Logan

The sun on my face feels amazing and even though it's chilly on the back deck, it's not nearly as cold as Chicago. We leave in two days and Veronica insisted that even though we weren't venturing out into Neptune, that we should still get outside, which is why our homework is spread on the patio table and her feet are up on my lap while we read our textbooks this afternoon.

Keith finally came home last night from delivering Mom safely to the border, with news that C.H.A.D. cells had been quietly neutralized in several zones, including Chicago. When Veronica asked about Gory and Piz, her father would only state that they would no longer be a problem and his tone made us realize we shouldn't ask much more. The bottom line was it was safe to return home. That's what mattered to us right now.

As I read, I gently stroke the top of Veronica's pink socks, and she purrs with contentment in her chair near me. Glancing over, her eyes flutter as she sighs, a soft smile on her lips. Yesterday, I talked to the court-ordered therapist and I was finally able to push past some of the crushing sadness and anxiety that came along with everything that happened. So much so that when I woke up this morning, I felt like the cloud that followed me all my life was finally gone. It also meant that with my feelings returning, I was horny as fuck and took great pleasure in sliding my hand into Veronica's sleep shorts and stroking her clit until she awoke and came, hard and fast, holding her body as still as possible so the bed wouldn't shake and biting her lip so she wouldn't cry out. When she reciprocated, stroking my cock, she kept her lips on mine as I came in her hands, making sure I was as quiet as possible.

Since then, there have been the side glances at me. The subtle brush of her hand on my knee, under the table at breakfast and lunch. The whispers in my ear, while we watched the news, about how she wanted to join the "Mile High Club" on our flight back home. Once or twice, Lianne caught us kissing and just giggled, rolling her eyes. Even Keith shook his head and chuckled, muttering something about "young love" when he found Veronica tucked in the crook of my arm, her leg slung over mine, as we sat on the couch.

Now, she wrinkles her nose at me and mouths, "I love you", as she blows me a kiss, and my heart wants to explode with joy. I know that this isn't the end to my problems—not by a long shot—but for now, everything feels right.

The back door opens behind me and I try to turn, keeping Veronica's feet on my lap.

"There's someone here to see you both," Keith states in a monotone. "But I don't know if you want to see them."

Veronica yanks her feet off my lap and stands, placing her book down on the table and I do the same, turning to face Keith.

"Who is it?" she asks, frowning with concern.

Scratching the stubble on his cheek, Keith sighs. "It's Lilly. And Sabrina. They are in town for the weekend to help her folks with Duncan's legal problems."

Rubbing her wrists, Veronica's eyes go wide in shock. "Is…is Duncan in Neptune? Was he transferred here?"

I move closer to her and wrap my arm around her waist. She's wearing my hoodie and she thrusts her hands into the front pocket to hide her hands. The bruises are so faded that you can barely see them, but I've caught her still rubbing the spot, as if they were fresh on her skin.

"He wasn't. He's been transferred from Chicago through, for the time being, to a correctional facility in the Eastern Zone in protective custody."

"Protective custody? For what?" I snap a little too harshly and Keith puts up his palm in defense.

"He's in protective custody, Logan, because he's the one who gave testimony about the bombings," Keith calmly explains. "He turned in evidence against Gory Sorokin and Stosh Piznarski, which means that he's now a target for C.H.A.D. members currently incarcerated as part of the sting. "They've set him up in a prison where there are no members that can get to him, and where, once he has his day in court, he will probably serve out his sentence for your assault."

"And the bombings? What about the bombings?" Veronica asks.

Keith shrugs. "For that, he'll have some form of punishment, but it will not be as severe as Sorokin and Piznarski since they're the ones who executed the bombing. Duncan's testimony has kept him out of the Radiation Zone, but it seems as though he will be spending a good deal of his life behind bars in prison."

"So, Lilly wants to talk to us about what happened?" she continues.

"She does." Keith nods. "They are in the living room, but I can tell them to leave, if you don't want to deal with them."

She glances up at me with sad eyes and I shrug. "It's up to you, Veronica. She's your best friend. Do you want to talk to her?"

Veronica bites her lips, pausing in thought. This could be a good visit, or it could be very bad. There was no way Lilly was happy about her brother's incarceration, but whether she blamed Veronica and I for his fall into madness is my main concern. Because after everything Veronica's been through with Duncan, I doubt a confrontation would help her cope with the attack.

"Okay," she finally says and reaches for my hand. "You'll come with me, right?"

"Absolutely." Bending, I kiss her forehead and she forces a smile.

"I'm sure it will be fine, Veronica," Keith says, his hand on the door knob. "I think Lilly is just sad about her brother's fate, that's all."

Veronica nods and he opens the door, letting us go through. The smell of dinner cooking momentarily distracts me as we walk past Lianne, chopping vegetables at the counter for something amazing, and she gives me a tight smile as we pass. Walking into the living room, we spy Lilly and Sabrina, standing across the room, the picture from our union ceremony dinner in their hands. Lilly has her long blond hair up in a chic bun, a rosy blush painting her white skin. She's wearing black slacks and a red blouse and she looks so much more mature than I remember from the last time I saw her, more than a year ago, that it takes my brain a second to comprehend that it is, in fact, the same girl I slept with. Sabrina is taller than her, her skin a mahogany contrast to Lilly's paleness. Her black curly hair is slicked back into a neat bun, but she's dressed a bit more casually, in tight black jeans and a soft yellow sweater. When they see us, they put down the frame, and Sabrina smiles broadly at us.

"See, Lilly. I told you they would want to see you."

Lilly's eyes go wide as she blinks back tears, then she walks toward Veronica. Veronica starts toward her and they meet in the middle of the room, pulling each other into a deep embrace.

"I'm so sorry, Vee! I'm sorry for everything!"

"I'm sorry, Lilly! I'm sorry I couldn't save him!"

The two continue to hug, murmuring in low tones to each other, as Sabrina walks around the coffee table and comes to stand next to me. In her heels, she's my height and I smile cordially at her.

"Hey, Sabrina."

"Hey, Logan. How you doing?"

"Well, I didn't die in an explosion, so I'm going to say, pretty good. How are you doing?"

"That is a pretty good thing." She pats my back, shaking her head as she chuckles. "Wish we were here under better circumstances, but still not doing too bad."

Veronica and Lilly are still hugging in the middle of the room and I can see Lilly blinking back tears over Veronica's shoulder. Slowly, they untangle from their embrace and wipe their eyes.

"I love my brother, but he's a moron. Always has been, always will be," Lilly states. Taking Veronica's hands, she clutches them to her breast. "I'm so sorry I ever asked you to keep an eye on him."

"Lilly, we were all friends. Of course I would try and look out for him. There was no way I ever in a million years thought that he would do any of this." She glances back at me for a moment before returning her attention to Lilly. "I mean, I knew he was upset about Logan and I being partnered, but I thought he would eventually get over it."

"My brother was never very good at getting over things. It's one of the reasons why Mom coddled him so much. From the moment he was born, she doted on him. If Duncan wanted something, Mom moved heaven and earth to get it for him. We ate the meals he liked, watched the movies he wanted…it was always about him." Rolling her eyes, Lilly sighs. "Thank God I had two dads or I would have never had any attention."

I can't help my smirk but keep my thoughts to myself. Lilly needing attention tracked big-time. As one of her former lovers, I could attest to it.

"Still needs attention. But there's only one of me," Sabrina mutters beside me and I cover my mouth with my fist, trying to hold back a guffaw.

"You, stop it." Lilly wags her finger at her partner, her eyes narrowing, even as a coy smile spreads on her red lips. "The counsellor said I'm doing better at not making it all about me."

"So then, back to Duncan…" Sabrina flips her long fingers over and over in the air, trying to speed things up.

"Right! As I was saying…" Lilly spins her attention back to Veronica, gripping her shoulders. "Duncan was always going to be messed up and absolutely none of this is your fault. It's my mom's."

"Lilly!" Sabrina lets out an exasperated sigh. "I love you, but baby, please stick to the topic."

"I am!" Lilly snaps. "Look, Veronica, I just really wanted to come here and tell you that everything between us is fine. I know that you and Logan did your best to try and help Duncan. But what he did to you both…I may never forgive myself for, because I should have seen it. He was always a violent, vicious little brother, but I thought that was just how little brothers were supposed to act. I just figured he would grow out of it, but obviously he didn't."

"What makes you say that, Lil?" Veronica asks, frowning with concern at our friend. "Was there something that he did to you?"

Dropping her grip on Veronica, Lilly crosses her arms over her chest, her shoulders hunching as if protecting herself from her memories.

"I don't know. It was just a lot of little things he did as a kid. Like, he used to bite me when he was a baby and laugh. Laugh! And Mom just let him do it, so it wasn't until Pops stepped in and took away his toy cars that he finally stopped." Lilly shifts from foot to foot, looking visibly uncomfortable. "But like, Mom got him a foam dart gun for Christmas one year, and he used to sit in his bedroom window and shoot birds out of the trees in our backyard and laugh when our cat, Snickers, would catch them on the ground and tear them apart. Or once, he came into my bedroom and pulled all the heads off my dolls and buried them in the yard and my mom wrote it off as a joke, even though I cried for days. Dad and Pops made him dig them all up, and they fixed all of them, and took away Duncan's bike for the summer."

"Did they ever send Duncan to a counsellor?" Veronica shoves her hands in her hoodie pocket again, glancing to me, then back to Lilly.

"He went a couple of times that I remember, but it was for little things, like his ongoing tantrums. It was never for the things he did to me, because everyone wrote it off as just Duncan."

"Nature versus nurture," I mumble.

"Yep," Sabrina concurs beside me.

"But that's why I worried about him." Lilly gasps in frustration, glancing at me and Sabrina. "I mean, he's my brother, and I'm supposed to love him, but I also knew how he was when my mother and fathers weren't looking. And I was afraid for him because he was so…mean…but my mom taught him how to hide it so well, that I was worried about what he would get himself into." Turning back to Veronica, she sighs. "But I never in a million years thought he would hurt you, Veronica, because he said he loved you. I thought you would be safe. I thought you and Logan would both be safe. I thought the only person he would hurt would be himself. But I was wrong and I'm sorry."

Shaking her head, Veronica sighs. "Lilly, you couldn't have known. I'm glad you told me about everything because he hid that side of himself so well that neither Logan nor I saw it until it was too late. And I'm just sad that it all played out this way."

Lilly looked to her and batted her lashes, a slow grin spreading across her face. "So you still love me?"

"I will always love you, Lilly." Veronica opens her arms and wraps Lilly in a giant hug, kissing her cheek. "Even if you kept the secret of sleeping with Logan from me for, like, ever."

My stomach tightens for a moment before Veronica's giggle fills the room and she releases Lilly, grinning at me.

"Oh fuck, not again…" I mutter, covering my face with my palms. "I thought we were done with that conversation!"

"I had to," Veronica coos, striding over to me.

I drop my hands from my face in time to see her stop in front of me, rising on her tiptoes to give me a peck on the lips. Wrapping my arms around her, I sigh, kissing the top of her head.

"No, you really didn't."

"You should be thanking me…" Lilly laughs, strutting over to Sabrina. "I taught him everything he knows."

Everyone starts laughing, except for me. "I would like to say…." I protest over the noise. "…that I had natural talents and abilities before Lilly, thank you very much."

Sabrina elbows me as Lilly comes around next to her. "Sure you did, Logan." Lilly stops beside her and the women wrap their arms around each other.

"I give up," I sigh, rolling my eyes, and the women laugh louder.

"Well, what are we all laughing about?" Keith's voice behind me sends a shiver down my spine and I stiffen. Please God, don't let him have heard this conversation.

"Nothing!" we all say in unison, setting off another round of laughter.

I turn toward Keith, and Veronica slips around too, tucking herself under my arm. Keith nods at us all and rubs his hands together with anticipation.

"I'm glad to see everyone so happy. Does this mean that if I ask Lilly and Sabrina to stay for dinner, they will accept? Lianne has a roast in the oven and it's more than enough food for us all."

Sabrina and Lilly exchange glances and smile. "Thank you, Mr. Mars," Sabrina says. "We would love to stay for dinner."

"Fine then. I'll go and set a couple extra places at the table." Keith gives a little flourish of his hand as he backs out of the room, towards the kitchen.

Left alone again, the four of us look between each other. This is the first time we've all been together as partners and there's a certain comfort to seeing everyone happy, despite everything that's happened.

"Why don't we have a seat and catch up," I suggest, jerking my head towards the couch. "Don't know when we'll get to talk like this again, once we're all back at college."

Lilly glances up at Sabrina, her big blue eyes sparkling as she looks at her partner. It's different from the way she looked at me, once upon a time, or the way she looks at Veronica. When Lilly looks at Sabrina, it's as if you can see the love radiating between them, and it makes me happy to witness.

"Sure," Lilly says. "Let's talk."

Veronica

The clock says 2:30 a.m. but I'm not the least bit tired. Maybe it was all the coffee. Maybe it was the excitement of having the chance to see Lilly and Sabrina again. Or maybe it's everything that has happened in the past few days just finally catching up to my brain. Logan fell asleep in an instant tonight, which doesn't surprise me. I feel like he has a lifetime of bad sleep to catch up on. His nightmares seem to have subsided for now, but whether that continues once we get home or not, is yet to be seen.

I crawled from his arms at around midnight and took up residence on the couch, the warm glow from the television illuminating the room. It was kind of nice to just sit here, sprawled under a big, crocheted blanket in my sleep shorts and a t-shirt, flipping channels aimlessly in the dark. Soothing. Dad told me there were once hundreds of channels to choose from and joked that there was still never anything 'good' on. Now, we have ten, and two of them are news. Everything on our airways is approved by the government and I wonder what's going to happen to those movies and television shows that were being produced by Lynn and Aaron, now that he's going to prison. I suspect that somehow, it will all still manage to move on.

The bedroom door creaks open and Logan appears in the dark hallway, in black boxer-briefs and a grey t-shirt, rubbing his eyes.

"Hey. Whatcha doing out here?"

"Couldn't sleep." I sigh. "Didn't want to wake you up so I came out here."

Sauntering over to me, he leans over and I raise my head to him, meeting in the middle for a soft kiss. As he walks past me, I pull my legs off the other side of the couch to make room for him. My body bounces when he flops onto the cushions. Lifting the end of the blanket, he drapes it over his bare legs.

"When I realized my arm wasn't numb from your head on it, I woke up." Logan chuckles, gathering my cold feet up onto his warm lap. "You know, I could have done something to help you sleep."

"Thanks for the offer." I giggle, shaking my head. "I wasn't really feeling up to sex in any way, shape or form."

"What? Shocking," he teases. "Why not? What's going on in that big brain of yours."

"Everything. Everything is going on in there."

"So, tell me. Tell me everything."

My eyes dart to the stairs, a mental check on my parents before I start talking. Dad was scheduled to work, which meant he would be up early. I wanted to be in bed at least by the time he came downstairs. Pointing the remote at the TV, I mute the sound, focusing my attention on Logan.

"Where should I even start?"

"Start wherever you want. I'm here to listen."

I run my hands through my hair and sigh, trying to gather my thoughts. "I think my brain is overwhelmed right now and it's like it's leaking through my veins."

"What is? The feeling of being overwhelmed?"

"Yes. That. But everything. Even though everything's taken care of in the eyes of the law, I just have this feeling of uneasiness from everything that's happened."

"So, Duncan…and Gory…"

"…and my mom, and your dad, and your mom…and my dad for that matter…." Shaking my head, I let out a groan of discontent. "I feel like I'm in the eye of this massive storm that is swirling around both of us. We've done nothing to attract the storm, but it keeps swiping at us and then retreating and it's filled me with this deep sense of dread and unease that I just can't shake."

"That makes complete sense, Veronica."

"Yeah, but I was hoping when we came back here, to Neptune, and dealt with our problems, that it would go away, but it hasn't subsided. At all. In fact, it feels like it's gotten worse."

"I know how that feels, Veronica. I understand, and frankly, I know that there's nothing I can say that will get rid of it in an instant, but it will begin to pass, in time. Going home—back to our home—will help. Getting on with our routine will help. Starting to talk to a counsellor on a regular basis will help too."

"See, and that's part of it…" I bite my bottom lip, pausing to properly articulate my feelings. "Logan, I'm worried about talking to a counsellor now, after what my father said about what the government knows about us, and what it doesn't know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, doesn't it weird you out to know that there are files about us—about every little detail of who we are—that are in the government's possession? I mean, my dad just proved to us that he has the clout to get his hands on one of those files, but what if there are others that can do that? What if the New Democracy falls at some point, and all that information gets into the hands of the wrong people? I mean, the counsellors must take notes on us when we talk to them. How much is collected and kept?"

"Veronica, I don't think the government is out to get us."

"Maybe not this government, but what if it changes? Logan, I can't stop thinking about what would happen if all of this information and knowledge was used against us, as citizens. That's what's been occupying my brain. This overwhelming feeling of being naked in the eyes of the bureaucracy. Of them knowing everything about me and it's scaring me for the future."

"I…I never really thought about it that way."

"So, you agree with me then?"

"I do, yes, but Veronica, that's why I think people like us have been chosen, to care for this type of information. Chosen to be the keepers of the democracy so the people in power are always keeping the best interest of the citizens who elected them safe." Logan pauses, scratching at the stubble on his cheek, looking off into the darkness of the room. "After the fall of the old regime in the war, people were independently elected to the New Democracy. They took an oath to the people they represented, not to any parties or regions, but to the people themselves. And I do believe that you and I will honour that same oath in our careers and help to hold others accountable." He chuckles. "I mean, just look what we've done with C.H.A.D. and Gory and Piz and Duncan. We held them accountable for their actions. And we aren't even working yet! We're still learning."

Crossing my arms, I shift against the arm of the couch. He did have a point about everything. But I still feel uneasy.

"That's the other thing, Logan. I can't shake this feeling…this feeling of being stupid."

"Veronica, you are not stupid."

"But I feel that way! I feel like I should have known better…that I should have seen what was happening with Duncan sooner. And maybe if I had, then we could have saved some of the people who died in the explosion. If we acted sooner and thought about putting Gory away, even if Duncan went to prison as an accessory, then people wouldn't have died."

"You followed your heart, Veronica. Duncan was our friend and you followed your loyalty and love for your friend. Up until we left for college, there was nothing that Duncan had done that would have made you suspect he wasn't above board about everything. We were all duped by his behavior, not just you."

"I'm sorry, Logan. I know you're hurting about this too."

"I am, but my mind has been a little too preoccupied by Aaron and Mom to really think about it." He shrugs and I know that he's trying to put his sadness to the side, but it's still there, ever present, even when he's smiling.

"Yeah. I know you have." Tossing him a wry grin, I shrug back. "I've elected to compartmentalize my problems with my mom for the moment to think about everything else."

"See, so we're both obsessing, just about different things."

"I guess we are."

"I know the cure for that…" Rising, Logan offers me his hand, smiling. "Come with me."

Cringing from his hand, I wriggle under the blankets. "Logan…I still don't feel like sex."

Laughing, he shakes his head at me. "It's not about that. Just come with me and get dressed."

"Okay. That's exactly the opposite of what I thought you would say." I smirk and turn off the television.

Taking his hand, he pulls me to my feet and gives me a quick kiss on the tip of my nose. Silently, we sneak back to our room and close the door.

"Get dressed in dark clothes, preferably warm. Don't forget your coat," he whispers and pulls his black jeans off the floor, stepping quickly into them.

"Wait? What? Why?"

"We're going out."

It's a devilish grin he throws at me, filled with boyish mischief and for a second, I think that smile could lead me straight into hell. But then my wits come back to me and I shake my head.

"Logan. We can't go out. Neptune's curfew is 1:00 a.m. and it's well past that."

Pulling his hoodie over his t-shirt, he tosses me a wink and my stomach does a little flip. "You really didn't break any rules when you were a teenager, did you?"

"Um, no. Why? What rule are you planning on breaking?"

Reaching into the back of the closet, Logan retrieves the bottle of champagne his mother left with us. Dumping the contents of his carryon onto the ground, he stuffs the bottle in and grabs a thin blanket from the top shelf of the closet and folds it in too.

"Curfew. I used to sneak out of the house to see Lilly and would come back well after dark, but I actually honed my skills by running away from Aaron when I was younger. If I heard him in a rage, I would jump out my window and scramble into the darkness. He couldn't follow me because he would get caught, but I was smaller and could hide. Gave him time to cool off and I escaped a beating...until I got home, that is."

I step over to him and cup his face with my hands, kissing him tenderly. When we part, he gives me a wobbly smile.

"Come on, Veronica. Get dressed. Let me show you what the world is like when it stops moving."

Again, he offers his hand and I take it, squeezing tightly.

"Okay," I whisper. "Show me."