It was nearing noon as I exited my cab and stepped onto the boardwalk of the Port of Barcelona. Shielding my eyes from the sun, I gazed at the many boats of varying sizes floating in the harbor. I would be spending the next several days on one of them, a yacht that my good friend Elladine had chartered for a trip to reunite myself and all of the other singles that had entered the villa of Love Island. Over a year had passed since the show ended, and despite our best efforts, most of us had not seen very much of each other since. Under any other circumstances, I would have been excited, but as I felt the knot tightening in my stomach, I was reminded that I would soon be confronted with a problem I had been trying desperately to ignore over the past few weeks-and I wasn't sure if I was prepared to face it just yet.

Taking a deep breath, I began walking along the dock, my suitcase bumping along behind me. The instructions for arrival had been somewhat vague, and I was beginning to wonder how I would ever find the yacht when I finally spotted a familiar face several yards away. As I came closer, she looked my way, her face instantly lighting up.

"Kate! You finally made it!"

Elladine ran over to meet me, wrapping me in a hug.

"Hey, you. I haven't seen you in ages!" I said.

"I can't believe how long it's been," she replied. "I feel bad actually. Things have been so busy!"

She begins going over the latest developments with her artwork and the new gallery when suddenly something slammed into my leg with enough force to nearly knock me over. I looked down and saw Kerry beaming up at me, her tail wagging furiously.

So he's here then.

I stooped down and put my arms around her, patting her soft chestnut brown fur.

"Hey, girl! How've you been?"

She continued to bounce around my legs excitedly. I looked back to Elladine, urging away the stinging sensation in my eyes.

Great. I've only seen his dog and I already feel like I'm going to pieces.

"Ciaran's already on board making sure everything is dog-proof. He asked if I could watch her in the meantime. It's so cute that he brought her along." She paused for a moment before adding, "I was a bit surprised the two of you arrived separately."

I stood up, nodding distractedly.

"Well...to be honest, things are a little bit weird between us at the moment."

Taken aback, she seemed to be struggling with what to say next when we were interrupted by Nicky's voice booming over what sounded like a PA system. The voice drifted over to us from a beautiful sparkling yacht nearby.

"Ladies and gentleman, please make your way aboard so we can begin our voyage!"

Elladine smiled awkwardly.

"Better hurry up then. We'll catch up properly once we're underway, yeah?"

"Of course," I said. I grabbed Kerry's leash and she fell into step alongside me. The three of us walkedup the gangway onto the yacht. Once on deck, I peered around and noticed everyone else seemed to be on board already.

"The gangs all here," Elladine said, announcing our arrival to the others. I was met with greetings and cheers from my fellow islanders. Though some time had passed, everyone looked just as I remembered as if we'd only left the villa yesterday.

"I'm just going to go find Nicky. I'll be right back."

As Elladine departed, I walked over to meet Miki, who was standing around with Bill.

"Kate! How are you doing?" Miki said, her small arms encircling my shoulders. I glanced over at Bill who gave me a wink. I'd heard they'd split not long after the show ended, but were still on good terms. I'd kept mostly in touch with Miki afterwards. The situation with Bill, on the other hand, had been a bit awkward. We'd been coupled up on the island from the start, and were rather close until Ciaran had shown up. Bill had been hurt, but eventually moved on and rekindled things with Miki. However, I'd always felt like things were never quite settled between us.

"What are you guys up to?"

"Just trying to give Bill some design tips for the house he's building with his family. I swear, he's hopeless."

"I've seen the posts. Looks like it's going well."

He smiled, one corner of his lips tugging upwards in that familiar way.

"It's shaping up quite nicely. The electric will be going in soon."

Miki's phone vibrated rather loudly drawing my attention, and again a few seconds later. It seemed to be buzzing again and again. Noticing my distraction, she slipped the phone out of her pocket to steal a glance at the screen.

"Sorry. Just notifications from my latest post. Everything has been blowing up since the show. Never a dull moment any more. I would shut it off but I'm waiting on a call from my agent." She swiped away what looked like a whole screen full of notifications, then put it away. "I saw your latest photo shoot by the way! You looked great!"

"Thanks! Things have been going great. I've been rather busy."

"How's Ciaran? I feel like I haven't even seen him yet."

I winced a little, not ready to field questions about him or our relationship. Forcing a smile, I replied, "He's around here somewhere."

My discomfort didn't go unnoticed. Bill seemed to be eyeing me curiously, and Miki's face fell slightly. Feeling extremely awkward, I excused myself, and began making the rounds with the others.

AJ, Camillo, and Lily stood nearby. I greeted each of them and we caught up on all the exciting things that had been going on in each other's lives. As I proceeded to cross the large deck, I encountered Harry, Yasmin, Tai, Iona, and Rafi. With each person I spoke to, I could feel myself growing more and more tense. Not only was I having to skillfully dodge questions about Ciaran, but the fact that I had not seen him yet was starting to get to me. Was he hiding from me?

After catching up with everyone outdoors, I walked inside to find Seb and Genevieve. Eventually, Nicky entered the room with Elladine in tow. Nicky and Seb began talking about their new podcast. I was finding it hard to pay attention, not for lack of interest, but for the growing sense of dread that was overtaking me. Taking this trip may have been a huge mistake. I'd hoped it would be a chance to relax and catch up with my old friends, but the gravity of the situation back home was overpowering everything else.

Unable to focus on the conversation any longer, I stood and stretched.

"I'm just going to go outside for a moment and get some fresh air."

"I'll come with you," Elladine said, rising to her feet. I nodded and she followed along behind me.

Back on deck, I searched for a secluded spot. I knew Elladine had been itching to find out what was going on with Ciaran and I since we were interrupted on the dock. I wasn't sure I wanted everyone else to know just yet, though I knew it was inevitable that they would find out. I found some empty loungers by the pool and sat down. We sat quietly for a moment, looking across the sparkling water.

"What's going on, Kate? You seem a bit off."

I sighed heavily, wondering where to begin.

"Ciaran and I had this huge fight. It actually started over something really silly, and before I knew it, the whole thing had blown way out of proportion. He left in the middle of the night and never came back."

Elladine's mouth fell open in shock.

"How long ago was that?"

"It's been three weeks."

"And this is the first time you'll be seeing him since the fight?"

I nodded solemnly.

"No wonder you are all out of sorts."

She reached across the space between our loungers and gave me a hug.

"Do you mind if I ask what the fight was about?"

"It was so stupid. We have some rather noisy neighbors. I'd asked Ciaran to speak with them about quieting down, but he always seems to make excuses not to approach them. Normally I would do the talking, but this has been becoming an issue with him-he never stands up for himself. I brought it up again one night over dinner. There was this massive storm raging outside, which seemed to be making things worse. The argument moved from his failure to confront the neighbors to any and everything else. All of a sudden, all kinds of issues were coming up, things that I never even knew he was bothered about. I think worst of all, he accused me of making him feel alone even when I was there with him. He finally just threw his hands up in the air and said he was leaving and implied he wouldn't be back that night. I never thought he would be gone for more than a night, but then he didn't show up the next day, or the day after. Then a whole week had passed, then two, now…"

"Not even so much as a phone call from him?"

I shook my head.

"It's so odd. Doesn't seem like him at all to act this way."

"No, it doesn't. I...I'm afraid I've really messed things up. What if we can't recover from this? What if he doesn't want to recover?"

Elladine placed a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sure that's not the case. Despite what arguments you've had, I've seen the two of you together and I know how much he loves you. There's no way he'd give up that easily."

"I thought so too at first. Now I'm not so sure."

We sat in contemplative silence for a moment. Elladine glanced back towards the lounge. It looked as if Nicky, Seb, and Genevieve had stopped conversing and were now observing them through the windows.

"I think we may have eavesdroppers soon. Look, if you need me at all, don't hesitate to come by my room at any time. If Nicky is around, I can always send him off for a while so we can chat."

"Thanks, Ell. I really appreciate that."

She gave me one last pat on the shoulder and stood up.

"Terrible timing for a vacation, but do try to have some fun. I know how stressed you must be, but just remember-you are your own woman. You're strong and confident...you're not defined by this relationship. Even if the worst were to happen, you will be okay."

As Elladine walked away to rejoin the others, it occurred to me that I still hadn't even been to my cabin. I supposed I should check that my luggage made it to the room. I made my way to the interior of the boat and through the hallways leading to the cabins. As I reached the door to the room that had been assigned to me, I could hear movement from within. I tried the handle and the door swung open. I froze in place when I saw him, a mixture of emotions flooding through me.

Ciaran stood by the bed, his bright green eyes locked with mine. At first he seemed unsure of himself, but eventually a small smile spread across his lips.

"Hey," he said softly.

I closed the door behind me, and leaned back against it. My legs suddenly felt like jelly.

"Hey," I managed to return. "I...didn't realize you would be in here."

"I suppose they would room us together. No one knew we were...having issues."

He looked at the floor, his face going a bit red, an endearing trait of his I'd grown to love.

"It's nice to see you again," he said. "You look great."

I shrugged.

"So do you. I've...I've really missed you."

He looked at me with great seriousness.

"I've missed you too."

The moment was interrupted by the intercom. Nicky was calling for everyone to come to the main deck for a safety brief.

"We should probably get going then," he said. He approached the door, stopping in front of me. His eyes met mine slowly. I felt a longing deep inside of me to grab hold of him and not let go. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but it seemed like he was running through some deep gamut of emotion as well.

"I don't suppose I could get a hug?" I asked.

He looked away, a glimpse of hurt evident on his face.

"I don't think I'm ready for that," he said.

Ouch.

The pain this caused me must have been clearly evident on my face. He brought his hand up, placing it gently on my arm.

"We need to talk-when we have more time."

I nodded, turning my gaze to the floor.

"Of course," I returned with a pained smile.

"I'm going to head up. You coming?"

"You go ahead. I'll catch up...I just need to change clothes."

As he left, I closed the door behind him and sighed heavily, resting my forehead against the cool wood panel.

"That could have gone better," I muttered to myself. I busied myself with getting dressed as I thought back to his words, how he'd looked at me. Everything seemed so final, as if he'd already made up his mind about us. He would barely even touch me, something I was definitely not used to. I gave myself one last look in the mirror before I left through the door. On the way to meet the others, I tried to picture myself as being happy like I had been before our fight. Maybe if I thought positive thoughts, the burgeoning sadness within myself wouldn't be so evident.