Harvey parks the car near the entrance of Cordelia's school, and the 12-year-old enters the car smiling, unable to hide her happiness.
"Daddy, Daddy, I got it! I'm playing Anne!" – she slams the door in her excitement, and Harvey rises an eyebrow to her. "Oops, I'm sorry."
He laughs at her enthusiasm and dismisses what happens with a wave of his hand.
"Congratulations, honey! I'm so proud of you. Tell me everything, how was the audition?"
Cordelia starts to narrate everything that had happened since she entered the audition room. She was extremely communicative, especially considering she was a teenager; in part, it was because Harvey had managed to establish a dialogue with his only daughter since she'd learned how to speak.
The year before, Cordelia had auditioned for the role of Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz at the school play; however, she had been selected to play the Cowardly Lion. Harvey expected her to be sad when she told him the news and, even though she was a bit frustrated, the conversation they had had that day before school had paid off, for she'd told him she was just happy to be on the play, in whatever capacity she'd been chosen for.
This year, the 7th grade was producing Anne of Green Gables, which was one of Cordelia's favorite books of all time. She was really excited about the project, and she'd asked Harvey to help her to prepare for the audition all the nights of the past two weeks. He's never been one for the theatre, but he'd eventually see Donna presentations, and he'd never missed any of Cordelia's.
"Dad," Cordelia says as she finishes the story about the audition, "I have something to tell you."
Harvey takes his eyes off the road for a second to look at his daughter's face. Her cheeks are slightly red, and she's looking down. "Okay," he replies calmly. "What happened?"
She picks up her backpack and starts to look for something in it. After a moment, she takes out the photo of Donna dressed as Portia that Harvey had shown her the previous year.
"I took Mom's photo out of your things," she almost whispers. "I'm sorry, it's just… it's the only picture of her dressed for a character in the theatre we have, and I thought it'd give me luck, I guess."
"It's okay, Cordelia, but why didn't you just ask me for the photo?"
"Because it sounded silly," she replies. "I mean, it's just an image, you know. But, somehow, it made me feel closer to her. Like she was in the room with me", Harvey looks at her again, and she shrugs. "I said it sounds silly."
Harvey doesn´t respond immediately. He drives for another block until he finds a parking space; then, he turns off the car and swings to his daughter.
"It doesn't sound silly at all. Don't we have pictures of her around the entire house?" he asks and, as Cordelia nods, he continues. "It helps me to feel like she's close, too," he confesses.
Cordelia's eyes are scintillating with the tears, and she concurs with her head, still looking down at her knees.
"I won't say you got the part because the photo has brought you lucky, given that you're incredibly talented," Harvey says slowly, still looking at Cordelia. "But maybe it was a contributing factor? That said, why don't we put this pic in a nice frame, and you can have it in your dressing room?"
"Really?" Cordelia asks thrilled. "Thanks, Dad, you're really the best."
Harvey smirks and turns on the car again. "I know."
It's her 13th birthday. Cordelia pays for the cab, say thanks to the driver, and jumps out. She looks at the big gates of the cemetery and feels goosebumps. It's not the first time she's been there, of course, but it's the first time she's alone. She'd often accompany Harvey to see Donna's grave, but never on her birthday. She knows her father goes there on that day because her birthday is also her mom's death anniversary. But he feels like he's somehow protecting his daughter to remember that when he doesn't allow her to tag along. Like she could ever forget.
With a deep breath, she enters the gates and, with decided steps, moves towards Donna's grave. Cordelia then realizes she's always leaned on Harvey to know where they are going and hasn't paid much attention to the path, which causes her to take quite a while to find her way. "It's okay," she says to herself. "Next time, it'll be better."
When she arrives at the grave, she sees Rachel leaving and hides behind a stone. She doesn't want anyone to find she's there just yet. She'll tell her father when she's home, but not now.
Once Rachel is far away, Cordelia approaches Donna's tomb. It has two big sets of flowers – one her dad has brought for sure, and the one Rachel's just left. She sits in the grass in front of the grave and looks at the inscription in the stone. 'Donna Paulsen-Specter, beloved mother and wife'. She knew Harvey'd have preferred it to say much more, but he was a mess to make that kind of decisions back then, and, "in any case, there are not words enough in the world to describe the marvelous person she was", as he had said to her once.
"So…. Hey mom. It's me, Cordelia", she says out loud, biting her inferior lip. 'Duh', she thinks. Of course, her mom would know who she was. Cordelia wasn't sure how to start. She had never really had a conversation with Donna in there. When she'd visit with Harvey, she'd say just "I miss you, mommy" and put down the flowers and go a little further behind to watch Harvey actually talks to the grave as if Donna was there.
Harvey wouldn't take long, knowing Cordelia was waiting for him, but she knew he'd come alone at another opportunity to talk and discuss and whatever else his mind could provide to him. But of course, he knew Donna, so it was easy for him to figure out what her response would have been. All Cordelia has are a few videos (so she knows what Donna's voice sounds like); and the memories Harvey, Mike, and Rachel would share with her.
"I don't know if you know what I'm doing here? You're supposed to be in a better place and be watching over dad and me, so, if that's the case, I suppose you do? Anyway, it's my 13th birthday today. We're having a party at home – you know, just dad and Uncle Mike and Auntie Rachel and some of my school friends. It's going to be a sleepover party since it's Friday, so I'm kinda excited."
She smiles shyly, her years filling with water as she becomes closer to the reason she's there. "You know, Dad talks about you a lot. He really misses you. He's always telling me how you'd feel about this and that, and today is a really complicated day for him. I know he wants to be happy for me, but he's just so sad as well. He thinks he's getting better at hiding it, but it's there. I can still see it."
She wipes out a tear that's rolling down her face. It's harder than she thought it would be. More tears begin to fall, and she gives up the attempt to wipe them out. She sobs once, takes deep breathes to try and control her emotions. It's not working very well.
"I'm so, so sorry, Mommy. I never meant for all of this to happen. It's not fair that you're gone because I was born. It's not fair to you, nor Dad… and neither to me. But you know, you gave me the most amazing of fathers. He really is the best." She kisses her hand and puts it in the cold stone as if to give Donna a kiss. "I just miss you so much. I wish you were here."