FOUR

Standing in front of the vanity in the women's room, Kate alternated running her hands beneath the lukewarm water of sink and pumping her palm furiously against the wall dispenser to get more of the pathetic foam the NYPD classified as soap. She'd been scrubbing for…well, see didn't know how long. Probably almost ten minutes. Still, she couldn't seem to get all the blood off.

After getting another handful of soap, Kate raked the nails of her right hand against the palm of her left, scratching and scrubbing up and down, left to right. Then she switched hands, so her left nails grated against her right palm, left to right, swirling around in a circle. When she'd first walked into the bathroom, the entirety of both her hands were bathed in crimson. After nearly ten minutes of scrubbing, the blood was mostly gone, but the stiff, itchy feeling of it remained, and every time she caught sight of a fleck of maroon near her nailbed, she felt the urge to scrub, scrub, and scrub some more.

Somehow, scrubbing made her feel a little bit better. It made her feel like she was doing something; like her world wasn't spiraling. Unfortunately, no amount of scrubbing or release of stress would change the fact that her mother's murderer was now dead at her own hand. Such a fact should have made her happy, but it didn't, because that killer wasn't the real killer. He was just a hired gun. The real killer was out there somewhere and now that her only lead had been carted off in a black bag by the medical examiner's team, how would she ever find him?

The case had begun innocuously a few days earlier, but it very quickly morphed into a nightmare of epic proportions when Lanie figured out that their latest victim was killed in the same way—and most likely by the same perpetrator—as her mother had been over a decade earlier. The same type of knife was used, and the same manner of killing, which made Lanie confident that not only were the two related, but that the killer was a professional, not a random gang member as the police had told Kate and her father all those years earlier.

Rick had been there when Lanie broke the news and, though their relationship had been struggling to return to solid ground in the prior month, she was glad he was with her. He somehow managed to keep her grounded; to keep her head clear and focused on the current case when all she wanted to do was ball up in a corner and grieve for her mother all over again. Rick had also offered to front the money the NYPD would not in order to smoke out the real killer. That was back when their hired gun was an unknown and they decided the best way to find him again would be to pretend to hire him for another job. Rick seemingly hadn't even thought twice about the six-figure price tag. He only asked for the correct account to wire it to and then had given her hand a subtle squeeze before walking off to call his bank. Watching him disappear to make the private call, Kate had felt a surge of hope; she hadn't known then just how terribly it would all fall apart.

As it turned out, the brother of their current victim wasn't playing the tragic family member, but instead a wolf in sheep's clothing. He, Richard "Dick" Coonan, was the real killer. Kate had realized this just a few second too late and Coonan, presumably seeing no other way out, took Rick hostage, threatening to kill the writer just as he had his own brother, her mother, and many others. It had all happened so fast she couldn't see all the details in her mind; it was a great fog. All she knew is that she ended up fatally shooting Coonan in order to save Rick's life. Though she'd tried to put pressure on his wounds to staunch the bleeding and give him a chance to be saved, to tell her the real truth about her mother, she knew it was no use. He was gone and with him went the best chance she had of finding her mother's killer.

"Kate? Are you—woah hey, hey now. I don't think you have that much skin left to scrub off."

So intrenched in her own self-loathing, Kate didn't realize Rick had approached until one of his large hands covered hers and the other reached over to control the flow of sink water. "Wha…Rick! This is the women's room!" she balked.

He quirked his lips to the side as he helped her rinse off the remaining soap. As he reached for a few paper towels he said, "I know, but you were in here a long time; I wanted to make sure you were okay."

She slowly took the towels he offered and dabbed at her hands, only realizing as they dried just how sore they were. Lifting her gaze to his she said flatly, "I'm not okay." How could she possibly be okay after the day they'd had? It wasn't the kill that bothered her; she knew that was solid, not just for procedural reasons but for personal ones as well. She'd save Rick's life over another's any time she had to, but this time the collateral damage was more than she anticipated.

Rick let out a long breath, stuffed his hands into his jean pockets, and lowered his chin. "Yeah, I know and I'm sorry, Kate; truly sorry. I got a little arrogant and I shouldn't—"

"No." Kate balled all the paper towels she held in one hand and reached out to touch Rick's arm with the other. Once he looked at her she said, "Rick, I don't blame you for any of this." The fact that he seemed to be blaming himself made her very sad. If anything, she owed Rick quite a bit for helping her with that case.

"You don't?" he asked tentatively.

"No. You were trying to help me; I know that. The whole thing is just…it's a bad circumstance. And, listen, about the money, I'll-"

"No, forget about the money."

She blinked, shocked. "But it was a hundred thousand dollars. Surely you-"

"I'm not worried about any sum of money, Kate, just you." As he spoke, he reached out and took her hand, brushing his thumb gently across the back of it as their palms kissed.

Kate immediately felt her heart stutter in her chest and her throat go tight. Tears pricked her eyes, but she managed to grit her teeth and keep them at bay. Still, she was astounded by not only his kindness, but of how it made her feel. The feeling rolled through her like a wave, traveling up her spine through her chest and up through her throat and into her ears.

That day had been one of the worst of her life, but somehow with Rick holding her hand, it felt okay. Better than okay. It made her want to sink her body into his and curl his arms around her back. To let him hold her and tell her everything was going to be fine—and to believe it. To allow him to take her home, sit with her and… god, how was any of this possible? She should have been a wreck—devastated or angry or both plus a million other things. Yet, as he stood there before her she actually began to feel…okay.

A few months had passed since the incident and Rick had spent a great deal of the first half of that time apologizing. Groveling, really. Ultimately, he wore her down to the point where she agreed that he could shadow Ryan or Esposito for his book research, but somehow on those cases they still ended up working together. On one such day, she ended up replacing Ryan in order to conduct a secondary witness interview and they'd ended up in the car together once more. The interview went fine, but almost immediately after Kate had been stricken ill from food poisoning. Rick had stuck by her, dashing to a bodega down the street to buy her some Pepto Bismol and making sure she felt well enough to drive. When she didn't, he took her car back to the precinct. The incident had been extremely embarrassing despite how casual he made it seem by insisting that as a father there was nothing he hadn't seen. It also served as a reminder to her just how big his heart was and how much he genuinely cared for her, which was why she allowed him to resume shadowing her as well.

In the weeks since, they had slowly begun to fall back to what was their normal pattern when he'd first started working her cases. They'd have lunch together on Mondays and talk about his book progress and any open cases she had at the time. That was how he became involved in that case; he'd stopped by to check in just shortly before they got the call about the body that had dropped.

"Thanks," she said with the smallest of smiles. "I'll be okay…eventually."

He gave her hand a little squeeze then drew his away asking, "Can I get you anything? Some hand lotion perhaps."

A breathy laugh escaped her lips. "I'm fine, Rick. I just…should get started on the paperwork."

"Let me get dinner."

"No, not its fine."

"You have to eat something," he said in a tone that sounded suspiciously fatherly. "I'll go pick some food up. We can eat together while you work. If that's okay, I mean."

She considered turning him down and letting him go home. He had, after all, had a very stressful day as well, but then as she opened her mouth, her brain seemed to have changed its mind without her realizing. "I…okay."

Grinning he said, "Great; I'll be back in about an hour."

She nodded, her shoulders feeling a little less tight at the notion that she would not be alone that evening. "Rick?" she called out to him before he could leave the bathroom. He gazed at her over his shoulder and she said, "Thank you." The two words didn't seem enough considering all he had done for her both then and the many months before, but they were all she could muster for that moment.

He nodded and simply said, "Always."

Sitting in the hotel ballroom decorated with soft pink and orange hues, white and cream-colored flowers, and dozens and dozens of candles, Rick could honestly say he was the happiest he felt in years. He'd just watched two wonderful people marry, shared an amazing meal with some great friends, and happened to be seated beside the most beautiful woman in the room. The evening was perfect and he knew then it had been far too long since he'd had one of those.

He gazed out across the dance floor and spotted Ryan and Jenny swaying together with their arms locked around one another. Even though the dance floor was filled with couples, it seemed to Rick they believed they were the only two in the room—and that was how it should be. Sadly, his first wedding had not felt like that at all. Actually, now that he thought about it, he and Meredith had barely danced for more than two minutes. She spent the rest of the time arguing with her mother or vomiting in the bathroom since, as it turned out, pregnancy had given her a temporary shellfish aversion. Shaking his head at the memory, Rick brought himself back to the present and continued to observe the blissful duo. If he was lucky enough to get the chance, Rick hoped that his second wedding was as magical as this one.

Turning his head to his left, he saw that his companion was also watching the dance floor. Her right hand rested on the edge of the table beside her now-empty wine glass, so he slid his left along the cloth until his fingers tapped against hers. She glanced in his direction and smiled. His heart fluttered and he held his breath as a way to hold on to the moment, not wanting to take any of it for granted.

In the months since the incident at the twelfth precinct with Kate's mother's killer, they had been steadily rebuilding their friendship by going back to its roots with their Monday lunches. That time, however, they expanded their interactions to a few dinners, one off-Broadway play, and even a few scrabble games. As he had been the one who screwed up the first time around, Rick knew he couldn't be the one to suggest they resume their intimate activities. He had to earn her trust back and it would be a slow and steady process, which he would patiently wait through, because she was worth it. She was worth it before he had stupidly taken a glimpse at her love-future, but now that he knew what he knew…well, he had extra incentive to be exceptionally patient.

When they had first received the "Save the Date" notice for Detective Ryan's wedding, Kate hadn't said anything, but when the invitations arrived six weeks earlier, she'd asked him if he planned to go. Then after he confirmed she'd hesitantly asked, "Do you want to go together?" When his jaw dropped she'd continued her statement by explaining it would be like a friend-date, which he happily agreed to.

He went into the evening with no expectations other than to relax and have a good time. He picked Kate up at her apartment and had an almost cartoonish reaction to how gorgeous she was with her curled hair and her body-hugging dark blue dress. Once he recovered, though, he returned to his status as a gentlemanly date by opening doors, pulling out chairs, and holding Kate's purse while she went to the bathroom.

During the reception, she was the one to suggest a dance, and he happily agreed. They danced through two songs before returning to their table to eat, then took another dance break between dinner and dessert. Now, the evening had begun to wind down, but Rick honestly didn't want it to end. It really had been perfect.

"They look happy," Kate said, nodding towards the newly married couple who had begun to sway in the direction of their table.

"They absolutely do."

"I'm glad for them. Ryan's definitely been smitten ever since meeting Jenny. It's nice you were able to guide them together."

Rick's brow rose momentarily as he was certain it was one of the first times if not the first time she was voluntarily bringing up his profession. Deciding it was best not to call her out on that fact or bring any extra attention to it, he merely nodded and said, "One of the perks of the job, for sure."

"The number of couples you must have united over the years…" She shook her head with slight disbelief.

Rick nodded again. He didn't keep count as he felt it made the experience become too clinical, but he'd been in business by himself for nearly fifteen years, so he knew he'd had to have united hundreds of couples. That didn't even include the other businesses his family ran in the region, not to mention their century-long history. If he had been able to access a real figure for the number of couples they helped to unite, he knew it would have been an astounding figure.

"I've helped a lot of people, that's for sure, but this one's special to me."

"How so?"

"They're my friends," he said simply. She smiled and nodded in response. They were quiet for a minute before he nodded towards her empty glass and said, "Would you like another drink?"

She let out a light laugh and said, "Oh no; I really shouldn't."

"Another spin on the dance floor perhaps?"

She grazed her teeth across her bottom lip and then confessed, "I was thinking of calling it a night actually."

Disappointment shot through his chest, but he tried his best not to let it show on his face. If Kate was no longer enjoying herself that last thing he wanted was to keep her there. It was best they ended the evening on a high note rather than a stale one. "Oh sure. I'll walk you out." He stood from his seat, grabbed his suit jacket from the back of his chair, then turned to see she was now standing as well.

"I was hoping you'd say that, actually."

"Really?" he asked, slightly surprised at first. Then, her gaze darkened and flicked down to his lips before meeting his eyes one more. The skin on the back of his neck prickled, but before he jumped to any conclusions, he wanted to make sure. "Really?" he repeated, a bit deeper that time.

Just then, the band switched to play a much livelier and thus louder song. Kate gave her head a gentle shake, then reached out to grab his hand. She guided them through the tightly packed tables and to the coat check area where her jacket waited. With that in hand, they walked out into the lobby, where they could actually converse at a normal volume and still hear each other.

"I've had a really good time tonight, Rick. It's been really fun and…I'd like to end the evening on a fun note—if you're interested."

Rick opened his mouth to speak, but then paused before any sound came out. Though he wanted to yelp and jump up and down to proclaim that of course he was interested, he couldn't. Over the months he'd work to rebuild their friendship, he'd made a promise to himself that he wouldn't settle for the crumbs anymore. The way their relationship had been going the first time around was destined to break his heart, and he needed to step in and save himself that time around, especially given the hopes he had for their future.

"Of course I want to end the night with you, Kate, but…" He paused to take in a deep breath as her brow began to crinkle with confusion. "The thing is: I just don't want this to be a one-night thing. Or even a brief resurgence of what we had before. I want more than that."

She swallowed, gripped her jacket a bit tighter and asked, "Are you sure that's not just the wedding talking?"

He stepped up to her, reached out his hand to cup her jaw, and brushed his thumb against the hollow of her cheek. "Not at all. Before…We were just having some fun, I think. We didn't define anything or talk about anything further in the future than a few days away, but I don't want that. I—I want us to date. Officially. Exclusively." He added, figuring he'd go for broke with what he wanted and hope that she would agree.

He could feel her heartbeat thrumming beneath his palm as she stared at him a bit wide eyed for several seconds before agreeing, "Okay."

A grin burst across his face and the knot in his gut unfurled immediately. "Yeah? Really?"

"Yeah," she agreed, leaning her cheek into his hand. "I've actually kind of missed you."

Now feeling like his feet might actually levitate off the ground, he breathed out, "You have no idea how much I missed you." Then, using his hand as leverage, he pulled her close and brushed his lips sweetly against hers.

She pressed one palm against the center of his chest and gazed at him seriously as she said, "Just don't screw it up this time."

"No, no—I swear I won't." He vowed with every ounce of his heart and soul. He'd learned his lesson about breaking any promises, particularly those to Kate Beckett. He'd nearly lost her once, and that was not something that he would allow to happen again.

She kissed him again and said, "Good. Now take me home, Rick."

A/N - Happy Thanksgiving to the Americans

final chapter will be up Saturday with the epilogue to follow on Sunday :)