Pets

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"Oh, dear."

Ling scratched his chin nervously as he looked at the empty terrarium. His little pet got out again, the damn Houdini. Last time he checked, the time was six-thirty. That gave him about half an hour before Lan Fan came back from the dojo. If he could find good ol' Greed before then, he wouldn't have to worry about his lovely girlfriend giving him a nice pounding (and not the good kind).

He checked the couch, behind the entertainment center, and every other nook and cranny within the apartment, but there was no sign of his little escape artist.

"This does not look good," he muttered to himself. "Looks like I'll be needing to recruit some assistance."

Making sure to watch the door closely as he opened it, so the little sneak didn't get out when he wasn't paying attention, Ling peered out into the hall to see if anyone was coming in or out of their apartments. Lucky for him, the newbie from across the hall was just walking into the building!

"Helloooo there, neighbor!" Ling chimed, waving enthusiastically at the man. The newbie cocked an eyebrow as he walked to his front door.

"Hey," he replied bluntly.

"Say," he began, leaning against the doorway. "Ya wanna help me out with something? I'll be eternally grateful!"

The man's face stayed in that deadpanned, no-nonsense having state. "What is it?"

Ling twirled his foot in a circle against the hallway's rough carpet. "Nothing crazy, just helping me find my pet. He got out of his cage, and my girlfriend won't be very happy if she finds out our little guy's gone missing."

Newbie let out a sigh, and shoved his key into the handle of his door. "Yeah, okay. Give me a minute to drop my stuff off inside."

"Great!" Ling cheered, and stepped back into the apartment. "The door's unlocked! Enter carefully!"

He shut the door and let out long breath of relief. It probably would've been a smart idea to tell the guy that Greed was a… eh. He'll find out when they find him.

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Ed let out the loudest of groans as he dropped his messenger bag, keys, and wallet on the coffee table.

"I can never catch a break, can I?" he muttered. "Guess that's what I get for being so damn freaking nice."

He grumbled under his breath until he reached the guy's front door.

"C'mon in!" the guy belted, and Ed let out a sigh of defeat as he stepped into the place.

The living room looked like someone had robbed the place. Everything was scattered about frantically, and Ed thought to himself that it wasn't a surprise the dude lost his pet.

"You'll need to get close to the ground," the guy said, checking the dark corners behind the couch. "He likes to hide in shadowy spots."

"Gotcha," Ed grumbled, and got to his knees.

"The name's Ling, by the way!" the guy added, popping his head up.

"Ed," he responded, and started tossing old magazines aside as he looked around for some kind of animal.

"Nice to meet you, Ed!" he chirped, and something told Ed that this Ling fellow was going to bug the crap out of him. "Thanks for helping me look for my snake!"

Ed jerked up, completely mortified.

"What?!" he squeaked, and that bastard tried to cover up his mistake with a sheepish smile.

"Oops!" Ling quickly stated, and let out an awkward chuckle. "I forgot to mention that, didn't I?"

A loud scream from the floor below echoed through the room, and quite possibly the entire building.

"By the sounds of it," Ling began, getting to his feet slowly. "I believe Winry has found Greed."

Winry? Ed thought. Oh, great. Just fucking great.

The two ran down to the bottom floor as fast as they could and barged into the girl's apartment, entering a scene that Ed never thought he'd ever witness. Winry, in nothing but a loose tank and underwear, was standing atop the table in her dining room with a large wrench in hand, staring down at the biggest snake he'd ever seen that wasn't in a zoo.

"GET. IT. OUT!" she screamed, and Ling was quick to obey.

"Oh, Winry!" he laughed, moving slowly towards the serpent. "Don't be so jumpy"

"There is a giant snake in my apartment, again," she seethed. "You're lucky I didn't get a chance to call pest control!"

Ling let out an offended gasp as he scooped up the snake, which, surprisingly, was extremely docile, despite it's size. "I can't believe you'd say that! And Greed isn't giant, he's only four feet!"

"That's big enough, now GET IT OUT!" Winry shouted, and Ling quickly exited.

Ed stood in the doorway, completely baffled. What in the hell made him think that living in a building with a bunch of strangers was a good idea? He contemplated this, until Winry interrupted him by clearing her throat.

He glanced over at her, and immediately wished that he hadn't. Checking her out was not his intention, but when he made eye contact with her, he wasn't able to look away without taking in everything else. Ed supposed only seeing a single eye, hair, and one long leg behind a cracked door did not prepare him for the rather pretty girl that was before him now.

"Did you need something?" she asked aggressively, still standing on her table as though she no longer trusted the ground.

He didn't answer immediately, but eventually, he blurted, "Do you ever wear actual clothing?"

Her face turned red and the wrench went flying.

"GET OUT!"

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Ling got Greed in his cage just in the nick of time. Lan Fan entered the messy abode only moments after he got the snake in his cage, and he didn't mind listening to a lecture on the importance keeping an orderly home, especially if it meant avoiding a beating for losing a pet.

A loud shout resonated through the building as Ling went to greet her, and Lan Fan quickly turned towards the door.

"Was that Winry?" she asked. "Should we check on her?"

Another loud yell echoed, but this time it was male.

"Oh, she's fine!" he chuckled nervously.

Lan Fan squinted suspiciously at him. "The snake got out again, didn't he?"

"No, no, no!" he stammered. "She's just hanging out with the new guy across the hall. You know, I think they might have a thing. They were hanging out the other night and he was telling me all about how they… "

Lan Fan's expression turned steely, and Ling let out a dejected sigh. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?"

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