CHAPTER 4

"So what the hell happened to Finn? Like I know he was going through some issues during Junior year, but disappearing for the whole summer? Where could he be?" Mercedes asked. Kurt, Rachel and Mercedes sat on a futon in the basement, sharing a large bowl of popcorn for their movie-marathon of famous Disney musicals (Lion King, Aladdin, etc.). Rachel kept her face neutral, but inside, she was dying to know where Finn had vanished. Normally, when she was at Kurt's house, either Finn's car was there and he was somewhere in the house, or his car was gone and he was out. However, this time, the car was there but Finn was nowhere to be seen. She was just trying to come to terms that Finn might not love her anymore, but Rachel thought that they were friends enough for her to know where Finn was going for the summer. Relief flooded through her when Mercedes asked the question, as Rachel knew that Kurt wouldn't give a straight answer if she asked.

Kurt looked at the African-American girl and scowled at her. He really didn't feel like answering the question, especially in front of Rachel. "If you wanted to know, Mercedes, why didn't you call him yourself?"

"Uh, did you ever think that maybe I tried and all I kept getting was his voicemail?" Mercedes responded with a very similar sarcastic tone.

Kurt paled slightly, but then tried to shrug it off. "Finn found a job that needed him to be away for the summer, that's all." He took a big sip of his coke before eating a few Cheetos and a few popcorn kernels.

"Yeah, sure. C'mon, Kurt. You know we can read you like a book, so spill the details. What job? Did he decide to become a forest ranger or something? Get a job at some kids camp on the far side of Ohio?"

Kurt shook his head and rolled his eyes. "No, nothing so mundane." Kurt glanced at both of the girls before taking a deep breath. He decided to tell them. What was the harm? After all, they were gonna find out eventually. "He...he actually joined the Air Force's National Guard." Mercedes and Rachel both spat out the sips of cola they were drinking.

"W-w-what?" Rachel stammered. She had knocked over the popcorn bowl in surprise, but none of them made a move to pick it up. Mercedes and Rachel were immobile in surprise. Her eyes went so wide that they covered almost half her face. "The...The Air Guard? As in, the Air Force?"

Kurt nodded. "Yes, I'm afraid so. When he said he was going to be gone for the summer, he wasn't joking. He doesn't get back until the 4th of September, and that is provided nothing happens, you know."

Both Mercedes and Rachel looked at each other, stunned at Kurt's revelation. Finn was in the military! He was fighting for their country, putting his own life at risk in the process. Kurt didn't look away from the television screen.

"Look, I don't know any more than that." He said.

"But… but why? Why would he join the military?" Mercedes pressed. Rachel felt like she knew the answer.

"It was me, wasn't it?" Rachel asked, though her tone was more a statement than question. Her stomach sank at the thought she had driven him out of his own hometown. Of course it was my fault, Rachel thought. If I hadn't cheated, we would have been spending the summer together. He was trying to escape from his pain just like she was. Only for him, he had to physically leave.

Kurt closed his eyes and held back tears. He knew that Rachel was feeling even more guilty about cheating than she did before, and if Finn died, she would blame herself. "He didn't admit to it, but I feel like it was a combination of everything that happened during Junior year. Now this is just my personal opinion, but I think he wants to die, but isn't about to pull the trigger himself. Hence joining the military."

"Well, he probably isn't gonna die." Mercedes said, trying to convince Rachel and Kurt, but also herself in the process. None of them believed her though. Finn's future was as uncertain as the bottom of a murky pond.

"I wouldn't be so sure," Kurt murmured. Rachel's head shot up when she heard him speak.

"Pardon?" She asked. Kurt looked at her in surprise. He didn't realise that he had just spoken out loud. He tried to shrug it off.

"What? I didn't say anything." He said, but Rachel and Mercedes both knew he was lying.

"Kurt…" Rachel growled. Kurt decided to come clean.

"OK, fine. I overheard Burt and Finn talking the night that Finn enlisted. Burt asked Finn to come home safe, Finn said he couldn't make that promise as if he ever had to pick between himself or another person, he would always sacrifice himself for the person. But Rachel, that's irrelevant. It wasn't your fault that he joined! It was nobody's fault! Finn said that it was his way out of Lima. His way of not being a Lima loser for the rest of his life. That's the reason why he joined."

Rachel shook her head.

"Maybe, but our breakup wasn't Finn's fault at all. I didn't believe him and believed Santna over him. Like what was I thinking? And then I had to kiss Puck while dating Finn. Thank god Puck got out of there quickly as I know that I was so mad that I wouldn't have stopped it" Rachel shook her head and looked down to hide her tears. "If that didn't happen, we might still be together, and he never would have gone back to Quinn. I so wish we could go back in time and correct things."

"But you can't," Kurt said, gently, as he placed a hand on her arm. "You both need to figure yourselves out first. Besides, there's plenty of fish in the sea. As much as I love my step-brother, Rachel, he's not the only boy available to date here in Lima; maybe a summer romance is just what the doctor ordered."

"No, I don't want to date anyone for a while. It wouldn't be right."

Mercedes and Kurt exchanged a knowing glance. "Right for whom, exactly?" Kurt queried.

The petite brunette looked at her friends who were looking at her suspiciously. "Right for me, of course! It has nothing to do with Finn or me being hung up on him."

"Even though you are." Mercedes remarked and threw a few more chips into her mouth.

Rachel ignored her friend's comment.

"I'll tell you what you want, girl, because it's what you've always wanted. He's tall, handsome, lumbering, and usually wearing a big number 5 on his chest!" Mercedes said with a smirk. Rachel's face filled with sadness, loneliness and longing.

"Well not all dreams come true. He doesn't love me anymore, and I have to spend some time getting over him.

"Girl, you're crazy! Finn loves you!" Mercedes cried and turned to Kurt to back her up. Kurt shook his head slightly and Mercedes' jaw dropped.

"I'm sorry, did I miss something?" Mercedes asked. Kurt and Rachel both nodded.

"Kurt was talking to Finn sometime before the end of junior year." Rachel started. "He said that he didn't love me anymore. He said that with the mistakes I made when we were dating, and the mistakes he made after we broke up, we're too far apart."

Mercedes' eyes widened. "He said that to your face?! What a jerk!" She spat. Rachel shook her head.

"He said it privately to Kurt but Kurt kinda told me." Rachel muttered. Mercedes looked at Kurt in surprise.

"Wow, nice brother skills Kurt!" Mercedes remarked. Kurt looked down.

"Yeah, I agree. Not my finest moment. There was more though." Kurt murmured and both girls looked up at him in surprise. Kurt hadn't told anyone this part, and felt really bad about invading Finn's privacy.

"Well, what did he say?" Mercedes asked, curiously. Kurt tried so hard to hold his tongue.

"Guys, I can't. You guys are my friends, but Finn is still my brother. I don't want to betray him like that."

"Come on, Kurt! If it pertains to a possible relationship with Finn, I have the right to know!" Rachel exclaimed. Kurt scowled at his friend.

"Umm… no it is none of your business. It's between me and Finn. But if I tell you, will you get off my back and stop asking for anything about Finn."

"Yes, Fine! Just tell me!" Rachel said.

"He… he um… he." Kurt stammered.

"KURT!" Rachel screamed at him.

"He doesn't believe in love anymore…"