It's been a week since the miscarriage and Ben and Miranda hadn't talked to each other since, their room filled with silence Miranda laying on the bed crying when she heard Ben walk in "umm, hey baby" he said she didn't say anything she looked at the clock on the nightstand to see it was 2:30am, she sat up grabbed a pillow and throw it at him
"get out" she cried
"what did I do" he asked
"Benjamin it is 2:30 in the morning where have you been huh" she yelled
"Miranda, look I'm not doing this with you tonight alright" he walked out, Miranda followed him to the kitchen
"What do you mean you're not doing this, this is the third time this week you came home late who is she Ben huh go head just let me the bitch name" she said still yelling
" first off calm your damn voice down, second there's no bitch and third how could you even think I would cheat on you" he yelled she started crying again
"Because it's been a week since the miscarriage and you haven't spoken to me, touch me and you look at me with hate and disgusted in your eyes"
"Miranda" he gave her an "are you serious" face
"No! I know that look Tucker gave it to me all the time I know it to well and I know you hate me for what happened to the baby, I know how bad you wanted one, I'm sorry okay Ben please I'm sorry for not being a good enough wife" she cried even harder, Ben had tears running down his face
" hey hey hey look at me, I don't hate you and I will never ever cheat on you, you hear me I love you too much, and you are a perfect wife do you understand me it just wasn't our time yet okay so don't ever think this was your fault ever" he said holding her head up by her chin she nodded and asked "do you still love me the same"
" I will always love you the same no matter what" he kissed her and hugged her.
The next morning Ben got up to see that Miranda wasn't in bed, he got up and looked around the house her car was there, but she wasn't, so he called her phone he got her voicemail, when she walked in the house Ben looked at the clock on the wall he saw it's been an hour since he got up, standing up off the sofa he watched her walk pass him and not say anything "where have you been Miranda" he said with a demanding voice, she didn't say anything and continued upstairs
" Miranda!"
"Ben please, I just went for a walk okay"
" how long have you been gone, because I've only been up for an hour" he said following her in their room
" baby, please with all the questions" she rolled her eyes
" Miranda"
"Ben drop it okay damn!" She said slamming the bathroom door.
It's been a month since the miscarriage and Ben and Miranda finally went back to work after being on leave for a few weeks, Miranda went back to work like nothing ever happened she walked around the hospital like she never left but inside she was going through so much she didn't tell anybody about how she was feeling or what she was feeling she just buried herself into work hoping it would take her mind off of losing her baby, but it didn't Ben realized that she had changed in many ways, he watched as she walked around at work but when they got home it was a whole different story he figured that she was going through depression, but he didn't want to admit that she was nor did he want to "beat it out of her", he wanted her to come to him when she was ready to admit something was wrong.
Back at home Miranda was laying in bed staring at closet doors with tears in her eyes, she felt the bed move as Ben got in he wrapped his arms around her and started to kiss her on her neck "Ben stop" she said pushing him away "baby, what's wrong" he asked he could hear that she was crying, she didn't say anything
"Miranda talk to me"
"You don't miss him" she asked still looking at the doors
"Miss him, Miranda baby miss wh- oh Miranda of course I miss him" he said finally catching on
"You don't act like it, it's been a month and you walk around here and at the hospital like you have the perfect life" she said turning around looking at him with tears rolling down her face, Ben looked at her as if she wasn't doing the same, but he didn't say anything he sighed
"Miranda I do miss him okay, I will always miss him and I don't want to sound harsh but baby I've been learning to move past that, I've been going to therapy to happy me that's why I'm acting normal" he said putting his hand on her face to wipe away her tears thoughts raced through her mind as to why he wanted to forget about their son did he really want kids or did he want kids but just not with her "Miranda" he said snapping her out of it she looked at him and got out of bed "where are you going" he asked
"I'm going to sleep in the guest room" she said turning off the light and closing the door he just let her walk out not wanting to get her more worked up, he wanted to give her space that he knew she needed.
Night after night Miranda slept in the guest bedroom sometimes Ben would walk past the door and would hear her crying he would try and open the door, but she always had it locked "Miranda" he called
"What"
"Umm can you unlock the door please"
"Why"
"Please, baby please just unlock it"
He stood at the door for a few minutes waiting for her, and she finally opened it, he looked down at her and smiled she was so beautiful he never cared how she looked, she would always and forever be beautiful in his eyes "Benjamin" she said bringing him back "what...what did you say" he asked
"I said what do you want" she walked to the bed and sat on the end of it, Ben walked in as well and closed the door behind him "well I wanted to see my beautiful wife, who I miss laying next to me so so much" he said smiling but it quickly went away when he saw her starting to cry "Miranda what's, what's wrong" he asked now standing in front of her
"I'm not beautiful look at me, I'm a failure I failed at my first marriage, I failed at giving you a child we both wanted, I'm failing at my job now, I'm a great surgeon and I can't even do my job the right way anymore, I'm failing at being a good wife to you what wife do you know that sleeps in their guest room and cry's themselves to sleep every night huh? See I'm a joke, I'm a failure, I'm not beautiful why does god hate me this much to put me through this huh, I did everything right, I prayed, I went to church, I gave my 10%, I did every damn thing I was supposed to do why does he hate me and why is he keeping me here through this I can't take it anymore" she said crying harder than before
"Miranda, he will never put more on you than you can bear and you know that, and baby you are not a failure okay you and Tucker didn't work out because he couldn't be a man that you needed in your corner, you are an amazing surgeon you just need some more time to yourself that's all and stop saying it's your fault about the baby I told you it just wasn't our time yet, and that just gives us more opportunities to try again lastly my wife is the most beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking woman I have ever seen and I would love if she saw herself that way too" he said looking into her eyes smiling "and never ask why god has you here this may be a little selfish but, he has you here for me and to show the world a badass woman named Miranda got damn Bailey" he laughed, she laughed a little before speaking "baby, what's wrong with me" she asked wiping her eyes "I don't know babe, but we are going to schedule you any appointment to see the therapist tomorrow okay?" He semi-asked finally sitting next to her
"I don't know about all of that" she said putting her head on his shoulder, he wrapped his arms around her and laid her back he got on top of her "yes you are going" he kissed her then got off the bed and headed for the door "wait, where are you going" she asked looking disappointed
"I thought you might want your space"
"I do but right now I just want you to hold me, please"
"anything you want babe" he said walking back to her, she got under the covers and held them up for him when he was in she climbed on him and was laying on his chest while stroked her hair after a while "Ben, please tell me everything is going to be okay and that I'm going to be okay" she said breaking the silence
"Everything will be okay and you will be okay" he said kissing her on the head, he went back stroking her hair until he heard her snoring a little he kissed her head again "god please let everything be okay and put us back to normal please" he whispered softly then falling asleep.
The next day at the hospital Miranda sat at the table in the cafeteria talking to Callie, her best friend when she got a message from Ben
"Your appointment is at 4"
Looking at the time she saw she had 10 minutes to get upstairs "hey girl, um I have to go" she said getting up
"dam already, what time is it" Callie asked looking at her watch "oh, I have to go to" she said getting up
Miranda made it upstairs on time, she was very nervous about this there's nothing wrong with you Miranda you just need sleep that's all yeah that's all you need is sleep she thought turning to walk away "Dr. Bailey" a man said peeking his head out the door "Damn" she whispered to herself she turned back around and walked into his office, they sat in his office for an hour in dead silence Miranda looked at him, he looked at her both of their eyes shot to the door when they heard a knock "hello" Ben said walking in "I know you can't tell me but I just came to see how everything is going"
"We're actually done right Dr. Brown" Miranda said
"Well technically yes but" without letting him finish Miranda rolled her eyes got up and left
"Miranda where are you-"
"Leave me a lone"
Ben stood in the door and watched her get on the elevator
"What happened doc" he asked
"Now Dr. Warren you know I can't tell you, but close the door" Ben did what he was told
"Now I'm only telling you this because of what you told me this morning and how concerned you are"
"Thank you and I do appreciate this" Ben said sitting in front of the man
"Now your wife, she's going to be a challenge, we sat here for an hour literally eye balling each other in silence, she knows something is wrong she's just going to take a while to admit it, so tonight give her these papers okay we're going to start off slow" Dr. Brown told Ben what Miranda should do with the sheets of paper. Later that night Miranda got out of the shower lotion and put on some shorts and one of Ben's big shirts she walked out of the bathroom "are you sleeping in the guest room tonight" he asked she was going to say yes but could tell he didn't want her to "no" she said walking to her side, she got in bed and Ben hugged her he missed her in the same bed so much "I love you, you know that" he said looking at her "I love you too" she smiled and kissed him
"Oh I almost forgot Dr. Brown gave me these" he said reaching for the papers and handing them to her
"Ben all these papers have the same words on them"
" I know, starting tomorrow he wants you to write down the date at the top of the paper a new sheet for a new day and circle all the words that describes what you are feeling at any moment and at the end of each day he wants you to drop off that sheet from that day okay he doesn't care if it's your day off or if he's not there drop off the papers okay" Ben said looking at her, she looked up from the papers and rolled her eyes
"Ben, honestly I see no point in me doing this" she said tossing the papers, and crossing her arms
" you see no point, Miranda you're going to go back there tomorrow and you're going to do every damn task the man gives you do you hear me" he said handing her the papers back, Miranda sucked her teeth and snatched the papers from him
"Good, now good night my love" he smiled and kissed her on the lips then the cheek
"Yeah, whatever" she said turning from him, he wrapped his arms around her and said "I love you Miranda Bailey"
"Mmmhmm"
"Miranda"
"I love you too Benjamin Warren"
"That's what I thought".
Walking up to the O.R. board Miranda saw that her name wasn't scheduled for anything that whole day, she was confused on why her name wasn't up there she walked to the chief of surgery's office and knocked on the door "come in" he said "why isn't my name on the O. R board today" she said loudly shutting the door standing in front of Richard Webber her mentor and C.O.S
"Well, good morning to you too Miranda"
"No! It's not a good morning why am I not on the board"
"Your therapist came and told me you needed time out of the O. R"
"And you just listened to him"
"Yup"
"So what am I supposed to then huh?"
"Paperwork"
"Paper-"
Miranda was so mad she didn't even finish her sentence, she just walked out she went to her locker and pulled out the papers from Dr. Brown and circle every word she felt with a yellow highlighter on the side of the paper she made a little line with the highlighter and labeled it morning, so she could keep it organized, after that she went straight to Dr. Brown's office "who the hell do you think you are letting Richard Webber to keep me out of the O. R" she said walking into his office
"Umm, Dr. Bailey I was expecting you, I see your husband told you what I did"
"My husband, my husband didn't tell me anything wait he knew about this" she asked
"Yes, I told him yesterday" Miranda didn't do anything but look at him then turned around and left, she was so mad right now it was ridiculous looking around for Ben she saw that he was in surgery I don't have shit to do might as well wait she thought, so she waited, an hour later she saw him walking out of an O. R getting closer to her, he saw she was mad as hell, so he quickly turned the other way and tried to speed walk down the hallway
"Benjamin Warren!" he quickly stopped and turned around so slow at this point he was scared for his life
"Yes my sweet loving beautiful wife"
"Follow me now" she said could just smack him right there, but she walked them to an on call room when she saw it was empty she closed and locked the door behind him, he moved quickly to the bed and waited for her to talk her back was to him
"Miranda?"
"Don't call my name, how could not tell me what Dr. Brown was going to do huh?"
"Shit, Miranda baby listen I forgot all about that part I'm so sorry baby" he said walking to her, she hit him on his chest as hard as she could "Ow Miranda, damn" he said rubbing his chest
"That's what you get" she pushed him out of the way, and she went to sit on the bed
"Baby, I'm sorry" he said giving her a fake pouting face which made her laugh "you know I hate you sometimes right"
"You love me all the time" he said sitting down on the bed and pulling her onto him
"Nope let me go, you think I'm going to let this slide, nope" she said getting off of him
"But, Miranda"
"No, I don't want to hear it, I have paperwork I need to do" she walked out of the room
"Man, dammit" he said laying on the bed
Miranda went to her locker and took out the sheets of papers and with a pink highlighter she circled the words she was feeling(the pink was her afternoon/evening color) she honestly wasn't feeling today at all, so she left work not telling anybody, it was 4:30 she was late to her appointment with Dr. Brown " where is she" Ben asked Dr. Brown
"I don't know, she never showed up"
"What"
"She never came" leaving out of the therapist office Ben tried to call Miranda she didn't answer, he called her more than 20 times, left 10 voicemails and almost 30 text messages asking her where she was no response, he went and checked the parking lot her spot was empty "where the hell could she have gone" he asked himself getting even more mad, he walked back in the hospital and asked the lady at the front desk if they saw Miranda leave out of the hospital, one lady told him she left about 2 hours ago. Walking down the hall he bumped into Callie "hey Ben you have seen Miranda" she asked
"No, she left 2 hours ago not telling nobody and she's not answering her phone or anything!" He yelled
"Hey calm down Ben wants going on" Callie said trying to calm him down
"I'm pretty sure Miranda is going through something, and she won't talk to anybody she skipped her session with the therapist and now she's gone"
"Well did you try calling your house" Callie asked "yes, no answer"
"Yell do you want to drive over there to just see if she's over there and just sleep or something"
"Please"
"Well come on" she told him rubbing his back
They got to Ben's house his car was there but hers wasn't, he got out and went inside he looked around she wasn't there he told Callie that he would drive his car back to the hospital, he prayed and hoped that Miranda was okay.
Night came and it was 11pm Ben was sitting on the couch mad as hell but prayed that Miranda would walk through the door, his prayer must have been answered because she heard a car door close and keys rattling it was Miranda, she walked through the door and tossed her keys on the key hook she looked at Ben and then walked into the kitchen
"Where the hell have you been, you had people out here worried about you, you had me worried about you, why would you leave and not tell anybody Miranda and why wasn't you answer your phone" he asked she sighed and walked pass him he tried to grab her arm, but she pulled away too fast
"Miranda"
"Oh my gosh, Ben what!"
"What is wrong with you?"
"Oh so now you care about how I feel"
"Baby, I've always cared about how you"
"That's a damn lie, you didn't care about how I would have feel when Brown told about what he was going to do, I'm not going back to those damn sessions" if I can't do surgery I'm not doing the sessions"
"Miranda, you need the session's babe"
"Says who!, you"
"No you by the way you're disappearing and not talking to people, locking yourself in a damn room and shutting people who care about you out!" He yelled
All she could do was turn around and stomp up the stairs, Ben sighed as he heard her slammed the door, in her room she sat on the bed and pulled out the sheet of paper and circled the words she felt with a blue highlighter while tears fell on the sheet "what is wrong with me" she whispered to herself as she heard a knock at the door "please just leave me alone" she said crying still
"It's me girl"
"Callie"
She opened the door
"What-how did you..."
"Ben called me and let me in"
"Is he still here" Miranda asked
"No, sweetie I'm sorry" Miranda started crying again walking into Callie's arms
"Hey, Miranda it's okay"
"No nothing is okay, I lost my baby and I'm slowly losing my husband" Callie walked her over to the bed
"Listen to me, you're not going to lose Ben okay he loves you too much to leave you, you just have to try and work with him on helping you"
"There's something wrong with me"
"We know sweetie, we know that's why we're trying to help okay"
"Okay" Callie sat on the end of the bed watching TV, Miranda cried herself to sleep a phone rang making Callie jump she quickly picked it up and walked out the room answering it "Hello"
"How is she" Ben asked
"She's sleeping, why are you calling its 3:30am?"
"I wanted to make sure she was ok"
"She's fine, you need to get some sleep and be ready for her tomorrow" Callie hanged up and walked back in the room to see Miranda sitting up crying "hey what's wrong"
"I don't know, Callie I can't do this anymore"
"Miranda listen to me, all these demons you got right now we are going to fight them okay you can't let them win you hear me" Miranda nodded she laid her head on Callie's shoulder until they both fell asleep.
Callie woke up to see Miranda wasn't there "Miranda" she called quickly getting out of the bed, Ben told her about Miranda just leaving out of nowhere and not saying anything "Miranda" she called again
"Callie I'm in the kitchen" Miranda answered Callie walked in the kitchen with her hand on her chest
"What's wrong?"
"Ben told me about you leaving without letting anybody know, you know people in your situation can't just do that it's dangerous"
" my situation?" Miranda asked looking at Callie like she was stupid
"Miranda you know what I mean stop it" they both stop talking when they heard the front door open walking out the kitchen they saw Ben, he looked directly at Miranda and just stared Miranda looked at him for a while then went back in the kitchen
"Just give her time, you know you have to let her come to you" Callie said
"Yeah, thanks for keeping an eye on her"
"Anytime, look I'm going to head out" Callie said, she went upstairs to get her things
"Miranda, call me if you need anything okay!" She yelled from the door
"Yeah okay!"
Ben shut the door behind Callie and walked into the kitchen "Hey" he said
"Hey...where'd you sleep last night?"
"Remember my cousin I told you about that lives like 20 minutes from here"
"Oh how was it"
"Hard, I couldn't sleep I was up all night thinking about you and I'm sorry for not telling you about what Dr. Brown was going to do I really sorry" Miranda got up from the chair and hugged him, he hugged her so tight he never wanted to let go
"I'm sorry for disappearing yesterday, I just needed so time to clear my head"
"I know and I'm sorry for overacting, you just scared me"
"I'm sorry" they stood there and just hugged. At Miranda's session she handed the paper she never turned in
"This is good" Dr. Brown said
"Even though you don't want to do this, you still did the work you want the help but then again you think you don't need it"
Miranda just looked at him
"So tell me what happen yesterday, why did you skip yesterday session and Ben told me about your leaving and not coming back it almost midnight" she rolled her eyes
"Miranda you have to talk"
"I don't have to do anything"
"Miranda I'm just trying to help you"
"I know what's wrong with me and I pretty sure you do to, so I don't know why we are here wasting each other's time"
"Okay, just tell me why do you leave without telling anybody" she sucked her teeth " I don't know"
"Miranda you do know, and if you want the help you need, you have to talk and tell the truth"
"I just need time to myself and think about things, I lost my baby and that hurts me so much I can't take being here anymore knowing that my baby isn't with me" she cried, the next day at her session she walked in to see Ben sitting on the couch "what are you doing here" she asked
"I paged him to be here" Brown said
Miranda scrunched up her face " I don't like where this is going" she sat down by Ben
"Okay, the only reason I have you here is so you can hear what she has to say" Dr. Brown said
"Wait hold a minute, you want me to tell him what I told you" Miranda asked
"Yes, we talked about this Miranda"
"I said one day not today" she said getting up about to walk out "Miranda, baby please sit back down please" Ben begged she sat back down, but she didn't say anything
"Miranda, I told you, you have to speak to him and tell him I can give you guys some space if you need it" Dr. Brown said
"Please" Ben said and with that they were in the room by themselves, Ben sat and waited for Miranda until she was ready to speak
"Miranda..."
"Ben, I can't take this anymore the hurt this hurts me so much losing my baby I can't take this pain I feel inside anymore" she said crying
"Miranda" he said softly "baby I just want you to talk to me, please when you're feeling like this please" he hugged her
Miranda finally told Ben what she was feeling.
A few months later*
Ben walked into the house "Miranda, love I'm home" he yelled she didn't answer "babe where are you" he said walking upstairs "MIRANDA!" he ran to her as she was laying on the floor he looked around and saw that she'd taken some type of pills
"911 what's your emergency"
"My wife, she took some type of pills you have to send help, please I don't know how much she took, please" Ben cried on the phone
"Okay sir calm down and tell me your name and address" Ben cried on the phone telling the lady his address than hanging up
"Please, baby why would you do this Miranda why!" He screamed still crying
At the hospital Ben paced back and forth praying to himself, praying that everything was going to be okay, praying that he got there on time "Benjamin" he heard a woman's voice it was Miranda's mother she had tears running down her face
"What happened" she said hugging him " I thought she was doing fine with the therapy sessions, what's going on"
" I don't know Mrs. Bailey we all thought the same I don't know why she would do this" he said crying again
"Ben" Richard called he quickly ran over to him
"How is she" Ben asked
"She's okay but I think you need to go talk to her, and we are keeping her on a 48 hours suicide watch okay" "okay"
"One person at a time" Richard said
Ben walked to the room and knocked on the door he opened it and saw Miranda laying in bed her back was turned from the door
"Miranda" hearing her name in his voice made her cry, she turned around slowly and when she looked at him, she sat up
"I'm sorry"
"No you don't have to be sorry" he said walking to her hugging her
" baby please tell me what's going on"
" I got scared and I panicked, I don't know if it's still alive..."
" What do you mean, what are you talking bout" a knock at the door cut them off it was Arizona
" hey guys I'm sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to tell you that everything looks great and the baby is fine" she smiled
"Baby, what baby" Ben asked
Arizona looked and Miranda and got that she wanted her to leave, so she left
"Miranda"
" Ben I'm sorry..."
"You're pregnant?"
"Yes" she whispered putting her head down
"And you tried to..."
"Yes"
"Why Miranda"
"I don't know" Ben got up and walked out the door
"Ben" she called for him, but he didn't come back
" Benjamin" Miranda's mother said, but he just walked past her, she saw something was wrong she ran to Miranda's room she saw that she was crying "Mandy"
"Mommy I think he left me" she cried "Mandy, my baby listen it's going to be okay" her mother said hugging her
"No mommy, I did something
bad I really didn't mean to I just panicked and got scared" she cried and told her mother what she tried to do, her mother prayed and told her that everything was going to be okay. Hours went by and Miranda wouldn't stop crying her mother tried everything to get her to stop but nothing worked "Mandy baby listen I'll be right back okay" her mother said, but she just laid there crying, her mother left and a few minutes later somebody walked in Miranda looked up to see it was Ben he looked so mad but hurt at the same time he stood by the door and watched her cry he closed it and got into the bed with her just held her not saying anything she slowly stopped crying
"I'm sor..."
"It's okay, Miranda I love you, you know that right"
" I thought you left me"
"Never in a million years you understand me"
"I love you too"
"We're gonna get through this together okay, I'm going to help you through this" he kissed her head
A year later*
Miranda and Ben had a beautiful boy named Miracle Dyson Warren, but they call him Benji, Miranda loved the name so much because she believed that he was her miracle and her second chance, Ben not so much he was too worried about people confusing his son for a girl but in time it has grown on him, Miranda was doing much better with her situation ever since Benji was born she slowly returned to her normal self and everything was perfect again.
~The End~