Epilogue
"Veronica!"
As I jostle out of the classroom, I turn toward the sound of my name to see Logan waving frantically at me from down the crowded hallway. I stop, frowning at him in confusion and like a salmon swimming upstream, he pushes through the flow of other students toward me.
"It's happened! The baby! It's happened!" he yells and students around him part.
My heart leaps at his words and I involuntarily shriek with excitement. Now I'm the one shocking the people around me, but I'm too excited to care. Time seemed to fly by after the holidays, then came to a crashing halt around the end of February as Jackie's due date came and went and we slid into March. We tried to be good friends to them—going for walks with Jackie around campus during lunch and coming over to help Wallace with household chores—since we knew that if the anxiety of the baby showing up was vibrating through Logan and I, it must be unbearable for them.
When Logan reaches me, he scoops me up in a giant hug and spins me around as I squeal, hoping not to hit anyone with my legs. He's breathing hard and there's sweat on his brow and I wonder if he ran all the way here.
"Wallace sent Mac to find me, since his schedule is my schedule. Would have been here sooner, but I had to boot home to find your class number." He chuckles, kissing my cheek and placing me back on the ground. "Good thing we have our schedules on the wall."
"It finally comes in handy." I laugh. "I assume that everyone's okay and safe and healthy if you're this happy?"
Logan takes my hand and we start to walk down the hallway towards the exit. "They are. Mac and Parker have been there since last night, helping Jackie and Wallace. They called the midwife around midnight and the baby was born at 7:35 a.m. The post-partum doula arrived to help, so Wallace sent the girls home to sleep, but asked that one of them come and find me so we could come over."
Glancing at the big clock over the exit, I do the math in my head. It's 11:35 a.m. Jackie and Wallace's baby had been on this earth for exactly four hours.
"Wow. We're going to go meet the baby now? It's going to be so tiny."
"I know." Logan grins as he pushes open the door, a blast of cool spring air hitting us both as we hurry outside. "Pretty amazing, huh?!"
I laugh as he tugs my hand, speeding his pace on the path, headed towards the family housing. Taking a little skip and a hop, I quicken my steps to catch up.
"I think you're more excited about this than I am."
"You're not excited?"
"Oh, I am!" I gasp, trying to keep up. "But I'm also a bit freaked out about the possibility of holding someone that tiny. I've never done it before."
"Neither have I." Logan's eyes open wider with excitement. "Isn't it great?!"
Giggling, I grip Logan's arm, trying to slow him down. "It is, but the baby will still be there whether we take five minutes to get there or ten."
With a sigh, he finally slows his pace and I keep myself wrapped around his arm, joy tickling in my belly.
In the past few months, we've worked hard to deal with the lingering trauma from everything we experienced. When we returned home from Neptune, I became plagued by nightmares involving Duncan and Gory, and Logan became the reassurance for me in the night. The crumbling fitness center triggered us both, and for months, every time we walked by, we would avoid looking directly at it. News that the explosion was the work of terrorists was announced around Christmas, when we were safely back home celebrating the holidays with my parents, and the New Democracy assured us that we were once again safe from C.H.A.D. and their ilk, a fact my father quietly confirmed.
I talk to my therapist on a weekly basis about the nightmares, my mother and father, and Logan, but there is still a part of me that is now guarded, worried about telling too much. A remnant of my trauma. Logan dropped from almost daily check-in calls to his therapist to once a week as well. The day we sat in the Regional Security System video-conference room, and watched Aaron get sentenced to two consecutive terms of 15 years in prison for the crimes of child and partner abuse, was a relief, but it set off in Logan a deep sense of grief that he didn't have the courage to come forward sooner. I was glad I could call my therapist and ask her advice on how to help him manage his pain and sadness. And hearing from Lynn herself that she would be back in Novo Terra by late spring, when Dad felt it was safe, helped give Logan some closure.
Together, we worked, focused, regrouped and came through it stronger, separately, and as a couple. Because woven between the heartache and pain was the love. The love between us. The love of all our friends. The love of our family, supporting us as best they could from afar. And today…today feels like a convergence of that love.
When we arrive, breathless on their doorstep, Logan raises his hand to ring the doorbell, but he's stopped by Wallace pulling open the door. He's dressed in baggy sweats and a college t-shirt, his hair a disheveled mop of curls, but his eyes are wide and excited, and a giddy smile takes up his face.
"You gotta see her. She's beautiful, man!" Wallace exclaims, tears springing to his eyes. By the puffiness of his skin and the streaks of red in his eyes, it seems like this may have been the millionth time he cried tears of joy today.
"Congratulations!" Stepping into the house, I wrap my arms around Wallace and he hugs me so hard that I gasp.
"We can't wait! Thanks for getting Mac to come and find me," Logan says behind me, closing the door.
"Of course, we would come and find you. You're both family." Wallace releases me and I pull off my jacket, toeing my wet boots onto the mat. "Let me say, having Mac and Parker around to help me was amazing, especially when things got hard for Jackie."
"But she's fine?" I ask and step into the living room, making room for Logan to follow.
"She's as fine as any woman who just squeezed an eight-pound baby out her vagina can be." Wallace laughs and I cringe at the thought that I plan on doing that very thing someday.
"Okay, three seconds into this visit and you are not selling the whole concept of pregnancy to me at all, Wallace."
He claps his hands and rubs them together, shaking his head. "Nah. You'll change your mind when you see her. Makes everything worthwhile."
"Says the person without the vagina," Logan replies next to me and I guffaw at the truth of his words.
"Ha. Ha," Wallace says, sarcastically. "You wanna see my baby or not?"
"Yes, we wanna see your baby." Clasping Wallace's shoulder, Logan smiles. "But I also wanna yank your chain just a bit about it too."
Gesturing for us to follow him, Wallace begins to make his way up the stairs. "Good thing you can multitask, right?"
"Exactly."
I follow Wallace and Logan stays behind me as we walk towards the master bedroom. As we approach down the hall, a tall, older, white woman with striking ginger hair comes from the room. She sees Wallace and smiles.
"Jackie's getting hungry again, so I'm going to fix her a snack and make her some tea with honey. The midwife said her blood sugars were a bit low after the birth and I want to make sure it evens out."
"Thanks Stacey. I appreciate it."
With a small nod at us, her smile widens as she passes by us on her way downstairs. "That's what I'm here for. To help and make sure everyone is safe and content. Enjoy your visit."
At the closed door, we pause and Logan takes my hand. There's a humming of excitement in my brain, like I'm about to receive the best present in the world and when Wallace pushes the door open, I have to hold myself in check.
Jackie is sitting propped up by pillows in the middle of their big bed, the duvet covering her legs. She's in a blue robe with the collar pushed back a bit to make room for the baby's small, round head laying against her chest. The baby is wrapped in a soft white blanket and Jackie is holding her close. When her eyes meet mine, she has the same look of exhaustion and elation as Wallace and even with her hair piled haphazardly in a bun on top of her head, her skin is glowing and she's more beautiful than I could have imagined someone who just gave birth to look.
"Hey….there's Aunty and Uncle." Jackie coos softly, patting the baby's bottom. "Glad you guys could come and see us."
Emotion wells up in me and I can't help the tears that begin to fall when I sit on the edge of the bed near our friend. "Oh Jackie. This is amazing. You're amazing."
"She really is," Wallace says quietly, coming around to the other side of her and sitting, glancing down at his daughter. "It wasn't easy, but she did it."
"Is it wrong to say that I'm happy it's over and I can just enjoy her?" Jackie chuckles and I watch the baby bounce slightly in her arms.
"Not at all." Wallace kisses the side of her head, his hand coming down to tenderly stroke the soft black hair on the baby's head.
"Have you named her yet?" Logan asks, coming to sit beside me.
"Ayesha. Ayesha Alicia Cook Fennel," Jackie states with pride. "Ayesha is from my side of the family and Wallace wanted to have his mother's name as well."
"Ayesha Alicia is so poetic." I sigh. "You guys chose well. A beautiful name for a beautiful baby."
The baby's yawns against Jackie's chest and wriggles, one little clenched fist pushing its way from the top of the blanket and I'm in awe as I watch her squawk and squirm while Jackie bounces and shushes her.
"Do you guys want to hold her? She just ate so she won't be looking for me for at least another twenty minutes." Jackie laughs. "You might as well get some cuddles in before I feed her again."
Leaning back, I put up my palms. "Oh…I don't know…I think I'll just watch her from a safe I-won't-drop-her distance for now."
"I'll hold her!" Logan pipes up eagerly from behind me and stands, straightening his deep blue Henley in anticipation of having the baby in his arms.
"Okay," Jackie laughs and sits up a little straighter, wincing in pain and I cringe in empathy for whatever she is feeling. "Put your hand under her head to support her neck and your other hand under her butt. Kind of like carrying a football."
"Football. Got it." Kneeling on the bed, Logan leans towards Jackie as she leans forward a little more, lowering the baby from her chest into her palms.
Slowly, she raises Ayesha up to Logan and I hold my breath as his big hands slide between Jackie's, gracefully supporting the baby with his fingers as he pulls her closer to his body. For a second, his eyes are wide in awe as they look down at the tiny bundle in his hand, but then, he moves her up to his chest, resting her against his heart like Jackie just did. The sight of the little human tucked closely to his broad body causes another round of tears to spring from my eyes as my body overflows with love.
Easing himself off the bed, Logan stands and begins to rock his body slowly, back and forth, his eyes fixed on Ayesha.
"See, you're a natural," Wallace teases, wrapping his arm around Jackie in bed.
But Logan is oblivious to the ribbing, his entire attention on the baby as he smiles and coos at her. I rise and step to join him and he finally looks up, glassy eyes meeting mine. Gently, I reach over and stroke her soft hair, lowering my lips to give her a kiss on the head as she presses to Logan. She lets out another squeak and wriggles a little and her eyes open, staring at me for a second before closing them again.
I don't know when Logan and I will have children. I can't even say for sure that it will happen, to be honest. But right now, I'm overwhelmed with a strange sense of obligation. Of duty. To this little person who I just met and suddenly feel like I would do anything to protect.
And maybe that's it. No matter what this world is like, maybe at its heart, it's all about trying to do better, for those who are growing up in our shadow. The ones we love. The ones for whom we want to work to create a better world. The ones who need us to show them the way. It may not always be ideal, but we keep on trying in the hopes that one day, maybe, it could be as close to perfection as we can come.
"Are you okay?" Logan asks quietly, gazing down at me with loving eyes.
Glancing up at him, I smile. "I'm perfect."
Author's Notes: And that, dear reader, is that. Thank you for reading. Many thanks to my friend and Beta, Irma66 for all her help with this over the past year. Couldn't have done it without her support.
The title of this fic comes from the song "Into the Fire" by Sarah McLaughlin.