Veronica

"I'm coming, damn it."

I can hear the phone ringing on the other side of the door as I shove the key in the lock, my backpack slipping on my arm as I try to unlock it.

"Shit. Shit. Shit." The door opens, and I practically fall into the room, using the inertia to race to the phone on the kitchen counter. Snatching it up, I gasp into the phone. "Hello?"

"Veronica!"

"Hey, Lilly!" My heart leaps at the sound of my best friend's voice. "Thanks for calling me back."

"Always! I was so happy to hear your voice on your message."

"It's good to hear your voice too, Lilly."

It's not a lie. While the fact that she and Logan kept their relationship a secret upset me, there was no way I could stay mad at Lilly for long. We've been friends since we were little, and there was no way a guy—even a hot one like Logan—was going to come between us.

"So how's life? How's college? How's Logan?"

I drop my backpack on the ground and shrug off my jacket. Glancing at the clock, I calculate that I have approximately half an hour before Logan shows up from his Friday class. Or not. We seem to be finding ways of avoiding each other this week, and it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't come home until it was time for bed.

"Awful."

"Awful, how?"

My heart hurts. Like, physically hurts in a way I never thought was possible. It tightens and twists as I think about drunk Logan, calling out in bed on Sunday night. It hurts when I think of how I got up before him, showered, and left to get coffee and breakfast without him before class, while he slept. It hurts at the silence that hung between us that entire evening while we worked on homework. And every night this week, I wanted to cry when he crawled into bed and turned his back to me before we fell asleep.

"We went over to another couple's house for dinner last weekend, and he got drunk. Like really drunk. On purpose."

"Why?"

"I may have said something that caused it." I bite the corner of my lip, pausing as I replay the events of the party in my head like I have been for the past five days. "We were teasing each other about our annoying habits, and I said something about the fact that he talks in his sleep."

Lilly sucks in a sharp breath, and I cringe, blushing as I admit my mistake out loud.

"I didn't realize he had nightmares, I just thought it was some weird little habit, and I think he was embarrassed so he decided to avoid me for the rest of the night and got drunk. Which made me mad because he ditched me to drink."

"Oh, Veronica…"

"I know! It was dumb of me to say anything, but he didn't have to get drunk either!"

"So, what did he say when you talked about things?"

"We haven't."

"You haven't talked about it? When did it happen?"

"Sunday night."

"So, you're just ignoring that it happened?"

"Ignoring. Avoiding. Maybe a bit of hiding too. I keep leaving before he gets up in the morning, and he's been staying late at the library or in classes. And it sucks because we were starting to really warm up to each other, and then this happened, and now everything is so wrong."

"He made a mistake, and you made a mistake. Shit happens, Veronica. You need to talk about it and figure it out. That's how it works."

"Yeah...I know, but…" I toe off my sneakers and drop like a stone onto the bed, pulling my feet up, so I'm cross-legged. "Lilly? Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"You know him better than I do. I need to know...is he really a drunk? Like a drunk-drunk? Like my mom?"

Her sigh is long and loud, with a deep pause at the end of it, and I wonder if I've made a mistake by asking.

"No. He's not a drunk. I do know that he has nightmares and that sometimes when they get bad, he's used pot to help him sleep, but it wasn't all the time. And whenever we got drunk together, it was happy and fun, not sad and depressing. How bad are his nightmares right now?"

"They weren't bad—just some talking in his sleep—but then when he was drunk, he had this crazy one where he was calling out for someone to stop doing something, and when I tried to wake him, he wouldn't wake up. He just passed out again."

"And since then?"

"Just some muttering again or nothing at all."

"And you haven't talked about it with him? Asked him what he's dreaming about? Talked about what he said?"

"No."

Another sigh, and I cringe. Lilly is not pleased at all.

"So, you haven't apologized for embarrassing him either?"

"What? No! He hasn't apologized for ditching me and…"

"No, no, no. Stop right there, Vee. If you haven't talked to him and apologized, then what do you expect? That it will just miraculously get better? Trust me, I tried that with Sabrina, and it didn't work. It just gets worse until one day, a Government Counselor arrives at your door."

Holy Shit. Duncan was right. I mean, he's still a jerkface right now, but he was a correct jerkface.

"What happened, Lilly?"

"I'm trying to stay in line, Vee, but it's so hard." Lilly lets out a little groan of annoyance, and I don't know whether it's with herself or me. "Sabrina found a letter to me from a male colleague I met on a research trip. Suffice to say, it had nothing to do with my research on examples of racism in pre-war marketing and everything to do with how I looked in a particular pair of jeans the day we worked together. I didn't do anything about my attraction to him, but Sabrina was livid. She stopped talking to me. Wouldn't accept my apologies. She even slept in the university library one night to avoid me. I finally had to call in some professional help so we could talk and move forward."

"You did that?"

"Yeah. I did. I mean, I love her, and I'm trying so hard to make this work, Veronica. Really. Not just because the Government wants me to, but because I really do care for Sabrina. But it's so hard some days. We sometimes fight about the stupidest things. But the counselor helped me realize that when we fight, it doesn't mean she doesn't love me, or that I don't love her, and that I had to try and curb my tendency to self destruct our relationship."

"Self destruct your relationship? What does that mean?"

"It means that I had to take a long look at my family and my mother and how I never felt she loved me like my Dad and my Pop love me. It means I had to allow myself to love and be loved by Sabrina without trying to run away or reduce our relationship to rubble by cheating on her. And it's a lot of hard work and talking, but trust me, Veronica—it's worth it."

Lilly has always been crazy smart. But this was a new type of smart I wasn't quite used to. Emotionally vulnerable Lilly was a totally foreign concept to me, but hearing that she did love Sabrina gave me some hope that Logan and I could work through things.

"Wow. Duncan mentioned that you guys were seeing a counselor, but I didn't want to ask, in case you wanted to keep it private."

"Veronica, you're still my best friend. That's why I'm telling you all this, so you learn. Please, talk to Logan. I really and truly want you both to work things out so you can be happy together."

"I do too, Lilly. But I have to tell you since you talked about Celeste...Logan getting drunk really reminded me of my mom, and it freaked me out."

"Then you need to tell him that."

"I can't! No one's supposed to know about her drinking. If people know she still drinks, they may take her away to rehab. Remember what happened to Dick's mom? She went to rehab and never came back? I don't want that to happen to my mom."

"I know, but Veronica, you need to talk to Logan about this. He's your partner. You can trust him."

"How do I know that? What if he tells his family and they say something?"

"Trust me, he won't say anything to them."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because his family isn't perfect, either. None of ours are. We've all been handed this lie that everyone and everything is perfect, but it's not, Veronica. That we've eradicated class systems and racism and misogyny, but in reality, they still exist, but we just don't see them behind all the closed doors."

Hard facts. Lilly is on a roll, dishing out the truth today. I mean, she was always like this, but it's still taking my brain time to process and absorb it all.

"I don't know what to say." It's my best response, even if it's lame.

"Don't say anything. Not to me, anyway. Talk to Logan. Don't keep things behind closed doors anymore."

"Thanks, Lilly."

"Oh, and the next time you see Duncan, kick him for me. I called him this week, and that weirdo Pez-dispenser roommate of his answered. First he tried to chat me up about some band and then when Donut came on, my brother was spouting all sorts of nonsense about government conspiracies and things."

"Isn't that what you're saying about the Government to Lilly?"

"No, I mean real conspiracies. I know things may not be the greatest, but I'm not going on about how Orwell is being secretly manipulated by hackers from Mexico to mess with the genetics of our offspring."

I rub my face with my palm. Fuck. Duncan was so easily influenced; it was amazing he didn't jump off some cliff face at some point in high school. Maybe that's why Lilly still hung out with her little brother—to keep an eye on him.

"Oh, my God. Is that what he's spouting now? I try to keep the conversation to just our classes now because Piz has put some strange things in his head."

"Yeah, well, if you can keep an eye on him, I would appreciate it. He's acting strange...or maybe I should say stranger than usual."

The clicking of the lock on the door makes me jump, and when Logan enters, I force a smile. He nods at the phone and frowns, and I answer his silent question.

"It's Lilly."

"Is Logan there?! Give him the phone."

I roll my eyes, shaking my head at her squeal in my ear. "She wants to talk to you."

As I reach out my arm, passing the receiver to him, he pauses before taking it, looking at it like I'm trying to hand him a severed head.

"Just a minute…." Stripping off his jacket, he throws it over mine on the chair and drops his backpack on the floor before taking the receiver from me.

"Hey, Lil. What's up?"

His forehead wrinkles as his eyes narrow at whatever she's saying to him. He purses his lips together as if trying to hold something back as his eyes dart to mine and then away.

"No."

With that, he hands me the phone again and I take it, slightly in shock at the shortness in his voice. As I bring the receiver up to my ear, he wanders over to the kitchen and begins making coffee. Lilly lets out a deep sigh of frustration as I lift the phone to my ear.

"I'd better go, Lilly. Thanks for calling me. I really appreciate your help."

"It was good to talk to you too, Veronica. Take care of yourself and that jackass of a partner."

My jackass.

"Thanks, Lilly. Take care."

She hangs up and I look at the phone for a second as I disconnect. The base for the cordless phone is in the kitchen. Logan is in the kitchen, obviously preparing for an evening of coffee and studying.

If I want to know about what is causing his nightmares, the only way to do that is just ask. But if mentioning just his sleep talking made him upset, then how was I supposed to approach this? It has me curious though. Lilly said that his family had troubles too. Now I want to know what kind of troubles.

Talk to him.

It sounds easy in my head. Just walk over and talk. Then why am I still sitting here on the bed?

Logan

Lilly's words are still in my ear. Tell her about Aaron. Why would she even bring that up? What the hell did Veronica talk to her about? Veronica's been acting like she can't stand the sight of me for five days now, but somehow, telling her about my abusive S.O.B. father is going to make things better? Lilly's cracked if she thinks that will solve anything. Right now, I just want to make coffee, plug in my headphones, and get as much done on my sociology project as I can so I can hide in the library all weekend and avoid the stifling silence in this room.

Out of the corner of my eye I catch Veronica rising from the bed, but I don't look directly at her, focusing instead on watching the coffee drip through the machine.

"Hey."

I nearly jump out of my skin when I realize how close she is and I look down at her, holding out the phone to me. Her eyes are big and blue and sad and I know I caused that sadness and I can't stomach looking too closely.

"Hey." I take it and swivel, placing it on the charger beside the coffee maker. "How's Lilly doing?"

"Okay. Her and Sabrina went through a rough patch but I think they're making it through all right."

"That's good to hear." I reach across the sink for two mugs, and place them in front of the coffee maker. "Want a cup?"

"Yes. Please. She also asked me to keep an eye on Duncan for her. I guess he was talking crazy to her about government conspiracies."

"Great. Now we're on babysit the Donut duty."

"He's still our friend, Logan…"

Pulling out the coffee carafe, I pour mine, then hers before replacing the carafe. "Yeah. I know that. And I'll still look out for him. But if I get in trouble for punching Piz, I'm hoping you'll at least come and bail me out."

She walks around me to pull the milk from our small fridge under the counter and smiles as I drop in two sugar cubes and hand the mug to her.

"Thank you. For the record, if you punch Piz, I will totally bail you out," she states and pours some milk into the cup and crouches down to replace the milk in the fridge. As she rises, a shy smile crosses her lips. "I've missed you handing me my coffee in the morning."

I can't help the wry chuckle that falls from my lips and I shake my head. "Then maybe you shouldn't have run out every morning before I woke up."

The smile disappears, replaced by a look of shock and then sadness again. Shit. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut?

But then the sadness morphs into something else. Anger. The look in her eyes is unmistakable, and I suddenly feel like I'm about to burst into flames just from the look of disdain she is throwing to me.

"Fine." Her coffee mug comes down hard on the counter, splashing coffee everywhere, and she steps around me, heading for our jackets on the chair. "Forget it."

As she snatches up her jacket, I lunge towards her, grabbing her arm, and she freezes, horror crossing her face.

"No! Wait! I'm sorry. Really, Veronica, I'm really, really sorry. For all of it." Miraculously, her expression softens as does my grip. "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did at the party. I'm sorry I got drunk and ditched you. I'm sorry for that night, and I'm sorry it took me this long to apologize."

Her breath hitches, and she licks her lips, dropping her jacket back on the chair. "I'm sorry too, Logan. I'm sorry I said anything about your nightmares to Jackie and Wallace, and I'm sorry I was avoiding you all week. I didn't really give you the opportunity to apologize or for us to talk about what happened."

As I let go of her arm, she steps towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist and for a second, I'm at a loss as to what to do. I can't remember the last time anyone has ever apologized for anything they've ever done to me, much less hugged me after, and my arms just hang in the air behind her as she squeezes me.

"And I've missed you. It was stupid of me to run off every morning because I really have missed you," she continues.

"Then why did you run?"

"I…" Veronica's arms tighten around me, her head presses against my chest. Reaching for her hair, I begin to stroke it, and she exhales, her muscles relaxing into me, and it seems to unstick whatever is stuck in her brain. "I'm not sure. My parents...they used to argue when I was little, and when they did, I used to hide from the sound of their voices. Maybe I was doing the same with you? Hiding from the argument."

A confession. A peek behind the curtain. She's offering me a glimpse into her life, behind the facade of what we've all been taught to present as our families.

"My parents argued too," I offer, hesitantly, making sure not to give away too much. "I think that's normal."

"Oh. I guess it could be."

Silence falls between us again, and I continue to stroke her hair. I've missed touching her so much that I feel high from all the serotonin my brain is releasing as I gently stroke her locks.

"Veronica, can we promise each other something?"

"What?"

"Can we try to handle things differently next time? Can we just talk about what happened instead of retreating? Because I don't know about you, but this week has been hellish for me."

"It hasn't been very enjoyable for me, either."

"Then promise me that next time I screw up, you'll stick around and let me try and make it up to you."

"Okay. I promise."

"Good. And I'll do the same for you. I'll give you ample opportunity to grovel for my forgiveness."

"Thanks." Her head bounces against me as she laughs. "Thanks a lot."

My head dips towards her as she raises hers, eyes sparkling in the evening light. Even though she looks happy now, I can see the dark circles under her eyes, through her makeup. I know I've been doing a lot of fake-sleeping with my back to her at night. I wonder if she's been doing the same?

"You know what we should do now?"

"What?"

"Make up."

Veronica's lips meet me halfway, soft and sweet and tasting of strawberry lip gloss. And I need her. Fuck, I need her because my chest constricts as I think of all the times I missed kissing her this week. And now I want it all. I want to kiss her for so long that it makes me forget about every kiss we didn't have. When her fingers dig into my shoulders as she opens her mouth to me, hungry for more, I take it as a sign and bend, hands locked firmly under her ass cheeks, and I pull her into the air. She gasps, her lips releasing from mine as her legs instinctively wrap around my waist. Her eyes are wide for a second before a delicious grin spreads across her moist lips.

"You're really making up for lost time, aren't you?"

"Yes. Do you mind?"

Her tongue darts across her lips, and she arches her eyebrow at me, conspiratorially.

"Not at all. Carry on."

One-step and Veronica nips at my bottom lip, and I groan, slowly making my way toward the bed. Her legs tighten, her hips push into me, and I dig my fingers into her ass, tight against her jeans, to keep her secure. At the foot of the mattress, her palms cradle my cheeks, deepening our kiss, her tongue flicking mine, and I can't help the moan that rumbles through me. Pulling her lips away, she presses her forehead to mine.

"Now what are you going to do with me?"

"Whatever you want."

Her eyes darken, and fuck, I'm hard as a hundred different ways to make her come fly through my head all at once. Thank you for forgiving my jackassery. Can I give you an orgasm to make up for it? Maybe a little too forward, but the intent lingers that I want to somehow make her blissfully happy.

"I've missed kissing you." Veronica's fingers brush my cheek ever so gently, trailing up to my head where her fingers anchor in my hair. "Missed lying next to you. Missed feeling you next to me."

"Let's never fight again," I offer and she giggles.

"Well, since that's impossible...let's just enjoy the making up for now."

The tip of her nose brushes mine, and I chuckle as she teases me. In response, I kneel on the bed and release her, dropping her a short way to the mattress, and she squeals as we separate. My hands fall flat on either side of her shoulders, so I'm hovering just over her body, and she grins up at me.

"You're too far away."

Lowering myself, I brush my nose across hers, teasing her as she just did to me, and rise away again, laughing.

"How was that?"

Wriggling underneath me, she pouts, and I make another pass, lowering myself and stealing a quick peck on her lips and retreating.

"Or that?" I tease.

She turns her cheek and huffs, and I lower myself to kiss her once more, and that's when she makes her move, grabbing my shoulders and shifting her weight, tossing me off balance. I twist and fall to the side of her, and she pounces, throwing her leg over me and mounts my side, perching herself on my hip, laughing. We're near the edge of the tiny bed, and I buck as she screams, flopping myself on my back as she lands on my hips.

From her new position, Veronica rocks back slightly, and my cock catches some friction from her ass and hardens. Her hands grasp my Henley, and she smiles.

"Fine. You have me. Now, what do you want to do with me?"

She taps her index finger on the bow of her lips, wrinkling her nose as she pretends to think.

"Hmmm...maybe this…?"

The Cheshire grin she wears as she lowers herself down on top of me is incorrigible, and I chuckle as she brings her lips to mine. Heat rushes through me, and I close my eyes, enjoying her lips pressed firmly against me, her hands gripping my shoulders. When I cup her ass with my hands, she arches into me, and I moan into her mouth as she catches my cock through the fabric of my jeans. Her lips pull away slightly, teasing me, and my mouth follows hers, hungry for more. She must be feeling the same because her hips rock against me, and I stop myself from slipping my hand between us to give her some friction to grind against other than just my hips. Instead, I let myself wander, my fingers slip under the hem of her sweater to grasp her bare waist. Her response is to open her mouth, allowing my tongue to find hers.

I could do this all day and night. The weight of her on top of me is comforting, and from her position, I relinquish control to her completely. Jesus, let her take the wheel. I'll go wherever she wants just as long as she continues to kiss me with this depth and tenderness.

She releases my lips suddenly, panting as she works to catch her breath, and I'm more than a little proud that I've managed to take her breath away just with some kissing.

Her neck is exposed as she arches, and I brush my lips across her collarbone, planting small kisses to the junction of her shoulder. When I suck the sensitive skin, Veronica gasps again, moaning as she calls out my name.

"Lo-gannnnn…"

"Is this okay?" I murmur into her skin.

"Yes," she sighs, arching slightly to allow for more room between us. "More than okay."

With her acceptance, I continue to tease her skin, alternating between little nips and soft kisses. Her hips begin to grind against me, harder as tiny mewls of satisfaction fill the room. Sliding my hand up slightly, I manage to make my way up her spine to the edge of her bra, where I stop, spreading my palm across her skin.

I release her neck and drop my head down to the pillow to take in the sight of her; her face is flush and glowing, her lips swollen and red. My fingers trail up and down her spine, and she shivers.

"You're very good at kissing." Her eyes flutter as she places her hands on my chest, overlapping, and lowers herself down to rest her chin on top.

"Thanks. So are you."

"Mmmm...not as good as you, though…"

The way she trails off makes me worry that she could be gearing up for something. My synapses start firing, on alert for whatever she has planned for me next—good or bad.

"I think I inherited it from my mother. She once told me an old celebrity magazine said she had the best lips in Hollywood."

"Ah. That must be it."

"It must."

I continue to run my fingers up and down her back, and she sighs contentedly, a comfortable silence falling between us. She lays her head down on my chest, her finger tracing the hatching in my Henley, and for a moment, everything is right with the world. Closing my eyes, I savour her gentle touch as all the stress of the week floats away.

"Logan?"

"Hmmm?"

"Exactly how many people have you kissed?"

Well, that didn't last long.

Opening one eye, I look for any trace of annoyance, but she continues to avoid my eyes, still watching her finger tracing on my chest.

"Is this a trap?"

"No!" With that, she looks up at me, shocked. "I just...well, I wanted to know if you had any practice. Besides Lilly, that is."

"This is such a bear trap. A big old, leg-ripping, blood-gushing, stump-forming bear trap."

"What? Why? How is this a bear trap?" She sits up but stays perched on my hips, frowning at me.

"What does it matter who I've kissed?"

"I'm just asking! I didn't know it was some sort of state secret."

She moves to roll off of me, and my hands come down on her hips, locking her in place. A little growl of frustration rises from her, but I don't let go.

"Fine. You want to know? I'll tell you." When she stops moving, I'm sure she's not going to run, so I release one hip and raise a finger in the air, staring her down. "One...Madison Sinclair kissed me during a free study about a week after I moved to Neptune. She got a one-day suspension because I didn't consent." I raise another finger. "Two...an extra on one of my parent's movies kissed me about a year later. She was my age, and it was amazing, but I never saw her again. Three…" one more finger comes up. "...Lilly. And I refuse to go into any more detail. Four…" One more finger and a deep breath. "Casey Gant because Lilly really thought I chose polyamory. He's a good kisser but not good enough to make me change my real answer. And that leads us to…" I point to her shocked face and grin. "Number five. You."

For a second, she doesn't move, frozen in her disbelief.

"Did you...um...with Casey…?"

I shrug. "We fooled around while Lilly watched. Not all the way, if you get my drift, but still had some fun. But apparently, he changed his answer for Orwell to bisexual afterwards, so Lilly felt we did him a good service by helping him figure things out."

Veronica's eyes grow wide, and her mouth drops open. It seems like she's trying to form some words, but they don't come out. I believe the term for this paralysis may be gobsmacked.

"Wha...whe...where the hell was I when this was happening?"

I don't mean to laugh, but I can't help it. She and Lilly were indeed inseparable in school, but she wasn't with her every minute.

"Probably with your family. It was over the summer break a few years ago. I guess Casey made a remark about the level of my hotness in the cafeteria one day, and Lilly felt the need to act."

"So...you fooled around with Casey but didn't change your preference to bisexual or polyamorous?"

"This is correct. Again, good kisser, but I just didn't see that being my preference in the long run."

She bites the corner of her lip, a V forming between her eyebrows as she regards me from her perch.

"Interesting."

"Interesting?"

"Yes. Interesting. And kinda hot."

I slide my hands back down to her ass, giving her a squeeze, and she laughs.

"The thought of Casey and me going at it turns you on?"

Blush rises in her cheeks. "A little." She takes my shirt in her fists and gives it a playful tug. "Can I tell you something?"

"Anything. You can tell me anything and everything, Veronica. No judgment."

She sucks in a sharp breath, glancing away for a moment and then back to me.

"Even though I never did anything about it, I once had a vivid sex dream about Lilly."

She's definitely going to kill me. My cock twitches at the vague thought of Lilly and Veronica rolling around on a bed in front of me, and I hope she doesn't notice the movement beneath her.

"Wow. I have to say, I was honestly not expecting that confession."

"Yes, well, I never did anything about it, obviously, and I've never really felt any attraction to any women other than that one dream…" She wriggles on top of me, averting her eyes, and I can feel the discomfort she has talking about this just radiating from her body. "...but since you were so honest with me, I thought I would be honest with you."

Honest. Being honest with each other. What a concept. After seeing the lies tossed back and forth by my parents, hiding my relationship with Lilly, and the scars on my back, honesty is sort of a foreign concept to me. It's definitely not my default setting.

My hand slides up her back, over her shirt and spreads across her shoulder blades, gently pressing her back down towards me, and her eyes light up when she licks her lips, picking up the signals I'm sending. When she arrives, her kiss is gentle and warm, and I close my eyes and lose myself for a moment in the kindness of it all. She didn't judge me, she didn't get mad or upset by my revelation. In fact, she decided to share her own feelings as well.

As she moves away again, grinning at me, her hair falls and tickle my cheeks as she keeps herself raised up ever so slightly above me, as if she's just taking a moment before returning to my lips again.

"So...what should we do now?"

"This. Just this. I want to kiss you and touch you and stay just like this for as long as possible."

I brush a section of hair hanging down on my face and tuck it behind her ear as she sighs.

"I think that's a fantastic idea."