4

…..

I felt a nudge and heard a whine. Jellybean sat against the couch and put his paw up on my leg, as if trying to console me. I learned over and hugged his furry neck, drying my wet eyes in his soft coat. I knew from experience with the girls, if I kept crying, the next thing he'd try would be to bring me his toys to cheer me up. He was a good dog.

After my parents left, I didn't have much to say for a while. We ate dinner in mostly silence, and I mulled over the events of the evening.

My emotions ran all over the place. Sad, angry, and sometimes hopeful. But that hope usually led to me feeling sad and angry again.

I was usually the talkative one, and Jack the silent type.

Our evening was definitely thrown off by all my brooding.

That night in bed, I cuddled up to Jack wearing my button up pyjamas. I'd gotten him several pairs too, but he usually opted to just wear the bottoms. This was fine with me. I could admire his big manly chest, and cuddle up to his warm skin. He put his arm around me and I leaned my head against his shoulder.

"What should I do," I sighed.

Jack wasn't one to go on and on at length, usually, so I knew I wasn't going to get a lecture or anything. Thank god. He smoothed his hand over my hair and said, "What do you want? Like really want?"

I wilted realizing I was going to have to make this decision.

"Ugh," I complained.

Jack chuckled. "Just look inside yourself. What is the first reaction that comes to you?"

I frowned and leaned back. "I don't know. What do I want? My parents show up and wanted me to forgive them for — for ruining my life. Just like that? It makes me mad."

Jack sighed. "Yeah, I get it. But, another question to ask is — is your life ruined?"

Was it? Jack's solid warmth beside me and the perfection of our master bedroom said otherwise.

"Not anymore, but they made it a hell of a lot harder and messier to get here," I grumbled. Annoyance flared through me. "Why am I the one who has to change here? They pushed me to this place. And now I have to forgive them?"

"Remember, you don't have to do anything," Jack said. "Don't fall into the trap of doing what your parents want out of a sense of guilt or obligation."

I sat back, stunned. "Is there any other way though? I mean, I feel like I'm the one who has to change here, when they are the ones who did this."

"That's true," Jack said. "But maybe…" he trailed off, thinking.

"Maybe what?"

"It's like your dad said. Talk is cheap. So far this is talk, right?"

"Yeah, but what else would it be?" I felt trapped by the situation, and that made it hard for me to think clearly.

"What if your parents had to do something?" Jack said. "You feel like you have to do all the actions here — all the changing. Which isn't fair to you. What if instead, you required them to do something."

I frowned, puzzling this over. "Do something? Like get the broomstick from the wicked witch, or bring me seven rubies?"

Jack laughed. "Ah, Ianto."

He pulled me close and kissed me. His lips on mine momentarily made me forget my angst, and I revelled in the simple pleasure of kissing the man I love while cuddled in bed on a cold winter night.

When our kiss ended, Jack held my chin in his hand and looked into my eyes. "Think about it," he said.

"What is something you want that they have the ability to help you with?" He raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to answer.

I thought for a moment, biting my lip in thought.

"I want to start the Torchwood animal shelter," I said, realization flooding through me. This dream of mine, newly invigorated when I saw how the clinic and shelter worked together in the next town, had been relegated to "someday" status because we didn't have to money, time and connections to make it happen right away. We'd estimated maybe being able to start in two or three years based on the calendar we projected.

"Who has money, time and connections?" Jack grinned, his eyes crinkling in the corners.

Possibilities flooded through me. I could get my animal shelter going if I had their backing. But a dark thought thumped inside me. "But wait, how is that direct repentance for them? I want the shelter, but it's not enough. It's not related to what they are apologizing for. I want them to have to show that they have changed their attitudes, not just to me, but to the world."

Jack shrugged. "Think of it like you are passing a law and can add all kinds of amendments to it. What all do you want from them, while they are willing to give it to you?"

Energy surged through me as I thought about the situation my parents put me in. It felt like righteous indignation. "You know what I want? I don't just want some apology. I want them to do something big and public as a gesture to the LGBT community. Something that actually helps LGBT kids — specifically ones who have been ostracized by their families."

"Ohh, good idea," Jack said.

"They could set up a trust, and then create a safe house for LGBT kids who have been rejected by their families."

"Do they have that kind of money?" Jack scratched his head.

"Remember, they have money and they know lots and lots of people who have even more money. My mum knows how to do this, it's what she does all day besides shop and get her nails done. She does all kinds of charity work and is on all kinds of boards."

"That's true," Jack said. "I'm sure she does. It's a very ambitious request. I like it, I do. But these are no small projects."

"They will make it happen," I said, resolute in my decision. "If they want to be in my life, this is what it will take. Then I will know they mean it. It will be a lot of work. But they put me through a lot of work jumping through their hoops."

Jack laughed. "True. And this work will benefit a lot of kids and animals."

"Exactly." I sat back, feeling victorious and excited. A Torchwood Purple Door project and the animal shelter I wanted? This Christmas might turn out to be even better than I'd hoped.

I couldn't wait to tell my parents. Suddenly the idea of talking to them didn't make me feel powerless. I felt… invigorated. If they agreed, this could open a whole new door with them. They would learn about the problems of at-risk LGBT kids, and get involved at a level that would require them to talk their walk. And we could actually do some real good in this world. Together.