Chapter One

❀❀❀ MISSING HOME ❀❀❀

Five years earlier...

He hated that he now felt like a stranger in the one place that he'd once considered home. Today, instead of parking in the staff area as he had for years, Alex Karev left his car in the Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital visitors area. That's all he was now...just a visitor. Passing through for a couple of days on his way to somewhere new. So much had changed since he'd last been back fifteen years previously. It was almost overwhelming – all the unknowns, the unfamiliarities. Alex didn't recognise a single member of staff who'd walked past him. From the man running the coffee cart outside, to the nurses occupying the front station, everything was different.

Alex has never – not for a single second – regretted his decision to be a dad to Eli and Lex. Being a father was, hands down, the best thing that had ever happened to him, besides Jo of course. It just came to him so naturally, as if he had been doing it his whole life. Each laugh, each mischievous giggle, each squeal of excitement, all made him feel like the luckiest person on the planet. Not now, not after having met them, known them, and loved them, would Alex ever regret the life he had with his children. The only thing he did regret was his decision to know them away from Seattle, and in Kansas of all places.

He really did think he was doing the right thing, the fairest option for everyone involved. He knows he did a shit thing – a really really shit thing at that – he left his wife, but he didn't do it because he wanted to hurt her. All he wanted was for Jo to be the happiest she could possibly be in her life and for her to never feel as if she was second best to anyone. So Alex left…he went to Kansas alone and sent Jo one final letter goodbye. It was a rash decision, driven by confused emotions and guilt, and it didn't give nearly enough consideration to what it was he was actually losing out on by sending those letters. But there was also no going back.

For fifteen long years now, as Alex raised his two children in the middle of nowhere Kansas, he would tell himself day by day that Seattle was just a place of the past. That his life with Jo was something to be grateful for and to remember with happiness, not something to miss – not when a life with Jo would mean a life without his children. That's what he told himself anyway. It's what he had told everyone who'd asked him. Meredith, Cristina, Arizona, they had all asked at one point or another...they had all wondered the same thing – How could Alex live without Jo? It was tough to hear her name come up here and there, but regardless, Alex was beyond thankful to still have connections with people who had known her – knew her. The odd mention of her name or random photograph he would see hung up in their houses, all gave him the peace of mind that she was okay. He could go to sleep at night knowing that Jo was safe and that Jo was loved, even if it wasn't him that she was loved by. That's how Alex lived without Jo.

Except at this moment in time, standing at the entrance of the hospital that they'd once worked at together, Alex had never been more ashamed of the decision he'd made all those years ago. He'd spent every single day since he left telling himself – lying to himself – that leaving was the right choice, but all it took was one day in Seattle and all of those lies came crumbling down.

"Well, well, well...if it isn't Alex Karev."

The hairs at the back of his neck stood up with fear at the sound of voice beside him. His entire body frozen and petrified by the hidden tone laced within the words. Unable to look her in the eye, Alex bowed his head with shame. "Oh um-hey Bailey…"

"Hey Bailey? That's all I get…," Bailey whacked her hand hard against his arm. "I know you've kept in touch with Grey and what-not, but don't you forget that the last I saw of you was in a courtroom over fifteen years ago! I want to know why you're here, please. Why now...why after all of these years?"

"You're looking good Bailey," Alex chuckled at his old superior, avoiding the questions she grilled into him.

"Of course I am. I always am! What I want to know is why you're here Karev...what brings you to Seattle."

Alex sighed, looking up to stare back at the large hospital entrance before him, smiling sadly, "I missed home."

"What the hell Alex?!" Meredith held her arms out in question. "I thought we agreed for you to meet at the house."

"Yeah we did, but I really wanted to see this place again. I missed it." Alex answered with an obvious tone of annoyance to his voice. "I don't understand the problem."

Meredith didn't respond straight away, instead grabbing his arm and yanking it into the nearest conference room. "The problem, Alex, is that this isn't your place to just drop by a visit anymore! You left...you just up and disappeared once day...and you left a lot of people behind when you did." She paused, giving Alex a chance to work it out himself, but the confused shaking of his head prompted her to continue. "I'm talking about Jo. You know, the woman you married all those years ago. I don't think it's very fair to her that you're here right now."

"Why would she care if I come back to a hospital that she doesn't even work at anymore? Isn't she living in New York these days?" Alex crossed his arms across his chest defensively.

"Oh Alex…" Meredith's head fell into her head in defeat. "No. You've got it all wrong. She's not in New York."

"Okay…" Alex pulled out a chair beside his friend. "I can just sit in here until you're done with your shift if you like, but please, I'd really like to stay. Besides, wherever she is, wherever it is in the world that Jo works now, I'm sure she'd be fine with me being here."

"She works here, Alex. She took over for me as the head of general surgery when I became chief. Jo's been back for almost two years now."

"She-she-um-Jo-she," Alex stuttered out in shock. "You're telling me that Jo works here...in this hospital, and that I could see her at any moment?"

Meredith moved to place a comforting arm on his shoulder, encouraging him to slow down the rapid breaths that were building. "Yes she does, but I just saw her go into surgery so you won't run into each other if you leave now...which I recommended you do."

Lost for words, all Alex could do was nod as he pushed himself off the chair and made a beeline for the exit. However, before he could even lay a hand on the door handle, it pushed open towards him instead and revealed a young teenage girl at the other side.

It was her. Alex recognised her immediately. It was the blue-eyed girl.

.

mdevonsunflower

AUTHORS NOTE: just to clear up any confusion, this chapter is set five years before the wedding in the prologue! Each update after this should then follow on in chronological order