Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.

Challenges listed at the bottom.

Word Count: 2513

A Better Man (Than He'd Ever Dreamed)

Tony, Thor and Sam raced through the air. Tony was ahead, though not by much, Thor on his tail with the lightning boosting him through the sky.

"Man of Iron, you shall not best me," Thor intoned, and Tony laughed gleefully, because he hadn't actually fully 'opened up' the speed the suit could reach. There was no way would Thor catch him, never mind take over him.

Sam, bless his wings, was way behind, and Tony thought that he joined these races simply for the joy of flying since he could never actually hope to compete with either of the other two fliers.

Not really.

"I hate to interrupt your race," Steve said through the comms, and Tony groaned, because that tone meant there was a villain around and he didn't want to fight dammit. Couldn't the villains of New York take a goddamn break occasionally?

"What've we got, Cap?" he asked sullenly, already slowing himself for Thor and Sam to catch up.

"Unfortunately, Loki seems to be up to his old tricks, though he doesn't seem to be aiming for death. Just destruction. SHIELD seems to think he's baiting us, though for what remains unknown."

Tony sighed. "Wonderful."

…

Loki smirked as they came into view and Tony thought about turning around, he really did. The god of mischief smirking like that could only spell trouble for all involved, and he didn't really want any part of it if he was being honest.

"What's the plan, Cap?"

Tony listened as Steve outlined his plan, and got into place. While he didn't often stick to the plan Steve laid out, he always tried to at least begin well. There was no point raising the Super Soldier's blood pressure until absolutely necessary after all.

"We need to get him to talk, and while I loathe to put you in his path, Tony, you're usually the best at riling him up."

Tony snorted, because he could rile up the most patient person without too much effort. He was just that charming.

"Aye aye, Cap."

"Try and stay out of his range as much as possible," Steve warned. "While his current attacks seem to be relatively harmless, I really don't want to test that too much."

Tony flew closer, hovering in mid air a little above loki and as far back as he could and still be heard.

"Hey Loco, what brings you to our neck of the woods?"

"Man of Iron," Loki greeted solemnly. "I come bearing gifts for you and your comrades."

Tony blinked. "Not sure if we'll like you playing Santa, what with you being about as sane as a bag of cats on catnip. How about you take your holly jolly self back to Asgard?"

A flash of light came too fast for Tony to avoid it, and he cried out as his suit lost power. He could only watch as he fell as more flashes surrounded the rest of his team.

He didn't even have time to ask what the hell was going on before darkness beckoned and he knew no more.

…

Tony woke up feeling oddly good—perhaps too good since he could actually breathe and that hadn't been a thing for a good number of years.

He opened his eyes and blinked, because whoa, 20/20 vision. That wasn't normal either, even if he'd never admit that yes, he probably needed glasses.

"Um?"

A doctor came over as soon as he shifted on the bed.

"Captain, I'm glad you've woken up. How are you feeling?"

"Captain?"

"Captain Rogers. Do you know who you are?"

"Apart from not being Captain Rogers, you mean?" Tony asked. "Because I'm pretty sure I'm Tony Stark. Did you hit your head? Wait… did I hit my head?"

"Tony?"

"Well, being addressed by myself isn't something that happens every day," Tony admitted, looking at himself in the next bed along. "What the hell did Loki do to us?"

…

"Body-swap?" Tony asked, frowning. "Why? What's the point—wait, did the rest of the team swap too? I remember seeing them all enveloped in light too, just before I passed out."

Fury shook his head. "Not quite. Loki turned them into children."

Tony snorted, but Fury's lips didn't even twitch.

"Wait, really? Like… actually children?"

"Actual children," Fury confirmed. "Are you following this, Captain?"

Fury looked at Tony's body, and Steve just looked adorably baffled. "I am so confused. We're not even on the same book, never mind the same page. What do you mean, Loki changed the team into children? And how, I mean… why are me and Tony switched? I don't—"

"Don't strain yourself, Cap," Tony said, rolling his eyes. "I've never seen myself look so confused. It's Loki, don't try and make it make sense, it'll only give you a headache."

"Don't think I don't want to talk to you either; why the hell didn't you tell us you were injured?"

"Um? Did something happen to me—you—me… whatever, you know what I mean. Did something happen after I passed out?"

"No, but your chest—"

Ah, Tony got it now. "That's how my chest always feels, Cap. Don't know if you noticed, but I've got an arc-reactor buried in it. Tends to twinge a bit."

"Twinge?!"

Tony rolled his eyes and turned back to Fury, who was watching on with undisguised curiosity. "Well, have you figured out how to fix this shit?"

"Not yet, but we're working on it. Until then… well, the team are your responsibility, just as they were before this."

"I'm only a consultant," Tony said, shaking his head and putting his hands up.

It was Steve's turn to snort then, and when Tony looked at him, the traitor was smiling brightly.

"Did you know they call us Mom and Dad?" he asked, eyes twinkling. "Because they do. Let's face it, Tones, we're already their parents. Might as well do it for real?"

"I don't like children," Tony muttered."They're sticky and breakable. I'm not good at breakable, Cap, I tend to break breakable things."

Steve softened and he shook his head. "You fix things, Tones. We got this."

Turning to Fury, Steve asked, "Where are they?"

Fury looked between them and nodded. "Follow me, I'll take you too them and you can take them back to the tower. We'd prefer you all staying inside until we can fix this for obvious reasons, but I'm sure you'll all be more comfortable at home until we can fix it."

…

"This was a terrible idea," Tony grouced. He had Natasha on his hip, Clint handing off his leg, and Thor walking beside him, chattering non-stop as he'd been since they walked into the room the Toddler-Avengers had been kept in until he and Steve had woken up.

Steve was behind him, holding little Bruce's hand—and oh, that could be fun if the little guy got upset because a baby Hulk they absolutely did not need to be dealing with—on one side, and little Sam on the other.

"I'll make lunch," Steve said, glancing over the kids. "Can you keep them occupied while I make it?"

Tony shook his head. "Absolutely not. I'll make lunch, you deal with the sprogs."

"Tony… you can't cook."

"That… is true enough," Tony admitted. "But I can order take-out like a champ."

Steve rolled his eyes, and it was such a Tony thing to do that Tony couldn't but laugh.

"What… what happened?"

Bucky had stepped into the lounge, probably alerted to their return by JARVIS, and stopped dead, looking at them all like they'd suddenly grown wings, which actually, would be less weird.

"Oh, hey, Buck," Steve said, grinning at him. If anything, Bucky's eyes widened even further, because Tony categorically refused to call him Bucky.

Tony glared at Steve. "You fucking troll!"

"What—will someone explain?"

"Loki happened," Tony said, still scowling. "Steve and I body-swapped and the kids are… well. Kids."

"Huh."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Eloquent. Here," he handed Clint off to Bucky. "You can help me take care of the kids, since Captain boring over here isn't going to let me order take-out."

"I… really should learn to just stay in my room."

"Probably."

…

Babysitting wasn't wasn't going well, Tony decided.

Bruce wasn't looking very happy, and was it his imagination or did the little guy look a little green? Clint was full of pen, Natasha was crying because he'd ruined her picture, and Thor had decided he could still fly and proceeded to jump off the back of the couch and face planted on the floor.

Only Sam was playing quietly, apparently quite happy with the lego set JARVIS had led Tony to in his room. Apparently adult Sam also liked Lego.

Tony with a shrug, left Bucky to it and went into the kitchen to see what Steve was doing—just in time to see him take a running jump to try and reach something on one of the higher shelves.

He missed and with an 'oomph' ended up on his ass.

"If that bruises, I'll be pissed at you when I get my body back," Tony said, shaking his head. "You could have just asked."

He walked over and plucked the jar Steve had been reaching for from the shelf and put it on the counter.

"You… are unreasonably short," Steve huffed, pushing himself to his feet. "I'd forgotten what it was like to be short."

Tony snorted. "I'm not that short."

"You really are."

"You're an asshole. Is the food nearly ready? I think the kiddo's are gonna go into meltdown if we can't distract them with edible things soon. Like… I'm thinking they might mutiny and take over the tower or something."

"I'm almost done," Steve replied. "Though I think you might win on take-out for dinner."

Tony nodded. "Good, because I really want baby-back-ribs. Like a lot. I had some a few weeks ago and they were the best thing I've ever eaten."

"You ate a baby?" Bucky asked, aghast, as he stepped into the kitchen. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I didn't eat a baby!"

"Not even a nibble?" Steve asked, looking like butter wouldn't melt, which was the oddest expression for Tony to see on his own face.

"I hate all of you."

…

"You doing okay?"

Tony turned to see Steve stepping out onto the balcony. Tony continued rocking Natasha, who'd finally fallen asleep on his shoulder. Thanks to Steve's super-soldier body, his arms and back weren't destroyed by her weight.

"I'm… yeah, sure."

"Hey," Steve said, nudging Tony's arm. "You're doing everything you can. You were good with them this afternoon."

"I just… I've never been around children, really," Tony admitted. "I… they scare me a little, and if you ever tell anyone I admitted that, I'll deny it and call you a lying liar that lies."

Steve chuckled. "I won't tell anyone. But… they're all healthy and safe in the tower. We got them fed and mostly clean, and now they're all asleep. I think we did okay. We didn't kill them, right?"

"There are worse things than dying, Steve." Tony muttered. "Sorry. I… you know my relationship with Howard wasn't… great? I guess I always avoided children because what if I'm like him? Everyone says I am, and I just really don't wanna fuck up any kids like he did with me."

"You wouldn't," Steve said, shaking his head. He sounded so damn certain.

"How do you know that?"

Steve smiled softly. "You're a better man than Howard Stark could ever even pretend to be—and I knew him. People hear your name and they think of him because he played a big part in the war but… you're so much more than he could ever have dreamed of being, Tony."

"Uh."

"Too many compliments? I've noticed you go into overload if anyone says too many nice things at once. Just… believe me when I say that you surpass your father in every way, Tony."

Tony cursed Steve's body for letting his cheeks heat up in a blush that he would usually be able to suppress.

"Thanks, Steve."

"I, um. I guess I was hoping to talk to you about something," Steve added. "And I don't want you to feel obligated because I was nice to you."

Tony snorted. "Go on?"

"I wanted to ask you out on a date? Mostly because I've been wanting too for ages, but also because I guess watching you fall made me realise that waiting for things isn't always the right thing to do."

Tony blinked. "I… would really like to kiss you right now, but kissing my own face is weird… even for me. But, uh, I'd love to go on a date when we're, you know, not in each other's bodies again?"

Steve grinned. "Thank you."

…

Tony woke up to find himself wrapped up in Steve's blankets, his chest sore, and a fully grown Bruce sleeping against him.

He vaguely remembered waking in the night to little Bruce tugging at the blankets, eyes tearful after a nightmare. Not wanting to get up, Tony had tugged him up onto the bed and snuggled him back to sleep.

His shifting woke his science bro, and Bruce looked at him for a long moment before he murmured, "Oh thank god we're back to normal."

Tony couldn't do anything other than agree.

They got up and padded down the corridor to the lounge, to find the rest of the team already there.

Steve beamed at Tony and held out a mug.

"You're my favourite."

"Are you talking to me or the coffee."

Tony paused to take the mug and then glanced at Steve. "When in doubt, the answer is always both. Everyone okay?"

There were affirmations from the rest of the team, and Tony sunk down onto the sofa with a pleased smile.

"Good. Don't be turned into children again please; or at least warn me so I can have Pepper send me to Japan or somewhere equally far away."

Steve chuckled. "They weren't that bad."

Tony lifted his hand to show Steve a pen mark on his palm that hadn't come away despite his scrubbing. "Tell me that again when you're the one covered in Sharpie."

…

"I don't care how much 'good' it did, I'm not sending Loki a gift basket, Cap."

"I didn't say we should," Steve said, rolling his eyes fondly. "I'm just saying that we might never have gotten here without his tricks."

"Course we would—albeit with a lot more angst and possibly a team full of raging assassins and spies because we were being stupidly oblivious," Tony replied shrugging. He leant into Cap's side. "How about this, next time he shows up—because we both know it's a matter of when not if—I'll offer him that drink that I offered him at the battle of New York. He never did get to try my whisky."

Steve looked at him for a moment and then sighed, pressing a kiss to the top of Tony's head. "It's a good job I love you."

Written For:

Elizabeth's Empire: 17. Body Swap

Liza Loves. 're trying to reach the top shelf and I know you're short but please ask for help instead of climbing shelves/using books as stools/getting a running start.

Bex's Basement: 7. Write about racing

Lizzy's Loft: 12. "You're doing everything you can."

Film Festival: 26. "I didn't eat a baby!" / "Not even a nibble?"

Marvel Appreciation: 17. The Punisher 2: "There are worse things than dying, [Name]."

TV Spree: 7. Bodyswap

EnTitled: 11. Write about someone struggling to babysit

Treasure Hunting: Quiver of arrows: Falling

Auction: Day 7, Auction 4: "I am so confused. We're not even on the same book, never mind the same page."