Prompt by Caty (looney_tubes): Pre canon, it's winter and Harvey and Donna travel to a different state for a merger, there is a snowstorm and they get stuck in a hotel airport, one room, one bed. Angst, confessions, smut, you name it, and a touch of Christmas spirit
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Holiday Inn
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She stares at the bed, sitting right there in the middle of the room taunting her and sighs loudly.
"I can't fucking believe this," she groans again, for at least the tenth time in the past hour.
She catches his eye and there's a trace of a smirk on his lips as he also stares at the bed and god she could nearly shove him out the window.
"Don't go getting any ideas," she growls at him, tossing her bags on to the floor. She wants to stomp away from the offending piece of furniture and the insufferably smug man beside her, but she can't. There's nowhere to escape from either of them in the small hotel room.
"Donna, I'm sorry, I know this isn't ideal."
"Isn't ideal," she shrieks, "Harvey, this is so far from ideal. I know you don't care about the holidays, but this is not how I envisaged spending my Christmas." She's well aware she's snapping at him, but frustration and disappointment have taken over, making her lash out at the only person available.
"It's not like I knew we'd get trapped in a blizzard in Chicago of all places Donna," he retaliates. "They said it's a once in a decade snow storm."
She glares over at him, unable to stop from continuing her accusations. "Maybe not, but you need to get it through your head that Mike isn't coming back, and hire yourself a new associate."
"What the hell does Mike have to do with anything," he exclaims, frowning at her.
"He has everything to do with this, because if he hadn't gone off to be an investment banker then I wouldn't be the one trapped with you in this goddamn hotel room for Christmas." She's shouting now, letting it all out and maybe it's not fair to blame Harvey for everything but she can't help it.
Somehow he'd managed to convince her to accompany him on a last minute business trip, just two days before Christmas. He'd spent months negotiating a highly difficult merger between Baycliff Investments and Reed Pharmaceuticals, and at the last minute they had insisted Harvey finalise everything at the company headquarters in Chicago. He had pleaded with her to come with him, desperately needing someone to help handle the massive amount of paperwork and keep things organised.
It's been two months since Mike quit the firm to go work for Jonathan Sidwell and she knows Harvey has been struggling to adjust to the loss. Not just the loss of his friend, but also the assistance he gave him at work. Harvey had always been a lone ranger, getting along by himself without the need for help from associates, but Mike had changed that.
So even though she hadn't wanted to travel all the way to Chicago so close to Christmas, she hadn't been able to say no to Harvey. She never could when he truly needed her, and now because of that they were stuck alone in a hotel room, miles from where she was meant to be spending Christmas with her family.
A massive snowstorm had settled in during the day without warning, causing the cancellation of all flights in and out of the city, including their scheduled afternoon flight back to New York. Hotel rooms are hard to come by ordinarily two days out from Christmas, but with the addition of the sudden grounding of all flights, it had taken them three attempts to find a hotel with a room available. And even then they could only offer them a single room. With just one bed.
Donna had been freezing and the weather was only getting worse, so when Harvey looked at her for an answer she sighed and nodded her head. Now that reality is staring her right in the face, she's starting to regret that choice.
"Have you finished?" he asks, pulling her back to the present, and she's surprised by the level of patience in his tone, given the unleashing she's been doing on him.
"I haven't even started," she grumbles, although she doesn't continue. She loves the festive season, loves celebrating Christmas with her family and all their traditions. The thought of spending one her favorite days of the year stuck in a small, dull hotel room is dispiriting. Not to mention the added implications of being forced to share a bed with Harvey. She shivers, feeling cold and grumpy.
"Look, do you want me to talk to them again, see if I can try and convince them to switch our room with someone?"
"Harvey, it's almost Christmas, I'm not going to force someone to change their hotel room for us. We're grown adults, we'll survive sharing a bed for one night," she replies, not sure how convincing she sounds.
"Ok, well, the offer still stands if you change your mind. I'm going to head down to the gift shop, see what godawful clothing options they have to choose from. Do you need anything?"
Donna has never been more thankful for the fact that she always packs a spare set of clothes whenever she travels. An unforgettable flight many years earlier that resulted in her spending several hours sitting in coffee soaked clothing had been a lesson she'd never forgotten.
"Just a toothbrush," she answers him.
Harvey leaves in search of supplies and she paces the short length of the room, her body feeling tense with irritation, although it's possibly from the cold as well. She decides on her number one method of relaxation, a bath, needing to try something to calm her frustrations, not wanting to continue unfairly lashing out at Harvey. The fact is she's trapped here, for the next day at least, and she needs to come to terms with it.
She fills the tub to the brim with near scalding water and sinks herself into the welcoming warm depths, sliding under the surface in an attempt to briefly block out all thoughts of the ridiculous twist of fate that has ruined all her plans. She knows it's not just the fact she's going to miss Christmas with her family that has her so tense. The idea of spending the night sharing the same bed as Harvey has her feeling oddly nervous as well. It shouldn't. It doesn't mean anything, it's not as though it's an active choice she's making. They've simply found themselves stuck with a set of circumstances beyond even her control to fix. She could almost laugh at how much it feels like the plotline of some cheesy Christmas movie.
But regardless, it's a situation that shoves them far outside the careful lines they've drawn around their relationship. As it was, she had felt a shift between her and Harvey lately, something she couldn't quite put her finger on, but ever so slightly things had changed. They'd both felt the unexpected burn of jealousy over the past year when other people stepped into the space usually kept empty beside each of them. A space that, deep down in the recesses of her heart, Donna sometimes questions if she has been keeping free for Harvey.
Despite the warm water she shivers at the thought of just who she let temporarily occupy that space beside her. She's been trying her hardest to erase that poor judgement from her brain. To eradicate every moment she'd spent with the murderous creep from her memory. And it's not Stephen who she thinks of now, but instead that morning in the diner, when for the very first time, Harvey admitted her being with someone else bothered him. It was obvious of course, she'd recognized the signs long before him as usual. They always rose to the surface whenever someone entered her life, but that had been the very first time Harvey had ever acknowledged his feelings. There was meaning in that she hadn't yet made sense of.
She'd experienced the same feelings of jealousy in return when Harvey attempted to make a relationship work with Scottie, even though she never admitted as such to him. Watching him try with someone else, it had brushed hard against thoughts and feelings she usually tried to ignore.
She knows Harvey's been using women as a distraction from the loss of Mike and the end of his relationship with Scottie. But she doesn't get as sick of a feeling in the pit of her stomach about that, because she knows there's nothing permanent about them. They're one time flings whose names he most likely forgets before they walk out the door. Scottie was different, Scottie had potential, history. Scottie could have been permanent.
And all of that something between them was still bubbling close under the surface, even months later. They had cracked Pandora's box just a tiny bit, put a chip in it and now the things they didn't say and the thoughts they weren't supposed to have didn't feel so securely locked away anymore. It makes her feel unsure of what will happen if all that bursts to the surface while they're trapped together.
Finishing her bath, she finds Harvey just returning. He has a bag in one hand and in the other he holds up a bottle of scotch.
"Thought this might help," he says with a wide grin.
"Where'd you manage to get that?"
"I have my ways." The corner of his lip kicks up in that way she's always loved, a combination of cheeky and smug that was pure Harvey.
"It's not even four o'clock," she points out, hesitating because she's not sure alcohol is the smartest idea in this situation.
"Do you have a better idea of what we can do?"
She pauses, because really, what else is there she can suggest they do.
"I mean, unless you want to…" and he smirks widely at her, nodding his head in the direction of the bed.
"Keep on dreaming," she laughs, caught off guard by his joking suggestion. "Pour me a drink," she adds, capitulating to the idea.
The scotch slides nicely down her throat and she welcomes the burn, deciding maybe it was just the right thing after all.
"Look, I'm sorry about all this," Harvey says, waving a hand around the room. "I know how important it is to spend the holidays with your family and I'm sorry."
She sighs, feeling a little guilty for blaming him earlier. "Thanks Harvey, but it's not really your fault. You don't control the weather, you're not God."
"I'll have you know I've been told I am in fact God many times before." He glances over at her as he takes another sip from his glass. "I think even by you, if I'm not mistaken."
"You're such an idiot." She rolls her eyes, but she can feel the tingle of a blush on her cheeks. They very rarely mention that night so many years ago, because of her rule and because sometimes it just feels too big of a thing to raise in casual conversation. But every now and then he'll catch her off guard and throw out some reference that makes her blush and sink into memory. He's also right, she's certain she cried that more than once during that particular evening.
"We're not meant to talk about that, remember?" she says, pretending to be mad, but even though she was the one to put in place the rule they not talk about it, she secretly enjoys those rare times they speak the words out loud. Enjoys that brief moment of time when they don't have to pretend it didn't happen.
Harvey pouts at her and then pretends to lock his lips, sealing away any further mentions and she can't help but laugh at his silliness.
She might love spending Christmas with her family, but Harvey will always be her second choice if that isn't an option. He's such a large part of her life that she considers him family in a way. Although most definitely not in the brotherly way she once implied. As he grins at her with mischief in his eyes she suddenly feels just a tiny bit thankful for this unexpected situation.
They end up getting drunk. Because what else is there to do trapped in a hotel room with nowhere to go. They down glass after glass as they lounge on the bed and talk about anything and everything in that way they always have been able to.
The topics get more personal as the alcohol loosens their tongues. She soon finds herself almost rolling in laughter on the bed as Harvey recounts the story of one of his recent conquests that almost gave herself a concussion walking into his sliding glass doors. She laughs and teases him about aiming a little higher in the intelligence department next time, and even though they're discussing his one-night stand it still feels easy and natural. It has always been so easy to be with Harvey. They never had that awkward getting to know each other phase, from the moment she shook his hand it felt like she'd known him forever.
They order room service for dinner, both agreeing it's a far better idea than wobbling their way down to the hotel restaurant. The hotel worker delivering their food explains the chef has sent up some complimentary dessert and lifts the lid to reveal a strawberry tart with a bowl of whipped cream. She can't stop herself from bursting into laughter that of all the desserts they could have been given, it's strawberries and whipped cream. Harvey manages to pull himself together enough to give the boy a generous tip and send him on the way, while she just stares at the dessert and wonders if it's not, in fact, a sign.
Harvey watches her while she eats the dessert, his gaze never once leaving her face, and she knows precisely what he's thinking about, her own thoughts in a similar memory. She meets his eyes as she licks some stray whipped cream from her lips, and he swallows loudly. She had only meant to toy with him, but suddenly the room feels like it's in flames, and she becomes the one that has to look away first. The night they don't speak about suddenly seems to be everywhere today.
"Maybe it's time to get some sleep," she murmurs, still unable to meet his eye.
Harvey mumbles his agreement and heads off to the bathroom. She tugs back the covers, feeling like the bed has shrunk as she stares at the small space they'll have to share. There's something tickling her spine that feels an awful lot like anticipation and she works hard on shoving that feeling away.
Harvey reappears dressed in a hideously ugly Chicago souvenir style t-shirt, obviously the best of what was on offer in the gift shop. She giggles at the shirt, his unhappy expression only enhancing her enjoyment of his attire. Until she notices he's only wearing boxers below the shirt and she has to force herself to stop staring.
She heads off to the bathroom to brush her teeth and he's already in bed when she returns. He's laying on the left side, and she always sleeps on the right and she doesn't know why such a simple coincidence feels important to her, like some further glimpse of the level of their compatibility.
He smirks at her as she slides into bed beside him and she can already feel the warmth of his body emanating from his side of the bed. It's inviting. She switches off the lamp beside the bed, throwing the room into darkness initially, until her eyes slowly adjust. Even in the dim light she can tell that Harvey is turned towards her, staring straight at her.
She shifts and her hand unexpedly brushes against his and while the touch is so slight, so small, it still makes it feel like all the pressure in the room has collapsed down on them. She soon realises that it's infinitely harder to ignore the things they're not meant to think about with the dark settled around them.
She considers pulling her hand away but, emboldened by the darkness and the alcohol and the swirling thoughts she's been having all afternoon, she instead hooks her pinky through his, skin touching skin. It's a small and relatively innocent action, but for people who usually avoid any sort of touching, it feels like a shattering of boundaries.
For a long time they lay like that, fingers connected, skin tingling, and it feels like they're both waiting for the other person to make the next move. It's Harvey who eventually does, sliding his hand fully into hers, capturing her fingers between his, intertwining their hands together. She can feel the heat of his palm, warm and damp and solid. Her pulse is jumping and her mind is racing and she feels everything slipping away, all the rules and boundaries and walls.
"Donna," he whispers softly, his vocal cords running warmly over her name in that way he always says it.
"Harvey," she answers back and it's breathless. His thumb is rubbing softly against her skin. "We shouldn't," she adds, grappling to find control, but hearing only uncertainty and a complete lack of belief in her words.
"Why not?"
He doesn't ask how she expected he would, because she sensed that would be his response. He asks it like he really doesn't understand why they can't happen. She's struggling to cling to her own last shred of resolve, to explain to herself all the reasons why. Just why she can't slide her body across the gap between them and press her lips to his, just why she can't run her hands down his chest and then further down, take him in her hand and in her body.
Her mind keeps circling back to the sharp point of her reasoning. He's not ready, and also, maybe she's not either. But maybe they don't have to be ready, maybe this doesn't have to be it. It can just be now. The thought feels like sudden relief, like a weight lifting off her shoulders. Because she doesn't want to say no, and maybe this is a way that allows her to say yes.
"Maybe we could just….." she trails off, hesitant. But he shifts, closing that gap between them that she'd just envisaged doing in her mind. His fingertips drift over her arm causing goosebumps.
"Just what?"
She searches for the right words to explain what she's thinking, what she wants to propose.
"Maybe we could press pause," she finally says. She reaches out, unable to hold herself back any longer, and presses her hand against his cheek. "Pretend the rules don't exist."
She hears his sharp intake of breath and then suddenly she feels his lips brush against her neck, light and tender, and she's melting, unable to continue speaking.
"Is that what you want?" he asks carefully, and his tongue slides over her skin.
"Yes," she gasps. "But just for tonight."
She tugs his head up then, finding his lips and god, she forgot how perfectly they fit against hers. She's done fighting against what she wants, done with the rules. She's been pushing back for a decade now, and she can't do it anymore.
She pulls him into her, pressing herself against his chest as they lose themselves to the kiss and the touch of their bodies, breaking down all the walls as they find each other over and over again throughout the night.
She wakes the next morning to their bodies tangled together, Harvey's arm holding her tight against his chest and she has to admit it feels amazing to wake up this way. Amazingly right. She searches for regret but is surprised to find none.
Being with Harvey in that way again, his lips and hands on her body, him inside her body, it felt like coming home after a long journey, like slipping on a favourite sweater, warm and comfortable and familiar. It had been a tough year, they'd both been through a lot and there was something so freeing about letting go and just allowing herself to enjoy something she'd been denying for so long.
She feels Harvey's fingers flex against her stomach, hears the change in his breathing as he switches from sleep to awake. His face is nuzzled in her neck and he tightens his hold on her, pressing himself firmer against her back.
"Good morning," she murmurs.
"Morning," he breathes into her neck, sending a tingle down her spine.
"Are we still on pause?" he whispers against her ear. His fingers stroke slowly over her stomach, making heat start to coil low in her body. She hadn't really considered how long this pause would last when she suggested it last night, but she can't find any logical reason in her mind to make her end it now. Not with his hands on her body and his lips moving over her skin.
"I think we can arrange an extension," she pants as his hand curves around her breast, finding a nipple. He tugs and rolls it between his fingers as he sucks her neck and she grinds herself back against him making him groan.
"God, this really is your best idea ever," he says and she can't help but laugh loudly.
"The genius of Donna is every day," she sighs as he hitches her leg up over his hip and floats his hand down over her stomach. He brushes over her centre with a feather light touch and she whimpers, already beyond needy despite only being awake a few minutes. He wastes no time, circling her entrance and then sinking two fingers inside her, making her cry out his name. He thrusts in and out a few times before dragging his wet digits up through her folds, seeking out her sensitive bud.
He brushes over her clit with slow lazy movements, making her squirm and wriggle, seeking more pressure. She tilts her head to the side to meet his lips, sliding her tongue into his mouth. He continues to tease her with soft, not quite enough, movements of his hand, until she is groaning with need and grinding back hard against his solid length. He shifts and she can feel him pressing at her entrance.
"Harvey, please," she begs him.
"So impatient," he chuckles. He pushes in slightly, just the tip before pulling back and she groans in frustration. He repeats his movements, small shallow thrusts that make her lose her mind until without warming he tugs her hips back and buries his full length deep inside her.
"Oh god," she cries out loudly as her body stretches around him. She had nearly forgotten just how intensely he filled her, just how large and thick he was and how good he felt inside her. When he first slid into her last night she had been overwhelmed with the sensation of how perfectly they fit together, and flooded with the memories of their first encounter that she had tried so desperately to forget.
"Told you I was God," he growls in her ear, bucking his hips hard and fast against her, fingers still working her clit. She wants to retort with something witty but her body is tingling, already so close to the edge, and she can't think of a single word.
Suddenly he pulls out of her entirely and she whines at the loss, but then he's nudging her hips, moving her onto her hands and knees. His hands grip tightly around her hips as he plunges himself back inside her. He leans over her back and she twists her face back to meet his lips. They kiss, passionate and messy, while he thrusts into her hard and fast and the room is filled with the sound of wet kisses and slapping skin.
Reaching a hand around he plays with her nipple, rolling and tugging, making her moan. Eventually he leaves her breast and drags his hand down lower, finding her clit once more.
"Donna."
He rumbles her name, rough and deep, and she knows it's a demand. He increases the pressure on her clit and she's gone, tumbling into her orgasm with a long groan. Harvey pumps himself inside her once, twice, and then stills, buried deep as his own release takes over.
"Fuck, that was amazing," he sighs, slipping free from her and collapsing onto the bed. "We should never have any rules."
It's a flippant, post coital comment she knows, but she still can't help wondering if it might really be what he wishes for.
She's laying on her stomach while Harvey draws patterns over her dewy skin, making her hum softly, drifting in that fuzzy post orgasm stage.
"I suppose we should check what's going on with the weather," he says quietly, pressing reality back into her conscious thought.
He shifts, retrieving his phone from the bedside table and, after staring at the screen for a few moments, he groans. "The weather's still bad, all flights are officially cancelled for the day."
She sighs, but can't seem to muster as much disappointment at this news as she would have expected. She's enjoying herself far more than she anticipated. It's fun just letting herself be with Harvey without worrying about rules and what's going to happen. She feels secluded from reality and is suddenly in no rush for it to end.
The thought niggles in the back of her mind though about just how exactly they are meant to come back from this, how they're meant to put it out of their minds and never mention it, how they're meant to go back to normal. Because it feels good with Harvey, not just because he is good at it, but because of how right it feels. She didn't expect it to feel so natural and comfortable, slipping into this version of themselves that she has alway wondered if they could maybe be one day.
They head down to the hotel restaurant for breakfast, even though she's tempted by Harvey's suggestion of not leaving the bed all day. After breakfast he makes some vague, unconvincing comments about needing to go to the gift store again and tells her he'll meet her back at the room soon.
He returns half an hour later, stumbling his way through the door in an explosion of tree branches and christmas baubles.
"What on earth?" she cries.
He finally manages to get the Christmas tree through the door and stands it upright, decorations clattering to the floor in the process. It looks suspiciously like one she noticed decorating the hallway near the lifts and she wonders just who he bribed to be able to steal it.
"What is all this?" she asks.
"I just know how much you love Christmas. I didn't want you to miss out on it entirely." He grins at her, looking adorable and boyish and ever so proud of himself and something cracks in her heart a little. The gesture is so sweet and thoughtful, which isn't surprising to her, because unlike most people, Harvey allows her to see that underneath the cocky exterior, he does actually care.
He drops a bag onto the floor and pulls out several long strands of brightly coloured tinsel. "I thought if we're going to be stuck here all today and maybe even tomorrow, we could decorate a little."
She smiles at him as she picks up some of the escaped tree decorations off the floor.
"Thank you Harvey, I love it." She gives him a wobbly smile and then, simply because she wants to, and because for once there aren't any rules stopping her, she kisses him, quick and soft.
"I guess I don't need this after all," he says with a smirk, holding up a piece of mistletoe and then tugs her back in for another, deeper kiss.
She laughs at his ridiculousness. "I think we both know the rules are on pause until we leave here." He responds with a wide cheshire cat grin and joy gleaming in his eyes and the expression spreads a tingle of warmth through her veins that she doesn't quite understand.
She sets about fixing up the tree while Harvey hangs the tinsel haphazardly around the room. He sticks the mistletoe directly above the bed with a thoroughly indecent look in her direction.
"You're such an idiot," she says with a roll of her eyes.
After decorating the room she finds a holiday movie marathon on tv and convinces Harvey to watch, looking to get further into the Christmas spirit she had been so far lacking. Although she's not sure just how much attention he is paying to the movie with his wandering hands and it isn't long before he manages to distract her also, her hand soon finding the remote as his lips move their way up her neck.
Later that day Harvey is asleep beside her, spent from yet another round, and she takes the time to just lay there and watch him sleep. He looks peaceful and content, fully relaxed with all his defenses dropped for once. She's not sure how long she watches him for, as the light outside the room begins to darken, but the longer she watches the more she begins to feel the first inklings of regret. The more she begins to wonder if this rule break was a mistake after all, no matter how fun and good and right it feels.
Because as she lays there and watches him sleep she feels it, seeping itself out of her heart and into her bloodstream. Charting its way through her body until it fills every bit of space inside her.
She is in love with him.
She is so totally and completely in love with him.
She thinks in some way she always has been, the feelings buried and tucked away under layers of reasons why they can't happen. But it's broken free now, it's out, and she's not sure she's ever going to be able to shove it away again. It's a terrifying thought.
She's still watching him when his eyes flicker open, hazy at first and then clearing. The way he smiles over at her, sweet and endearing and like she's his favourite sight, nearly breaks her in two.
"Sorry, guess I fell asleep," he says, voice rough with sleep and there's such an intimacy in that, she thinks, hearing him all raw and vulnerable. He brushes the back of his hand over her cheek, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear and it feels like something he's been doing forever, and she suddenly feels like she can't get enough air into her lungs.
Needing an escape from the moment she slips from the bed and rummages through her bag, returning with a small wrapped present in her hands. Harvey sits up with an excited gleam in his eye as he looks at the present.
"Merry Christmas," she says, handing it to him, stifling a laugh as she thinks again about what's inside.
They don't do proper gifts. Like she once told Mike, there is no gift for Harvey, he gets what he wants and he doesn't want what he doesn't get. And while her knowing that was the only gift he needed from her, she had started a tradition years ago of giving him something funny and humorous each Christmas.
He tears off the paper excitedly, revealing a small photo album which he eyes curiously. Flicking it open to the first page he immediately bursts out laughing and she knows she's been successful in her pursuit to make him laugh this year.
"Please tell me this is photoshopped," he chuckles, turning the page and laughing even harder at the next image.
"Nope. They're the real deal. Courtesy of Norma herself."
"Holy shit," he cries, flipping to what was undoubtedly her favourite inclusion. Harvey turned the book around to her.
"Even this?" he asked incredulously.
"I swear to God. Apparently it was a yearly tradition."
She collapses into laughter after taking another look at the picture of Louis and his cat Bruno posing in matching Christmas sweaters in front of a faux snowy landscape.
"You've really outdone yourself this year," he tells her, swiping away tears of laughter.
"Don't I every year?" she retorts.
He hums his assent, shifting over to run his fingers along her side. "I think it's time for me to give you your gift now," he says, voice suddenly low and husky, all traces of humour having disappeared.
"We both know you never buy it yourself."
"I think it's about time I made up for that then," he says, and his eyes travel down over her body, making heat instantly flood through her.
He drags her underneath him, nipping at her ear and tickling her side. She thinks for a moment that maybe she should stop him, because her sudden revelation is still beating loudly in her heart. His lips move their way down her stomach and she can't stop him even if she wanted to. Not just because he's so damn good at what he's about to do, but because he is all her heart and body want, and she can't deny herself that.
It feels different though. She doesn't know if it's because of her realisation, or because maybe something really is different this time, but as he moves over her and inside her, it doesn't feel like they're chasing need or pleasure, it feels like deeper, it feels like more.
She's curled into his side, drifting in and out of sleep when his phone rings.
It's the airline calling with the news that the blizzard has finally started to clear up and flights will start resuming first thing in the morning. It's the news she's been waiting for since the airport announcement the day before and yet she feels a heavy twinge of disappointment that their temporary diversion from reality, their pause is about to stop. Just when she's discovered that pausing is all she ever wants to do with Harvey.
She thinks she sees a glimmer of something similar cross his face as well, but then it disappears as he smiles warmly at her and says she might actually manage to see her family tomorrow after all. She nods and pretends that news makes her happy and not instead sad as it actually does.
There's an end in sight now to all of this, and she wonders if she shouldn't put a stop to it right now. She doesn't want things to get blurry. The rules and the walls need to be re-established, and quickly to avoid confusion moving forward.
And so when he reaches for her later that night after they slip beneath the covers, she stops him. She only says his name, but as well as she knows him, the reverse is also true. Harvey often reads her just as well.
"You want to stop now," he says quietly.
She answers yes, because she does, but she knows that it sounds like a no to both of their ears.
"Ok," he whispers,
"I'm sorry," she says, feeling a need to explain. "I just think it's better, I don't want any confusion," she stumbles over her words.
"Donna, it's ok, I understand."
But she hears hurt in his tone, and it's surprising because he knew this was temporary and not something that could continue. And even if he wants more, and she doesn't think he does, he's not ready for that yet.
She falls asleep with an ache in her heart.
They're both quiet the next morning as they gather up their belongings and leave the hotel. The tree and decorations, so fun and thoughtful yesterday, feel like salt rubbing in a wound. A reminder of a life she wants but cannot have.
There's a sense of jubilation at the airport, a mixture of Christmas day cheer and people finally able to head off to their intended destinations. She doesn't share in their joy at all.
Harvey is all but silent on the flight back to New York and the regret starts to build even more strongly in her. The rules were there for a reason and she never should have let herself break them. It has only ended up with both of them hurt. Her, because it's led to a clarity she doesn't know what to do with, and as for Harvey, she can tell he's hurt but she just isn't sure why.
He suddenly feels distant and closed off, after just being so open and hers. The walls did need to come back up, but she doesn't want to build them so high they lose who they were before these last few days.
They share a taxi from the airport, heading to her apartment first. Despite his quiet and withdrawn attitude, Harvey helps carry her bags from the car. He looks at her as they stand outside her building, looks her right in the eye for what feels like the first time since she stopped their arrangement last night. There's a nervous energy flittering in his irises.
"Thanks for helping me out with this merger. I'm sorry your Christmas got ruined," he says quietly, still staring at her intently.
"It's ok, it wasn't your fault. And it wasn't ruined."
He nods, biting at his bottom lip as though unsure what else to say.
"Goodbye Harvey."
"Goodbye Donna."
There is still hesitation on his face and despite his words he doesn't turn around and leave. She can see him fighting with something, his jaw set in that way it always is when he's debating a choice. She spots decisiveness set in his eyes in the moment before he walks her back a step, nudging her against the brick wall of her building. His lips float over hers, and she wonders if maybe this is his final farewell to their pause, a last moment of rule breaking before everything truly turns back to normal. Whatever the reason she doesn't stop him.
His tongue slides between her lips and strokes into her mouth and he kisses her long and hard until they're both breathless and dizzy. She's struck by the thought that she's far too old to be making out against buildings in the middle of the street, but she can't bring herself to care.
"No more rules," he murmurs, his lips still moving over hers.
"What?" she pants, as nerves start to trickle through her body.
He pulls back a little to look in her eyes. "I want to get rid of the rules Donna. I want to try us, like we should have so long ago." He looks at her, so earnest and also a little scared and she can't quite believe this is really happening.
"Harvey, I..we…"
His grin widens at her stumbling and she knows just how much he enjoys it when she's lost for words. She pulls in a deep breath to calm the butterflies threatening to take flight in her stomach.
"Okay."
She's barely got the word out before his lips are back on hers, eager and soft all at the same time. He kisses her until she's whimpering with need, their bodies indecently wrapped around each other, and it's then that they remember their very public location and quickly make their way into her apartment.
Later, laying tangled in her bedsheets, both of them spent and released multiple times over, with Harvey's arm tucked securely around her, she can't help but smile that some unexpected bad weather was all it took for them to finally get here.