Wishing, Waiting, and Wondering
Molly and Arthur Weasley sat by the bed of their eldest daughter. The room was dimmed, but a glow came from the screen monitoring her heart. There was silence between them as they listened to noises of muggle technology surrounding them – the steady beeps showing the rhythm of Hermione's heart, and the intermittent hissing sound indicating a breath being delivered to her lungs. Molly stroked her child's hair as she looked upon her sadly. Arthur had one arm around his wife, the other holding Hermione's hand. Tears were streaming down their faces, but they didn't even notice. Molly closed her eyes and said quietly "Oh my poor baby. My poor, sweet girl. What have they done to you?" as she bent over and laid her head next to Hermione's, sobbing. Arthur rubbed his wife's back in comfort that would never come.
Every now and then, Rhea and Apollo would bustle around Hermione, checking settings or refilling the potions bag.
On the other side of the curtain a collection of very exhausted witches and wizards stood around – feeling utterly helpless. Tonks was turned into Remus, and he was rubbing her back. Albus stood silently, deep in thought, while Minerva sat on the edge of a bed, facing away from the rest of the group – holding herself.
Slowly, she cleared her throat and – still looking away – said quietly, "What about the other children? What about Cedric?"
"Oh Merlin, Cedric…I didn't even think." Tonks said.
Albus shook his head. "This isn't the right time for Cedric, his father is still quite ill and he needs to be with him. Plus I don't want Cedric doing something drastic – I have no doubt he would attempt to go after Malfoy and Bellatrix, without thinking – and get himself killed. Hermione is stable right now, if things start to go south, we will send for him. As for the Weasley children and Mr. Potter, this is something that needs to come from Molly and Arthur, not us. I'm sure that Hermione's absence from Gryffindor Tower after the lockdown has not gone unnoticed, but the children need the support of Molly and Arthur – they need to support each other as a family. Give them some time to be with Hermione before fetching the children, they are still in shock."
"Albus." Poppy said. "There is something else we need to go over…"
Albus, Tonks and Remus looked up, and Minerva turned around. Poppy handed the original diagnostic sheet to Albus. "The very last entry, Albus." She said.
Albus scanned the paper and suddenly froze in place. He looked up and let the paper slip from his hand. Minerva caught it before it floated to the ground and read it, with Tonks and Remus looking over her shoulder. What they read turned their stomachs: "Pregnant – 16 minutes".
Minerva looked up in disbelief, "That's impossible, Poppy. This should have remained undetectable for several weeks! This has to be wrong."
"It isn't wrong, Minerva. Yes, it is impossible by usual means, but Lucious must have used some sort of spell I'm not familiar with." Poppy said.
"He did put his wand inside of her…" Tonks said slowly.
"To do the Cruciatus Curse, Tonks!" Remus replied.
"Yes, but how are we to know that he wasn't muttering some other type of spell as well?" Tonks said.
The group was silent – taking this new information in. They didn't know. All that was known was that Hermione Jean Weasley was pregnant – by a Death Eater, the product of rape.
"She won't be able to survive this, Albus." Minerva said quietly, folding her arms across her chest - reality finally hitting her square in the gut. "Even if she survives physically, she is not going to walk away undamaged by any means. Emotional scars sometimes run deeper than physical – and do you really think she would be able to handle this?" Minerva began pacing. "Do you think she could even carry it to term knowing where it came from? Even if she did give birth, tell me honestly if you think she could handle seeing a daily reminder of what Lucious Malfoy did to her? Do you think anyone in her situation, even if it was one of us, would be able to handle something like that?"
Albus didn't answer. He looked down at the floor, shaking his head.
"She begged for me to kill her…" Minerva said quietly. "And now we have her living through machines" (Minerva pointed towards Hermione)"…because of us. We did this to her. We swore to protect her, to keep her safe. We failed, and she lies there broken, and pregnant by Lucious Malfoy…we might as well have raped her ourselves…" Minerva stormed swiftly to the floo and disappeared in a flash of green light.
Albus, Tonks and Remus watched as she left, stunned at what she said, but also ashamed – for they knew there was truth to Minerva McGonnagall's words. No matter how painful they were to hear, it was what each of them had been secretly thinking since the attack.
Albus broke the silence after a few minutes with a sniff, then "So what comes next, Poppy?"
"We have to tell Arthur and Molly. We are left with three options, and time becomes a factor if the one option is chosen. Not at this precise moment, but they do need to know." Poppy said.
"What do we need to know?" Molly asked. Everyone whipped around and saw that the Weasleys had left Hermione's side and walked over to them.
"It's nothing you need to worry about right now, Molly." Poppy said.
"Shit, Poppy – are you serious? How dare you suggest that – tell me NOW!"
Tonks, Albus and Remus exchanged looks and swallowed hard.
"Why don't we sit down?" Poppy asked, touching Molly's arm.
"I don't WANT to sit down, Poppy." She jerked her arm away. "I demand that you tell me what it is I should know – this is my DAUGHTER, Poppy." Molly screamed.
Poppy didn't flinch, she understood the reaction. "I don't know how to tell you this, so I am going to show you – and you can see for yourselves." Poppy handed the last page of the diagnostic to Molly and Arthur. "The last entry."
Molly and Arthur couldn't believe their eyes. It was as though an arrow had been shot directly through Molly's heart. She covered her mouth with her hand and tears welled in her eyes. She handed the paper to Arthur and looked up at him. He gave his wife a squeeze before backing up and sitting on the edge of a bed. His legs could no longer bear his own weight, and so he sat – rubbing his face, shoulders shaking.
Molly stared blankly, before her eyes turned to the window behind Poppy. It was dark, but rain could be seen running down the panes. "It's as though the world, itself, is crying…" Molly whispered. Her legs began to tingle and buckle, so she crouched down – holding them.
"I know you don't want to hear this, Molly, but we need to talk about options." Poppy said cautiously.
Molly raised her head and looked at the exhausted healer. "Are you seriously saying what I think you are saying, Poppy?" She asked in a tone which said that anger was not far behind. Molly stood back up, finding renewed strength. "Poppy, we don't even know if she is going to live, and you have the gall to tell us that we may need to decide to abort our child's baby? I bore 7 children, the 8th one feeling as though she DID come from me, Poppy. I feel her, here." Molly said, clutching her womb. "She is hurting and I can feel it in my soul."
"I know your feelings on the subject, Molly, but what are Hermione's feelings on it? This goes far deeper than aborting a child after having unprotected sex. This child is a product of rape. Hermione couldn't keep it together after what happened at her father's house…"
"I am her father." Arthur interrupted.
"Sorry, Arthur. I meant, at the Granger house." Poppy continued. "And as you can see this attack was far worse than the last, how do you think she will cope. Do you think she will bounce back and be excited to bring a child into this world – a child of the Death Eater who raped her? It's hard, but these things need to be said. It isn't about your feelings about it, Molly, it's about what is best for Hermione." Poppy said.
"The last thing she asked of Minerva before going unconscious was…for her to kill her, Molly." Tonks said quietly.
This broke Molly's heart – her baby wants to die. "I cannot make that decision for her, Poppy. I'm sorry, but I can't. I will not make a decision that will break her trust in me – we already broke our promise to protect her." Molly said.
"Well…" Poppy began. "She wouldn't have to know, Molly."
Molly and Arthur looked at Poppy in utter shock.
"And if she were to find out, Poppy?" Molly asked. "I'm not going to violate her again, Poppy," Molly said – walking away, "is that something you are willing to do? This is her choice."
It made perfect sense to Poppy. What right did they have to violate Hermione in such a way.
Molly returned to Hermione's side. Arthur looked up from his hands and asked, "the children…do they know?"
"We thought it best for them to find out from you two…" Albus said slowly.
Arthur nodded in agreement, wiping his face. "Yes. I agree. Where are they?"
"Locked down in Gryffindor Tower, shall we send for them?" Albus asked.
Arthur merely nodded again, bent over his knees, hands folded – looking at the floor.
Albus looked up, "Tonks, would you?" Tonks nodded and disappeared through the floo.
Arthur thought it best to greet his children from where he was, to prepare them for what they were about to see. He took several deep breaths, gathering courage which was nowhere to be found. Minutes later, the floo flashed green as Ron, Fred, George, Ginny and Harry came bounding out – looking around the room in panic before their eyes settled upon Arthur. They all rushed over, Ginny dropping to her knees – eye level with her father.
"Dad, what happened? Tonks said it's about Hermione. Does this have anything to do with the Death Eaters?" Ginny asked. Arthur raised his head up to look at his youngest child. The expression on his tear-stained face was all she needed to know. Ginny stood up and looked around, "Where is she? WHERE IS MY SISTER?" Ginny and the rest of the Weasley's, and Harry ran to the end of the infirmary and around the curtain. Arthur wasn't even about to call them back to warn them, they already knew that she was a casualty of 'war'.
Ginny was the first to round the curtain. She saw her mother sitting next to someone who didn't look like Hermione – covered in tubes and wires, surrounded by strange machines. Ginny screamed and ran to her mother. "Mummy…" Molly enveloped Ginny in a tight hug as they both sobbed into each other.
Fred and George looked at their battered sister and were in such shock that they could not muster any type of emotion – or form any words. Without thinking, the twins held each others' hands and looked on, mouths agape.
Harry and Ron rushed to Hermione's side – opposite of Molly and Ginny.
"'Mione'". Ron whispered – his face growing red and hot. He gently touched her forehead – unsure as to whether his touch could hurt her further or not – she looked that broken.
Harry looked down, grief and rage were waging a war inside of him. Rage won over in the end. He balled up his fists, bent down and whispered into Hermione's ear: "Don't worry, I will make them pay for what they have done to you. No one hurts a member of the Golden Trio without having to answer in the end – and that end is now." Harry began storming towards the doors of the infirmary – wand in hand.
"Harry, Harry, what do you think you're doing?" Remus grabbed Harry by the shoulders in an attempt to stop him – Harry broke through his grasp and headed towards the floo, which Albus locked with the flick of his wand.
"Harry stop!" Arthur cried.
"How can you ask me to do that Mr. Weasley? Have you seen your child – my best friend?" Harry screamed, feeling tears behind his eyes – he raged around the room, pacing and stomping his feet.
Arthur leapt to his feet, shouting "Yes I bloody well have!"
Harry stopped fuming, looking at Mr. Weasley in shock. He didn't recall ever hearing him yell that way before.
Arthur stepped quickly up to Harry – face to face – pointing at Hermione's bed.
"That is my child on the bed. My flesh and blood. Do you honestly believe that I don't want to hunt those bastards down, myself, and bring so much vengeance to them that people will talk of the fury that rained down for generations?...But think, Harry. If we go crashing in without our wits about us, then we are bringing about our own ends. I have no doubt they are expecting a rage-fueled retaliation, do not let them call the shots. How can you possibly help Hermione if you are dead? How can any of us?" Arthur tried to calm Harry down.
"So what, we go in when you decide? We fight for Hermione when you decide?" Harry asked.
"We go and fight when we have a chance, Harry. We don't have the advantage right now. We have aurors attempting to track them. We doubt they went back to Malfoy Manor after the attack, but even if they did – it is heavily warded and we don't know what to expect when we get there. It's called strategy, Harry. We cannot go in blindly." Arthur explained.
Harry nodded, looking down at his shoes. His initial impulsive reaction faded away. He was angry, oh yes – but he knew Mr. Weasley was right. Arthur put his arm around Harry and led him back to Hermione's side.
As they returned, they heard Ginny ask in a low voice, "was she raped?" Molly nodded. The twins fumed. "And?" Ginny pressed on. Molly gave Arthur a look which he interpreted right away. Given the initial shock and reactions, they were not going to tell them that Hermione was pregnant just yet. It would be too much for them to handle, and they wouldn't be able to hold not just Harry, but the rest of the children as well – back. "She's had many broken bones and internal injuries. This tube is inflating her lung, the tube in her mouth is breathing for her, this tube is delivering potions to her…" Molly explained.
"Wait," Ron said, "She can't breathe on her own?" Ron asked, panicked.
Molly shook her head sadly. "But this machine is monitoring her heart, and as you can tell – she has a strong, steady beat." Molly said quickly, attempting to reassure.
"So what happens if the tube was taken out of her mouth?" Ron asked suspiciously. No one said anything, Molly and Arthur looked down. "What happens if we take the tube out, mum?" Ron said forcefully, but already knowing the answer.
Three little words never packed such as punch as when Arthur whispered "She would die."
Ron looked to Molly for confirmation. She nodded, and Ron collapsed into a chair and held his face. Harry put his hand on Ron's back, the twins held each other.
"When will she wake? How long can she stay like this?" Fred asked.
"She's being sedated, to aid in the healing. She could essentially stay this way forever, dear heart, but that wouldn't be fair to her." Molly said – walking over to hug the twins.
At this point, Minerva came back through the floo to see the curtain by Hermione's bed come crashing down. Ginny Weasley was letting her anger loose on it. She ran up to her father and started smacking him repeatedly. "I." smack "can" smack "not" smack "lose" smack "my" smack "sister". Minerva was dead in her tracks, hand up to her mouth, eyes full of tears as she watched the heart-breaking scene before her. The Weasley children were melting down.
Arthur allowed Ginny to rage – she wasn't hitting him hard – she was too grief-stricken. She needed to have it out. "You can't just give me a sister, then with one swift pull of a tube take her away from me again!"
"Sweet-heart, that's not what we're saying – but you need to know…" Molly tried to explain, but Ginny didn't even hear her. She ran up the room and shook Poppy by the arms, "You! YOU DID THIS!" Ginny screamed, pointing at Hermione. "YOU CAN'T MESS WITH PEOPLE'S LIVES LIKE THIS!" Ginny let out a gut-wrenching sob, her eyes looking up to the ceiling, as though she were asking "why" of the heavens. She slowly sank to her knees, down the length of Poppy's robes – she grabbed a handful and looked at her with pleading eyes, "Please, please don't take her away from me. Don't bring her back only to take her away."
Poppy was at a loss as to how to comfort her. Luckily, Arthur walked over and sat down next to Ginny, taking her into his arms. "Listen, dear-heart." He said in a soothing voice. "Right now all this stuff around Hermione is going to hopefully help her heal, we aren't giving up on her. This has only just happened, and we need to see how her body responds. After awhile, if she doesn't respond to treatment, or she gets worse – we need to think about Hermione and what she would want. Do you think Hermione would want to live to the end of her days unconscious and on a ventilator? Do you think that is what she would want for you if the situation was in reverse?"
"Don't take her away, daddy." Ginny pleaded.
"You aren't listening, lamb. If we wanted to take her away, we wouldn't be trying all of this new medicine in the first place. She is one of my babies – of course we want her here. We love her so much. We are trying to heal her – but all the facts need to be known so there are no surprises if things don't work out. We love her and don't want to lose her….but we don't want her to suffer, either."
Ginny nodded, pulling away from her father. His robes were stained with her tears.
"This is not the end, Ginny, it's only been a few hours. Wait and see. If you send all the strength you can muster to your sister, then maybe it will help her heal. Can you be strong, love?" Arthur asked.
With a face full of resolve, she nodded. Arthur helped stand her up and, holding hands, they walked back to Hermione.
Days and nights went by and there was still little change in Hermione. Some of her cuts began to close, and her bruises began to fade, but when they tried to wean her off of the vent, she could still not breathe on her own. The sedation was discontinued so they could begin weaning trials. Hermione was now simply unconscious. Molly and Arthur were sitting next to her, holding hands, looking expectantly as her oxygen levels went from 100 down to 82 before Rhea reattached Hermione to the vent. Their faces dropped when they saw it didn't work.
"Don't fret, Mrs. Weasley. This is why they are called 'weaning trials' – the first time doesn't necessarily work." Rhea said.
Molly nodded and looked back down at Hermione.
"Molly." Arthur said gently. "I think you need to get some rest. You haven't left her side since we arrived. You need sleep."
Molly shrugged away in frustration. "I'm not leaving her Arthur."
"Molly, please, we don't need you getting sick too." He tried to encourage.
"What if I leave and she wakes up for two minutes and I am not here? I am not leaving my baby." Molly was defiant.
Arthur rubbed his face and walked a bed opposite of Hermione's which they enlarged for the Weasley's to use. He sat down and held his head. "Minerva." He said.
Molly looked up quizzically. "What?"
"Minerva." Arthur said once more – looking to his wife. "She healed Hermione last time."
For the first time in days, life returned to Molly's eyes. "Poppy!" she called.
Poppy came running from her office in a panic. "What? What's wrong?"
"Minerva healed Hermione before." Molly said.
"Through dual meditation, Molly." Poppy said, shaking her head. "Hermione is unconscious."
"Yes, but remember how we discovered that it could be done in the first place?" Molly jogged Poppy's memory.
"They were both asleep!" Poppy exclaimed. "It will only be contact heals – but if we keep contact between them over her lungs and where her internal injuries are, it may work! I wonder…" Poppy ran off to summon Minerva.
Upon receiving the urgent message from Poppy, Minerva appeared in the infirmary with the typical flash of green from the floo. She rushed over to the Weasleys and Hermione. "What's going on?" she asked, her voice wavering – fearing the worst. She was confused when she saw everyone smiling. "Is she better?"
"Not as of yet, Minerva." Poppy said. "But we think we may have a solution which could remedy the situation."
"I'm in suspense." Minerva replied.
"Do you recall the day when we discovered that you could heal Hermione? When you were both sleeping?" Arthur asked.
Minerva didn't need anyone else to explain. She knew right away, and said "What do I need to do?"
"I know you haven't been sleeping well, Minerva – none of us have, but if I give you a sleeping potion, you may be our best bet at helping Hermione through this." Poppy said.
Never in her life did Minerva imagine that she could possibly save someone's life in this way. She didn't need to think twice. "Give it to me." She said.
Arthur, Molly and Poppy smiled at each other. Molly's heart leapt – this time not in fear, but in hope.
"Molly, Arthur, can you please go to the other side of the curtain while we prepare?" Poppy asked. They "hell no" expression on their faces told Poppy that it wasn't going to happen. Poppy sighed, then replied "Alright, but Minerva – you are going to have to get under the sheet with Hermione – and I am going to place you in certain a certain position to heal the areas that we need healed first."
Minerva felt her face grow hot. She knew that Hermione was naked under the sheet. Minerva approached the queen-sized bed, watching Hermione's chest rise and fall with each hiss. Arthur averted his eyes to allow some privacy, but Molly was not about to leave her child. Without hesitation, Minerva dropped her emerald-green outer robes and removed her black inner robe until she was in her white under-robe. All concerns of modesty left Minerva as her only concern was that she may be able to heal her cub – once again. It was a powerful and overwhelming feeling. Poppy removed Hermione's sheet, and there she lay bare. The sight of her still sent tears down Minerva's face – her Gryffindor…broken. The most prominent wound was the word "mudblood" carved into Hermione's chest. Though most of her other cuts began to heal, that was the one which still bled through its dressing.
"Ok, Minerva, lay down next to Hermione." Poppy instructed. Minerva complied. The strange warmth she felt the last time she lied with Hermione returned once again, but Minerva was determined. "Molly, please help me turn Hermione onto her side, facing Minerva. Turn her slowly because I need to make sure the breathing tube does not come out."
Slowly the two of them rolled Hermione onto her side – Poppy giving slack to the tubes coming from Hermione. Minerva's breath hitched – terrified. Hermione was so fragile, and there were so many tubes and wires, she was terrified of something breaking away. Poppy gave Minerva the potion, and lifted her right arm – draping it over Hermione, resting her hand flat on Hermione's back. "Minerva, put your left hand under Hermione." Minerva did so and Poppy laid her left hand flat against another part of Hermione's back. "I need you to hug her close – have your body touching as many parts of Hermione's as possible." Poppy instructed.
Minerva complied as she held Hermione close – face to face. So many thoughts and feelings were going through Minerva, but she pushed them away – her purpose was to heal her cub. Minerva and Hermione's chest, pelvis, legs and arms were against and wrapped around each other.
"With any luck, your hands will heal her lungs, your torso – her other internal injuries, and the rest of you – some of her external ones." Poppy said as she draped the sheet over the both of them. Within seconds, Minerva felt herself drifting off to sleep, and she began having dreams of Hermione.
Arthur came back over to join his wife. He took her hand and led her to their bed. Molly went with him, she knew that Minerva was now doing what she could, and knew she would be able to sleep with that knowledge. All that they could do now was to wait until morning, to see if this would work.