the lights were all turned on and the boom hung over Ana's head. She saw Christian and Kate coming towards them but thankfully they stopped just out of earshot, watching her. She needed to do this.

"Ok, I'm here with Ana Steele member for Chesham and Amersham who has been hailed a hero for her hard work in helping the victims on Chapel Market, how are you feeling after the horrifying events of September Twenty Six?" The journalist asked giving Ana the opening she needed.

"Like everyone involved, I'm healing. It's going to be a long road to recovery but like all those who have lived to tell the tale I will get there." Ana spoke low and slow, every word punctuated as she controlled herself the best she could. Her little fists were by her side, her knuckles white as she held back all the emotion that was bubbling away inside her. "What I cannot fathom, what I don't think anyone can fathom right now, is why the Prime Minister of this country wants to act as though this didn't happen." Ana's voice rose a little, her eyes glowed as she looked at the journalist, unable to look anywhere else out of fear she would explode. "It did happen." Ana said through gritted teeth. "I and many others across this country bear the scars of six bombs that blew up in Islington at the hands of terrorist. Over a hundred people are dead, their families will forever be scarred because of this horrific act of terrorism. Failing to acknowledge it doesn't make it go away, it doesn't mean that it didn't happen. No one is asking for the Prime Minister to congratulate the terrorists on a fantastic job…" Ana was hissing and spitting now, her anger getting the better of her.

"What we are asking, as victims, is that she acknowledges our pain and suffering. It's ok for her, in Number Ten locked away from the real world. I was there, I saw injuries that belong only in battlefields. I saw countless dead bodies, turned them over and looked at their faces, those faces will forever be burned in my mind." A tear slipped down Ana's cheek, but she quickly wiped it away as she was on fire now, she was confronting the Prime Minister on national TV and that made her feel powerful. "The Prime Minister will never know what it's like to see young people with limbs hanging off, she won't know what it's like to see burned and deformed faces and bodies that have been slashed by the contents of nail bombs. She hasn't got a clue what it's like to see the body of a little child, an innocent little child who did nothing wrong to anyone…" Ana's voice cracked and she struggled to hold herself upright, her emotions getting the better of her.

"She hasn't got a clue… she wants to ignore it all while we have to live with it forever…We won't stand quietly while she ignores our pain and suffering. We stand united against terrorism, we stand shoulder to shoulder as victims, as families of victims and as human beings. Something the Prime Minister clearly doesn't want to be. Her silence does nothing but fuel anger towards her and the Government while she ignores the deaths, including my friend and colleague John Flynn MP. How dare she?" Ana fell to her knees with a crash as the grief completely overtook her and Christian and Kate ran over. Ana finally broke. She'd become more and more erratic as she spoke and she'd finally crashed. There was nothing else she could say. This emotion had been building and building in her, the pain and devastation of what had happened finally being recognised by Ana as she had buried it for so long. It was just difficult that this was happening on the floor of the Central Lobby in the Palace of Westminster and not in the safety of their own home.

"Cut." Kate said firmly, letting the crew knew not to film anymore of this. Ana didn't need that, she deserved dignity in her hour of need and the lowering of the camera reassured Kate they respected that too.

"Come on let's get you home." Christian said pulling Ana into his arms. Kate took the wheelchair, they needed to get Ana out of there and to the comfort and safety of her own home.

"She won't even acknowledge it." Ana hiccupped as she buried her head into Christian's neck. "How dare she!"

Christian couldn't answer her as they took her down to meet Taylor in the Westminster parking garage. There were no words that he could say that would comfort her now, and truth was she needed to get this out before it destroyed her. She had buried it for days, kept herself calm and collected. Now was the time to let it out, to scream, to cry and to break so she could think about rebuilding her life again.

Ana sobbed the whole way home to Chesham. Christian could only hold her while the car moved, needing to let her cry. This was her grief and sorrow, which had been building and building. Once in the house Ana curled up on the couch and Christian popped a throw blanket over her shoulders and removed her shoes, she was visibly exhausted and some sleep would probably do her some good. Kate felt helpless as she slipped off to the kitchen where Gail was.

"I saw what happened on the news." Gail said quietly.

"It was heart-breaking." Kate replied. "She was just so broken."

"None of us can imagine what it's been like for her, what she saw out there." Gail continued. "The pictures she has in her head." Gail shivered subconsciously, it really was impossible for them to imagine.

"How bad is she being trashed?" Kate asked, knowing people could be so insensitive to other's grief and sorrow.

"She isn't, everyone is saying how incredible she is." Gail smiled gently. "The politicians they've interviewed and the news reporters all saying how brave she is and that it was nice to see the human reaction. They're still going on about the Prime Minister and the Government not saying anything, protests still going on."

"Yeah we saw them." Christian said as he walked into the room. "Ana's sleeping." He explained.

"I don't understand it, you'd think she'd have made a statement of some kind by now, even if just something small in PMQs." Kate sighed, she hated seeing how upset Ana had been especially knowing it was being fuelled by Elena Lincoln.

The three enjoyed a coffee and some sandwiches together while Ana slept, but they were disturbed by Kate's phone ringing.

"Hello?" She answered as Gail and Christian continued to eat. "Hmm, ok. Yes… no problem. Thanks for letting me know. I'll ask her… no ok. Bye."

"What is it?" Christian asked as he knew from Kate's expression it wasn't good.

"Douglas Hall has died." She said quietly. "They are asking if Ana will do a statement, media is apparently already gathering at the gate."

"I don't know if she'll be able to." Christian replied knowing that Ana was about to be devastated by this news and he wasn't sure if after this morning's breakdown she would be able to handle speaking to the media on top of getting the bad news. "I'll go and wake her, let her know what's happened. Gail would you make some coffee please."

Christian went through to the living room where Ana was sleeping on the couch. She looked so peaceful. The cut on her head the only visible sign of what she'd been through and now he knew he was about to disturb her to give her even more devastating news. He wasn't sure how much she'd be able to handle this.

"Ana, baby wake up." He shook her shoulder gently and her eyes fluttered open. He smiled softly, giving her a moment to come to before he'd have to hit her with the devastating news of another friend's death.

"Everything ok?" She asked, half yawning as she pushed herself to sitting.

Christian swallowed hard, his belly churned. He didn't want to be the person to have to tell Ana this but at the same time, he was glad to be the person who would be giving her the news, allowing him to support her through it.

"Ana." He said taking her hand in his own as he sat on the coffee table opposite her. "Douglas, passed away this afternoon." Ana's eyes sunk shut and a hand went to her mouth. She was visibly distraught at the news. Her breaths were shaky, her shoulders shook as the news sunk in. A frown marred her brows and she started to shake her head, no he couldn't be dead… "I'm so sorry Ana." Christian said giving her hand a squeeze.

"How?" Ana asked, desperately holding back her cries.

"I don't know. Kate spoke to someone. They…" He closed his mouth, he wasn't sure he wanted to tell her about the press gathering yet.

"What is it Christian?" Ana asked trying to compose herself, she would grieve but not right now, not at this moment.

"They wanted to know if you'd give a statement to the press. Apparently, they've started gathering outside our front gate."

"Uh… sure. Ok." Ana said as she stood up shakily. "Tell Kate I'll be with her in a moment, I just need to use the bathroom."

Ana hurried off, not giving Christian the opportunity to offer to carry her. She went upstairs and to the en-suite in hers and Christian's bedroom. As soon as the door shut behind her she sank to the floor and broke her heart, tears falling unashamedly down her cheeks. She was devastated. Her gut had been telling her that Douglas wasn't going to make it, but she'd put it down to the fact she had gone into catastrophic thinking as a consequence of the attack. But here she was, having had the news that Douglas had indeed died. It wasn't fair! Why did he have to die too? He'd made it out of Chapel Market alive, he'd been at the hospital! She'd seen him with her own eyes and his family had been so hopeful that he would make a recovery. There was no reason to believe that he wouldn't make it. She held her head in her hands as she sat, back against the bathroom door and wailed, her teeth on show, gritted together, her mouth downturned. She squeezed her eyes tight and wept.

When she was all cried out Ana used the toilet and washed her face. It didn't mask how much she'd cried though; her eyes and nose were red and her eyelashes wet. She didn't care though, she had every right to cry over the loss of another friend. She went downstairs and found Christian with Kate and Gail in the kitchen. Gail instantly passed Ana a coffee and she took a seat in the bay window on the conservatory furniture.

"Um, they've sent you a statement but say it's ok for you to tweak it." Kate said passing her phone over so that Ana could see it and read it herself.

"Ok." Ana said taking the phone in her hand so she could read the statement that had been sent for her.

Christian and Kate looked at each other uncomfortably, it was obvious the news had shaken Ana and neither was sure if she was strong enough to make a statement about it. Of course, she was Ana, she liked to think she was invincible at times.

"There's no rush Ana." Christian said quietly, he didn't want her to rush into this if she wasn't ready.

"I know." Ana nodded. "Just sooner the better." She sighed softly as she continued to read over the pre-prepared statement. It felt so distant, so cold. "Can I take this to the study?" Ana asked.

"Sure." Kate replied.

Ana disappeared again, this time going up to the study so she could re-write the statement and at least make it meaningful. It was obvious that the party were trying to cover all their bases with this statement, make sure it was from the party and obviously politicising the fact that Elena Lincoln wasn't making any kind of statement about the incident. However, Douglas Hall deserved so much more than that, his family deserved their heartfelt condolences.

A little over an hour later and Ana, Kate, Christian and Taylor drove down the winding driveway to the front gate. True enough members of the world media had gathered and on seeing the gates open and the car approach they took a step back allowing the car to turn around and face back up the drive before they all got out. Ana gave the reporters time to get themselves together as she stood with Christian by her side, her statement shaking in her hands.

She cleared her throat and flinched a little as the microphones were all thrust in her direction. Her eyes firmly on the piece of paper she took a cleansing breath.

"It is with the deepest sadness I can confirm the death of the Leader of the Labour Party Douglas Hall, Member of Parliament for Islington South and Finsbury North." Ana started, getting the official bit out of the way. "Douglas was injured in the bombing of Chapel Market on the Twenty-Sixth of September and succumbed to his injuries this afternoon. The Labour Party wish to send their love and condolences to his wife Shelly, son Maxwell and daughter Megan. Douglas was the most dedicated member of Parliament, he knew his constituency and his constituents well, he was there for all of them regardless of their political persuasion. He spent the last decade fighting hard against austerity measures and doing all he could to promote fairness and equality in our society. He will be sorely missed by everyone in the Labour party." Ana folded the piece of paper, that was the official bit done now she wanted to speak from her heart about a man who like John had taken her under his wing and helped her grow.

"Douglas was an incredible man." Ana said, her voice dropping a little as she struggled to get the words out. "He didn't care if you were rich or poor, black or white, old or young. He wanted society to be a place where every individual had the fair opportunity to thrive. He believed strongly in the fair distribution of wealth, public ownership of national services and social mobility. I hope that I and the Labour Party can continue in his footsteps…" A cry passed her lips as she choked on her tears. "…I want to send all my love to Shelly, Max and Megan. Thank you. Please allow us all some privacy at this time to grieve." Ana said and before any questions could be asked, she turned on her heels and with Kate and Christian's support returned to the car to make the drive up back to the house. The silence from the media was respectful as they left, the only noise was the heart-wrenching cry the past Ana's lips as she got into the car, giving away her devastation to all in earshot.