I haven't written a fanfiction about YouTubers since middle school. Back when I pretended that I watched Jackcepticeye and PewDiePie even though I really just watched poorly animated Creepypasta MDP's where they dance to some seductive boy band song. My goal is to make this as cringy as that phase was. Minimal effort will be put into this in terms of making a good story structure or plot.

Chapter 1

I tucked my hair behind my ear to get it out of my face. In doing that, my peripheral vision was cleared of most things. The only thing blocking a complete view of the world was the framing for my glasses and thinking about the frames only made me more aware of their existence. I guess it was less that I was being made aware and more so that I was being reminded that my vision is below average and that the item meant to assist with it can be a nuisance to deal with at times. Thinking about it made my vision feel more crowded and I quickly grew annoyed. Instead of wallowing in annoyance as one would normally do, one being me, I removed my glasses and set them down by my laptop.

My laptop was presenting whatever fucking music software I used to make my songs with. The author doesn't know what software I use to make music or how to use any sort of music software but the author is doing their best to set the mood and give proper scenery in this ironic piece of fiction please excuse them. Setting my glasses down gave me the chance to glance at my phone. I had been working on a song for the past few hours and the timer I had set on my phone was ticking down to its final minutes. A sense of satisfaction washed over me. Working on projects has been a challenge but with a timer by my side I feel pressured enough to complete something.

The timer stopped, my phone beeped, and Joel sat up. He had been waiting patiently on the couch and passing time on his phone. The man seems to be glued to twitter at times and often makes some regrettable tweets which he later deletes because they're just too cringey. Joel acts cringey on camera for purposes of irony and views but sometimes the cringe just slips into his personality and is no longer ironic. This could be blamed on him being overworked but it honestly might just be who he is deep down.

As cringey as Joel can be, he's still very cute in my eyes. Don't get me wrong, I'm as straight as a man could get but Joel is one attractive son of a lovely lady. He's the kind of dude who would make you question your sexuality if you were that kind of person who wasn't so sure of your sexuality already. Look at all this confidence I have in my sexuality and tell me I have a crush on my male friend. You can't.

In all seriousness, I've been questioning my sexuality. It's difficult to be questioning that of all things, especially with how I've presented myself online. Battling stereotypes by being me and all that. Being me like that could give people the impression that I've been lying. I should have known sooner. I'm in my 30's. Most people have that realization in their teens. I was so sure of it before, I thought I was straight but reflecting on myself at current I might be bi. My little crush on Joel should confirm it but I still want to deny it. The question of my sexuality makes me feel as though I've lost my sense of self. I knew myself so well. Where had I gone?

Today is the last day that Joel will be visiting me. He has been staying here for the past few days and it's been pretty fun. We've played games, walked around stores, and drank a bit together. Nothing out of the norm for a couple of guys being dudes. In one of the stores we went to, he bought a shirt with a V-neck. The shirt showed off the fact that he just doesn't have chest hair. A proper twink if I've ever seen one. Not saying he's gay or anything, he just has a twinks body. I'm getting off topic. I feel bad that I spent the better part of his last day here doing work but when I break my schedule I fall back into the cycle of opening and closing my laptop for hours on end never getting anything done for months.

"So, what do you want to do before I go?" I wasn't sure. The author isn't sure. But we are both sure that it should be something special. It isn't often enough that Joel and I see each other in person but it was late enough in the evening for dinner.

"Let's eat out." More like I'd eat you out in the male version of the lesbian ritual; Eating Out. That thought made me cringe outwardly. Why is Eating Out capitalized as though it were a bad movie title? It'd probably be a treat to watch if all context applies.

Joel looked at me with a concerned look, "You good?"

"Ah, yeah. Just, uh," I had to think for a second. "Just a bad fart."

Joel laughed in an awkward way but then paused. He looked at me with a confused look, "I don't smell anything."

"I," I stuttered. "I'd imagine you wouldn't want to."

That conversation ended with a 'fair enough' and we gathered our items. Jackets, car keys, shoes, and wallets. These are things you bring to restaurants. With the gathering of our items, we were off to go eat somewhere.

We listened to a mixture of genres during the drive. Because of our different tastes, his being pop and mine being heavy metal/emo rap, we have made a playlist to appeal to the both of us when we are together. It is the better way to vibe with a friend in a car. When music caters to both parties, you find a special bond. That's part of the reason both of us are good friends. Musicians tend to hang in the same crowd. It's a shame that they also tend to stick with the same genre rather than getting spicy with it. Sprinkle in some old western with your fucking bubble gum pop debauchery.

While we were vibing to (insert song here probably something gross nothing i'd listen to look at me so cultured I'm no normie pushaw), Joel turned the radio up. It was one of his favourite songs but I wasn't that fond of it. I sighed as I pulled into the parking space. Joel would want to listen to the rest of the song before we went in. I had to double check to see if I had my money and all that, anyways. As I was checking my waller, I felt a hand rest on my knee. The song had ended. My face flushed a light shade of pink.

"Got everything?" He had a small smile.

"Yup," my voice cracked.

Even with little touches like that, it was obvious to me that he had no intent of being with me. He was a very straight man with a lot of bad luck with women. They've either claimed that he was too emotional or distant. Too attached to his work or too attached to them. It's ridiculous. He does have his faults. He gets snappy on occasion, which sets people off of him. He exhausts himself so that he sleeps until noon and accidentally ignores his girlfriends for work. Even so, he does his best in relationships. God damn, do I want to be in one with him.

We got sat down at our table and ordered our food. Roomie suggested that after eating we went to a little show. "It's just some kids in college but they've had a few shows with some good reviews. It's even your style of music."

"But you've gotta leave early in the morning," I countered. Going to a gig in a basement sounded boring.

"It'll be over by 11."

I thought for a moment. The waitress handed us our drinks. I took a sip. "Eeehhh, why not?"

The restaurant was uneventful. We ate food that was better than either of us could make ourselves but still not up to the standards we have for how much we were billed for it but then again that's how most restaurants are. Our conversation was pretty dry after Joel told me more about this band that we will be seeing.

I liked listening to him talk. I liked watching his lips move as he spoke and how his lips curled when he'd smile. The way his face could change was both funny and cute to me. I spent the drive to the basement gig thinking about that face and those lips. It felt ridiculous.