Harvey doesn't know how long he's been there, holding baby Cordelia.
At first, he was tense, afraid to do as much as breathing near his newborn daughter; but as time passed, he relaxed and he felt how miraculously that worked because the baby also relaxed her little body against his. He smiled looking down at his child; for the position he was holding her, he could not see much, but she'd definitely have Donna's nose. As for the lighted-shade of hair that covered her head, he could assume she'd be either blonde or redhead. Harvey silently prayed for a redhead.
He was so lost in his thoughts he didn't see the nurse as she approached. She gently touched his arm and told him it was time to put baby Cordelia back to the nursery. They talked about when he could go and visit the baby, and when he could take her home. For that, she didn't have an answer; it'd depend on her progress. The nurse took the baby from his arms and Harvey felt another part of him crack. He had lost his wife, and now he had to leave his baby behind.
Harvey went back to the room where Donna had been. She wasn't there anymore, even the sheets had been taken, and the only sign of her ever being there were her things separated in a corner of the room, alongside with the baby bag they had brought to the hospital. He was there, looking to the now-empty hospital bed where his wife had been not that long ago – hours perhaps? It definitely felt like minutes.
He knew he had to deal with all the bureaucracy and get things ready for the funeral, but he definitely couldn't do it. Should he wait for baby Cordelia to leave the hospital? He didn't seem to be able to do the funeral with her and didn't seem able to do it without her. Donna had been his compass for as long as he could remember and he was completely lost without her.
Harvey heard a knock on the door: Mike and Rachel. They went to the hospital as soon as they'd heard the news, and they had let Louis and the rest of the firm know, so they're on their way to Seattle as soon as possible.
He saw on Mike's and Rachel's face the same kind of pain he was feeling, so there was no need for words since there were no words in the world that'd comfort him. Because of that, they just hug.
The funeral took place while baby Cordelia was still at UCI. She was doing a lot better and should be able to go back home with Harvey in a few more days, and that was the only relief he had found.
Donna's parents were at the funeral, but none of them felt like giving their daughter a eulogy; they just didn't have enough strength to do so. Louis talked, and Mike talked, and of course, Rachel talked. They were all very emotional speeches, every one of them bringing a little bit of the amazing person Donna was, and what a shame it was for her to die so young and how they all missed her.
When Rachel, sobbing, finished her eulogy, Mike touched Harvey's arms, asking if he'd like to say a few words. Harvey didn't have a speech ready. He had tried to write his wife the eulogy she deserved, but all words seemed meaningless and empty. As much as he tried to put into words everything she meant to him, never was enough. He could only hope she'd felt how much he loved her in the nights they spent together, making love and talking nonstop and feeling her belly moving because Cordelia was kicking and spreading. With that image in his head, he stood up and positioned himself beside the coffin.
"You once told me you'd never had enough time with me, and the truth is I am the one who hasn't had enough time with you. I told you once that without you I am empty. But you gave me a little present that needs all the strength I have left and more, so I can raise her with all the love you'd have. Cordelia will always know how amazing her mother was." Harvey pauses, taking a deep breathing. He's trying hard not to cry because if he starts crying he'll never finish his speech. Another deep breath and he's as good to go as he'll ever be. "I love you, Donna. You are my everything, and you gave me everything. I promise you I'll do right by our girl."
Five years had passed since Donna had died. It was a mixed-feelings day for Harvey because it was also his daughter's birthday. He had left Cordelia with Mike and Rachel and their kid and went to the cemetery to visit his wife's grave. Alongside him, were a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of Macallan. He put the flowers over Donna's grave and poured two doses of the whiskey, drinking one and leaving one in the cold stone.
Then, as he had done too many times to count in the last five years, he sat down and started to tell her how well Cordelia's doing. As he had hoped, she had inherited Donna's red hair and her nose – and her strong personality and tendency to drama. She was learning to ride a bike, she loved to help him cook – yes, he had learned to cook several things and Cordelia was particularly fond of bear-shaped pancakes. She was as kind and amorous as Donna had been and would have wanted their daughter to be.
Cordelia said she'd study theatre and be an actress and make her mom proud of her. And she wanted a puppy she'd swear to God she'd take care and Harvey was sure he'd be the one doing all the care, but he was considering giving it to her anyway. Yes, he spoiled her too much and Donna would go crazy with him because of that. He just wished they could have been having this argument right now in real life, instead of in his head.
Note:
A/N: I'd like to say thanks to my friends and beta readers, Amanda, Jessica and Luiza, for all the support, the help and for pushing me to publish this. You girls are the best.