The rest of Beca's Freshman Summer

Beca was excited. Tonight she was going to drink herself into a state of oblivion and accomplish the ultimate act of intimacy without it getting awkward. At all. Surprisingly as an, albeit self-proclaimed, unbelievable badass Beca Mitchell took sex incredibly seriously. It was one of the reasons she had such little experience in that particular area; she knew that if you let someone have sex with you you're allowing them to see you in your most vulnerable state. Beca has spent has entire life hiding behind walls she constructed in every relationship, whether it be platonic or romantic, as she was scared of getting hurt. She figured that making herself vulnerable to anyone would give them ample opportunity to hurt her, and she just wasn't ready for that as she wasn't sure how she would recover. So her trepidation about getting intimate with Jesse was due primarily to her fear of him eventually hurting her. Obviously Jesse was not a bad guy, he was wonderful and kind, so Beca expected that he would hurt her eventually given the right circumstances. The fact that she didn't really feel the urge to touch him, like at all, was besides the point. And it never even occurred to Beca that she was the one who would end up being hurtful, but that was not a problem she would be facing in the immediate future. For now, Beca's only focus was on making an effort to please Jesse and make him happy, and she saw nothing wrong with that seeing as he had put up with her moodiness for months without a single complaint.

When Jesse came to pick Beca up from her dorm he was rendered speechless by what he saw. He had always known that Beca was beautiful, but the radiant beauty in front of him was so much more than that. The tiny DJ had put on her nicest black jeans, which only had a few rips across the knees, and her signature plaid. Her eyes were smoky and captivating, when she looked at Jesse it felt like she could read his mind, her smirk was a perfectly well timed response. Even her hair was perfect, styled to look effortless but the luscious tresses had been teased into loose waves that he just wanted to run his hands through. Little did Jesse know he would be granted that desire very soon. But what was most breathtaking about Beca was the aura of confidence and determination that was radiating from her. He didn't know what had made Beca feel this way, but he couldn't wait to see how the vibe progressed once they got to the bar and just relaxed. The fact Beca was putting on an act for his benefit was something that Jesse was completely unaware of; in his mind Beca was just excited to spend time with him.

At the bar conversation flowed surprisingly quickly, primarily due to Beca's low tolerance and the constant supply of jack and cokes that were bringing her closer to the oblivion she was seeking. Jesse was so happy to see Beca unguarded and relaxing around him, it looked like Beca was finally starting to trust him more than anyone else he had seen her with. Although he was not a cocky guy, Jesse was convinced that Beca's relaxed state was a sign that she wanted the pair to get closer in both an emotional and physical sense. In his defence Beca had been getting herself double JD&Cs every time he went to the bathroom or to request a song, so he had no idea how much alcohol she had consumed. And Beca, although her judgement was significantly impaired, was speaking coherently and her coordination remained unhindered. So to Jesse and any other bystander it just looked like Beca was having some drinks with her boyfriend and thoroughly enjoying his company.

So it felt natural that they took things back to his dorm. It wasn't forced, Jesse suggested they watched a movie (the Breakfast Club obviously) and Beca agreed with a rare absence of sarcasm. Far more true to form, Beca started to get bored very early into it and started to think of ways that she could end the torture and either fall asleep or leave. A little heartless perhaps as she was supposed to be enjoying her boyfriend's company, but for someone who hates movies Beca thought she was doing very well. It was at this point that the last few drinks she had consumed hit Beca all at once, and she went from being drunk to completely wasted. The way this manifested was through a single desire that started to pulse through Beca's entire body, rendering her entirely unaware of her surroundings. She needed satisfaction. Given the circumstances it's pretty obvious what kind. Beca wasn't consciously thinking at this point, it felt like she was floating and the only thing that was keeping her grounded (and conscious) was the feeling of her hand as it started to move across her body. When sober, Beca was very reserved about pleasuring herself, but in this moment she was barely aware that it was her own hand doing the touching. All she knew was that it felt good. After her hand moved further south she felt a mouth on hers and two more hands helping her get closer to the release she was seeking. She barely registered being carried to the bed and clothes being removed. Beca let her hands explore both herself and the source of her pleasure; Jesse. As he gently caressed her waist and peppered kisses on her hipbone Beca found her mind wandering. She kept seeing flashes of perfect red hair, and those blazing blue eyes that could make her do anything. She "heard" a women's voice in her ear, lovingly telling her how beautiful she was, that she had always wanted her, and that this would only be the beginning. The voice sounded surprisingly familiar, but Beca was far too inebriated to figure out the contents of this daydream, hallucination, or whatever else you want to call it. What Beca had actually heard was Jesse trying to make her relaxed and feel loved, and as she responded in the way he hoped, Jesse prepared himself and, as the song goes, "two became one". It was brief and gentle, and everything Jesse had hoped it would be as he wanted their first few times to be soft and romantic, before progressing to more adventurous positions. Beca had responded to his touch and been surprisingly assertive with her own. What was most surprising was that she stayed, and they fell asleep in each other's arms. In short, it had been Jesse's perfect evening.

Beca woke up feeling nothing but pain emanating from deep within her skull and threatening to drive her insane. Headache doesn't even begin to cover what Beca was experiencing, she didn't want to open her eyes or move in case that made things worse. She was so distracted that she didn't initially realise her exposed state, or the fact she wasn't alone. When the headache subsided enough for Beca to open her eyes slowly she became more aware of her surroundings. She was in Jesse's dorm, okay no big deal she had slept over before. But she had most certainly not woken to feel Jesse pressing into her, a fact she was now painfully aware of because of both their nudity. Beca wriggled out of the tight embrace Jesse had trapped her in and leapt out of bed. She picked up her clothes and made a beeline for the shower. When she returned Beca was that Jesse had woken and was looking at her with what she feared was love. What was scaring her was that she couldn't figure out why. The last few hours was a complete blank, Beca remembered being in the bar but none of the events after that.

"Last night was amazing Beca. You were amazing."

"Uhh.. thanks?"

"No seriously, I'm so happy that our first time was so special. You make me really happy Beca, I hope you know that."

"Yeah you too dude."

Jesse thought that Beca was just being bashful as she wasn't sure to confront her feelings yet, so he thought nothing of it when she suggested she go home and get changed. She did have a shift at the radio station in an hour after all.

Beca had never been so happy to have work. She needed to leave. First time? First time getting drunk together maybe? Jesse was acting weird and Beca wasn't in the mood to try and work out why. Her mind had other plans however, as Beca queued mix after mix in the booth the memories from last night slowly came back to her. Beca remembered being nervous and projecting a persona to try and convince herself that it would be okay. She remembered drinking way too much. Then things become more abstract. More of shapes and feelings than concrete memories. Beca knew she had felt an uncontrollable urge to touch herself, and that had lead to sex with Jesse. Once that bombshell was dropped Beca realised that she had not been aware of the fact Jesse had been the one touching her, as she had been entirely consumed by a hallucination. Beca couldn't remember who she had hallucinated about, but she hoped she remembered soon as she had never felt to aroused in all her life. Somehow the fact that Beca had been thinking of someone else while Jesse was giving himself to her, and the someone being a woman could suggest a bigger question regarding sexuality somehow slipped Beca's mind. She was busy trying to remember this mysterious person and think of ways to bring them back. Beca realised she needed to get drunk again, maybe having a similar night with Jesse to the previous night would evoke another hallucination. She texted Jesse and they made plans to go on another date the following evening, and Beca was overwhelmed with anticipation, ecstatic at the prospect of another encounter with a person who does not exist (at least from Beca's incredibly obtuse perspective).

For the rest of the summer Beca and Jesse developed a routine, alternating between sleeping, working at the station, and going on dates. It was the third of these that Beca looked forward to the most. She made sure that whatever they did alcohol was involved, as this meant she got to spend time with the abstract fantasy who was swiftly becoming her favourite person. So Jesse and Beca had progressed in their relationship to being intimate even more regularly than Jesse had hoped they might, and this was all down to Beca. The poor boy missed the warning signs completely, that they always had sex drunk, and that Beca was in an alcohol induced dream-like state every time. As the summer went on, Beca's "visions" started to become more concrete and it felt like she was getting closer to realising the identity of the person she was fantasising about. She felt like she knew them, and was actually being touched by them during her time with Jesse. Eventually flashes of red became familiar gorgeous red locks that tumbled down in effortless waves. A delicate collar bone that led to powerful and toned arms that Beca just wanted to wrap herself around. It should have been obvious who Beca was dreaming about. But as the dreams or hallucinations only took place when she was borderline blackout drunk, Beca could never fully remember what she had seen the next day, and was more overwhelmed with the feelings evoked by the "encounter" instead.

This all changed in the last week of summer, the day before Beca was due to move to a new dorm with Fat Amy. Beca was dreaming oddly enough of singing in the shower. She had started off with a rendition of Titanium that led to the only response that was appropriate given the choice of song, it had become her lady jam after all. The reason behind this Beca had still not worked out yet. Beca had not got far in her ministrations when she was interrupted. She heard a voice in her ear, whispering words of encouragement in a tone filled with lust that made Beca's stomach drop. Beca spun around and was face to face with the object of her hallucinations. She looked straight into eyes so intense that it felt like they were looking into her very soul. Beca averted her gaze downwards and saw the body that she had been lucky enough to witness months ago in a similar but less overtly sexual encounter. Seeing that perfect body made something click into place in Beca's brain. The person she had been fantasising about while she was sleeping with Chloe. Her best friend. Her best friend who had abandoned her three months ago without so much as a goodbye. Beca realised she is attracted to a girl who she will probably never see again. There is no way this will end well. Beca found herself feeling overwhelmed with panic and, most likely inspired by Chloe, Beca found the lone set of workout clothes she owned and went on a run. She hoped that maybe this would clear her head and figure out what an earth is going on with her.