The sudden sound of jingling door bells shook Hawk out of his wandering thoughts from where he sat on the curb outside Cobra Kai. He capped the bottle of Powerade in his hands, swallowing the lingering taste of berry blast from the drink he'd taken from it.
Tory came out of the dojo, eyes on her phone. She'd probably lingered behind after the others left to talk with Sensei Kreese again. Maybe she had to miss another practice. With her lately, who knew?
Hawk glanced up at her. "You missed the bus," he said; it had passed down the road not three minutes prior.
The girl standing beside him shrugged. "Not like I'm in a huge hurry," she replied, a guarded edge to her tone.
"Still no luck with the job hunting, huh?" asked Hawk.
Her mouth pressed down in a tight line. "Kinda hard to find anything local these days when you're Internet Famous." Hawk hadn't meant to broach a sore subject. It had been stupid that the roller rink fired Tory for her role in starting the school fight. It felt like everyone in the world was turning against them.
Enemies, all of them.
Hawk changed the subject. "What about things tomorrow? Are you going to see—"
"No," Tory snipped, her voice sharp and her eyes sharper still. Seeing the way Hawk glared at her, as if demanding an explanation why, she clarified, "It's not that I don't…. Look, I will. But later. Okay?"
His glare didn't lighten. Hawk frowned. Where was her loyalty?
But Tory didn't flinch from his stare, leveling one of her own down at him, a look that said something like, where had been Miguel's loyalty to her? It was a look daring him to say anything more about it. And if Tory had been one of the guys, Hawk might have. But since she wasn't, he just muttered, "Yeah, whatever."
Tory let her unyielding gaze linger before finally looking back down at her phone. After a minute of uncomfortable silence between them, she eyed him again and requested, "Let me know how he is though? You know…."
He wanted to tell her to find out for herself. Instead, he nodded. "Yeah."
"Thanks." With that, she walked off.
He watched Tory walk to the end of the parking lot and stroll down the sidewalk until she was out of sight. Hawk then let himself shake his head. "Chicks," he muttered with a soft scoff, taking a chug from his drink. So emotional.
Bottling his Powerade again, Hawk simply sat there for a while, going in and out of his thoughts while he stared at the passing traffic across the parking lot, occasionally rolling the tension from his shoulders. He thought about going inside and taking it out on the punching bag, but found he didn't have the function to get up at the moment.
He felt drained, mentally and physically, but he was in no hurry to leave. Where would he go, after all? Home? Go home to what? His nagging parents, with their constant worrying and persistent refusal to leave him alone? No, home sounded awful right then.
No point in calling the crew up, either. He wasn't in the mood to be around them. He'd been exceptionally short-tempered with the other guys that day already.
It hadn't taken much to set him off. All Mitch did was crack a joke with Mikey, and Hawk turned and snapped at the both of them, telling them to shut their faces. How could they laugh? Hadn't they listened to the lessons lately? Didn't they know they were at war? Or had they become complacent in the lull between fights?
Hawk vowed to himself he'd never get complacent. He knew what the consequences of that were. Thinking back on that, it made him angry at himself over how he'd acted after the All-Valley Tournament, how he'd thought he could slack off simply because there was a whole year until the next one. If only he'd understood then. If only he'd listened and worked harder. Maybe things would've been different.
He would never be that careless again.
The door jingled once more as it opened and closed. Sensei Kreese stepped outside, pulling a cigar and lighter out of his jacket pockets. "What, loitering around after practice? No schoolwork you need to get home to finish?" he inquired, grinning around the cigar between his teeth.
"Sorry, Sensei," said Hawk, shuffling his legs to stand to his feet, but Sensei Kreese made a gesture to show he could stay where he was sitting.
"It's alright, you know the dojo's always open for you kids." The old man lit his cigar and took a few long drags from it to get it burning. "I want you to think of it as your home away from home."
Hawk nodded once, and he chugged the rest of his drink while Sensei Kreese continued smoking. Home away from home. Actually, Cobra Kai felt more like home to him lately than his real one. This was the only place he could be himself. It was the only place he was safe. And Sensei Kreese didn't treat him like a little kid like his dad and mom always did.
"Sometimes it's necessary to take a few minutes to clear your head," remarked Sensei Kreese, breaking the silence, eyeing him while he blew grey smoke into the air between his words. "Keeps you sharp. That way, you don't allow whatever it is going on in there to distract you in a fight, where you can't afford to be overthinking things."
Hawk tensed and blinked up at him, like he'd been caught.
Sensei Kreese took another long drag from his cigar. "Dieter might not have noticed you slip up, but I did," he said, his tone lowering. "You were sloppy at practice. If he'd been paying closer attention, he would've taken advantage of your weakness and won the fight. Whatever it is that's going on, you need to leave it off the mats. You set the example. If you slack off, the others will slack off, too."
"Yes, Sensei." Hawk's eyes flitted down, ashamed. He knew there was no excuse for being an airhead during practice. There was never an opportune time to screw up, because any moment of weakness was something his enemies could exploit. So he wasn't surprised to hear his Sensei had noticed. The King Cobra had a sixth sense for it.
But it made Hawk wonder why he hadn't chewed him out for it in class. Not that he was complaining. Maybe this meant Sensei Kreese didn't relish embarrassing him in front of everyone the way Sensei Lawrence had. Maybe he'd even picked up on the reason why Hawk had been distant and on edge during practice?
Lingering on that thought, Hawk let it out. "Miguel's getting out of the hospital tomorrow."
Raising an eyebrow, Sensei Kreese looked thoughtful. "Ah, I see. No wonder you were distracted."
Hawk felt lighter now talking about it, so he kept going. "I mean, he's still gotta do all this physical therapy and stuff, but they're finally letting him go home. And I know Miguel, he's been going stir crazy, he's gonna be back up and fighting in no time."
"That must be exciting news to hear." Sensei Kreese blew more smoke, his stiff grin returning.
Hawk smiled back. He was beyond excited. It felt like Miguel had been stuck in the hospital forever. He knew his friend was miserable there, and probably couldn't wait to get back to kicking ass. Back to being around his friends. "He really misses Cobra Kai," Hawk explained. "He's asked about things here. I told him we can't wait for him to come back."
The upturned corners of Sensei Kreese's mouth hardened. "In time, sure."
Tapping his fingers against his empty Powerade bottle, Hawk felt his previous enthusiasm sink a little. In time, yeah. It was still a ways off. He knew that. And it flickered a jolt of anger through his veins. Miguel still had a long road of recovery ahead of him. It felt like venom making its way through Hawk's blood just thinking about it. "He asked about Sensei Lawrence, too."
"I'm sure he did," said the King Cobra, reaching down to the asphalt to put out the lit end of his cigar. Tucking the rest of the tobacco stick back in its case and returning it to his jacket pocket, he leaned against the post and crossed his arms. "It must be hard on him. I can tell you, it's the worst feeling a Sensei can have, letting down his student, getting him hurt due to his careless instructions. I can only imagine how much more betrayed the student must feel."
Hawk's grip around the plastic bottle tightened. "He's upset that Sensei Lawrence isn't around, that he's not in charge anymore." Miguel hadn't understood. He made excuses for Sensei Lawrence, even while he lied there in that hospital bed. How could his friend do that after what happened? "I don't get it. He almost died because of Sensei Lawrence. I thought he'd be glad he's gone."
Sensei Kreese knitted his brows together. "His loyalty is commendable, if misplaced. Sometimes it's hard for a soldier to accept he's been let down by the people he's served."
"I don't know what to tell him," confessed Hawk. Hearing Miguel try to defend Sensei Lawrence had riled him up. He didn't want to fight with him over it, but how could Miguel not see how wrong he was? "I know things will be fine when he comes back and sees for himself how much better things have been around here. Maybe then you can talk to him, Sensei?"
The old man glared at Hawk. There was a look in his eyes, and he gestured to the door with his chin. "Let's go inside."
Standing up, stretching the soreness from his knees, Hawk tossed his bottle in the trash and followed Sensei Kreese into the dojo. He briefly wondered if he'd said something wrong, or if Sensei Kreese was going to make him do pushups or mat-scrubbing for being distracted in class earlier.
"Wait here a moment," instructed Sensei Kreese before walking into his office, leaving Hawk standing in front of the mirrors.
Hawk sighed, sticking his hands in his pockets, rubbing the material between his thumbs and forefingers while he waited. He glanced at his reflection. His eyes saw the boy with the red mohawk, the one who seemed to wear an almost permanent scowl those days. He saw someone weary, weak. And his scowl only deepened.
He kept thinking about the day when things would reach a new normal. When the war would be over. When Cobra Kai would get its revenge against Miyagi-Do. When they would be back on top. When Miguel would be back at the dojo. When the two of them could have their rematch. When Hawk would finally be a winner. When he wouldn't have to feel so tired and angry all the time.
Sometimes it felt like that day would never come. But it was the only thing Hawk had to look forward to.
When Sensei Kreese came out of his office, he was holding an opened Coors bottle in each hand. Hawk's eyes widened in surprise as he held one out to him. When he hesitated for a second to accept it, Sensei Kreese chuckled. "Sports drinks are fine and all, but if a man's old enough to be fighting a war, he's old enough to have a man's drink."
Hawk's previous scowl evaporated. "Thanks, Sensei." He beamed, reaching out to take the proffered bottle. Hardly the first time he'd drank alcohol, but this was different than grabbing a case next door while flashing Nestor his fake ID. He was having a drink with his Sensei, man-to-man. That was so cool.
He took a chug, swelling at how good it felt to be treated with respect.
Sensei Kreese swallowed his own swig, and a hard look came over his ragged face. "One of the hardest lessons for any man to learn is that people they trust will let them down. Set them up to fail, even. When Uncle Sam sent us to 'Nam, we believed they sent us there to win."
Hawk perked at the mention of Sensei Kreese's time in the army. "Wasn't that what they wanted? To win?" he asked, taking another sip of his drink. His history classes didn't spend much time talking about the Vietnam War. He only knew vague things about it.
"Oh, I'm sure that's what they thought in their minds. Maybe they even convinced themselves," said Sensei Kreese, narrowing his eyes as a distant look came over them. "They were going to have us bring democracy in and chase those commies out. But you can't win a war like that unless you're prepared to do whatever it takes to secure absolute victory. Those bureaucrats and draft dodgers at home didn't understand. When you're up against an enemy who will send a kid into your camp with bombs tucked in his shoes to blow everyone to pieces, how do they expect you and your men to fight 'honorably'?"
That bitter drink of beer went down hard for Hawk. It felt like it lodged in his throat. "I guess they can't." He could only imagine the things Sensei Kreese had seen. Sending kids to fight your war. That was some sick shit.
"Well, they did." Sensei Kreese paused, taking another swig. And when he spoke again, the timbre of his voice had cooled. "You see, kid, when politicians play games of war, they want it to be all neat and tidy. Messy wars don't look good to your campaign donors. Gets the locals upset. So they had no problem sending out their soldiers with a handicap, telling them to hold back, no scorching the earth. Put on a big smile for the cameras. Show a little mercy. And when more and more of their boys came home with missing legs, faces half blown off, or asleep in caskets, well…."
He trailed off for a minute, looking like he was somewhere else. Hawk stared at the drink in his own hand, suddenly too queasy to finish it. But he forced himself to, to show Sensei Kreese his confidence in him wasn't misplaced, that he appreciated this moment between them. After all, he didn't want to look like a pussy in front of his Sensei.
Breaking back to the present, Sensei Kreese's grim grin spread over his mouth while he watched Hawk finish the rest of his beer. "Listen to me, prattling on like an old man."
"No, it's okay," said Hawk. He was eager to hear more. "It sucks that they screwed you guys over like that."
The King Cobra's smirk widened and he rolled one shoulder back. "Like I said, it's a lesson every man has to learn eventually. That's why I understand why Diaz isn't ready to admit Sensei Lawrence let him down. Not that Sensei Lawrence did it intentionally, of course. Just like I'm sure those bureaucrats didn't mean to send so many soldiers to get maimed. But intent doesn't really make a difference, does it? Either way, the results are the same."
Hawk stewed on that while Sensei Kreese chugged his drink. The familiar scowl darkened his face again as he made the connection between Sensei Kreese's story and how Sensei Lawrence had fucked up things at Cobra Kai.
What Sensei Kreese said was right. What difference did it make the reason for Sensei Lawrence's abrupt changes, why he tried making a softer and weaker Cobra Kai, just to make himself feel better? In the end, it still ended with all of them losing, and Miguel in a hospital bed.
And on that thought, Hawk found himself wishing, for the hundredth time since the school fight, that Miguel had not listened to Sensei Lawrence's lesson, that he'd went through with it and broken Robby's arm instead. If only he could go back in time and warn him. Everything would've been different.
"Diaz is confused right now," Sensei Kreese continued, studying Hawk's face while his lesson sunk in. "He's been through a lot, and it's going to take a while for him to accept what's happened. Try and be patient with him. What he needs most right now is guidance from a friend while he recovers. One who can put him on the right path." He reached out with his free hand and wrapped it over one of Hawk's shoulders, giving it a reassuring squeeze.
Hawk gave a firm nod. "Yes, Sensei."
It wasn't Miguel's fault he couldn't disavow Sensei Lawrence. He'd put so much trust in him. They all had, but Miguel had always had something more. That must've made the punch of betrayal all the more hard-hitting. Combined with all the physical pain from his fall, it was probably too much for his friend to handle. No wonder he was in denial.
Hawk didn't like imagining Miguel being unable to handle anything life threw at him. He didn't like to imagine Miguel being at all vulnerable. He could deal with Miguel being soft for Sam, but not this. He couldn't stand the thought of him defending Sensei Lawrence while he could barely stand on his own two legs. Not Miguel, not the champ, not his friend.
But everyone had their limit.
That was okay though. Hawk was there to help him understand, to help him get through this. They were Cobra Kai for life.
Sensei Kreese reached down and took his empty beer bottle from his hand. "It's about time you should be heading home," he remarked.
Home. His Sensei was right, but the word sunk in Hawk's gut. It reminded him he always had to go back there eventually. There, he was still a kid in his parents' eyes. There, he was confused and dependent. But here, his home away from home, everything made sense. Here, he was strong and untouchable.
"See you tomorrow, kid." As he turned to head back to his office, Sensei Kreese called out, "Be sure to keep me up to date on things with Diaz."
"I will, Sensei," promised Hawk.
At least somebody cared.