Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.

Word Count - 4670

slowly (but not too slowly)

Bucky pushed himself back into the corner of the room, his knees pulled up to his chest. His heart was pounding in his chest, and he couldn't seem to calm himself down.

This wasn't supposed to happen anymore; it wasn't supposed to be a thing now that the triggers were gone. He was supposed to be fine, but he wasn't.

He wasn't and he hated it.

Steve hadn't meant to upset him, he knew. There were still subjects that Bucky couldn't handle yet, clearly, but Steve wasn't to know that.

Even Bucky didn't know what would set him off, so how could Steve have any clue?

He'd have to apologise, but first, he had to try and stop himself from falling apart.

…

"Where's Barnes?" Tony asked, setting his cup beneath the spout of the coffeemaker.

Steve shrugged sadly, shaking his head. "I don't know. I uh, said something the other day and it… triggered him, I guess. I didn't realise, but—"

"Hey," Tony said. "He was a prisoner of war for over sixty years, Steve. That would leave anyone with a few unmentionables, but none of us can be expected to know what they'll be. Unfortunately, we're going to have to trigger them to find them."

"I know. I just… I guess I wish there was something I could do to help him. JARVIS said he's okay, holing up in his room while he gets past it I guess but… I just want to help him."

Tony nodded. "I get it, and I'm sure he knows that, Steve. Sometimes… sometimes, you've just gotta wait it out. He'll be back out when he's ready, and until then, J can keep an eye on him. What was it that triggered him?"

"Oh. I, uh, it was stupid. I mentioned his soulmark. I forgot that it had been on his left arm and—"

Tony winced. "That's gotta suck."

Steve nodded morosely. "Yeah. I can draw it for him, if or when he wants it, but it's not the same, is it?"

Tony twisted his lips. "Not entirely but… I could engrave it onto his arm without too much of an issue, if that's something he wants. Maybe when he's ready to talk about it, you could let him know that."

Steve's eyes widened and he nodded frantically. "I will, I'll tell him. Well. If he ever wants to talk about it that is."

Tony smiled and picked up his cup, patting Steve's arm on his way out of the kitchen. "You're a good friend, Cap. Just remember that and don't be too hard on yourself when something sets him off, okay?"

…

It took Bucky four days to come out of his room. He hated the relief he saw in Steve's eyes when he stepped into the kitchen, because he hated that he'd caused it to be necessary in the first place.

"Morning, Buck," Steve greeted brightly, smiling at him over his coffee.

Bucky grunted—he'd never been accused of being a morning person and no amount of years being brainwashed had changed that—and slumped against the breakfast bar as Steve poured him a cup of his own.

Steve handed him the cup and returned to his seat, flipping through the paper. Bucky watched him grimace occasionally at the news stories he didn't like, and his lips quirk up in a smile at the ones he did like.

A noise at the door caught his attention, and both super soldiers looked up to see Tony stumble in, looking half asleep.

"Steeeeve," he moaned. "Coffee?"

Steve snorted, but stood anyway, guiding Tony into a seat before he flicked on the coffee maker for a third time. Bucky could only watch on as Steve brought Tony coffee and then stroked a hand through his hair like it was the most natural thing to do.

Tony leant into the touch like it was.

…

Unsure if it was a good idea, but not wanting to lose his mind every time someone brought it up, Bucky tried to remember his soulmark. He knew it had been on his left arm, and he knew that it had been something that made him smile, but the actual mark was just out of reach.

Bucky leant against the window frame, looking out at the pouring rain.

Why was he remembering unimportant things, and yet he couldn't remember this? It was annoying, and frustrating and… well.

Was it really such a bad thing that after all these years, Bucky just wanted something positive in his life?

But then… what if his soulmate had died long ago? What if he remembered it and then found out that he'd missed his shot?

Was it really worth the pain?

He wasn't sure.

He saw the happiness and the… the stability that finding his soulmate had given Steve and he couldn't help but envy his best friend.

He wanted that.

…

There was a lot to be said for Tony Stark in a suit, Bucky thought, as the genius strolled into the lounge fully suited up in a tux, and hot damn, Bucky had to discreetly check that he wasn't actively drooling.

He heard Barton snort, and rolled his eyes. Of course he'd noticed; the asshole noticed everything.

Tony flopped down on Steve's knee and simultaneously through his sunglasses on the table.

"It was hideous," Tony said, when Steve opened his mouth to ask how the gala had been. "Utterly hideous."

He pulled a pair of— were those ladies knickers?—and showed them to the room.

"This level of hideous."

"Those are nice panties," Barton said, a shit eating grin on his face. Tony threw them at him.

"You can have them if you like them so much. The woman attached to them was the kind that doesn't like to take no for an answer. I'm going to be having nightmares for weeks."

"But did you, uh—"

"No, Steve. No I did not," Tony said, shaking his head firmly. "I attached myself to my Pepper-Pot and hid behind her in the most manfully way possible until she allowed me to escape."

Bucky looked down at his hands when Steve wrapped his arms tighter around Tony. He couldn't work out the relationship between the two of them and it was annoying him.

Steve already had Sam; did he really need Tony too?

…

"What's on your mind, Champ?" Sam asked, when Steve lay down with his head in Sam's lap, his eyes distant and thoughtful.

"Just… thinking about last night I guess. Tones got home from a Gala and I thought Buck was going to choke on his tongue, but… he was watching us with a really weird look in his eyes. I'm still not sure what to make of it."

"Maybe Buck has a bit of a crush on Tony?" Sam suggested, a playful smirk on his face. "And maybe he's jealous of the way Tony uses you as a glorified seat at least half of the time the two of you are in a room together."

Steve snorted. "Maybe? I don't know, Sam. I'm worried about him; he… I think he's lonely. What if he decides to never even look for his soulmate? What if he—"

"Hey," Sam interrupted softly. "It's going to take time, Steve, and if Bucky never wants to search for his soulmate, then that's his prerogative. It's not like he'll ever be truly alone, is it? He has all of us."

"Not the same thing, though, is it?"

"It's not, but… it's better than he had. He's been through a lot, you have to let him do this at his own pace, okay?"

"I know. I do know that, I'm sorry," Steve said, closing his eyes. "I just want him to be happy, like we are."

Sam chuckled softly. "Sap."

…

"Do you really have to do that right in front of his soulmate?" Bucky snapped. The room silenced around them, but he was too busy glaring at Tony to care at that moment. "Flirting with him is one thing when Sam isn't here, but to do it right in front of him? That's cold, Stark."

Tony blinked at him, and then frowned. "What are you talking about, Barnes?"

"You're all over him like a rash," Bucky said, gesturing to where Tony was leaning over Steve's shoulder to look at the story in the paper Steve had been telling him about. "A little decorum wouldn't go amiss, you know?"

"Buck—" Steve said, trying to intervene before it could get worse, but it was too late.

Tony shook his head and stepped back away from Steve. "I apologise for offending your delicate sensibilities, Barnes. Cap, I'll be in the lab if the end of the world arrives—try not to need me for anything less, yeah?"

He walked away, leaving Bucky feeling a little wrongfooted, especially when Steve sighed and rubbed his head and Sam crossed the room to hug him.

"He'll be alright," Sam murmured, quiet enough that only Bucky's enhanced hearing allowed him to hear it. "We can go and speak to him later, after he's had chance to settle a little."

Bucky frowned. "What's—"

"You need to remember that you're not the only with things you're working through, Buck," Steve said softly. "Tony… there are reasons why he is the way he is, and I assure you, if Sam had a problem with it—or if I did for that matter—we know how to talk to Tony, okay? Just… what you're seeing isn't what you think."

Steve left the table and the kitchen with his head down, and Sam grumbled as he cleaned up the table.

"Did I just fuck up?" Bucky asked him, a sinking feeling in his chest.

Sam just smiled sadly at him. "It'll be alright, don't worry too much."

Bucky wasn't comforted.

…

"You know I don't actually have any designs on Cap, right?"

Sam looked up to see Tony watching him with wary eyes. He rolled his own eyes and grinned.

"You know I don't mind, Tony. I never have, never will. There's enough of his super-soldier-iness to go around, right?"

Tony's lips quirked up in a small smile. "Super-soldier-iness?"

Sam nodded. "Yes. Look, I'm not trying to be nosy in your business, so don't think Steve is telling tales but… he's told me enough to know that I don't have to worry, and that your interest in his muscles is purely platonic."

Tony laughed then and nodded. "It is. Thanks, Sam."

"Of course. Now… I want to talk to you about something far more interesting."

"Oh?"

"Hmm. My wings are dragging slightly on the left side and—"

Tony's eyes lit up, and the two of them made their way down to his workshop.

…

"Honeybear!"

Bucky turned around to see Tony practically running towards the man that had just stepped from the elevator. The man—Honeybear, presumably—braced himself for the impact, and when Tony threw his arms around him, he lifted Tony in the air high enough for Tony to wrap his legs around his hips.

"Oh, hey, Rhodey's here," Sam said, walking into the kitchen. "Training is going to be fun today."

"Are you saying you don't have fun with me?" Steve asked, pouting ridiculously.

"Yes," Sam replied deadpan. "That's exactly what I'm saying."

Steve affected a shocked face and pressed a hand to his chest. "Wounded! I am wounded!"

Sam was still laughing when Tony was carried into the kitchen by his friend, who promptly sat down with the genius still wrapped around him.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" the man asked, nodding in Bucky's direction.

Tony rolled his eyes. "But you already know who he is! Oh my god, Sour Patch! Bucky Barnes, meet James Rhodes. Platypus, this is Bucky Barnes, which you already know."

Rhodes slapped the side of Tony's head, the movement so smooth and practiced that Bucky couldn't help but snort.

"Behave, you little brat."

"Yeah, yeah," Tony muttered, shifting on Rhodes' lap so that he was sideways. "Since I only have you for two days—which is nonsense and I am going to protest, Honeybear—look at these and tell me which ones you want."

He handed over his phone and leant on the table to reach over and snag an apple from the fruit bowl. Rhodey glanced at the phone and then put it down on the table.

"All of them."

"You didn't even look."

"I still want all of them."

"One day, I'm going to put a glittery paint-job into the mix and then when you okay it, you can't blame me for it," Tony threatened, shaking his head.

Oh. The name finally clicked in Bucky's mind, and he realised that this must be the War Machine pilot—Tony's best friend.

Tony's best friend, who he behaved with exactly as he did Steve and—Oh.

Well then.

…

"I've been thinking about it," Bucky told Steve, a few days after Rhodes' visit. "My soulmark. Still can't remember it but… I've been thinking about it."

Steve blinked and then his eyes lit up. "Yeah? I can, uh… well. I've drawn it up, if you want to see it?"

Bucky hesitated for a moment before he nodded. "I think I should. Maybe it'll… make me remember it for myself?"

Steve nodded and left the room, coming back a few moments later with his sketchbook under his arm. He sat down beside Bucky and opened the book in the middle, spreading it over both of their legs.

There on the page was a circle, made from half of a sun, and half of a snowflake. Bucky traced the page and then looked at Steve.

"It's more accurate than I'd have believed, isn't it?"

Steve smiled sadly. "They say that soulmarks don't prophesise but—"

"It's a snowflake, Steve. You and Sam literally share a bald eagle."

Nodding, Steve replied, "I know."

"So," Bucky said. "I'll be searching for my sunshine."

"You know, Tony said he can engrave this into the metal of your arm," Steve said softly. "You could have it back."

Bucky swallowed hard. "I'll think about it."

…

The scowl on Tony's face was enough to make Bucky avoid asking him if he was okay; the answer was very clear. The rest of the team seemed to agree too, because they were all giving him space, skirting around him in the living room so they didn't disturb him.

Well, they did until the rumble of thunder signalled Thor's arrival.

The God strode into the room from the balcony that Tony had fortified for his landings, throwing out greetings and scooping his teammates into hugs.

Tony ignored the boisterousness that always came with Thor and just hunched a little more over his tablet.

Bucky greeted the God with a smile, but kept his distance, still a little wary. He'd only met Thor twice, after all, given the way his time was split between Asgard, Jane and the Avengers.

Without care for the scowl on his face or the aura of 'do not approach' that was surrounding Tony, Thor scooped him from his seat, and sat down with the genius. He tugged the tablet away and put it carefully on the table.

"Man of Iron, you are sad," Thor said, stating a fact rather than asking a question.

Tony sighed. "I'm fine."

"You can lie to Midguardians, but not to me," Thor replied softly. "Tell me what ails you, Tony. A problem shared is—"

"It's never going to be halved for me, Thor," Tony interrupted, voice little more than a whisper. "That's the problem."

Thor seemed to understand, though Bucky didn't, and he wrapped himself tighter around Tony, pressing a kiss to his head. "You are not alone, my friend. Even should you never find the other half of your soul, you will always have a family of your heart."

"I know," Tony agreed softly. "I know, Thor, I'm just… having a day, I guess."

"And that is okay too," Thor said. "Now, is your work urgent, or can you indulge my wish for a delightful animated adventure… and perhaps some food? My Jane is wonderful, but science does not help her enjoy a regular eating schedule."

Tony laughed despite his bad mood and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, we can do that, Thunderpants."

…

"Have you ever met your soulmate?"

The question slipped out before Bucky could stop it, but Tony just wrinkled his nose and shook his head. "No. I uh, I looked, but… guess they didn't want to be found or… I mean. Anything could have happened. Time, location… it's always a possibility that we won't find each other, you know?"

Bucky nodded. "I know. I just… you deserve happiness, Tony. You really do."

Tony smiled softly. "I have happiness, Snowflake, don't you worry about me."

He wandered from the kitchen, leaving Bucky to blink after him.

Snowflake.

…

"Stevie said you could, uh, engrave my mark onto the metal?"

Tony looked up from what he was working on to smile and nod. "Of course. I… should be done here in about twenty minutes if you want me to do it today?"

"Oh." Bucky hadn't been expecting him to be able to do it so fast. "Uh. Sure? If you're sure you don't mind?"

"Of course I don't mind," Tony replied. "Do you have the design with you? JARVIS can scan it while I finish up here."

Bucky pulled the paper Steve had given him from his pocket and flattened it out for JARVIS to scan, smiling up at the camera. It was something both he and Steve did that always made Tony smile.

He sat himself on the sofa to wait, and was playing catch with DUM-E and a tennis ball when Tony stretched himself out.

"Alright, I'm ready when you are," Tony told him, nodding to the spare stool by the work table. "I'm going to have to disconnect the arm nerve receptors while I do it, otherwise it'll hurt like a bitch, okay?"

Bucky nodded. When Steve had convinced him to let Tony look at his arm, the off switch for the pain receptors had been the first thing Tony had added to the arm. Now the work was more Tony's than Hydra's, and his arm had never worked better - or been less painful.

"Did Steve say where it had been?" Tony asked, flicking the small switch.

Bucky pointed to his forearm, and Tony nodded. "Down here, J, let's get the outline done, shall we?"

JARVIS used a hologram to project the pattern onto Bucky's arm. Tony saw it and froze, completely still for almost a full minute.

"I, uh," he sounded choked, almost like he was about to cry, and Bucky frowned. "Steve is, uh, sure about this, right?"

Bucky nodded slowly. "Tony is… are you alright?"

"Fine," Tony said, seeming to shake off whatever was bothering him. "I'm fine. I… right. Let's do this."

…

Nobody had seen Tony for almost a week; since he'd put the finishing touches on Bucky's soulmark in fact. JARVIS couldn't tell them anything except that Tony was still in the workshop, and his vitals were within acceptable parameters.

"And you're sure he was okay?" Natasha asked, frowning. "He didn't seem like he was coming down with anything? Tony is the worst for asking for help when he's ill."

"He seemed fine," Bucky said for the umpteenth time. "He froze up a little when he saw my soulmark but I don't know why. He was fine after a minute anyway, so I don't think it's anything to do with that."

Barton's eyes narrowed slightly and he exchanged a loaded look with Natasha, but neither of them said anything.

"I'm going to give Pepper a call," Steve said eventually. "She has an override code to get into the workshop, she'll at least be able to check if he's okay."

Sam nodded. "Good idea, Sweetheart. I'm sure he's fine. You know he has… moments."

"I know," Steve replied. "But it's been six days. That's a little more than a moment."

Steve didn't even manage to dial her number before the Avenger's alarm sounded.

…

"You know, when we don't see you for almost a week, this isn't how I want to see you for the first time."

Tony pushed himself up a little on the pillows. "What happened?"

"You took a hit for Nat—which would have killed her—and got smashed into a wall. You've only been here for a few hours," Steve said, smoothing down the bed sheets around Tony.

Tony nodded and lay back again, closing his eyes. "How long are they keeping me here?"

"Just overnight, I think. It's more precautionary than anything, but you're practically a full body bruise, so you'll be aching for a while."

"Fun," Tony muttered. "You should head back to the Tower, Steve. There's no point both of us being stuck here the whole night."

"So that you can sneak back into hiding? Not likely."

"Steve—"

"Why haven't you told him?" Steve asked softly. "You know I'm not going to judge you, Tones, but… I know how long you've been waiting to find him. Why would you hide it now you have?"

Tony swallowed hard. "I… Barnes deserves better than me. Don't shake your head, Steve, you know I'm right. He's been through so much, and he's made it to the other side, and now he's landed with me? I've heard of someone being unlucky, but Jesus, he's a whole 'nother level of it."

"Hey, no," Steve said, his brow furrowing. "Anyone would be lucky to have you Tony; anyone including Buck, who deserves nothing but good things in his life after everything he's been through. You don't see yourself clearly at all."

"Steve—"

"You should tell him," Steve said, reaching out to squeeze Tony's hand. "You both deserve to be happy, and together… well, I don't think there's anything you couldn't do."

…

Bucky had never seen Tony look so nervous. He was fiddling with his hands in his lap and looking anywhere but at Bucky.

"So, uh. I… wasn't going to tell you this, but, well, Steve is… Steve and he thinks I should so, uh."

When Tony seemed to stall with his words, Bucky asked, "Tell me what?"

"You're my, uh. I mean. I'm your, um, we're soulmates?"

He said it like a question, and for a moment, there was silence between them.

And then, Tony's words fully sunk in, because it had been weeks since Tony first saw Bucky's soulmark and he hadn't told him.

"You didn't tell me," Bucky said flatly. "You've known for weeks, and what? You're telling me now just because Stevie is making you. Thanks, Pal."

Tony opened his mouth and then closed it, shaking his head. "You don't… it wasn't about—"

"Don't hurt yourself trying to find an excuse," Bucky said. He knew he was being cruel but he was hurt, and lashing out was easier than dealing with that. "It's fine. I don't want you for a soulmate anyway."

He walked away, leaving Tony sitting there, his face stricken. Well, whatever. He could run back to Stevie. It was obvious that he preferred Steve anyway, so hey, maybe he'd be happy with that.

Bucky closed the door to his room, and asked JARVIS to play him some music. The silent pause before random songs started playing brought Bucky up short.

JARVIS always asked him what music he wanted, or if he was in the mood for a specific genre, but… JARVIS hadn't said a word.

…

"What the hell did you say to him?" Steve demanded, a scowl on his face as he glared at Bucky.

It had been a long time—decades really—since Steve had looked at him like that, and Bucky couldn't help but think it was more effective than when he'd done it pre-serum.

"Say to who?" He asked eventually, though he had an idea who Steve was talking about.

"You know who and what I'm talking about, Buck. If you didn't want him, then fine, that's your right, but you didn't have to be so goddamn cruel!"

Bucky rolled his eyes. "Wasn't like he actually wanted me, was it, Steve? He waited weeks before he told me and only actually told me because you pushed him into doing it!"

Steve frowned but then softened. "Buck… Tony wasn't going to tell you at all—" he raised his hand when Bucky opened his mouth to interrupt— "But only because he thought you deserved better than him. He was trying to protect you—albeit misguided—from himself."

"He… what?"

"Tony has a lot of insecurities, and his past has really done a number on his self-worth. He thought you deserved better; in fact, I think he said that you were 'unlucky' enough to be his soulmate. I've been pushing him to tell you because… well, you could do a lot worse, in my opinion. He might be an asshole at times, but Tony is one of the best men I know."

"He… he thought he wasn't good enough?" Bucky asked, bewildered. "Steve… what the fuck happened to him?"

"Not my story to tell," Steve replied with an apologetic shrug. "But you need to fix this, Buck. While both of you caused this situation, you're going to have to be the one to reach out. Tony… he's spooked and he thinks he's been proven right. There's no way will he come to you."

Bucky nodded and rubbed a hand across his face. "What a mess."

"He'll be worth it," Steve said, reaching out to grip Bucky's shoulder. "I think he could make you happy, Buck. And for what it's worth, I think you could make him happy too."

…

"So… I think maybe we need to start again?"

Tony startled and then slowly spun his chair to see Bucky standing in the door to the workshop.

"Why?" Tony asked.

"Because this has been one big misunderstanding, and… I'd really like to fix that," Bucky replied, stepping closer. "You see, this really, really, great guy is my soulmate. We've both got a few issues though, and those issues collided into a mess. But… I think we can fix that mess, if we try."

Tony's eyes widened. "But—"

"I thought you were in love, or at least, you know… wanted Stevie rather than me, and—"

"Steve is with Sam."

"Well. Yes. I know that," Bucky replied. "But that doesn't stop you from wanting him, does it? I know I was wrong, Tony. I was hurt and I lashed out at you because of it. Steve told me that you were trying to protect me by not telling me?"

Tony nodded mutely, looking away.

"I don't need protecting from you, Sweetheart," Bucky said, and then he was right in front of Tony, reaching a hesitant hand out to cup his cheek.

"I… am a mess," Tony said, though he leant into the touch sweetly. "My issues have issues which in turn have issues. You… you deserve someone who can take care of you, someone who isn't needy, or clingy or—"

"I deserve someone who cares," Bucky interrupted gently. "Which you've already proven you do. Clingy and needy don't bother me, Tones, you can have all the cuddles you need, I'm good with cuddles. I can be needy, too, you know? And as for someone to take care of me… Sweetheart, you already do. But you're missing something."

"Oh?"

"I need someone I can take care of," Bucky admitted. "Someone that I can focus on when I don't want to focus on myself. Someone that needs me as much as I need them."

"I… I can do that," Tony said softly.

Bucky nodded. "So maybe we can try this out, huh? Take it slow, find out how we fit together?"

Tony nodded, a small smile tilting his lips. "I'd like that."

Bucky couldn't help himself; he leant down and pressed a kiss to Tony's lips. When he pulled back, he smiled slyly and said, "But maybe not too slowly."

Written for Hogwarts Auction: Day 14, Prompt 3: Winter Soldier/Bucky Barnes