Gone
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand there is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep… that have taken hold."
Hermione glared down at Minerva. Her emotions were fueling her feelings for her mentor. Rage, anger, and resentment. She walked to the back of the infirmary with Minerva's wand. She knew that the doors were locked and there were aurors standing guard. There was no exit, save for one. The one that her body was leading her to – her freedom, her salvation. She walked to the large stained-glass window at the very end and stood there. She could hear and see that it was raining – 'as though the world itself is crying.'
"They put the spark back in me. And now all it does is burn. Fire doesn't cleanse – it blackens."
She raised the wand and yelled "Bombardo!" Everyone who was sleeping in the infirmary shot up in bed, startled. They looked to the back of the room, and saw Hermione facing the window, arms spread wide – face pointing upwards, as though she were being crucified. Glass rained down upon her – she twirled around and around, smiling. Eyes were wide as they watched Hermione lose her mind. Everyone reached for their wands – but Minerva's was nowhere to be found.
"My wand! She has my wand!" Minerva cried. Everyone began approaching Hermione slowly. Hermione noticed their advance and lifted Minerva's wand at them. Minerva raised her hands in front of her. "Hermione, calm down, dear. Please give me my wand."
Hermione smirked and shook her head. She backed up towards the window, stepping on glass the whole way, leaving a trail of blood – but she didn't even flinch. The storm was raging outside and rain started pouring inside the infirmary, soaking Hermione.
"Baby, please…" Molly said slowly.
Hermione shook her head, "I am not your baby."
Those 5 simple words broke Molly Weasley's heart. "Hermione, please put the wand down."
Hermione saw out of the corner of her eye, Remus Lupin raised his wand to her – apparently he was going to disarm her. "Uh, uh. Don't do that." Hermione said, pointing the wand to her throat – threatening herself, Remus lowered his wand.
Molly collapsed to the floor – fearing for her child – begging her – "Hermione, please, don't do this. We need you here, we want you here. We love you so much!"
"I know." Hermione said in an icy tone. "That's all I've been hearing, but apparently no one has thought about what I need, what I want."
"Hermione you aren't being rational. This isn't what you want! You're depressed – allow us to help you!" Tonks said.
Hermione stepped onto the window seat in front of the shattered window. She looked up and laughed eerily – closing her eyes, letting the rain splatter on her face. She pointed the wand back at the group and said, "When were you going to tell me?"
"Tell you what, dear heart?" Minerva asked.
"Goddamn it! Don't call me that!" Hermione screamed. "When were you going to tell me that I am pregnant with the bastard baby of a Death Eater?" Hermione was getting hysterical.
"We were waiting for the right time, dear." Molly said.
Hermione pointed the wand at her mother, "I said don't call me that!" Hermione was subconsciously distancing herself from the affections of the people in the room – to make what she was about to do a little easier.
"We can talk about this, Hermione. Why don't you calm down and walk over here to us." Albus suggested.
Hermione pointed the wand at him now, saying "Don't you dare talk to me in that patronizing tone, I am not the reason for this madness!"
"We know you aren't." Arthur said.
"But I will be the solution to it…" Hermione said as she slashed the wand across her arms – leaving large gashes that bled immediately. The blood ran down her arms and trickled onto the floor in a matter of seconds.
Molly clapped her hand to her mouth, watching as her child hurt herself. Hermione threw the wand to Minerva's feet, turned to the window, spread her arms wide and leapt into the sky, as though she were able to fly. It felt so free – the wind and rain hitting her body, her heart leapt as she was about to welcome death, once again. Then, all of a sudden, her body was hovering in mid-air. She was being pulled back up the side of the tower. After she leapt, Albus ran over to the window, pointed his hand at her and cried "Arresto Momentum!" He levitated Hermione back through the window – literally kicking and screaming. When she was back in the infirmary, Tonks and Remus grabbed Hermione by the arms and legs – restraining her onto one of the beds. She was writhing and screaming like a banshee.
Molly was on the floor, sobbing – not able to believe that her daughter just sliced herself open and leapt to her death. Minerva watched on in disbelief at what was playing out before her. Albus quickly repaired the window so no one would get cut on the glass, while Poppy screamed "Hold her down!" Tonks and Remus had her arms and legs pinned on a bed, but she was fighting back hard - manipulating her body in ways they have never seen, she was quite flexible and they were having a hard time holding her down. Poppy rushed over to the bed with a needle and syringe. "Keep her still, I have a sedative!"
"Don't you dare!" Hermione screamed so loud that it made everyone's ears ring. All of a sudden, Tonks lost grip of Hermione's right leg – Hermione kicked Poppy back, then kicked Tonks. With her legs free she maneuvered out of Remus's grasp and ran for the infirmary doors. They didn't run after her, for the infirmary doors were locked. Hermione raised her hands and made a swift pushing motion as she ran – the doors burst open, knocking the two aurors standing guard - out. Everyone exchanged a wide-eyed glance for a half-second before they ran after her. They couldn't believe she just burst through the doors. Maybe they weren't locked after all, everyone thought.
Everyone raced after Hermione, Tonks and Remus were the first to catch up to her. Hermione heard them, turned on her heel and screamed "No!" They backed off, watching as Hermione fumed. Albus, Minerva, Poppy, Molly and Arthur caught up to them, yet kept their distance – hoping to bring her back down to the earth.
"How could you do this to me, knowing what you know?" She asked Minerva in a betrayed tone of voice.
"Do what, Hermione?" Minerva asked gently.
"How could you pull me out of there – I was ready. I was finished, I was about to be complete. Then you forced me out for your own selfish reasons – and I have to deal with the consequences!" She screamed, placing her hand on her womb.
"Hermione, you have options. You don't have to keep it – there's adoption, or…" Poppy said.
"You have violated me through the use of tubes and machines, and now you want to violate me further by killing this baby." Hermione screamed. "And you! I didn't ask you to save me! I didn't want any of this!" Hermione yelled, directing her attention to Minerva. "I trusted you." Hermione said. "You of all people should have known better. Look at what you've done to me…" Hermione held up her arms, they were shaking as though the bones were missing. "Some people aren't meant to be saved, Professor." The words hit Minerva in her heart.
"Hermione, we will help get you through with whatever you decide to do." Arthur said.
Hermione was sick of hearing them say those words. She laughed. "Just like you helped this last time? That worked out real well, huh?" Hermione said sarcastically. "If you can't protect me, no one can. There is no one I can count on now – especially you." She said to the group.
Hermione looked down at her hand on her womb. Hermione was so full of rage that her magic began to glow around her, crackling energy in the air. "This baby didn't ask for this to happen…anymore than I did…" She rubbed her face and suddenly screamed "NO!" Everyone recoiled at her shout. "I will NOT kill the child within me! But hear me when I say that he or she will NEVER set foot inside of Hogwarts…and NEVER AGAIN WILL I!" she turned to leave, the group began to follow. Without looking back, Hermione yelled, "No!" And with a wave of her arm, a barrier was cast – causing everyone to bounce off of it. Hermione broke into a run, while the stunned witches and wizards were in a crumpled heap on the floor – looking shocked. Tonks stood and put her hands up against the barrier. She turned her head and asked in disbelief, "Did she just use wandless magic?"
"I wasn't able to do that until I was 50." Minerva replied, shaking her head in amazement.
Dumbledore stood and helped Minerva up, looking down the empty hallway. He shook his head and said: "That girl is running on pure fury. I've never seen anything like it."
It took 20 minutes for them to punch a hole in the barrier and bring it down. Minerva transformed into her animagus form and sprinted off to her private quarters. She hoped to see Hermione there. Upon reaching the door, she transformed once again, stated the password and entered the main room. She hurried into Hermione's room and stopped. The drawers and closet were open and empty. Hermione's trunk and possessions were all gone – she left nothing behind. Minerva heard a scuffle in the outer room and knew that everyone caught up to her. Minerva walked out and shook her head sadly. "Albus." She said. "…She's gone..."
Molly sank onto a couch and wept, her husband holding her.
"Remus, Tonks – gather some aurors, search the grounds. Maybe she hasn't gotten far. The wards are still up." Albus instructed.
"That didn't really help when she burst out of the infirmary, Albus." Tonks replied before she and Remus took off.
"Poppy, please return to the infirmary, just in case." Poppy nodded and left the room. Albus put a hand on Molly's shoulder and said, "Don't fret, Molly. Come up to my office and we will track her." He helped her up and they made their way to Dumbledore's office.
Albus walked over to his desk and pulled out a few powders, a map and a crystal. He poured a green powder across the map and started to scry. The crystal spun and spun, but never landed. Albus murmured a spell under his breath and the green powder moved across the map – forming words. He leaned forward and read them, then looked up at Molly and Arthur solemnly.
"What, Albus? What does it say? Where is she?" Molly asked expectantly.
"That's just it, Molly. It says she doesn't exist." Albus said.
Minerva sat down in front of the desk. "How can that be Albus?"
"Does that mean she's dead?" Molly asked.
"No, if she was – it would say 'deceased'. It's as though she was never been born – she must have anticipated us tracking her. She must have put a cloaking spell on herself." Albus explained.
Arthur rubbed his face, exhausted. "Ok. So what do we do now?"
Albus shook his head. "We keep searching – we will send aurors around, and we'll keep scrying – maybe her cloak will come down at some point. But…she doesn't want to be found, Molly, Arthur. We'll keep trying, but you saw how powerful she was up there."
Molly and Arthur sighed. "We better tell the kids." Albus nodded as they left.
"Albus. I think it's time that we send for Cedric." Minerva said.
Albus sighed. Yes, I was thinking the same thing. I received an owl from him yesterday saying that his father was rebounding, apparently the treatments are working. He said he will be back in a few days, but I think we need him now – Hermione may try to contact him. I'll send for him in the morning, but right now I think we need to get some sleep – we're all running on empty.
Morning came quickly, and Minerva headed to Dumbledore's office. She heard loud shouting coming from the opposite side of the door. It was Cedric.
"GONE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'GONE'?"
Minerva entered the room and greeted Cedric.
"YOU!" He cried, rushing up to Minerva, who backed away – a little frightened. "I trusted you! I was counting on you! You promised to keep her safe! WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Cedric, please sit down." Albus said calmly, "there are some things we need to discuss."
"No, NO! You will tell me right now what happened to my girlfriend, and why she felt the need to take off!" Cedric yelled.
Albus saw no way around it, he simply had to dive in: "There was a threat made against Hermione's life by the Death Eaters before you left. We didn't want to concern anyone, but that is the reason for the increased security around the castle…"
"And you didn't tell her? You didn't tell US?" Cedric couldn't believe his ears as he sank into a chair – head in his hands.
"We didn't think Hermione could handle the information at that time." Albus continued. "We put up extra wards and had her followed at all times by aurors, but…"
Cedric looked up at Albus, terrified at what he was about to hear.
"Bellatrix and Lucious used a house-elf (something we didn't anticipate against) to apparate into Hogwart's and launch a surprise attack upon Hermione. She was beaten severely…" Albus trailed off.
"Was she raped?" Cedric asked in a whisper.
Albus looked down. That gave Cedric all the answer he needed. Cedric rose out of the chair so fast that it toppled backwards – he was furious.
"How…" he whispered…"How could you let this happen?"
Albus and Minerva knew that there was no answer to his question, for they were wondering the same thing themselves. They both looked down in shame.
"Well? Go on, the story obviously doesn't end there, Albus!" Cedric said, surprising Albus by the use of his first name.
Minerva continued on for Albus: "We took her to the infirmary, she was put on muggle life support."
Cedric shot Minerva an icy glare. "And you didn't see fit to summon me? How dare you."
"Cedric, listen, please." Minerva raised her hands, trying to calm him. "We didn't want to take you away from your father. If things got worse, we were going to send for you – but in the state she was in, there was nothing you could do – and we didn't want you taking any drastic actions."
Cedric folded his hands behind his head and paced the room. "I could have BEEN with her, THAT's what I could have done! The love of my life was on the verge of death and you didn't even TELL me, what is WRONG with you people? How long was she out, what is she like now – other than being missing."
Albus spoke up once again, "She was unconscious for two weeks. Minerva was able to tap into Hermione's mind and bring her back – healing her along the way…her physical injuries, anyway. She has been horribly depressed since her return…especially after finding out that she is pregnant."
Cedric slowly dropped to his knees, unable to support his own weight anymore.
"She blames us, just as we blame ourselves in a way – for her getting hurt again. She is furious with Minerva for bringing her back, saying that Minerva had no right. She wanted to die…but we stopped her." Albus said, not sure if Cedric could handle hearing that his girlfriend slashed her arms and took a flying leap out the tower window.
"We told her that we would help her through this, that she had options. She was so angry with us – especially me. She said that she would not kill her child, but that neither of them would ever come back to Hogwarts. She used wandless magic to put up a barrier, preventing us from stopping her….while she packed her things and left." Minerva said.
Cedric shook his head and chuckled in disbelief, unable to comprehend how disastrous things have been while he was away.
"We've been attempting to track her, Cedric, but she must have used a cloaking charm – because it's telling us that she 'doesn't exist'". Albus said.
"Lucious and Bellatrix?..." Cedric inquired.
"We're attempting to track them as well." Minerva said.
Cedric was pacing around the room now, "You know, I have heard you all use the word 'attempt' a little too much. Who else knows about this?"
"The whole school knows that she was the victim of a Death Eater attack. They don't know the specifics, only that she was injured badly. The aurors know the details and are searching for her." Albus said.
"Let me get this straight, everyone in the school has known – yet the person who loves her most in the entire world was left uninformed? I can't get over it. You are supposed to be the most powerful witch and wizard – yet you let everything go to hell. You let her get hurt, then you let her walk out of here." Cedric said.
"'Let' is not quite what I would call it, Cedric." Minerva said quietly. "It took us 20 minutes to break through the barrier she put up. Her emotions have made her highly powerful – no one at her age should be able to use wandless magic."
Cedric shook his head and started to leave the office.
"Cedric, where are you going?" Albus asked.
Cedric turned and said, "I am going to go find her. Right now she is out there, all alone. She has nowhere to go, she is frightened, sad, and angry – with unstable magic. I'm sure she hasn't heard the last of Lucious and Bellatrix, either. You can't tell me that you think any of this will end well."
"You don't even know where to look." Minerva said.
Cedric strode up to her, face to face. "Looking for her is better than not looking at all."
"We are looking, Cedric. Be sensible about this! You cannot go out on your own. It isn't safe, what if you run into the Death Eaters? You are no good to her dead!" Minerva said.
Cedric started walking out of the room again. He turned and said, "For their sake, the Death Eaters had better hope that they don't run into me…the time for sensibility is over, Minerva." And with that, he swept out of the room.
"Evil wakes in vengeance. Be careful what you choose."
That day at lunch, Albus made an announcement to the staff and students. "I feel it is my duty to inform you all of something, and to ask for your help. As you all know, Hermione Granger was attacked a few weeks ago by Death Eaters. As of last night she has gone missing. We have been unable to track her. I ask of you all that if Hermione contacts any of you, or you gain knowledge as to her location, to please come forward with it straight away. We hope to find her safe and sound."
Murmurs went around the Great Hall. Students were speculating as to what happened to her, while the staff sat silently – they knew Hermione ran off under her own power…her own extreme power.
Many days went by with no sign of Hermione, or Cedric for that matter. Attempts to track Hermione were being made round the clock. They were able to successfully track Cedric, however, so Tonks and Remus apparated to his location in order to assist in the search – and for protection. Molly and Arthur returned to the Burrow, in case Hermione were to turn up at home. With each day that passed, however, hope faded away. The only comfort they had was that the tracking kept coming up with "does not exist", rather than "deceased".
Though many questions were circulating through the school, no one dared to ask any of the professors. The students knew they wouldn't get any answers.
Meanwhile, at the Burrow, Molly and Arthur were sitting at their kitchen table – as though they expected Hermione to walk through the door at any time. Dark circles were under both of their eyes, for neither was sleeping much. "Oh, Arthur. What if she never comes back?" Molly asked helplessly. Arthur didn't respond, he just looked down at his glass of firewhiskey – shaking his head.
"You know that phrase 'It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all'?" she asked. Arthur nodded. "Well it's complete and total shite! I am not going to lose my child!" Molly pushed away from the table and went into the living room where she had tracking tools set up. She scryed for hours and hours before Arthur put a hand on his wife's shoulder and said. "You need to stop, Molly." Molly didn't stop until he pulled the crystal out of her hand. Molly looked up at her husband with tears in his eyes. They held each other and cried for their lost little girl.
Days turned to weeks with no sign of Hermione. On June 10th, Cedric showed back up at Hogwarts. It was the day before summer vacation, and everyone was bustling around, trying to pack their things before the end-of-year dance which would happen that night. This would be the first dance in which Hermione was not there to sing. That thought escaped no one's mind, but people looked up with anticipation as Cedric, dirty and shaggy-haired, walked through the large main doors – Tonks and Remus flanking him on either side. Dumbledore and Minerva were standing at the bottom of the main staircase, they received Tonk's patronus, letting them know they were on their way up to the castle. Cedric stopped, looked up at them with a solemn face and merely shook his head.
"Nothing?" Albus asked.
"Nothing, no sign of her anywhere – I checked all of our old haunts that meant something to us, I even went back to the Granger house – nothing. I'm not giving up, though." Cedric said.
"Then what are you doing back here?" Minerva asked gently.
"I wanted to pick up a few more of my belongings. Also…" he continued on, with tears in his eyes. "There is something I need to do for her, something she is not here to do herself. I owe it to her…"
Cedric slowly made his way to the Hufflepuff dormitories, as Minerva looked sadly after him. Minerva turned her head swiftly back around when she heard Albus say "Molly! Arthur!" The Weasley parents were walking through the door – their faces lined with grief, and circles under their eyes. "What are you doing here?" Albus asked.
"I'm not sure." Molly answered honestly. "We got a message from Cedric saying that he wanted us to come to the dance tonight…I know he didn't find her though, the maps still say that she doesn't exist."
Three hours later, students and staff were socializing in the Great Hall which was covered in summer flowers of all colors. Hermione's usual platform was at the one end of the room, and some of the students wondered if she was back. Instead, Albus stood before his students and staff, waving his hands for silence. The chatter died down, and he said. "Before we begin our end-of-the-year celebration, I have a few words. I would like us to have a moment of silence for Hermione Granger, who is still missing." The students were shocked and disappointed, hoping that she would make some sort of grand entrance. Everyone bowed their heads, thinking of Hermione – where was she, was she safe? Was she scared? Tears escaped the eyes of her friends, and most of the staff.
Albus raised his head and continued. "Though we are saddened by her lack of presence here today, we do still have a small surprise. I would like you all to welcome back to the school – Mister Cedric Diggory, who has been searching for Hermione these past few weeks. He has come back today to pay tribute to her before resuming his search."
The Great Hall erupted in applause and cheers as a clean-shaven Cedric Diggory walked up the center of the Great Hall and up to the podium, acoustic guitar in hand. He turned to face his audience and sat on the stool. He was quiet for a moment, looking down – searching for the right words. He finally raised his head and addressed the students and staff: "As you know, I have so far been unsuccessful in locating Hermione – my best friend and the love of my life. I felt it necessary to return here for the dance to pay tribute. We all know that Hermione should be the one up here, holding her guitar…this guitar…gracing us with her voice. I know I am a poor substitute, but I felt that Hermione's presence should be here today – if only in spirit."
As Cedric paused, tears in his eyes, people around the room were yelling things like, "We love you Cedric!", "Welcome back!", and "Rock on!"
Cedric smiled at the last one and wiped the tears from his eyes. "I will be continuing my search for Hermione later this evening, with Tonks and Remus Lupin." He said – pointing to the aurors at the back of the room, heads turned to look and wave at the pair. "Until then, I want to sing a song that Hermione loved….I mean, loves. I felt that the words are appropriate, and I think you will too. Who knows, maybe it will 'call' to her, so to speak." Cedric said with hope, but knowing that it would never happen that way – nothing was ever that easy. "The song is entitled "The Call", by Regina Spektor." Cedric looked at the audience and said "For Hermione…"
"For Hermione!" the crowd repeated.
Cedric began strumming the guitar sadly, looking up at the enchanted ceiling with feeling, the same way Hermione always would when she was lost in her music.
"It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope.
Which turned into a quiet thought, which then turned into a quiet word.
Then that word grew louder and louder, 'till it was a battle cry!
I'll come back, when you call me. No need to say goodbye.
Just because everything's changing, doesn't mean that it's never been this way before.
All you can do is try to know who your friends are, as you head off to the war.
Pick a star on the dark horizon, and follow the light.
…You'll come back, when it's over…no need to say goodbye.
You'll come back when it's over, no need to say goodbye.
Now we're back to the beginning, it's just a feeling – and no one knows yet,
But just because they can feel it too, doesn't mean that you have to forget.
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger, 'till they're before your eyes.
You'll come back when they call you, no need to say goodbye…
…You'll come back…when they call you…no need to say goodbye…"
Cedric strummed a few final chords before raising his eyes one last time to the 'sky', wishing that Hermione could hear his call. The crowd was silent for several moments after Cedric finished. Many were overwhelmed by emotion – tears streaming down their faces. Suddenly the place erupted into applause, once again. Cedric nodded, then walked up the center aisle and out of the Great Hall, with Tonks and Remus following behind him…They will come back…when it's over…no need to say goodbye…
TBC – reviews pleeeaassee!