See first chapter for disclaimers.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks to Storyseeker for beta-reading this. As usual, if you have any comments or preferences, please don't be shy. RandR.

PREVIOUSLY: Star Trek: TOS

Phone Home?

"So… Anime?" Faith asked, watching the skinny teenage boy literally sweatdrop as he was fussed over by a gaggle of beautiful teenage girls that, even by Faith's standards, were highly effective fighters.

"Yep." Xander agreed. "I'm thinking harem theme."

"What was your first clue?" Faith asked dryly. "What I don't get is why we're even here. Not like this bunch needed our help."

Well, Xander admitted, that was certainly true. It had been a rough fight, but it was nothing the group of adventurers in front of him couldn't have handled. The sword and sorcery world they had landed in was like several others they had run across, with its own interesting twists of course. Magic never seemed to work the same way twice. In this one, there was no mangled Latin and no rhyming. (He honestly wasn't sure which he found more annoying.)

The spells reminded him of invocations, but they weren't invocations of deities or demons. They tended to invoke elemental forces. He wasn't sure how that worked and didn't particularly care. However it worked, it worked well enough to use in a battle against the kinds of monsters they'd just finished mopping up.

He shrugged in lieu of trying to answer Faith's question. He honestly didn't know. "Let's just enjoy the rest while we can get it."

Faith nodded, fully agreeing with that. They settled on a tree felled during the fight and watched the group tend to their wounds and get organized. This included checking their weapons and equipment for damage and collecting trophies from the monsters. It also included some healing magic, courtesy of the teenage boy. The girls seemed to delight in the attention.

When asked, both demon hunters assured him that they had not been injured. The group of four girls looked relieved, and most went back to fussing over him. One of the silver-haired sisters glanced at the two of them over her shoulder, noting the way they were sitting together and smiled, looking even more relieved.

"Think she's got the wrong idea about us?" Faith asked quietly.

Xander shrugged. "Let it stand. She does seem happy to believe you're not competition for their lust interest." Faith snorted in amusement but didn't disagree. They watched the group as they finished healing and clearing up the scene. Finally, they organized themselves to move out.

"You two coming along?" The boy, Toya, asked.

"Got nothin' better to do." Faith admitted.

"Good." Toya nodded. "I must admit, I'm curious. I haven't seen clothes like that for a while."

Xander and Faith glanced at each other and then down at the jeans and shirts they were wearing. They wouldn't have stood out in most of the places they'd visited, but in a world where denim was unknown and the fashion sense seemed stuck in the 15th century, he supposed it wasn't unusual that people would look at them oddly. Then what he said registered.

"You've seen clothes like this before?" Xander asked. The girls were looking at him oddly.

"I've never seen clothes like that," the blonde girl that had to be 12 at most commented. "My father entertains visitors from all over the known world."

"Let's just say I'm well-traveled." Toya looked uncomfortable at the attention. "Where are you from?"

"America," Xander replied. "California specifically."

Toya looked surprised. "You are a long way from home. I've never been there, myself, but I know of it. How did you get here?"

That started a long and complicated explanation that the group of locals made themselves comfortable for. Since it was a world with magic, and Toya seemed to have some knowledge of other worlds, they decided to tell the full story. The girls were by turns incredulous and astonished, and they kept asking questions about the various adventures the two demon hunters had had.

"Vampires and demons?" Toya looked thoughtful. "Magic works in the world you're from?"

"Yeah," Xander nodded. "Although it isn't the same as the magic I've seen here. Different rules for some reason."

"Oh," Faith interrupted. "Don't try any spells with Xander. No matter what world we're in, him and magic don't mix. Spells cast on him or sometimes just when he's around, tend to go wrong." She glanced at him. "I seem to remember Cordelia saying something about a love spell? Never did get the whole story."

Xander sighed, regretting that Faith had heard anything about that incident. "That's probably a bad example. I actually think that happened because I pissed off a goddess."

Their hosts just gaped at him. Faith grinned. "Now, we definitely have to hear it."

The others nodded mutely and Xander, repressing a sigh, started to tell the story.

"So, picture if you will; you're dating a beautiful girl. You work hard and save your money to buy a romantic gift for her. She responds by dumping you in front of a crowd and keeps the gift on top of it."

The group looked at each other, various conflicting emotions visible on each face. After a moment, Faith answered.

"I'd get a shovel and find a nice secluded place in the woods."

"For what?" Toya asked.

"For the body, of course." The silver-haired brawler answered, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Toya gulped, and the other girls smirked at his nervousness.

"What I did," Xander resumed the story, and deliberately drawing attention away from the only other male there, "was hire a witch to cast a love spell for me. I didn't want her back. I wanted her to feel about me the way I did about her, so I could stomp on her feelings, return the favor, you know?"

"Yeah," Faith agreed after a moment of stunned silence. "That would definitely piss off Aphrodite." That, she had to admit, was cold. Knowing Xander as she did, though, she could see a younger, angrier version of her partner thinking up something like that and being dumb enough to think it was a good idea.

"So what happened?" Toya asked for the group.

"I assume it didn't go as planned." The princess offered.

"The spell backfired in a big way." Xander admitted, and explained the series of events that had actually led him and Cordelia to start dating again, even though it hadn't lasted very long.

"That's what I call a backfire." Toya admitted. "Every woman in town?"

"Every female in town," Xander corrected. "That included one of the scariest vampires in history."

"You mentioned that before," the princess broke in. "What is a vampire?"

"A parasitic demon," Xander explained. "They animate human corpses and maintain themselves by drinking blood. They prefer human, straight from the source." The girls shuddered at the notion. "Drusilla is scary because she's not just evil but completely insane."

"My watcher used to tell me horror stories about her." Faith commented. "I'm guessing they weren't just stories."

Xander shook his head. "No need to make up scary stories about her."

"And she was suddenly hot for you?" Faith tried not to laugh. "Damn!"

"Nearly peed myself," he admitted. "Having her try to kill you is one thing. Having her try to seduce you is…" He broke off shuddering, and Faith fell over laughing. Xander rolled his eyes. "So supportive."

"Well, you kind of did have it coming." Toya pointed out. Xander nodded in reluctant agreement. "Got to admit, though, as punishments go, that one has a certain poetry to it."

"It was earned. I researched the proper rituals so I could make amends. Fortunately, they didn't involve blood of any kind."

"So things like that happen often?" The girl dressed as a samurai asked.

"Not to that scale," Xander answered, "but yeah. Magic and me don't mix."

"We'll remember that." Toya assured him. "So. You're from another world, and some entity or other has you jumping from one place to another solving problems. You don't know who is doing it or why and you can't get home."

"That sums it up." Xander nodded. "I don't suppose you know a way?"

"I don't think I can get you home. I can gate to any place I've been before, but I've never been to your world. There may be something I can do, though. Let me give it some thought." He got up and walked away, looking thoughtful.

"He'll think of something," the quiet, silver-haired magic user assured them, sounding confident. "He always does." The others nodded, not a hint of doubt on any of their faces.

"Wow," Faith snorted. "You four have got it bad." All four turned an interesting shade of red that human skin couldn't actually manage on her world. She glanced at Xander curiously, and he shrugged.

OOOOOOOOOO

Toya frowned. "That doesn't really seem fair to them."

"It isn't," the tired sounding answer came. "They're two of the best trouble-shooters I have, though. I hadn't intended it to go on so long, but they're just too good at solving problems."

"Victims of their own success?" Toya had heard the phrase somewhere, and it seemed apt.

"That sums it up. I've got too much left for those two to do to say when it will end, but I can let you help them. Make up in some small way for the trouble I'm causing them."

"What do I need to do?"

OOOOOOOOOO

Toya returned to the group. Xander saw him coming and looked at him curiously. "I'm guessing you don't have good news."

"Yes and no." Toya admitted. "I can't help you get home. The one behind it doesn't seem to be done with you yet, but I can do one thing for you."

"What's that?" Faith asked.

To their surprise, the boy reached inside his coat and pulled out a phone. "I've arranged for you to call your families."