So, it's been way longer than a month since my last update. There are several reasons for that. February was a very bad month for me. I was in a dangerously-dark spiral for the longest time and could hardly get out of bed to work, much less write or do anything else productive. And what happens when I finally start trying to work on myself, seek help, and plan for my future? We get a worldwide pandemic that has already caused one major panic attack! Yay!
I know this is a scary time for everyone. All I can say is that the world has been through worse and survived. It won't be easy, but we can make it through this. Be healthy, support your local businesses in whatever way you can, and we can weather this together.
I can't bump up the economy or cure this virus, but I can give you something nice to read while you're cooped up at home. Enjoy!
When Callum entered the kitchen that morning, Ethari handed him an envelope. "Huh?" He looked at the white parchment, which bore the words "Prince Callum." "Who sent this?"
"Chieftain Artemis," Ethari replied. "It appears that she wants to speak with you today."
"Wow!" Callum opened the letter, which detailed the time and place of their meeting (the council building at four). "Did you convince her to talk to me?"
"Actually, no," Ethari admitted. "She reached out on her own, which I find more encouraging."
"Definitely!" Callum was grinning. "This is great! I'd better write a list of what to talk about!"
A few minutes later, Rayla was greeted by a plate of pancakes and a very happy boyfriend. "What's got you so excited this early?" she asked as his infectious grin coaxed the corners of her tired mouth upward.
"Chieftain Artemis wants to talk to me!" Callum handed her the letter. "I didn't even have to ask first! With both her and Janai on our side, I bet we can convince more elves to meet with the human ambassadors!"
"I hope so." Rayla placed the note on the table and sat down, cutting into her pancakes, which were layered with sweet cream and moonberries. "Did her messenger say whether she wanted to ask about the peace talks?"
"Well, no," Callum admitted. "But I'm going to bring it up either way, and if she's open to talking, I think we have a pretty good chance."
Ethari watched the two, shaking his head. "It's hard to believe you're only sixteen," he murmured, half to himself.
"Hey, my brother's running a kingdom at eleven," Callum pointed out. "If anyone's in big shoes, it's him." His expression shadowed as he wondered, as he did at least a thousand times a day, how Ezran was doing just then.
Rayla touched his arm. "I'm sure there will be a letter waiting when we get back to the Spire. You should send him that sketch you were doing of the school!"
"Ooh, yeah!" Callum brightened at the thought. "I should do some more sketches today before my meeting. Want to walk around a bit?"
"Of course! You've only seen a small part of Silvergrove, after all." Rayla took a bite of pancake, pausing to savor it. The last time she had eaten pancakes, Dark Magic had been used to make the batter fluffy. This was a nice change of pace.
"Before you leave," Ethari spoke up. "Would you show me some of your sketches?"
"Sure!" Callum said, jumping up to get his sketchbook.
Rayla watched him with a fond smile. Seeing Callum happy for any reason was always a bright part of her life, but the excited pride that illuminated his face when showing off his art was especially radiant.
Callum quickly returned, opening his sketchbook to one of the early pages. "So, this is my first family portrait."
Ethari looked at the picture, his eyes softening at the telltale signs of an earnest child's first attempt at a large project. The portrait showed two sloppily-drawn adults and a young boy standing between them, holding a baby in his arms. On the following page was a simple circle with angry eyes. "The beginning of the artist's journey," he remarked.
"Something like that." Callum grinned. "Go ahead and flip through. Just stop when you get to the one I did of Queen Zubeia and Zym. The pictures after that aren't done."
"Of course." Ethari slowly began to flip through the book. He was aware of Callum watching him, even while downing a mouthful of pancake.
As he looked at the evolving pictures, Ethari truly felt as if he was getting to know the young man who had won his daughter's heart, more than he would have through one or even twenty conversations. He watched as the family portraits became more detailed, as the expressions became more radiant and human, as the angry circle turned into a grouchy glow toad.
He looked long and hard at the faces of King Harrow and Queen Sarai. For so long, they had simply been foreign rulers. Then, King Harrow became the murderer of King Avizandum. Here, however, he looked like the kindest man in the world. To Callum, he probably was.
Once again, he felt that sharp jab of pain in his chest as he thought about the kindest man in his world. A man who, when Ethari had last seen him, was leaving on a mission to kill this loving father and the happy baby/toddler/child who beamed up from Callum's sketchbook.
How can he stand being here? Ethari wondered, stealing a glance at his guest, whose attention had returned to his pancakes. How can he stand looking at me?
Rayla paused mid-bite. There's that look again! As she watched, it vanished as quickly as it had appeared.
Ethari smiled again as Callum looked back at him. "It's easy to see how much you improved over time."
"Thanks!" Callum beamed. "The newer ones of Xadia are some of my favorites!"
Ethari was looking at some pictures of a young woman with long black hair just as Callum and Rayla finished their breakfasts. He closed the book and held it out. "I'm sure you'll be wanting this while you're out and about. I'll look at the rest later, if I may."
"Of course! I'm glad you like them." Callum tucked the book back into his bag. "I guess I'll tree you later!"
"Time to go." Rayla grabbed Callum's arm, dragging him toward the door.
"Tree you later!" Ethari called brightly.
"Do not try to make that a thing!" Rayla called back.
Ethari's smile faded immediately with the sound of their retreating footsteps. He didn't have the luxury of crying in his room this morning, however. Now that Rayla's birthday was over, it was back to work for him. At least sharpening weapons and repairing jewelry were somewhat distracting endeavors.
…
The weather was significantly hotter than the previous day. Callum had elected to leave his scarf and jacket at Ethari's house, which left his sleeveless vest. He noticed Rayla openly gazing at his rune-clad arms, and his face flushed.
"My eyes are up here, Rayla," he teased.
"Oh, I'll get to those in a moment," Rayla replied with a wink, even as a blush pinked her own cheeks. "Just taking some time to enjoy the view."
"Becoming a smooth-talker, huh?" Callum laughed, slinging an arm around her shoulders.
Rayla giggled, leaning into him. "I just like seeing you flustered."
"I could say the same about you," Callum quipped, casually poking Rayla's ear and flashing a grin as it flicked. He started to move his arm away as they approached the town, but stopped when Rayla placed a firm hand over it. He hesitated, then let it remain around her shoulders as they continued walking.
Rayla pointedly ignored the stares they were greeted to as they passed a few shops. Already, she was wondering if it would have been better to just spend the day in the forest or around Ethari's house.
No, she told herself. That might make Callum think you're ashamed to be seen with him. People just need to get used to us. I mean, once the kingdoms get used to each other, there will probably be way more human and elf relationships.
This was a thought she had frequently, and one she often used to give herself the courage to deal with whatever prejudice she and Callum faced. If they could make things easier for even one other cross-species romance, it would be worth it.
"So, what do you think about going to the outskirts of Silvergrove? A lot of the homes there have beautiful gardens," Rayla suggested.
"As long as there aren't any Fart Flowers," Callum replied, readying his sketchbook and digging through his bag, only to realize that something was missing.
"Ah!I left my pencils on the table. Be back in a sec." He hurried back toward the tree and up the stairs to Ethari's home.
He was just passing the workshop when he heard a clang followed by a yelp and a hissed curse. Immediately, he changed course and pushed the door open. "Ethari?" he called. "You okay?
"Ach… Yes, I'm fine," Ethari called from where he was nursing a bloody palm. A dagger was on the floor by his feet, partially stained with red. "Dammit," he growled as he looked at the cut. "I'll be out of work for two days with a cut like this…"
Callum ran over, wincing when he saw the wound. "Where do you keep your medical supplies?
"In the cupboard over there." Ethari pointed with his good hand as he stood.
"Stay there! I'll get it." Callum ran to the cupboard, withdrawing a large box. He rummaged through it until he found bandages and a bottle of a sharp-smelling liquid. "Is this to disinfect?" he asked, holding it up.
"That's right," Ethari affirmed. "It's made with a special kind of moss."
Callum joined Ethari at the work bench and started carefully cleaning and wrapping the wound. "What happened?" he wondered.
"I slipped," Ethari muttered, glancing to the side. "I was distracted."
"Huh." Callum glanced at Ethari's face and caught a quick glimpse of something other than annoyance at the cut. There was something deeper in the lines around his eyes, in the tightness of his lips.
"I know it's not my business," he started carefully. "But, Rayla's noticed that you seemed a bit off the other day.
Ethari stiffened. Had he truly been that obvious?
"I know Moonshadow elves aren't big on this kind of stuff," Callum continued. "But my family had this thing called Big Feelings Time. You close your eyes and think about whether or not you have a Big Feeling, then you say it out loud. Then, whoever's with you says 'I hear your feeling.'" He finished tying the bandage. "Maybe you should have that with Rayla. It might make you both feel better."
"Why are you so kind?" Ethari blurted without meaning to. He winced when he realized he had spoken out loud, but it was too late to be silent.
Callum looked up at Ethari, a knowing look in his eye. In that moment, the older elf greatly resembled the Rayla of several months ago, before she had learned that it was okay to accept help from those around her.
"Because you're a kind person too," Callum replied. "And I care about Rayla, so I want things to be good between you."
"I don't know if they can ever be," Ethari admitted, shaking his head slowly. "I hurt her. I know that. I can never take it back." He continued to eye Callum. "You have been hurt as well, lad. It surprises me that you can bear to be in this place."
He took a shuddering breath. "It is likely that my husband was the one to deliver the killing blow to your second father. Yet, you are bandaging my hand and showing concern for my emotions. How can you be so forgiving?"
"I'm not," Callum said, his expression taking on a slight shadow as he lowered his head. He felt his eyes closing out of habit as he delved into his deeper thoughts.
"I haven't forgiven Runaan or Queen Zubeia for killing my stepfather, or for trying to kill Ezran." He took a slow breath. "I haven't forgiven them yet, because it still hurts too much. But I also know why they did what they did. War is…complicated. I learned that firsthand. People do terrible things because they want to stop worse things from happening, or punish someone, or because they're scared, or because their leader told them to."
He shook his head to clear it. "I haven't forgiven them, but I've decided not to hate them. That's how I feel about the Moonshadow elves here, at least most of the adult ones. I haven't forgiven them for planning the assassination, or for how they've treated Rayla, or for how they're treating me, but I don't hate anyone. And…I think I will be able to forgive them someday. I think I'll just know when it's time."
He cracked a smile as he opened his eyes. "And that's an example of a Big Feeling."
"In that case, I hear your feeling." Ethari managed a small smile, though it was still shaded with guilt. "You say 'them,' but I was also involved with the assassination and Rayla's ghosting."
"I know," Callum said. "And I do have some feelings about that, but I also know you're Rayla's dad, and that you've welcomed me here when almost no one else has. I'd rather focus on the good stuff, now that we're trying to make peace with everyone."
"If there are more beings like you in this world," Ethari mused. "I believe peace may truly be in our future."
A warm ember of pride lit up in Callum's chest at the genuine praise, even as he ducked his head modestly. "I'm just doing my best. Rayla's the real hero."
Ethari marveled at just how easily this child loved Rayla, how effortlessly he praised her. She was happier now than she had ever been before, and Ethari knew that it was largely because of Callum. Would she have been this happy before, he wondered. If we had been just a bit more open about how wonderful she is, and how much we always knew that?
Callum noticed the sad glimmer returning to Ethari's eyes. "Got a Big Feeling to share?" he asked gently.
"Just… Just that Rayla is lucky to have you." Ethari reached up, lightly patting Callum's hair with his uninjured hand. "Young love is unpredictable, but I hope you will continue to be a part of her life, no matter how things may change or what else may come."
"Me too," Callum said, though he jumped a bit at Ethari's hand on his head. It was such a sudden, paternal gesture, one that brought him back to a simpler time, when his stepfather would mess up his already-unruly hair.
"Callum?" Rayla was walking up the stairs after waiting several minutes for her boyfriend to return. "Don't tell me you lost your pencils in the sofa."
"In here," Callum called.
Rayla peeked into the workshop and gasped when she saw Ethari's bandaged hand. "What happened?"
"Just a minor slip," Ethari quickly assured her. "Nothing to worry about." He glanced at Callum. "Callum, why don't you wait for Rayla outside. I'll send her out in a minute. I just need her help with cleaning this dagger."
Callum nodded, noticing the hesitant, bracing look in Ethari's eyes. "Take as long as you need." He looked at Rayla. "I'll be sketching by that one café with the white flowers in front. Meet me whenever you're done."
"Okay," Rayla replied, her brows furrowing as Callum hurried out. She quickly returned her attention to Ethari, despite her confusion. "Do you need more bandages, or should I just start cleaning?"
"Just clean the blade. Callum did a fine job of wrapping this." Ethari winced as he flexed his hand against the wrappings.
As Rayla hurried to get a rag and some metal-cleaning soap, Ethari slowly worked up the courage he needed to say what needed to be said. With each movement of his adopted daughter, he steeled another part of himself.
I've ignored this long enough, he thought firmly. I've been selfish, trying to reap the happiness of her return without taking any responsibility for before. I'm the only parent she has left. If I fail her, how will I face Runaan, Tiadrin, and Lain when my soul joins theirs in the heavens?
As Rayla started cleaning, she couldn't help but cast a glance at Ethari out of the corner of her eye. Dropping a blade and injuring one's hand was an amateur's mistake, one she had never seen her skilled guardian make in all her life. For him to injure himself in such a preventable manner…
"Ethari, what-?" "Rayla, I-"
The two started to speak at the same time, stopped, then laughed. Ethari smiled sheepishly as he sat down next to Ralya. "You first."
Rayla ran the rag over the blade in careful, even swipes, picking up a new cloth when the blood soaked into the first one. "Something's troubling you, isn't it?" she ventured. "You keep getting these sad looks when you think I'm not watching, and I've never seen you cut yourself like this."
"Nothing gets past you," Ethari said with a wry grin. Taking a deep breath, he looked at his bandaged hand. "Do you really feel at home here anymore?" he asked.
"What?" Rayla glanced at Ethari with a puzzled frown. "Of course!" was her automatic answer, though her voice rang hollow, even in her own ears.
Ethari noticed immediately and shook his head. "You don't. And why would you? Everyone here is too stubborn to accept that they were wrong, so they distance themselves from you and treat Callum with suspicion, because that's what they're used to."
He clenched his fists, despite the pain that shot up his arm. "Do you remember that night by the pond? When I told you I wasn't as strong as the others?"
Rayla nodded, her heart twisting painfully at the mere memory of that night.
"It's true," Ethari said. "I'm weak, but not because I undid the spell to see you. I'm weak because I didn't stand up for you. When Runaan's lotus sank, I fell so deeply into my grief, I just accepted what everyone else decided: that you were a traitor. I shunned you when I should have been thanking every deity in the universe that you, at least, hadn't been taken from me."
Rayla's throat tightened, and she felt the itch of oncoming tears. "You don't have to do this," she managed to choke out.
"No, I do," Ethari replied, a hint of fierceness entering his voice. "You came to me, needing help and guidance. You came to me, and I rejected you. I blamed you for Runaan's death!"
His voice cracked, and he put a hand to his mouth, muffling a sob. "If I…If I hadn't found you by the pond… If you had truly vanished from my life that night, if those cruel words had been the last ones you ever heard from me… I don't know what I would have done!"
The cleaned blade fell to the ground with a clatter, and Rayla closed the distance between herself and Ethari, scooting right up against him and hugging him tightly. "I don't know what I would've done either," she admitted. Her shoulders began to shake, and a tremor shuddered its way up her throat and through her lips.
Ethari's arms came up, closing that last tiny gap between them. He squeezed her tightly, trying to soothe her trembling. Tears gushed from his eyes, but he tried to keep his voice steady.
"Ever since that night, I've hated myself more and more. I go over all the reasons we were wrong in my head, over and over again. Even if you hadn't found Prince Azymondias, there are so many reasons why you would've been the only one alive. You could have been in a human dungeon, for all I knew!" He choked a bit on that thought.
"Don't," Rayla said firmly, though there were tears streaming down her face by this point. "Don't think about it, okay? I understand why everyone felt the way they did. Everyone thought my parents had abandoned their duty. Me doing the same thing made sense."
"No, it didn't." Ethari drew back to look at her. "You are your own person. You should have been judged as such. Besides," his voice trembled yet again. "Tiadrin and Lain weren't traitors. Queen Zubeia's proclamation reached us a moon or so after you sent word to me."
"Yes, I know. I got the invitations from you and Chieftain Artemis afterward."
A flickering glimmer of anger passed across Ethari's eyes. "They weren't going to lift the ghosting spell, you know," he muttered. "It wasn't until you were publicly declared a hero that I was able to convince them. I had them unghost Tiadrin and Lain too, even though they're…" He trailed off, swallowing a lump in his throat.
Rayla felt a twist in her chest, though Ethari's words hardly surprised her. "I'm glad their names were cleared, at least…"
"They were wronged, just as much as you were." Ethari stared at the ground. "They were our best friends, but Runaan and I accepted what everyone else decided without question." He shook his head. "We never were strong, even then."
He turned back to Rayla, wiping some of her tears away with his unbandaged hand. "I'm so sorry, Rayla. I'm sorry for turning you aside. I'm sorry that I didn't do a good enough job of showing you how much you've meant to me over the years. I'm sorry for every time you felt like you weren't good enough or strong enough. I'm sorry for being an unworthy parent."
"Ethari!" Rayla gasped. "I couldn't have asked for better parents than the ones I was given. Mom, Dad, Runaan, you… Even if I could, I wouldn't have chosen anyone else!"
Ethari made a strained hiccupping noise, turning his head away abruptly. What did I do to deserve her? He took a breath as Rayla took his hand, gripping it tightly. He smiled shakily at her, squeezing back.
The two sat in silence for a few minutes, letting the last of their tears fall, before Ethari straightened his back and stood up resolutely, pulling Rayla up with him.
"I think that's enough crying for today," he said, a slight waver still in his voice. He touched a kiss to Rayla's wet cheek. "Go and have a wonderful day with Callum. I'll have dinner ready when you come home."
Rayla sniffled as she stepped back. "Are you sure you'll be alright?"
"I'll be fine," he promised. "With my hand the way it is, I'll likely close the shop for today and get some reading done." He walked with her to the door and saw that the sign on the handle had already been flipped to the "Closed" side. Callum must have done that when he left.
Rayla took one last deep breath, calming herself as she stepped outside. "Do you need me to get anything while I'm out?"
Ethari felt himself relaxing further as they fell into a familiar, domestic conversation. He drew a silver from his pocket. "I was thinking of making some bacon with the waffles tomorrow."
"Can do!" Rayla chirped, pocketing the coin. She hugged Ethari once more around the middle. "Love you!"
Ethari ruffled her hair gently. "Love you too." As his daughter ran down the steps to find Callum, he called after her: "Tree you tonight!"
"Ugh, why are you like this?" Rayla groaned, though she couldn't hide a slight laugh as she rolled her eyes at her guardian. Truthfully, her heart felt lighter than ever. It was as if a weight that had been settling in her chest since her arrival was finally gone.
The stares and silence of the other Silvergrove elves suddenly didn't matter anymore. Let them be stubborn and close-minded! Not all of them were like that, after all. Even if they were, all that truly mattered was Ethari. He was Rayla's family, and he loved her unconditionally. She never had to worry about him turning away from her again, even if every other Moonshadow elf did in the future. He would always be there. Everything was going to be okay.
I guess sharing "Big Feelings" isn't so bad, she mused.
Ethari watched Rayla leave with a smile on his face. For the first time, that smile didn't fade when she was out of sight. Burning sunlight and an unbroken blue sky mixed with interlacing tree branches above him, creating a sight more beautiful than any painting or tapestry.
How'd I do? he thought, a hint of melancholy gentling the edges of his smile as he gazed upward.
A soft breeze kissed his face and he closed his eyes, a wordless sigh escaping his lips and mingling with the warm air.
Another reason why this chapter took so long is that I ended up changing the entire outline of this story. Originally, it was going to go down a darker path with Callum being hazed and injured by some Moonshadow elves and everyone dealing with the repercussions of that. (That mention of the highly-alcoholic moonberry wine in the last chapter was meant to be forshadowing.) I spent hours just staring at the pages of this chapter, trying to figure out how to get to that point, when I realized that I didn't want to. I realized that this story was supposed to be about Rayla, Callum, and Ethari coming together. Also, I wanted to write something that had a bit more hope and positivity, because there's just too much negativity in the world right now.
So, instead of six chapters, the story is going to end with the next update, which will be a nice dose of Rayllum fluff and Ethari being the best dad. I'll see you then!
Hang in there, and peace out!