Fish Symbol

by Rjalker

Adrien overhears a conversation in the lockerroom, and it forces him to revaluate his own behavior. He goes back to confront them but one thing he wasn't expecting was for the confrontation to cost him everything. He loses everything, but it turns out in the end that everything he had wasn't worth the price. Gabriel gets arrested, Adrien gets adopted, and finally gets to be happy.

(Exists in the same universe as the post-Startrain prompt)

It happened in the locker room.

Adrien was toweling his hair dry from the shower, the last thing he needed to do before he was ready to head out to the hallway to get to his next class. He wasn't even paying attention at first, just automatically tuning it out because he didn't know the boys who were talking, so there was no reason for him to pay attention. Then one word caught his attention⏤

Chat Noir.

It was like a book was slammed shut in his face. Now he was paying attention. Now he couldn't help but pay attention.

And just as soon as he started paying attention, started processing what he was hearing, he found out the hard way that he didn't want to be.

The seconds the words he was hearing consciously registered, his blood ran cold, then spiked hot. It felt like his heart skipped a beat.

He wasn't going to repeat what he'd just heard them say. He felt his face heating up with mortification and disgust, and could only hope that Plagg either hadn't heard it, or somehow-miraculously-didn't know what it meant.

He threw his hair towel into the bin of dirty laundry by the wall, grabbed his bag and jacket, slammed his locker door shut-they didn't even stop talking, they weren't even paying any attention to him, they just kept talking-and left as quickly as he could.

But not quickly enough to avoid hearing more, not quickly enough to escape the visual that invaded his mind despite all his wishes, despite him desperately trying to think of anything else.

They were talking about him-HIM!-doing...horrible things to Ladybug. Things he didn't even want to think about. Things that now he couldn't help but think about. And they'd been laughing as they said it. They thought it was funny. They were enjoying the idea.

They thought...he clenched his hands into fists, fighting to keep his cool.

They thought the idea of his lady begging him to stop while he...while he...!

UGH!

Adrien had to stop and lean heavily against the railing overlooking the courtyard, just barely resisting the urge to rake his hands through his already messed up hair, biting his lip to stop himself from crying in rage.

The things those boys were saying were disgusting! It was revolting! He would never-

He would-

...Never…

And suddenly, a memory appeared, bright as day in his mind's eye, blotting out the distressing images the boys' words had conjured.

It was a familiar memory. A familiar scene. The sky was blue, bright and perfect. Ladybug was standing in front of him, her arms folded across her chest, looking angry. As angry as he felt. Her arms were folded across her chest. She was leaning away from him. She was angry. As angry as he felt. And he remembered what he'd told her.

He'd said to her as she fumed, mocking her, "It doesn't matter how many times you say no, m'lady, I'll never stop trying to win your heart."

And then he'd laughed, even though he could see how angry she was, even though he could see how red her face was, even though he could see the beginning of tears in her eyes.

He knew how much he was upsetting her. He knew. He hadn't cared. It was funny. He'd always enjoyed pissing her off. She always reacted so dramatically, it was funny. So he'd gone out of his way to say the exact right words that he KNEW would upset her the most, and then he laughed. He laughed at her, like those boys had been laughing at the thought of him…

Doing things to his lady while she begged him to stop.

He remembered the look on her face when she registered what he'd said. When she heard him say it didn't matter how many times she said no. When he told her he would never stop, no matter how many times she told him no. Her expression had been nothing but rage and...and fear.

And he'd laughed at her.

Because it was funny.

It was funny, the way she got so upset by the things he said to her. It was funny, the way all he had to do was lean in for a kiss and she would leap away like he was going to burn her. It was funny, upsetting her. It was funny, pissing her off.

It was funny, seeing her near tears.

How many times had he opened his mouth with no other goal than to purposefully upset her?

How many times had he leaned into her space, or tried to kiss her, or grabbed her hand and refused to let go, even when she glared at him? How many times had she had to dodge away from him? How many things had he done to her, just because he knew it would upset her?

He'd kissed her once, after Stormy Weather blasted him away with a hurricane gust. His lady had offered him a hand to help him get back to his feet, and he'd taken the opportunity to kiss her.

It was…it was the proudest moment of his life. He'd finally gotten the upper hand, had finally caught her unawares had finally…

Managed to kiss her.

Even though he knew she would hate it. He hadn't kissed her because…because he cared about her. If he cared about her, he wouldn't have done it, because he knew she didn't want him to do it.

He had laughed at her! Laughed at her as he told her it didn't matter if she said no, as she stood there with her arms crossed, leaning away from him, turned away from him, closed off to him and protecting herself in the only way she could!

He'd laughed at her!

Laughed right in her face!

She told him to stop and he LAUGHED AT HER and told her it didn't matter how many times she told him no!

He'd laughed at her the same way those boys had laughed at the thought of him DOING EXACTLY THAT.

And this wasn't even the first time he'd done this!

Adrien felt shame burning inside his veins like fire, and clenched his jaw against the tidal wave of rage that wanted to wash over him. It was clawing at his throat, his lungs, the inside of his skull. He wanted to-he needed to⏤

He clenched his hands around the railing until his knuckles turned white.

He couldn't hold the anger back. It was too strong. It was making his hands shake even as they began to ache with the force he was exerting, and choking him as tears burned in his eyes that he couldn't hold back.

He was so angry. So angry.

In that moment, he hated himself. He hated the sound of his own voice, because it was the voice that tormented the girl he claimed to love. He hated his hands, because they were the hands that always, always, always reached out for her even when she pulled away. They were the hands that grabbed her-her shoulder, her hand, her wrist, her waist. They were the hands that grabbed her, that pulled her back when she tried to get away, they were the hands that trapped her and hurt her even though they never left a mark. He hated his laugh, because it was the laugh that brought rage and fear and tears to her eyes no matter how hard she tried to hide them, no matter how hard she fought to stay calm, to stay cool, to stay cheerful, to stay friendly.

And he knew then, as he had always known, that the reason she always tried to change the subject and gave him soft nos and gentle excuses was because she was afraid of what he would do to her if she said what she was really thinking.

And he relished it. He relished having that amount of power over her.

He'd asked her out on a date. She told him she wouldn't be coming. She said she had plans with friends already. She turned him down gently. And Plagg had even told him again that she'd said she wouldn't be going.

And he'd ignored that. Pretended like he hadn't heard it, even though he knew-he knew she wasn't going to show up.

He'd been supposed to hang out with his friends that day. Nino and Alya and Marinette. He was supposed to have asked his father if he could go. He'd told them he'd gotten permission before hand. And then-

He lied.

He'd fucking-he'd fucking lied to his friends. He'd blown them off and lied about it so they would feel sorry for him instead of getting angry because he didn't⏤

He didn't…

...He didn't care about them. Not as much as he cared about…

...It couldn't even be called love. It couldn't even be called affection. He didn't care about Ladybug. If he did, he would never treat her the way he did.

She was...he just…

He didn't care about her.

He cared about...the show he was putting on. It was fun. It was thrilling. Watching her get so upset and all he had to do was…

...Tell her that it didn't matter how many times she told him no.

All he had to do was tell her that he didn't care if she wanted him to stop.

All he had to do was tell her, with every word that left his mouth, with every movement he made towards her, with every touch of his hand against her, with every laugh that he laughed in her face, that nothing she ever did would make him stop.

That he didn't care if she said no. That he didn't care if he was hurting her. That he didn't care how angry or afraid she was.

It was fun. It was exciting. It was the most fun he'd ever had in his entire life.

The despair on her face, in her body language, in every movement and every shift of her gaze, every fraction of an inch she leaned away from him, leaned away from his touch, the fear that radiated off of her that with his super-powered nose he could smell like a heady perfume, it…

It was intoxicating.

It was a power trip.

And he loved it.

He loved tormenting her.

There was no other word for it. He went out of his way to torment her. Because it was funny, because he enjoyed it, because he could.

Because when he was Chat Noir, there was no Father to punish him, no Nathalie to check up on him seemingly right as he started to relax, no Gorilla to scold him with nothing but a glare and a heavy hand to lead him back to where he was supposed to be.

There was no one to stop him from doing whatever he wanted.

And what he wanted...was to torment Ladybug.

He hated his voice. He hated his hands. He hated his laugh.

He hated himself, because he was the one that hurt her.

And what had finally pushed that final brick into place? What had finally sealed off his callousness and utter lack of compassion for the girl he claimed to love?

What had forced him to confront just how terribly he treated her? What finally forced him to give a shit?

Some boys in the locker room, talking about things that made him uncomfortable.

It wasn't even about her feelings.

It was selfish, it was about himself. He was offended on his own behalf, not hers. It had never been about her. Not her feelings, not the thought of her being put in that position. It was him being upset by the idea that he would do that to her. It was always about him, always about how things affected him.

He was selfish, down to his very core.

And it just made him madder.

He pried his fingers away from the railing and then slammed his palms into it for good measure, baring his teeth in a soundless snarl, wishing he were transformed so he could have real teeth, not these stupid useless flat ones, not even trying to stop the tears that were racing down his face.

He turned to look back the way he'd been, back towards the locker room, where those boys were probably still laughing about the horrible things they wanted him to do to Ladybug.

The things they had no reason to think he wouldn't do to Ladybug someday.

He'd already kissed her without her permission. He'd done it just to upset her. He already took every opportunity he could to touch her, to try and kiss her, to violate every boundy she set.

He already did everything he could to get into her personal space even though he knew she didn't want him to. He already told her over and over and over again that it didn't matter what she wanted, that the only opinion that mattered on their relationship was his, because she didn't know what she wanted, she was in love with him, she just refused to admit it.

There was no reason for those boys to think he wouldn't do that to her someday.

Well⏤

⏤he would give them a reason.

He stormed back towards the locker room door, and was about to slam it open when it started to swing open from the inside.

The rage was boiling in his blood, so instead of stepping out of the way, he rammed his shoulder into the door with all the force he could muster, eliciting a startled yelp from the other side.

He shoved his way through the now opened doorway, and saw one of the boys from before rubbing his arm as he stepped gingerly away from where he'd been shoved into the wall. The other boy he'd been talking, or maybe he was in t to was nowhere to be found. Apparently he'd gone out the other door, or he was in the bathroom.

The boy's eyes widened when he saw Adrien's face, awash with tears and rage. He went from being annoyed and surprised to concerned within an instant, even reaching out a hand to offer comfort, placing it on Adrien's shoulder as he said, "Woah, dude, are you okay? What happened? Come on, let's sit do-"

Adrien slapped the hand off his shoulder, just barely resisting the urge to use his nails as claws. "Don't you touch me!" He snarled, losing the fight to keep his voice down, shouting "Don't you fucking dare!"

The boy backed up, his eyes wide, his hands held out in front of him in a gesture of peace. Adrien had to resist the urge to claw at those hands. "Okay, dude, I won't touch you, just calm dow⏤"

"Don't you tell me to calm down!" Adrien advanced one threatening step at a time, until the boy was backed up against one of the lockers, stumbling when his legs hit the bench in front of it. "I heard what you said about Ladybug! I heard what you said about Chat Noir! I heard what you said! You're disgusting! You should be ashamed of yourself! How could you say such a horrible thing?! How could you think something like that is funny?!"

Realization dawned in the boy's eyes, and his stance-which had tensed more and more as Adrien shouted in his face-relaxed a fraction, relief breaking across his face. He even smiled.

"Oh my gosh, dude, no!" He laughed disarmingly, stepping forward so that Adrien was forced to back off or let him run into him, "You've got me all wrong! I would never think it's okay for Chat Noir to do that to Ladybug! Gosh, I'm so sorry you overheard that and got so freaked out, I'm sorry! Dude, I swear, it's okay. I wasn't saying Chat Noir should do that in real life, it's for a fic I'm writing."

And the entire time he'd been talking, laughing, smiling, calm and relaxed, Adrien had been scrambling to come up with an explanation, some explanation for what appeared to be a massive misunderstanding. He was already berating himself for overreacting, because he'd clearly mis-heard and jumped to all the wrong conclusions, he'd clearly missed some vital piece of context that would explain everything and make it okay, he'd missed something, he was being stupid and over reacting-

-and then he finally registered those last few words.

And if you thought he was angry before, he was beyond enraged now.

He lunged forward and grabbed the boy by his shirt collar, and slammed him back into the lockers and screamed in his face, "YOU THINK THAT MAKES IT OKAY?!"

"What in the world is going on in here?!" a voice exclaimed from the doorway, just as Adrien was pulling his fist back to punch the boy in the face. It was either that, or claw his fucking eyes out. And thankfully, there was one tiny part of his brain left that still had enough common sense left to realize that blinding this kid would literally ruin his life.

A giant hand wrapped around his wrist before he could follow through with the lesser of two evils, and though he strained, Mr. Martin was too strong, and he was forced to release the boy's shirt and let him drop to the floor, unfortunately unharmed.

"Adrien! What has gotten into you?!" Mr. Martin demanded, releasing his grip on Adrien's hand once the other boy was safely out of range, moving to stand between the two of them protectively, "Explain yourself, immediately!"

Adrien could barely breathe, he was so angry. So ashamed. And he was still crying, he couldn't help it. He hated that boy and he hated himself more.

"He was⏤" he managed to gasp out past the lump in his throat, "He⏤" He didn't want to say it, didn't want to imagine it, but Mr. Martin needed to know. He needed to know. "He was saying that Chat Noir should rape Ladybug! He was laughing about it!"

Mr. Martin's face went white, and then just as suddenly flushed scarlet. He spun around, now facing the boy, his voice horrified, "John Luke Martin, is this true?"

"No, dad! Of course not! He's got it all wrong!" The boy-John (John Martin? Mr. Martin had a son!?)-exclaimed immediately, and though Adrien couldn't see him past Mr. Martin's bulky frame, he could imagine the look on his face. It was probably the exact same look of relief that had been on his face right before Adrien slammed him into the lockers and got ready to deck him.

Mr. Martin looked over his shoulder at Adrien where he was standing there, shaking and crying, and seemed to figure out which one of them he was going to believe.

The music teacher moved, grabbing John by the shoulder and spinning him towards the door, towards Adrien, still keeping himself between the two of them so another fight couldn't break out.

"Well, you'll have plenty of time to explain it to me when we get to the principle's office." He growled-then his voice gentled as he said, "Adrien, you come with me. We're going to get this sorted out."

He gestured for Adrien to walk in front of him, but Adrien shook his head, "It wasn't just him⏤!" He explained, still desperately angry, "There was another boy he was talking to, I don't know his name, but he had white hair, he was wearing a black sweatshir⏤"

Mr. Martin interrupted him with a wordless exclamation of anger, turning to his son again and demanding, "Jordi's involved in this too? Jordi Lewis? John Luke you had better have a good explanation for this or you are going to be grounded for the rest of your life!" He turned back to Adrien, took a moment to visibly compose himself, and again gestured for him to walk in front. His voice was tightly controlled when he said, "Jordi will be called to the principal's office once we're there, Adrien. Was there anyone else involved? Did anyone besides you hear what they were saying?"

"Dad! I⏤" John started to interject, shrugging the hand off his shoulder in annoyance.

Mr. Martin let him, but cut off his beginning argument with a cold, "John, not now."

Adrien struggled to remember if anyone else had been in the locker room when the conversation was happening, but came up blank. He shook his head, and couldn't help the fresh wave of tears that burned his eyes. "N-no," He whispered, "No, it was just me, but I swear, Mr. Martin, I swear I'm not lying!"

Mr. Martin put his hand on Adrien's shoulder, and this time, instead of being restraining, it was comforting. "I believe you, Adrien." He said, his voice gentle but firm, "I was just asking because if anyone else was affected by this, they deserve to have someone to talk to about it, and they deserve to know it's being taken seriously. I believe you, you don't have to defend yourself to me."

And Adrien was struck dumb, just by the sheer...everything about what Mr. Martin had just said.

He followed behind Mr. Martin as the three of them walked to the principal's office, John slouched as he led the way, protesting this entire experience with every inch of his body language that he possibly could. His steps were exaggeratedly slow, he had his head tilted back so he was facing the ceiling, and every few seconds he would mutter some comments about how this was pointless, it was all a big misunderstanding, you're over-reacting, it's not a big deal, just chill out!

Everything he was saying and doing mirrored everything Adrien had done to Ladybug.

And Mr. Martin trusted him, Adrien, despite what his own son was saying. He believed Adrien. He was just going to take his word on it. He wasn't doubting him at all. He wasn't accusing him of lying or exaggerating or making it up to get attention. He wasn't accusing him of being too sensitive or needing to learn to take a joke.

All of the reactions that Adrien relied upon to defend him if Ladybug ever opened up to anyone about how he was treating her.

Mr. Martin was treating Adrien with respect.

More respect than Adrien had ever shown Ladybug.

Would Ladybug receive the same level of support, if she told someone what he'd done to her? Or would she be scoffed at, laughed at, jeered at? Would she be accused of making it up? Would she be accused of lying to make him look bad? Would she be accused of overreacting? Being too sensitive? Would she be blamed for the way he treated her? Told that it was her fault? Told that she hadn't done enough to stop him?

Adrien wasn't an idiot. He knew that what he was doing to her was sexual harassment. He had every gaming console known to man. He had four different gaming laptops and two desktops. He used social media-in incognito windows so his father couldn't track him-he knew what rape culture was.

He'd specifically relied upon it to protect him. He knew that if Ladybug tried to tell people what he was doing, the most likely reaction she got would be people blaming her. Either by saying she brought it on herself by leading him on, or not trying hard enough to make him stop, or by saying that she was lying, that she was just lying to ruin his reputation.

How much of Mr. Martin's reaction was because Mr. Martin was a good person, and how much of it was because Adrien was a boy, and how much of it was because Adrien's father could get Mr. Martin fired within an instant, and Mr. Martin knew that just as well as everyone else in the school did?

The walk to the principal's office was uneventful. A few students threw them curious-and concerned, when they saw the state that Adrien was in⏤glances, but no one made any comments or did anything to cause more conflict than there already was.

Mrs. Lehane-Summers, the new principal, put down everything she was doing and even told the person she was on the phone with that she would have to call them back the moment they entered her office and she saw the tear tracks on Adrien's face, and the way he was still so upset that his hands were shaking.

He sat in the chair he was offered, and twisted his hands together, trying to wring the rage out of his blood like it was a physical thing. The Ring of the Black Cat felt like a twenty pound weight on his hand whenever he brushed it, making guilt and shame and more anger curdle in his stomach like sour milk.

He remembered all the times Plagg had tried to get him to stop. He remembered all his scoldings and quiet, judging glares, and then finally, after the hundredth time of Adrien not listening…

Plagg had just stopped talking to him. Stopped interacting with him. Didn't even acknowledge his existence unless Adrien demanded that he look at him when he was talking. And then, all he did was stare at him in silence, until Adrien ran out of things to say, and got sick of the staring, and told him to go away.

When he transformed, Plagg didn't put up any kind of fight anymore. Didn't make a sound. No more screaming, no more yelling, no more complaining. Just silence.

He barely deigned to take the cheese from Adrien's hand when he transformed back, even when he was shaking with hunger and clearly weak.

The Ring felt cold now. It had once felt so warm. Now it was cold and heavy on his hand.

He explained what he had heard John and Jordi talking about in the locker room, giving details he wished he could wipe from his memory, while Mr. Martin went on the loudspeaker to call Jordi to the office, and John was told to wait out in the hallway.

Mrs. Lehane-Summers offered him a box of tissues, walked him through a breathing exercise to help calm him down, gave him a stress ball to vent his frustration with instead of his own hands, gave him a little bag of chocolate and mint cookies, then had him wait in the hallway in one of the chairs along the wall while she asked John for his side of the story.

It only took a minute or two, and while Adrien was waiting, Jordi arrived, so when Mrs. Lehane-Summers was done talking to John, she sent him to the nearby, currently not-in-use classroom, and called Jordi in.

Then Jordi was sent to another empty classroom, and Mr. Martin went in to talk to her.

Adrien sullenly ate the cookies he'd been given, barely tasting them until he was on the last few in the bag.

And then finally, Mrs. Lehane-Summers called all of them back in.

She had her hands folded on the desk in front of her, her brown eyes serious and steely, her expression framed by long, straight black hair. Something about her made it hard for Adrien to reconcile her as a principal, though he'd never seen her outside school.

And she explained to all of them at once what sexual harassment was. She explained that what Adrien had experienced because of John and Jordi was sexual harassment, even if they hadn't been talking to him, even if they hadn't even been aware that he could hear them, even if they weren't talking about him.

And Adrien had to quell the surge of anger and guilt at that, because it was about him, it was exactly about him, but they didn't know that, and he couldn't tell them.

Mrs. Lehane-Summers refused to put up with John or Jordi's assorted protests. Her voice when she told them that their behavior was not only completely unacceptable for school grounds, but anywhere was steely and cold and angry.

It did not matter that they never used the word rape to describe it. It did not matter that they were talking about fiction. It did not matter that it was for a fanfiction. It was not okay to make light of things like rape, and it was absolutely not okay to portray rape as a positive thing.

And from what they had both happily and enthusiastically told her about this fic of theirs, they were absolutely portraying Ladybug being raped as a positive thing.

In their fic, it was her punishment for not learning to take a joke.

And that wasn't even beginning to deal with how invasive it was to write 'fanfiction' about real people. Just the fact that they were writing about Ladybug and Chat Noir like they were fictional characters in and of itself was offensive, but to write about them in such situations? While portraying it as a good thing? Treating it like a joke?

It was completely reprehensible. It was downright horrifying.

"How," she asked them, her voice hard as steel, "Do you think Ladybug or Chat Noir would feel if they found your fic? If someone showed it to them?"

A few moments passed in awkward, angry silence.

Adrien spoke up, even though he knew it wasn't directed at him. "They would hate it." He said, "They would be horrified. They would feel⏤" he had to bite his lip to stop himself from crying again, but didn't succeed. More tears filled his eyes and ran down his face. "They would feel the way I do right now."

A few more seconds of silence, and John shook his head, fists clenched around his chair's armrests. "You're all overreacting." He muttered scornfully.

Jordi at least had the sense of mind to look guilty and ashamed.

Adrien wasn't sure who was angrier, Mrs. Lehane-Summers, Mr. Martin, or him.

Adrien thought to himself, while doing his best to disembowel the stress ball he'd been given, that that title should go to himself. At least Mr. Martin and Mrs. Lehane-Summers didn't have to deal with the guilt and shame that what John and Jordi had written about him was very very possible.

Adrien wanted to tell himself that he would never go that far. He wanted to tell himself that he was a better person than that. But even in his head, he knew just how easily it could happen. He already kissed her without her consent. He already touched her without her consent. He already ignored her every single time she said no, he already ignored every boundary she set, and laughed in her face as he did it.

He wanted to tell himself that he was a better person than that, but the truth was, he wasn't a good person, and he couldn't even trust himself enough to know for sure that he would stop.

He couldn't cut himself any slack, couldn't make any excuses for himself.

He knew it was wrong to treat her the way he did. He knew she wanted him to stop. He knew that what he was doing was wrong, he knew it was sexual harassment, he knew.

And he just…

He didn't care at all.

Even now, sitting in that chair, fuming, digging his nails into the rubber of the stress ball, he didn't even really care about her. He cared about how her reactions reflected on him.

It still wasn't even about her. He still didn't care about her, even though he knew he should. He was angry because people thought badly of him, not because of the way they wanted him to hurt her, no matter what he said out loud.

John and Jordi were given detention, and Jordi's parents were called so that they could further discipline him, since John's father already knew.

Mrs. Lehane-Summers couldn't make them delete their fic, but she made it absolutely clear that they were never to use any of the school computers to write it, and they were never to discuss such offensive matters anywhere on the school grounds again. That was a far as her authority as Principle extended, that was all she could do.*

Mr. Martin, John, and Jordi were dismissed, and Mrs. Lehane-Summers asked Adrien if he felt okay going back to class, if he would like for them to call his father to take him home, if he wanted to go to the quiet room, or if he wanted to talk to the guidance counselor.

Going to the quiet room-where he could burn off all his anger on the treadmill or any of the various stress balls and games-was tempting, but more than anything…

Adrien wanted to talk to someone. He needed to vent to someone, someone who would help him figure out what he was supposed to do now.

So she sent him a few doors down to the guidance counsellor's office.

Mrs. Summers-Lehane was the exact opposite of Mrs. Lehane-Summers.

Where Mrs. Lehane-Summers had dark hair and dark eyes and an angular face, Mrs. Summers-Lehane was blonde and grey-eyed, with a soft, rounded face. She told him he could call her 'Mrs. Summers' if it was less confusing for him.

And just like with her wife, the principal, something about her felt strange, like she didn't belong in a school setting.

But something, maybe the same thing, made him feel like he could trust her. He knew, somehow, instinctively, that she was a good person who would help him.

"I…" He started out, unable to meet her gaze and he stared down at his hands, twisting the cold Ring of the Black Cat worriedly around his finger, "I know I'm supposed to talk to you about what those guys were saying but...I...could we talk about something else instead?"

"Of course, Adrien," Said her voice from where he wasn't looking at her, "I'm here to help. Whatever you want to talk about, whatever you're comfortable sharing, you can."

"I…" the anger had finally faded, leaving him feeling nothing but exhaustion. "I don't know where to start…"

Mrs. Summers-Lehane didn't say anything, just let him gather his thoughts in peace.

The Ring was like an ice-cube on his finger, distracting him. But he finally managed to figure out what he wanted to say.

"Mrs. Summers, I...I've hurt someone. I've been hurting them. So badly I don't think they'll ever forgive me. But I don't-there's nothing I can do to make it up to them. I didn't...I didn't realize how much I was hurting them until I heard what-what those guys were saying."

And he was still lying, even as he spoke. He was lying to her, but he couldn't lie to himself. He'd known all along that what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't say that out loud, he couldn't let anyone else know that, he couldn't face that shame.

Just knowing it himself was bad enough. He couldn't bear to have other people know-

And suddenly he realized that he wasn't the only one who knew.

Every time he transformed, Plagg fused with him, and even though he couldn't talk to or feel his Kwami, Plagg always knew exactly what had happened while Adrien was Chat Noir. He knew every thought that went through Adrien's mind.

Plagg knew everything Adrien had done. And he'd watched Ladybug tell Adrien off, and he'd told Adrien off often enough that he knew.

Plagg knew that Adrien knew that what he was doing was wrong.

Plagg knew just how horrible of a person Adrien was. That was why he'd stopped arguing. That was why he'd stopped trying to get away. It wasn't because Plagg agreed with him, it was because⏤

Because he'd already tried everything he could to get him to stop. And nothing he did ever worked. Nothing he said ever worked. Adrien just told him to shut up or go away. Just dismissed his arguments because he didn't care.

Plagg knew.

Plagg knew.

Adrien felt the shame and anger rising up inside him again, stronger than before, and he had to bring his hands up to cover his face so Mrs. Summers wouldn't see his tears.

Of shame.

Of rage. At Plagg, for knowing, for making him feel this way, at himself-

He couldn't do it.

He couldn't lie anymore. Not to himself. Not to anyone.

He couldn't.

"I⏤" He gasped, shaking his head, "Mrs. Summers, I⏤"

The Ring was like ice on his hand, like ice on his cheek, pressed against his face.

Plagg knew. Plagg had tried to stop him. Plagg had done everything he could to try and stop him and Adrien had⏤

Had treated him the way his father treated him. Treated him like he didn't exist, like he was a nuisance, like he was just a means to an ends, worth nothing more than the ability for Adrien to transform into his real self, his true self, his better self⏤

Adrien loved the claws, the fangs, the fact that he could snarl for real now. He loved running on all fours and imagining that he was really a cat. He loved the suit, his ears, his tail, the power, the strength, he could jump and soar so far, he could slice through steel with his claws⏤

But more than that, he loved the freedom.

The freedom to do whatever he wanted.

Hurt whoever he wanted.

Without consequences.

And he couldn't lie to himself about that anymore.

Plagg deserved better.

Ladybug deserved better.

He lowered his hands from his face, and wiped away his tears with the tissues that the guidance counsellor passed to him.

She was just gazing at him quietly, waiting for him to speak.

Something-something-told him he could trust her. With anything. With everything.

"Mrs. Summers," He said, his voice trembling, but he refused to not say it, something was urging him to say it, urging him to trust her even though it didn't make any sense, "I-I'm Chat Noir."

He looked up at her, but she didn't say anything, didn't exclaim in surprise, didn't even raise an eyebrow, just kept looking at him, waiting for him to continue.

His heart sank. "You don't believe me." He said in dismay.

She shook her head. "I believe you, Adrien." She said, like it was simple, like it wasn't a big deal. "I was hoping you were going to tell me yourself. I've known since I started working here-I don't know what kind of magic prevents other people from figuring it out, but it doesn't work on me. I can't even sense magic normally, but your ring-" She frowned, glancing at his hand. "It makes this...sound. It's really hard to ignore."

He stared at her through his tears. And whatever it was that compelled him to trust her continued to compel him to trust her.

"What-are you⏤" He didn't know what he was trying to ask.

"Am I a superhero?" She completed his question for him, smiling a little bit. "I guess you could say I am. I don't normally go by that title, but if the shoe fits, you have to at least try it on." She shrugged.

He just stared, mind whirling. "But why haven't-you've been-why haven't you helped us fight Hawkmoth? Why haven't you done anything?"

He was starting to get angry at her, which wasn't helpful when he still needed to be angry at himself. Especially because he knew this anger was a lie. He couldn't pretend to be angry with her for not helping in the fight against Hawkmoth when half the time, the only reason he showed up to a fight was so he could torment Ladybug!

But Mrs. Summers didn't know that, she couldn't read his thoughts. Her smile this time was regretful. "Unfortunately, whatever magic you're using doesn't...mix well with the kind of magic I use. You and Ladybug, your magic is-well, weird is putting it nicely. It's constantly changing, constantly being erased. What I do...can't be undone. If I helped you defeat Akuma, you wouldn't have a victim to rescue afterwards. You'd just have a dead Akuma. And not even Ladybug's Lucky Charm would be able to bring them back afterwards. I've tried figuring out different ways I could intervene, and I want to help you, I do, but-trust me on this. You do not want me directly involved in the fight with Hawkmoth unless you want to deal with actual collateral damage and dead people that can't be brought back."

He stared.

That was...a lot...

"...Why haven't I ever heard of you? Seen you? Who are you?"

She shrugged again. "No one you would have ever heard of, my kind of heroics aren't the kind that get featured in the news. Everyone believes in Akuma, in Hawkmoth, but no one believes in the things I fight, even when it's right in front of them. Actually-since you're Chat Noir, do you happen to remember anything important that happened last Friday? Anything dramatic? Anything out of the ordinary? Anything noteworthy at all?"

He stared at her. And then tried to think. Last Friday? Nothing had happened last Friday. There wasn't even an Akuma to fight…but there was…

"You mean the power outage?" He asked, remembering all the lights in the school going out.

Mrs. Summers rolled her eyes. And then she laughed, flapping a hand as though to drive away the insult that might have been, "Oops, pretend you didn't see that, I'm not rolling my eyes at you, Adrien, I'm not mad at you I swear it's just. So freaking annoying. The Powers that Be"-And for some reason, the way she said the words 'The Powers That Be' made him imagine that they had capital letters, like she was talking about something specific and not just the general phrase- "Just really like to make things difficult for me. So, uh, needless to say, you won't believe me about what I do unless you see it for yourself. And if you see it for yourself that means I've already failed, so hopefully that will never happen."

Now he was just confused. There wasn't a single shred of anger or shame left. Just confusion. Pure and utter confusion.

...Was that on purpose?

...Nothing had even happened on Friday besides the power going out! Yeah, it had been startling, but it wasn't really a big deal...Was she just making stuff up to distract him? Nothing had happened. A power outage wasn't a big deal.

It suddenly occurred to him that he might have been Akumatized if not for the distraction she'd offered him.

"Can you...prove it?" He asked, now purposefully trying to distract himself from that worrying thought before he jinxed it, "I mean, prove that you have powers? Isn't there anything you can show me? You know I'm Chat Noir, you know what I can do, it's only fair."

"Hmmmm." She glanced around her office-looked at the bookshelves, looks down at her desk-then facepalmed. "Oh, right." She said, "Sorry I keep forgetting-this is a new one I just got⏤"

She stood up out of her chair, and then⏤

Lifted off the ground.

Like gravity just. Disconnected as far as she was concerned.

She was flying.

His guidance counselor was flying.

Yeah. He was definitely distracted now. It was hard not to be when your guidance counselor turned out to be a superhero. And she didn't even need to transform, she wasn't a Miraculous holder, she was one of the other heroes, the normal kind⏤

But even this couldn't distract him completely. The Ring was on his finger, burning like ice.

He knew why.

It happened whenever Plagg flew away from him and didn't come back.

He always came back, eventually. At the first sign of an Akuma. But...lately, that was the only thing that got him to come back.

Adrien had ordered him not to leave after the first time Plagg disappeared so that he couldn't transform for fun, but then he'd rescinded that order once Plagg started being annoying and following the rule too closely. He'd started always following Adrien wherever he went, flying so close Adrien always had to make sure he wasn't going to bump into him. Even when he was in the bathroom.

It went in a cycle. Plagg purposefully annoyed him by being so close, Adrien told him to go away, Plagg stayed away until he was forced to come back, Adrien got mad and told him he wasn't allowed to leave, Plagg started annoying him again...over and over and over.

It was...almost exactly like what his Father did to him. Demanded that he be kept within easy reach, not allowed to go outside his Father's control...but never allowed to be with his father, never allowed near him, barely allowed to catch glimpses of him let alone talk to him…His Father didn't want to be around Adrien. He wanted to control him.

Plagg was just a means to an end. Adrien didn't care about his feelings, only what Plagg could offer him. If he cared about Plagg, he wouldn't shout down or dismiss his every thought and idea. If he respected Plagg, he wouldn't ignore him or brush him off or abandon him whenever Plagg said something he didn't like.

If he respected Plagg, he would listen to him when Plagg criticized the behavior that he already knew was wrong.

He didn't care about Plagg, just the same way he didn't care about Ladybug. The only thing that had changed was that now he felt guilty for not caring.

Plagg was right to leave him every chance he got. Adrien had abandoned him enough times that no matter how many times Plagg flew away, he would never be equal with the amount of times Adrien had betrayed him for the sake of 'winning his true love' while he lied to her and put her in harm's way and got her killed.

Adrien deserved Plagg's disdain. He deserved Ladybug's hatred and fear.

He looked at his guidance counselor, who had sat back down in her chair when it became obvious he was no longer paying attention to the fact that she was flying.

She looked back at him patiently.

"Do you…" He started, then stopped. There was a better question he needed to ask. "Why didn't you tell me you knew who I was?"

She sat back in her chair. "I couldn't." She said, "You know the magic I mentioned earlier? The kind that hides your identity from people? That part doesn't work on me, but apparently it doesn't not work all the way. I could figure out who you are, but I couldn't tell anyone that I knew-including you. Well. Actually, I did tell you, several times, but you forgot the second the conversation was over. Remember when the school first reopened after the...uh, incident with the old faculty? I called you into my office? Do you remember what we talked about?"

He thought back. "We mostly just talked about...well, what happened, right? About how it wasn't okay for me to go on the field trip without my dad's permission?" The memory of that conversation still made him angry, even though Mrs. Summers had been so nice about it it was hard to get angry at her.

Even though he was now capable of admitting that it was wrong of him to abandon Ladybug without even warning her first, Adrien refused to feel guilty for going on the field trip in the first place.

His Father didn't care about him or what he did. He didn't deserve to be asked permission if Adrien could go on a school trip.

And...okay…..yeah, it had led to the school being forced to close for a month and more than half the teachers getting fired but…

That had all worked out for the best, right? And that made it okay.

Mrs. Summers nodded, like she hadn't expected anything different. "Yes, we did talk about that." She said, "But I also told you twenty two different times in all sorts of ways that I knew you were Chat Noir. I tried telling you out loud, I tried writing it down, I tried charades, I tried implying it really hard, I tried making it into a riddle and then had you try and guess the answer, it didn't matter what I tried. You always forgot within a few seconds. We'd go from, "How did you find out about my identity?!" to "Hi, I'm Adrien!" as though we hadn't already been talking for ten minutes every few seconds. I'm going to just guess that the magic protecting you doesn't affect people when you tell them. Probably to protect you in case one of the villains turns out to be someone you know so you can reveal your identity and save yourself right at the last second before they would have killed you⏤"

She paused. "Sorry that was a bit dark wasn't it."

Adrien was imagining his Father turning out to be Hawkmoth, was imagining being in his grasp, at his mercy, imagining himself shouting, "It's me! Adrien!" in an attempt to save himself.

He wondered what would happen.

Would his Father stop? Would his Father actually care? Would his Father still try to hurt him or kill him, even knowing that it was his own son at the end of that cane?

He was...a lot more like his Father than he wanted to admit, even to himself.

How many times had Ladybug asked him to stop? How many times had Plagg asked him to stop?

He hoped, if only to himself, that he was a worse person than his father. He hoped that his father would stop, if it ever came to that.

Maybe...maybe he needed to talk with his father.

Maybe he needed to really talk with his Father. Tell him-not everything. But. Tell him...how bad it was.

It hadn't stopped Adrien, no matter how many times Ladybug or Plagg tried.

But maybe it would stop Father.

Maybe, when confronted with the truth, when confronted with the damage he was doing...maybe his Father would stop being the villain.

Maybe he just needed a wake-up call.

He could hope.

But...there was something he needed to do before he confronted his Father.

He needed to make up for everything he'd done. Adrien stood from his chair and grabbed his backpack.

"Thank you for⏤" for what? "Everything, but I have to go. I need to talk to Ladybug-not about you, I won't tell her your secret identity⏤"

She interrupted him, "Oh, no, please, tell her, it's not a secret or anything. I don't mind if she knows. It's never really been a secret, at least not on purpose. Go ahead and tell her, and tell her where she can find me if she ever needs help or wants to talk."

That made him pause for a second, his train of thought thoroughly derailed.

"Oh. Uh. Okay." He said awkwardly, not quite sure how to respond to that since it was the most alien concept he'd ever heard of-imagine it, a superhero who didn't keep their identity secret?- "I'll tell her then. But-I have to go, I have to apologize to her, I have to make things right."

She didn't argue, just said, "Are you leaving for the rest of the day? I'll write you a pass for your teachers, but you have to be back here in time for Ms. Sancoeur to pick you up after school. We don't want to have another incident on our hands."

It wasn't a question, but he answered anyways. "No, we don't. I-yeah, I'm sorry, I don't know how long it'll take but I promise it's important. I wouldn't go if it weren't important. Please give my teachers a note, I'll be back before Nathalie can miss me."

And then he ran out the door, because that was one more small lie.

He couldn't transform without Plagg, so before he apologized to Ladybug…

He needed to apologize to Plagg.

Which meant he had to find Plagg.

That was the easy part.

The closer he was, the warmer the Ring got.

He just had to act casual until he found him so that no one would stop him.

It didn't take long-the Ring started warming back up barely a dozen feet away from Mrs. Summers' office, meaning Plagg was somewhere relatively close by, probably in the school building.

He walked in circles for a bit, trying to get a feel for the rising and dropping temperature until he felt like he was on the right track, and to his surprise…

The Ring lead him to the art room, and he hesitated outside the open door-it was always open, and if not for safety reasons Mr. Aubert would have taken the door off the wall entirely-before going in. Mr. Aubert had been running the art room like the new quiet room for apparently forever, never really holding formal classes, just letting kids do whatever they wanted as long as it didn't disrupt anyone else. He wouldn't question Adrien just wandering through, hopefully.

Mr. Aubert was actually sitting on his desk, straight across the room from the door, and waved invitingly when he spotted Adrien loitering outside.

"Come on in, young man! Don't be shy, everyone's welcome in here!" He encouraged cheerfully.

Adrien stepped inside the classroom, and was surprised to find it empty. Usually there were at least one or two students in here, but not today.

Adrien glanced around, and to hide that he was looking for someone, pretended to have lost some thing. "You haven't seen a black and green notebook anywhere, have you? There's a cheese sticker on the back." He asked, "I know I sat it down somewhere, but I can't remember where I had it last." If Plagg was hiding in here somewhere, he would know that Adrien was looking for him.

Mr. Aubert looked thoughtful when Adrien glanced at him to see his response. "Well, let me check." He hopped off his desk and went to the large plastic tub on the wall labeled 'lost and found' and pried the lid off.

While the teacher was doing that, Adrien made a show of checking the desks and cubbyholes for the notebook he was pretending to have lost, while he was actually looking for his missing Kwami.

The Ring was still warm on his finger, so that meant Plagg was here somewhere.

"Sorry, kid, it doesn't seem to be here, so if anyone's found it, they haven't turned it in to me." Mr. Aubert's voice came, apologetic, as he snapped the lid back onto the lost and found box.

Adrien pasted a smile onto his face as he turned away from a still-dying, half-finished painting of the Milky Way galaxy that was set up on an easel. "That's okay, thanks for letting me check!"

"No problem, kid." Mr. Aubet said.

Adrien left the art room, and no sooner was he out of sight of the door than Plagg appeared in front of him, phasing through a wall so quickly Adrien almost tripped over his feet trying not to crash into him.

"You were looking for me?" His kwami said dryly, acid green eyes looking up at him in resignation, "There's no Akuma, so what do you want? Are you going to tell me I'm not allowed to leave your sight again?"

"Plagg!" He somehow managed to keep his voice down, and it was with a renewed surge of guilt that Plagg looked surprised at his tone of voice. Adrien was happy to see him, not mad.

The fact that this was surprising to Plagg it⏤

It was just more guilt stacked on top of guilt.

Plagg wiped the surprise off his face and crossed his arms over his chest, his ears going back a bit. "What do you want, Adrien?" He repeated, still with that note of resignation, even through the irritation.

Adrien looked around the hallway. Plagg wouldn't show up on the hallway cameras, but Adrien would. "Not here, let's⏤" he thought fast. "I have something to tell you Plagg, something important. I know-I know you hate transforming and I hate to ask but-can we go somewhere private? Will you transform me so we can leave and get somewhere we can talk without anyone listening in? I'll figure something else out if you don't want to."

For a few seconds, Plagg just stared at him, his eyes narrowing, his tail lashing.

Then he said, simply, without any kind of explanation or justification, "No."

And then he glared, like he was daring Adrien to cross him. Like he was daring Adrien to ignore him like he always did. Like he was just waiting for Adrien to betray him for the hundred-thousandth time.

"Okay." Adrien said, trying not to let the guilt sting at him, because Plagg was right. Plagg was justified. Feeling guilty about it wouldn't solve anything. The only thing that would fix it was by being better. Doing better!

Guilt didn't accomplish anything. You had to change your behavior. Guilt was useless it was inspiring you to fix things.

Alright. So he couldn't transform and climb out a window.

But he⏤

His thoughts stopped.

Mrs. Summers could fly.

"Okay, um, follow me please, or just-meet me on the roof, I'll be there in a few minutes. Hopefully." He said quickly, because Plagg was still glaring at him balefully.

Plagg scoffed, and followed Adrien as he turned around and headed back down the hall, "How are you supposed to get to the roof by yourself? Don't tell me you're going to try and climb, because that's just dumb, Adrien, even for you."

"No, I'm not going to climb, I'm-Plagg, did you know our guidance counselor is a superhero? She knows who I am."

"What, Buffy? Oh, so you finally told her? And this time you actually remembered that she knows your not-so-secret identity? It only took you, what, three months?" Plagg's tone was sarcastic.

That caught Adrien off guard. Mrs. Summers' desk was labeled "B. Summers-Lehane, but-Buffy? What kind of name was Buffy?

"You knew?" He tried to keep the accusation out of his voice, but it was hard. He knew he deserved Plagg's distrust but-something this important, surely, he should have been told about!

"I'm your Kwami. No crap I knew. That magic doesn't affect me. I will say, it was very entertaining listening to her tell you over and over and over again that she knew who you were with you forgetting every two seconds. I'm surprised she didn't end up slamming her head into the wall in frustration. It's nice that someone else finally knows what it's like trying to get you to listen."

"Well⏤" Adrien shoved down the spike of irritation at that last comment. He deserved it. He more than deserved it. But he still couldn't quite keep the bite of it out of his voice as he said, almost snapped, "Well she can fly, so I'm going to ask her to fly me up to the roof, and then we can talk in private."

Plagg's next words stopped Adrien in his tracks: "Well, what if I don't want to talk to you in private?"

He stopped. Stopped walking, stopped thinking. "Wh-what?" His mouth said, entirely by itself. The thought had never occurred to him. He'd just had this whole big thing planned out in his head and⏤

"You heard me." Plagg snapped, floating up to his eye level. "I said, what if I don't want to talk to you in private? What if I don't want to hear anything you have to say? What if the only reason I haven't left you entirely is because I literally can't?"

It hurt.

The reminder of how much he'd damaged their relationship, the reminder of all the shameful things he'd done, it hurt, and it hurt a lot.

But worse than the hurt to Adrien⏤

Was how much he'd hurt Plagg. He had to keep reminding himself that he wasn't the victim here. Plagg was. Plagg was his victim.

He was the reason Plagg was this defensive and angry and spiteful. He was the reason their relationship was broken-and only now was he realizing that it was broken beyond repair.

He just-he didn't even think about asking Plagg what he wanted. He'd just gone and assumed that whatever he wanted to do was best for everyone. He wanted to talk about all the ways he'd hurt Plagg, and it had never even occurred to him that that might not be what Plagg wanted to happen.

A single talk, a single apology, would never undo everything he'd done. Saying he was sorry wouldn't take away the hurt, it wouldn't erase the pain, it wouldn't heal the mortal wounds of betrayal and abandonment that he had inflicted on their relationship. And forcing Plagg to float there and listen to him rehash everything he'd put him through might make it worse.

Forcing Plagg to listen to Adrien feel ashamed of all the ways he'd abused him was-

It was-

The Ring was warm on his hand, with Plagg floating just in front of him, but Adrien realized right at that moment that the gaping wound he had inflicted was too deep to ever be healed. Plagg couldn't have been further away from him if he was on the other side of the planet.

Plagg might be right in front of him, but there was nothing Adrien could ever do to get him back.

The only thing he could do was give him up.

This was a bad place to do it. They were standing in the middle of the hallway, there were cameras, someone could come out of a classroom at any moment and see them, but⏤

But there would never be a right time to do it. He would always have an excuse to put it off.

"What," Plagg snarked into the silence, "Cat got your tongue?"

"I'm sorry." Adrien said. It would never be enough.

Plagg growled. "What did you just say?"

"I'm sorry." Adrien said louder, trying to keep his face under control so he wouldn't start crying again. He deserved this, this was his fault. He was the one that did this to Plagg. He had no one to blame but himself.

"Yeah right." Plagg bared his teeth, his fur poofing up and standing on end. "You always say that, and then you go right back to treating me like crap! What do you want, a medal?"

"No I⏤"

It wasn't enough to say it.

It wasn't enough to apologize.

It wasn't enough to feel guilty.

He lifted up his hand for Plagg to see. So that Plagg could see the ring. So that Plagg could see him lifting his hand towards the Ring and starting to pull it off.

He wasn't expecting Plagg to snarl at him in response and leap forward, tiny claws outstretched, to grab onto the ring, leaning around Adrien's hand so he could snap his teeth just inches from his nose.

"Don't you DARE! DON'T YOU DARE, ADRIEN AGRESTE!" He screamed, his voice shrieking through the hallways, burning through Adrien's nerves like lightning, "DON'T YOU THREATEN ME AGAIN! I WILL CATACLYSM YOU BEFORE I LET YOU THREATEN ME AGAIN AND I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS AFTERWARD!"

On the screamed word cataclysm, a hole in the fabric of reality appeared on Plagg's left paw, darker than pitchest black and bleeding with purple corruption.

The echoes of Plagg's scream were still bouncing through the hallways for everyone to hear.

Adrien had frozen, barely able to breathe.

He'd⏤

He'd forgotten about what he'd threatened Plagg with, while Paris was flooded. It hadn't even crossed his mind. He-he'd never even thought of it as a big deal, it just slipped his mind, it had never meant anything to him-

"I'm not⏤" He choked out, barely able to breathe through the terror, "I wasn't⏤"

"PLAGG!"

Suddenly, from nowhere, Ladybug was there. Standing in front of them, staring at Plagg, looking more terrified than he'd ever seen her. As terrified as he felt. "Plagg, what are you doing?! Let him go! He's a civilian! Let him go!"

Plagg laughed then, and it was so bitter and angry that it barely deserved to be called laughter. "Oh, Ladybug, what perfect timing!" He cackled, not releasing his grip on Adrien's hand or dismissing the Cataclysm he was threatening to kill him with, "Say, Ladybug, why don't you come and take a closer look at this ring, huh? I don't think it suits him, do you?"

This wasn't how this was supposed to go. "Plagg, please⏤"

"No, Adrien! No! I've had enough! I'm not doing it anymore! I can't! I won't! I heard what those humans were saying earlier and you know what, Adrien? You know what? They're right! They're RIGHT! And I'm not going to be apart of it anymore! I refuse! You want me to stop, you have to MAKE ME because I will not help you anymore, I won't even pretend like I can stand being near you anymore! I'm done! We're through! You want me to stop, you'll have to enslave me ENTIRELY because I'M NOT GOING TO HELP YOU HURT ANYONE ELSE!"

He raised the paw with Cataclysm higher, reached it towards Adrien's face, towards his left eye-

And Adrien⏤

Even through his terror, even through his horror⏤

He knew⏤

He knew that he could save himself.

All he had to do was say the words, "Plagg, stop."

That's all he had to do.

All he had to do was strip Plagg of his will one more time. All he had to do was remind Plagg that he was a slave, who had no control over anything, all his functions buried beneath Adrien's command.

All he had to do was continue doing what he'd been doing this whole time.

All he had to do was say those two little words.

That's all he had to do.

His heart was hammering in his chest. He could barely breathe.

"L-Ladybug!" He said instead, Plagg's paw just a few inches from his eye, so that that pit of darkness, that void was all he could see through the tears blinding him even though he tried to focus on Ladybug's blurred form, because Mrs. Summers' words were running through his head faster and more desperate than a crashing train, shrieking off the tracks- "I'm⏤"

Plagg didn't give him the chance.

The Cataclysm shoved forward violently, until he could see nothing else, until-

-He was standing in the hallway, and his vision was no longer being blocked by the burning Cataclysm, and Plagg was gone, and Ladybug was gone and he let out a gasp of delayed fear he literally couldn't have kept in if he'd tried and⏤

Alya was standing in front of him, mid-step, and as he watched she jumped, startled by the Miraculous Ladybugs that were swarming over her, fixing some small changes only they could sense, and she turned to look at him, her eyes widening, her phone leaping up in reflex to catch what she was seeing on camera. She seemed startled by his sudden appearance-but

But she didn't seem surprised.

For a few seconds, she didn't say anything. And then her mouth just twisted into a snarl as the Miraculous Ladybugs finished spiraling around her and flew off down the hall, disappearing out of sight. Her fingers clenched tighter around her phone, and her jaw visibly clenched. She seemed to be struggling with something, and Adrien was too everything to react.

For a few seconds, they just stared at each other, as the phone recorded away, Adrien fighting to regain his breath, disoriented and confused and trying to figure out what had happened, what was happening-Plagg had-the Miraculous Ladybugs⏤

"Adrien Agreste, formerly known as Chat Noir," Alya said coldly, sending his thoughts screeching to a halt, "Has returned from The Other Side." She lifted the phone higher, and her hands moved, doing something to the screen for a moment, her eyes jumping to focus on it. "As you can see, the Ring of the Black Cat is still safely in Ladybug's possession⏤"

He'd been planning to give it up. He'd been planning to give it up. But it was still like a bucket of ice being poured over him. He gasped, and lifted his hand to his face in shock and⏤

And it was true. It was gone. That weight that had become so familiar was gone. Not cold, like ice, just gone. His hand was bare. It was like being stabbed in the heart. He stumbled back a step at the weight of the blow.

It was one thing to give something up. It was another to have it taken from you.

Alya laughed, and he realized she'd gotten his moment of realization on camera.

"No!" He gasped, desperate to- "No, I-it's not like that!" He barely even knew what he was saying, only that he had to explain, it wasn't-he wasn't⏤ "I was going to give her the Ring! I was⏤" He couldn't stop the tears that were sliding down his face, even though he knew that wasn't helping. He wasn't the bad guy here! He'd been about to give it up! He wasn't upset about it, he just-

"Save it, kitty." She spat, "Your Miraculous has been confiscated and your identity revealed, so your whole innocent kid act? It's not going to work anymore. The game is over Agreste, and I guess you could even say the cat's out of the bag."

She took a step backwards, her gaze shifting towards her phone again. "Chat Noir has officially been retired, and with Hawkmoth out of the picture⏤" she didn't even pause at Adrien's shocked gasp⏤ "We don't have any reason to fear retaliation from our former, so-called hero. And if I'm not mistaken, the API should be here any minute now to pick him up. So I'm going to leave the real heroes to do their job, so I can do mine. Stay tuned, viewers, it's about to get bumpy."

She looked up from her phone, and sent him one last glare. "And don't you dare think about following me, Agreste. I might not be a superhero, but that won't stop me from kicking your butt. I'll see you at your trial."

And then she turned, and ran off, down the same hall the Miraculous Ladybugs had gone, her phone clutched in her hands.

Leaving Adrien standing there, in the empty hallway, still trying to make sense of everything that had gone wrong, feeling like someone had taken a knife to his chest and carved out his still-beating heart.

Gone was all his rage. Gone was all his shame. Now was just grief. Now was⏤

He felt cheated.

He'd been about to give up the Ring. He'd been about to do the right thing. He'd been going to fix things. He'd been going to make it all better⏤

But Plagg⏤

Plagg hadn't given him the chance.

And Adrien walked like a zombi over to the wall, and slumped down with his back to the lockers. And he thought over everything he'd done since he first picked up the Ring of the Black Cat.

How many things had he done that he doesn't even remember? How many scars had he carved into Plagg that he didn't even give a second thought to? How many times did he lift the knife without a single care in the world for all the blood that was on his hands?

He knew his father didn't remember half the things that were burned into Adrien's mind forever.

Adrien hadn't even remembered blackmailing Plagg with giving up the Ring while people were drowning until Plagg had already started reacting to that⏤

To that trauma.

Adrien Agreste had a lot of time to think while he sat there, waiting. A lot of time to wrack his brain for things he'd said and done that Plagg and Ladybug would never be able to forget.

And he knew that for every vague memory he had that brought him shame, for them, it would be just another episode in a never ending nightmare that was branded into their mind forever.

He didn't try to leave the school. Alya had mentioned API looking for him. There was no point in leaving. They would find him, even if he tried to run away.

And...he was smart enough to know that running away was pointless.

And he had enough regrets that he wouldn't have run even if it would have saved him. Alya had mentioned a trial. Which meant he was going to be arrested, and charged with...whatever the legal term for being an absolute monster of a human being was.

He'd been ready to give up the Ring of his own free will.

But Plagg hadn't given him that chance.

And with all the second and third and fourth and twenty five thousand chances Adrien had been given, all the chances to do better, to be better that he'd thrown away because he was having fun and he didn't care who he hurt and it was fun hurting them…

He'd long since lost the right to a second chance.

He'd been planning to give up the Ring by himself.

But even that was another abuse of his power. Even that was stripping Plagg of his agency again. Abused and enslaved and then handed off like a piece of property as soon as it wasn't fun any more.

Because that was the truth.

It had stopped being fun the moment Adrien felt that first wave of anger and shame.

That first wave of guilt.

That's when being Chat Noir stopped being fun.

That was why Adrien had been willing to give up the ring.

Because it wasn't fun anymore, and he wanted to stop feeling guilty, and he thought that if he gave up the Ring, if he fixed everything, he would feel better, but⏤

But he didn't feel better.

He'd been ready to give it up.

And Plagg had taken it from him.

This was worse.

Plagg hadn't forgiven him. Ladybug hadn't forgiven him, and now⏤

He thought of Alya, the ice in her voice, the hatred in her gaze.

Now everyone knew who he was. What he'd done. And they hated him for it.

He'd lied to everyone, but now they knew the truth.

He heard footsteps, and for one single second, before he lifted his head from his hands, he had hope. Hope that it was Ladybug, that it was Master Fu, that-even that it was Mrs. Summers, come to help him, to talk to him⏤

But then he looked up, and it was two API agents walking down the hall towards him. He recognized Longshot in her signature green and brown, but the tall woman next to her-all in black, with a few accents of neon orange at her ankles and wrists-was unfamiliar.

He knew there was a third agent somewhere out of sight, in case he tried to escape.

He was about to stand, walk over to them, surrender himself, but⏤

But Plagg had Cataclysmed him for that. Because Adrien had treated him with nothing but absolute cruelty, to the point where Plagg could not imagine that Adrien for once in his life was doing the right thing. He'd thought Adrien was going to blackmail him again, going to shove the weight of all of Paris onto his conscience.

Good intentions didn't cancel out the harm of your actions.

He stayed sitting against the locker, until Longshot and the unfamiliar hero, who introduced herself as Flash Point, came over, and asked him to come with them.

He was officially recognized as a child supervillain, and he was officially being charged with a long list of crimes, not least of which were: sexual harassment, sexual assault, endangerment of civilians, colluding with supervillains-

That one brought him up short, almost made him trip, but⏤

-Longshot was still listing out what he was being charged with. Forsaking a contractual duty, betraying a contractual duty, abusing a bound entity under his command, pressuring his partner to reveal her secret identity, endangerment of hostages, blackmail…

The list just kept going on as they walked. The technical terms for all the things he'd done, all the ways he'd hurt people. The technical terms for being an absolute monster of a human being. There were a lot of ways to describe it.

He wanted to ask what they meant by 'colluding with supervillains'.

They...they couldn't possibly be charging him for all the times he'd been brainwashed or controlled by the Akumas...could they? That wasn't-they couldn't⏤

He wanted to speak up, wanted to ask, but...but his voice kept getting caught in his throat as the reality of his situation finally began to sink in.

He was being arrested. He was officially a supervillain. He was being escorted by API agents to their headquarters, where⏤

"Is my Father-did you already⏤" Suddenly he felt like crying all over again. His Father. He was going to have to face his Father. His Father knew he was Chat Noir, knew all the terrible things he'd done, all of it out in the open. He would be so ashamed. And even though Adrien-even though he hated his Father sometimes, that was-that was still going to cut so deeply-

"Your father is already at our headquarters, you'll be allowed to see him once we've verified that all your powers come from an outside source. We've already confirmed it with him, so it'll only take as long as it takes to get your test results back."

…What?

Adrien actually stopped in his tracks, and Longshot and Flash Point stopped with him. They were at the top of the stairs leading down into the courtyard.

Adrien turned to stare up at Longshot, trying to ignore the fact that Flash Point had tensed out of the corner of his eye. "What do you mean, you confirmed it with my Father? Are you saying my-my Father, he knew I was Chat Noir? And he didn't tell me?"

Longshot's mask covered her entire face, but still, Adrien got the impression that she blinked in confusion. "I don't know if he knew you were Chat Noir," She finally said, sounding just as confused as he felt, "But⏤" She cut herself off suddenly, then said, sounding dismayed, "Oh, frak."

There was a pause, and then Flash Point muttered, "You can say that again." because somehow seemed to understand what Longshot was not saying.

"What?" Adrien demanded.

But Longshot just shook her head, and when he spun to face Flash Point, she just held up a hand to forestall him, saying simply, regret heavy in her voice, "Sorry, kid, if you don't already know, we can't be the ones to tell you. Just-hold your questions until we get there, alright? It'll be easier for everyone if Parlance can explain it all to you."

Parlance?

What⏤?

Why⏤?

Suddenly there was a flash of red overhead-his heart leapt, Flash Point and Longshot tensed, and⏤

With an expertise he still couldn't believe was real, Ladybug swung through the doors of the school and landed with perfect grace at the bottom of the stairs, and looked up at him.

Twenty feet between them.

It might as well have been the ocean.

"I'm not here to stop the arrest," She said, looking at the two adult heroes, holding her hands out very clearly at her sides. "I just⏤"

Her eyes turned to meet his.

He managed to hold her gaze for a second, but it was too much. He couldn't do it. He couldn't look at her, couldn't hold her gaze. It was too much shame, too much guilt to pay, even though he knew-he owed her…

"I just...needed to hear it from him." Her voice was soft. Almost too soft to hear. Filled with pain. Betrayal. "Adrien...Chat Noir...did you know? Was it a trick the whole time?" Her voice was desperate, like she was searching for a lifeline to grab onto.

Adrien opened his mouth, but Flash Point stepped forward. "He doesn't know. We want Parlance to tell him. I'm sorry, Ladybug, I know this is your city, but⏤"

Ladybug was shaking her head, backing away, her eyes wide. "He doesn't know?"

Know what? Know what? Know what? KNOW WHAT?!

But Adrien couldn't get his mouth to cooperate to ask the question out loud. The desperation in Ladybug's voice, her expression, her stance⏤

She started to cry, still backing away, step by stumbling step. "You don't even-you weren't even⏤!"

A sob tore out of her throat, and he remembered, with visceral clarity, all the times he'd laughed at her while she fought back tears. All the times he'd grabbed her just so she would have to shove him away and rip her hand out of his grasp. All the kisses he'd tried to force on her, and the one time he'd succeeded. All the things he'd done just to upset her. All the things he'd done hoping to see her cry. And now he'd finally succeeded. All his hopes coming true.

Ladybug stopped backing away. She was staring at the ground, her hands clenched into shaking fists, her entire body trembling.

She spoke, her voice catching on itself, and said, between gasps, between sobs, her voice shaking with grief and betrayal and rage, "I will...never...forgive you, Adrien Agreste. Never. For what you did to me…For what you did to Plagg-I trusted you and-I… I hate you, Adrien Agreste. I HATE YOU!" she screamed, stomping her foot-the way she always did, when he went out of his way to torment her, when he called her names he knew she hated, when he got in her personal space and refused to move, forced her to pull away, and then he just kept following her, laughing as she got more and more upset because it was funny, when told her to admit she was in love with him, told her it didn't matter how many times she said no, told her it didn't matter what she wanted, told her he would never stop, told everyone who would listen that were madly in love, forced her to shield him while he sat on the ground, stepped into the path of the Akuma so she would have to fight it on her own, sabotaged her plans because she'd rejected him again, tried to kiss her again, did everything he could just to see her cry-her voice broke as the scream echoed around the courtyard, mocking him.

He'd been about to give up the Ring. He'd been about to apologize. He'd been about to fix everything with her and Plagg. Make it all right.

But he was starting to realize that…

As Ladybug fled, in tears, as Longshot nudged him gently to keep walking, as Flash Point pulled out a phone and started texting someone, as a third hero in red and white appeared, and created a glowing yellow circle around them, as Longshot prepared to teleport them to the API headquarters...

Some things couldn't be made right.

Some damage couldn't be healed.

Some things...couldn't be forgiven.

Adrien went through the rest of the day in a fog of despair. He couldn't bring himself to be excited even by the adventure of being teleported-Longshot's teleportation powers weren't instantaneous, you physically moved to where she was bringing you, and if you kept your eyes open you could see everything between you flashing past so quickly it should have made you dizzy or nauseous but somehow it didn't, it was just cool-and when he and his escorts appeared in the API headquarters guest wing, the thought of being able to see his Father soon filled him with nothing but dread.

It turned out that their test of whether or not he had powers without being transformed was simple. All he had to do was say the word 'Cataclysm', since if he was transformed and he said Cataclysm, it would happen. It didn't need intent or purpose behind it in order for it to work. It was a password for nuclear warheads that you could enter accidentally.

And since he wasn't transformed, and didn't even have the Ring of the Black Cat, nothing happened. Because Adrien Agreste didn't have any superpowers. He never had. He'd only ever been stealing them from Plagg while keeping him enslaved to his every whim.

So there was no reason they couldn't let him visit with his father.

Except that⏤

"Father…" it was like everytime he thought things couldn't possibly got worse, they did, just to spite him. "Doesn't want to see me?"

He couldn't stop his voice from cracking at the end. He couldn't stop himself from breaking down in tears of frustration and rage and shame and grief.

His Father refused to see him. Told the API that if they brought Adrien anywhere near him he would unleash havoc the likes of which they'd never before seen.

And…

And Nathalie was here too, and she⏤

She didn't want to see him either.

Adrien was given an apartment in the headquarters, where he would be staying until his trial. There was a small flatscreen TV for him to use, two couches, an arm-chair, some outdated gaming consoles, and a scattering of random books. There was a fully outfitted kitchen complete with a stove, sink, and microwave, and a dining room with six wooden chairs arranged around a circular table.

The entire thing put together was smaller than his bedroom, and the bed he was given was so small he didn't know how he wouldn't fall off it while he slept. It was harder than his normal bed, too, and the sheets were made of cotton instead of silk. The bedroom itself was smaller than his bathroom, and he had to sit there, on the edge of the uncomfortable mattress, for half an hour just trying to stop crying.

It was all cramped and confining, like he was in jail instead of the API's headquarters where he was a guest. They were volunteering to hold him until his trial. If he wanted to leave, he could. If he wanted the normal criminal justice system to handle his case, he could.

But his Father wanted nothing to do with him, and unless Aunt Aumilie decided she wanted to take custody of him, leaving would mean going to a real juvenile detention center, and he couldn't stand the thought of that. He just couldn't.

Living in a tiny, cramped apartment was better than being in an actual cell.

He'd been allowed to keep his phone, but there…

There wasn't anyone he wanted to call.

And no one was calling him.

He wasn't stupid enough to check any of his social media profiles.

They were private except for the people he invited to follow him, but…

Alya, glaring at him with all the hatred in the world⏤

Everyone he'd invited knew the truth now.

They would see all his posts-carefully crafted, perfectly manicured to portray the image he wanted them to see⏤and they would know it was all a lie.

It was all a lie.

And now everyone knew the truth.

He waited, hoping, praying, but no notifications popped up on the screen. It never buzzed or chimed to let him know someone had sent him a message.

To let him know that someone, anyone, wanted to talk to him.

To let him know someone, anyone, had forgiven him.

But the phone never made a sound, never flashed a light.

He could leave the apartment. All but the restricted areas of the API headquarters were open to him. There were swimming pools, a running track, a gymnasium, a cafeteria with free food, and an entire grocery store, but he couldn't face the shame and anger he knew he would see on the faces of everyone he walked past.

So he kept himself locked in his tiny, cramped apartment, curled up under the thin blanket on top of the scratchy cotton sheets of his tiny, hard bed, and cried himself to sleep.

It wasn't supposed to go like this.

He was supposed to get a happy ending.

But not all apologies end in forgiveness.

And doing the right thing isn't about being rewarded.

It's about doing the right thing.

Adrien cried himself to sleep, and a few days later, the trial of Adrien Agreste, formerly known as the once-thought hero Chat Noir, proceeded exactly on schedule.

Adrien was found guilty on all counts but one.

And it would have been better for him if he had been guilty on that charge too.

Adrien hadn't know his Father was Hawkmoth. He hadn't known his Father's assistant, Nathalie, was Mayura. And they hadn't known he was Chat Noir.

It would have been better for Adrien if he'd been part of their conspiracy the entire time. Because if he'd been a villain because his Father, who was also being charged with child abuse, was a villain, it would have meant that maybe some of it wasn't Adrien's fault. It would have meant he'd been threatened and manipulated into it. It would have meant that all of his villainy at least made sense.

But he hadn't known.

He hadn't been acting under his father's orders.

And that just made everything worse.

Because it didn't make sense, why a hero who wasn't working for the bad guys would abuse their partner in such terrible ways. It didn't make sense why he would sabotage so many of the fights if he wasn't trying to help the bad guys win. It didn't make sense why he would torment Ladybug to the brink of a mental breakdown if he wasn't secretly working for the bad guys and trying to help them win.

It didn't make sense why a hero would act the way he had.

And now everyone knew the truth.

Adrien Agreste, Chat Noir, he wasn't a hero. He never had been.

He wasn't even evil. He wasn't working for the bad guys, he wasn't trying to rule the world or even trying to help bring back his mother.

No. What Adrien Agreste was was worse than Hawkmoth, who had a reason for becoming a supervillain.

Adrien Agreste was just cruel, and entitled, and uncaring, and predatory.

He didn't accept the Ring of the Black Cat because he wanted to save people.

He didn't even accept the Ring of the Black Cat so that he could secretly help his Father with his evil plans.

He wasn't doing it so that he could get his mother back.

No.

Adrien Agreste had acted the way he did for one reason and one reason only.

Because he could.

He sexually harassed and assaulted Ladybug, and tormented her day in and day out, for an entire year, because he could.

After he was arrested, when she found out he hadn't even been working with the villains, she barely made it home before she broke down sobbing, and told her parents everything.

Their testimony was played for the jury to hear, their voices changed using computers to protect theirs, and Ladybug's identities.

Every thing he'd done to her, every little detail he'd forgotten because it didn't matter to him the way it did to her, all of it, laid out for everyone to hear.

Ladybug didn't stay for the entire trial. She came in when they called her, she gave her testimony, and she left again.

Plagg appeared as a witness shortly after, with Ladybug herself, somewhere out of sight, wearing his ring so that he could testify.

And Plagg told them everything that Ladybug, the news cameras, and the Ladyblog couldn't.

He told them everything Adrien had been thinking while he committed these horrible crimes, so that no one would be able to claim he hadn't meant it or hadn't realized it was wrong.

Apparently, there was still a large group of people out there trying to defend his honor. They called themselves Chat Noir stans, and they were the most vile group of people Adrien had ever heard of. They were attacking Ladybug, slandering her, screaming insults, blaming her, crying that she was just doing this to make him look bad, even though all of the evidence was right there for everyone to see. Even though they'd watched him stand there refusing to help while people's lives were in danger.

They had access to the same evidence everyone else on the planet did. They could see the way he treated her. They watched the same videos everyone else did. They just insisted that his behavior was fine. That he wasn't doing anything wrong. That Ladybug was asking for it, that she deserved it, because she had kissed him to free him from Dark Cupid's control while he was trying his best to kill her.

Adrien had never been more ashamed of himself than he was when he found out what these people were saying about him. What they were saying to defend him, what they thought was good about him. They thought it was great, the way he 'took Ladybug down a peg'. They thought it was great, the way he went out of his way to torment her.

Plagg gave his testimony, and he didn't leave anything out.

All the facts laid out. Literally hundreds of thousands of videos all showing the same thing, just from a different angle. Hundreds of witnesses for each Akuma attack.

Adrien Agreste had not been working with the Supervillains Hawkmoth and Mayura when he held his own little reign of terror over Paris.

He hadn't been working towards some big, grand master plan.

He hadn't been trying to help the bad guys win.

He had acted the way he did for one reason and one reason alone.

He had sexually assaulted, harassed, and tormented Ladybug for one reason only.

He abused and betrayed and blackmailed his kwami with the deaths of everyone in the city and everyone on the planet for one reason and one reason only.

Because he could.

Adrien Agreste had accepted and then betrayed the duty of a superhero for one reason only.

He had abused and betrayed and abandoned his kwami for one reason only.

He had spent months tormenting his partner to the brink of a mental breakdown for one reason, and one reason only.

Because he could.

Because he could get away with it. Because he would never have to face consequences for it. Because it was fun.

Adrien Agreste turned into a monster the second no one was looking because Adrien Agreste was a monster from the start. He'd just finally been given an excuse to let it show.

Because good people are still good people when no one is looking.

And the second no one was looking, Adrien Agreste turned into a monster.

Adrien Agreste did not have some grand master plan when he put on the Ring of the Black Cat. He wasn't working with his Father, the villain. He wasn't working with any third party, he didn't have a vendetta against Ladybug.

He tormented her every day for months, sexually harassed and assaulted her. He sabotaged fights and put civilians and his partner in mortal peril.

Why?

Because why not?

He was given the opportunity to do whatever he wanted. And it turned out that what Adrien Agreste wanted was to sexually harass, assault, and abuse women. What Adrien Agreste wanted was to abuse and neglect and betray a vulnerable person who was fully under his control.

Adrien Agreste was given the opportunity to do whatever he wanted, be whatever he wanted.

And he wanted to be a monster, so he did.

Because he could.

And that was the truth that he would never be able to escape from, no matter where he went, no matter how much money he spent.

It was the truth he was going to spend the rest of his life trying to make up for.

And it didn't matter how much he changed, how much money he donated, how many people he did his best to help, how much effort he put into making sure no one else would do what he had done. It didn't matter what he did.

It was the truth he would never be forgiven for.

Because redemption is not about being forgiven.

It's about doing better, being better, and owning up to the ways you've hurt people.

Adrien Agreste became a better person, but his victims never forgave him.

Ladybug never wanted anything to do with him ever again, even after she and the API figured out how to destroy the Miraculouses so they kwami would be free.

Even after she joined the API, with Tikki as her partner, and a new outfit and more abilities than she'd had before, she never once came to see him, even though travelling to any of his homes would have been a snap of the fingers for her. She never called him, she never tried to contact him.

Plagg...he never found out what happened to Plagg. There were rumors of course, but Adrien tried not to listen to them. Anyone who tried to tell him what they'd heard was very quickly, but politely, told to shut up. He tried his best to respect Plagg's privacy, even though Plagg would never hear about it.

It was the very least he could do.

None of his classmates ever spoke to him again, except for Chloé. He could always count on Chloé in the worst of ways, but for once, she did the right thing.

He was her friend, but Ladybug was her hero, and watching the girl she worshipped break down crying in the courtroom had opened her eyes, and forced her to take a good, hard look at her own actions and the kind of things she thought were okay.

The fact that Adrien had done all of these monstrous things, and then turned around to defend her had...forced her to confront the fact that she was a terrible person.

And she was going to try and do better.

And the first thing she was going to do to to make that happen was cutting off contact with Adrien. Their friendship was over. She couldn't go on being his friend now that she knew all of the terrible things he'd done, now that she'd realized how horrible they'd both been while they were enabling each other.

She called him to let him know, and that was it. It was over.

Adrien lost everything he'd ever known, the day he heard two boys joking about him raping Ladybug in the locker room.

He'd lost his Father, his friend, his classmates, his partner, his Ring, his kwami, his money, his home.

He lost all respect for his Father. He lost his sense of entitlement. He lost his callousness. He lost his ability to watch others suffer and feel nothing. He lost his ability to watch others suffer and laugh. He lost his shamelessness. He lost his pride.

He lost his arrogance.

He lost his cruelty.

Adrien Agreste lost everything.

And when you've lost everything, you have everything to gain.

The API got him a therapist, and after a debacle in which they were trying to find out whether his Aunt Aumilie and Uncle Uriel would be willing to take him in, only for the whole thing to end with Uncle Uriel dead, Aunt Aumilie under arrest for his murder, and Felix being brought to the API headquarters for his own protection, they started interviewing foster families instead.

Felix turned out to be a Chat Noir stan, and the two of them had to be physically separated when his 'congratulations' went too far.

What he said wasn't worse than what the boys in the locker room had gloated about, but that didn't make it any better.

Even with gauze over the scratches Adrien has raked across his face, Felix still laughed. Told Adrien he'd done good, but he could have done better.

He was trying to make Adrien angry, just the same as Adrien had done to Ladybug.

And knowing what he was doing didn't make it better. It didn't make his words any less upsetting, and less enraging.

It was the first fight they had, but not the last.

Felix just wouldn't stop pushing Adrien's buttons, first mocking him that he hadn't gone far enough, then deriding him for doing any of it in the first place. He thought Adrien was supposed to be one of the good guys? Oh, what's wrong, feeling bad that you didn't take things further when you had the chance?

Felix, being a normal civilian with no super powers, past or present, was moved to a different facility after Adrien tried to kill him.

They both had plenty of relatives on Aunt Aumilie's side of the family, but no one seemed willing to step forward to claim them.

Eventually, Gorilla-or, as Adrien ashamedly found out by accident, his real name was Henri-put forward a petition to adopt Adrien and Felix, and after an investigation, (to make sure he would be able to care for two 'troubled' teenagers, they'd already investigated him in regards to Gabriel and Nathalie's supervillainy and found him innocent, and had discovered while doing so that he'd made several attempts to contact child protective services on Adrien's behalf, all of which had been roadblocked by the Mayor himself) and his petition was accepted, assuming Adrien wanted to live with him, of course.

He regretted saying yes the moment he walked into Gorri-Henri's-home.

It was tiny.

It was smaller than the apartment he'd had at the API headquarters.

But Gor-Henri-was-he was so happy, he was so excited as he led Adrien upstairs and showed him, the very last door at the end of a hall that led to three rooms⏤

His new bedroom.

It was tiny, and painted bright yellow.

It was also empty.

G⏤

…Henri led him over to an adjacent room, and showed him the assorted furniture that was stacked in neat organization along one wall. Actually, there were two different stacks of furniture, each on a different wall. There was a set of metal stairs leading upward to some mysterious third floor, but Henri waved Adrien back to the task at hand, and told him the third floor wasn't ready yet. So Adrien begrudgingly went over to the set of furniture Henri indicated, and looked it over.

A bright wooden desk that came with an attached and adjustable metal lamp that could be plugged into the wall.

A set of dark dresser drawers that had a few scuffs on the feet to show that it had been newly repainted.

A tall, reddish wardrobe that almost reached the ceiling, with space enough inside that he could hang up clothes he didn't want to fold.

A tiny little 40inch flatscreen Smart TV that was still in the box, and the boxed TV console underneath it.

Some weird, spiky house plants that he thought were fake until he touched the leaves.

A rolling office chair half the size of the gaming chair he'd used to have. There were a few smudged drops of paint on one of the arms-the exact shade of bright yellow as his new bedroom.

A rolled up, blue and grey striped carpet that looked like it was way too small to cover the whole floor.

A set of comforters and sheets that were covered in plastic and zipped shut, with a picture on the front showing an abstract blue, yellow, and red design.

A red loveseat that clearly wasn't new.

A small, white, wall-mounted bookshelf.

A pale blue mattress the same tiny size as the bed frame, and a boxspring to go with it, both of them leaning upright against the wall to keep them off the floor.

A single, solitary pillow.

Henri explained that he hadn't been sure how Adrien would want his bedroom to be set up, so he wanted them to set up Adrien's new bedroom together.

Adrien would get to decide where everything went, and how he wanted it arranged.

All they had to do…

Was put it all together.

Adrien stared at the pile of furniture, feeling his heart sink all the way to his feet. But Henri didn't let him stand around moping-he urged Adrien to get a move on, and if he wasn't sure where to start, Henri suggested they put the bed together first, so that the room could be built around it, and he could sleep in his bed tonight even if they didn't finish the rest until tomorrow.

That got Adrien moving so fast you would have thought it was a threat. There was no way he was wasting two days on this...this⏤

This...drudgery.

Putting the bedframe together wasn't difficult, but it was stupid. Adrien couldn't believe Gorilla-he maliciously returned to calling his guardian by his old nickname out of spite, if only inside his head-was making him do this.

He had to stand there and hold the headboard upright while Gorilla fitted the sideboards into place, which he did easily, because they had metal hooks onto the ends that slid right into the headboard. And then Adrien had to come around to the other side of the headboard and hold it upright while Gorilla added the footboard.

Then there were four wooden slats that just had to be spaced evenly across the middle, and the bedframe was done.

Adrien had decided the bed would go in the far corner from the door, with the head against the corner, and the foot towards the window.

Carrying in first the box-spring, and then the mattress, was mostly done by Gorilla. Mainly because he was absurdly strong and all Adrien had to do was loosely grip the handle on the side and pretend he was helping. Gorilla probably didn't even notice.

Just as they were about to put the mattress on top of the boxspring, Gorilla face-palmed, asked Adrien to wait a second, and left the room to thunder down the stairs. Adrien let his corner of the mattress drop to the floor, and was startled by the heavy whumph noise it made.

Gorilla came back with a plastic mattress protector, still in the packaging, just like everything else. He looked disappointed to see the mattress on the floor, and Adrien tried to ignore the guilt that made him feel.

Gorilla didn't say anything, just took the mattress protector out and unfolded it, and asked Adrien to lift the mattress back up so they could slide the cover over it. Gorilla zipped it partially shut, pressed out the air pockets, then finished zipping it, and together he and Adrien pushed the mattress onto the bed.

Then came the bed set.

Adrien...didn't know how to put the sheets on his bed.

But Gori...Henri...didn't judge him. Didn't scold him. He just...showed him how to find the elastic corners, and lift an edge of the mattress to tuck it in.

And then Henri realized they'd forgotten the bedskirt, so they had to lift the mattress back off, put the red bedskirt on the box-spring so it draped over the sides, neatly hiding the box-spring and hanging down to just above the floor, and put the mattress back on top.

Then the comforter just had to be thrown on top, and the pillow shoved into its case, which for some reason was more difficult than the sheets.

And then they got to work carrying the wardrobe in, which was surprisingly lightweight. Or maybe that was Henri doing most of the lifting again. Probably that.

Piece by piece, they carried the furniture into the room and got it set up where Adrien wanted it, shifting things around a few times, and stopping after a few hours to have lunch.

Henri did not have a personal chef, and his kitchen was smaller than the dining room at Adrien's old house. They got off to a rocky start, but Henri succeeded in making-and showing Adrien how to make-grilled cheese sandwiches without burning or undercooking any of them. Adrien had two, Gorilla had three, and when they were done eating, he washed the pan and spatula in the sink while Adrien dried them, and showed him where everything in the kitchen went.

His refrigerator did not have a lock on it, and neither did any of the cupboards. Adrien could eat whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted, as long as he cleaned up whatever mess he made when he was done, including washing the dishes, and if not drying them, putting them in the drying rack, and putting them away when they did air-dry.

Henri had stocked the cupboards and fridge with various snacks and meal kits, and they would go grocery shopping tomorrow after Adrien's therapy session if there were any specific things he wanted.

Adrien couldn't think of anything to say in response to that, so he just asked Henri if he could hug him-making a point of getting consent before touching people was one of the goals he'd set up with Mr. Clayaton-and spent ten minutes crying into his shoulder.

Then they went back upstairs to finish putting together his room.

When it was done, the desk was at the foot of his bed, against the wall so that the window, which now showed streetlights and quiet roads, was in the middle. The TV was across from his bed, on the same wall as the door, with the love seat on the floor in between the two.

His bed was tall enough, and the loveseat squat enough, that he could put his pillow against the wall and watch TV from his bed if he wanted to.

The carpet...well, they'd forgotten about the carpet until it was too late. Now if they wanted to put it down they would have to lift up the couch and the bed and the desk and the dressers. It just wasn't worth it.

Maybe when Felix arrived, with the extra help, maybe they could figure something out.

Adrien had initially been upset by the idea of Felix living with them, but he'd talked about it with Mr. Clayton, and he'd been told that Felix was seeing a therapist as well, and was doing better. Learning how to cope with his grief without lashing out and hurting other people. He'd even expressed a desire to apologize to Adrien.

After Adrien had almost clawed his eye out and then tried to strangle him...everyone involved thought it best that the apology happen over the phone.

So Felix apologized. Explained why he'd acted that way, why he'd said those things, and said he was trying to do better and it wouldn't happen again. Explained, in something barely above a whisper, that he'd wanted Adrien angry, he'd wanted Adrien to attack him because...because he…

It took him a while to gather up the courage to say the word, 'suicidal.'

He didn't ask Adrien to forgive him, which was good, because Adrien was done pretending to be a cute little doormat who didn't have any wants or feelings of his own, and he was still angry at just the thought of what Felix had said, even if the reason why Felix had said it cut him straight to the heart.

Felix being depressed and suicidal was why he had said those terrible things to Adrien, but it wasn't an excuse. He could have asked for help, he could have done any thing else to express what he was feeling. He wasn't forced to say those things because he was suicidal, that was something he chose to do.

That was something both their therapists were helping them with, it turned out. Their feelings were always valid-their reactions to those feelings were not. Just because they could explain their behavior didn't make their behavior okay. They always had a choice in how to treat other people, and no one-not Adrien's Father, not Felix's Mom, not Felix's Dad-could be blamed for how they chose to act but themselves.

Adrien had made the choice to abuse Ladybug and Plagg.

Felix had made the choice to say those things that would not be repeated to Adrien.

They both needed to take responsibility for their actions, their choices, or they would never be able to change. And if they ever wanted to feel better, they had to change.

Felix didn't ask for forgiveness, and Adrien didn't offer it.

But Felix didn't need Adrien's forgiveness in order to change, just like Adrien didn't need Plagg or Ladybug's forgiveness in order to change.

Forgiveness is not owed to anyone, nor is it a requirement.

Something Adrien was slowly learning.

For a while, it was just him and Henri living in the little house together, with Adrien continuing to go to therapy, and doing his allotted time of community service. When he wasn't talking to Mr. Clayton or helping at the community center with his group, he hung out at Henri's house, watching TV and writing in the journal Mr. Clayton had asked him to keep. There were some things Adrien wasn't ready to talk about yet, so the journal was so that he could articulate his thoughts and get them out of his head. He'd felt stupid at first, and hadn't known where to begin or what he was supposed to write.

Mr. Clayton had suggested he pretend he was writing to a friend, or even his Father, or maybe his past or future self. What were the things he wanted to tell someone, that he was too afraid to say out loud? That was what the journal was for.

The first thing he wrote in it was an apology to Plagg and Ladybug. The one he'd never gotten the chance to say, the one he hadn't deserved the chance to say.

He knew they would never read it, but putting it into words, taking responsibility for his actions and vowing to do better...it helped.

It didn't fix what he'd done. Nothing could ever fix what he'd done.

But that didn't mean that he was broken beyond repair. It didn't mean he couldn't stop breaking things.

Adrien was the one who controlled his actions, not his Father, not Ladybug, not Plagg.

Even if he was never forgiven, he was still going to do better. He was going to be better.

He couldn't fix what he'd done to Plagg. He couldn't fix what he'd done to Ladybug. He couldn't fix his relationship with all his friends from his class.

He couldn't fix the past.

But he could fix himself.

When Felix moved in with Adrien and Henri two months after Adrien's trial, they spent the first day setting up Felix's room-adjacent to Adrien's, opposite the room the furniture was stored in-together.

Felix got approximately all the same things that were in Adrien's room, just in slightly different styles, aside from the beds, which were the same, and the TV and console, which were brand new. Everything else was hand-me-down from Henri's family, and he and Adrien had teamed up the week before Felix moved in, stripping, sanding, and re-painting the dresser and wardrobe with a fresh coat of paint.

Felix's bedroom was the same bright yellow as Adrien's, and the only difference was that he had two windows, which was not fair, and they were on the wall at a right angle to the door, instead of straight across. Which was actually the same wall as Adrien's window, now that he thought of it.

Felix arrived late in the afternoon, so instead of getting straight to setting up his room, they ate dinner first-homemade pizza, which Henri had taught Adrien how to make the first week they were living together, and this time, for the first time, Adrien had done all of it himself.

He didn't tell Felix that part until Felix had already eaten a full slice, complimenting it as he reached for another. To say Felix was surprised was an understatement. But then he surprised Adrien-by thanking him and complimenting his skills! Again!

It was-open and honest, the first glimpse he'd gotten of the cousin he remembered from his childhood since everything had gone wrong.

He wondered what Felix thought of the changes he'd gone through since they were kids, and whether or not the changes were good.

The three of them spent an hour in the dining room, talking even after they'd finished eating, Adrien and Felix getting reacquainted with each other now that they were each in a better headspace, and Henri and Felix being properly introduced for what was practically the first time.

It wasn't the first they'd met-they'd met and talked at the API-HQ a few times, to see if Felix wanted to live with him and Adrien, but it was the first time they were interacting...for real.

It was real now. Henri was their guardian, and they were his wards.

Adrien's father was in jail, his mother was dead, and Felix's father was dead, and his mother in jail. As sick as it was, they matched up. Opposite losses for opposite reactions. Adrien lost his mother due to circumstances out of his control, and so took vicious glee in controlling Plagg and Ladybug. Felix lost his father due to circumstances out of his control, and so attempted to give up all control forever by baiting Adrien into killing him.

Adrien had succeeded. Felix had failed.

Adrien's success had turned him into a monster. Felix's failure gave him a chance to get help.

Maybe they could help each other.

Adrien hadn't interacted much with Felix. Even when they were kids, they'd never been as close as he and Chloé were, or even him and Sabrina.

But now they were living together. Their bedrooms were right next to each other. School had just let out for the summer, so they didn't have anywhere to go, except therapy, and in Adrien's case, community service.

But they were cousins, and they'd been friends, once, so maybe, despite all the years that had passed, despite all their differences, despite everything that had gone wrong, maybe they could be friends again.

Henri eventually reminded them that they at least had to set up Felix's bed, unless he wanted to sleep in the guest bedroom (which was on the far side of the house on the first floor, complete with its own private bathroom, and Adrien would have complained about not getting that as his bedroom except that it was smaller than the one he had been given) for the night, so they washed and put away the dishes, and went upstairs to set up Felix's room before it got too late.

This time, thanks to Henri's prodding, they remembered to put the carpet down first, straight in from the door, starting in the corner. That's where, Felix explained, the TV and sofa would go, when the room was finished.

But for tonight, they were all tired, so Felix and Henri set up the bedframe while Adrien zipped the mattress into the mattress protector and put a sheet on it, and then did the same with the pillow. Henri had bought pillow protectors a few days before, and put one on his, and Adrien's pillows, though Adrien didn't see the point. If he spilled soda or something on his pillow, why not just buy a new one? As for the mattress….well, if Adrien knew that spilling soda on it would get him a bigger one, he would do it on purpose.

His bed was so tiny! He couldn't stand it! It was ridiculous!

But he didn't say that outloud. Just to his journal, where he could say whatever he wanted without getting in trouble for it.

Felix's bed was properly set up just in time for them to get tired, so they all bid each other goodnight, and went to their respective rooms. Adrien hadn't even noticed Henri's bed in the room across from Felix's when he first moved in, the wood flooring in there was dark, and so was Henri's bed where it was pushed into the far corner beneath those mysterious metal stairs, so he hadn't even seen it.

He was dying to know what was up on the third floor. But Henri said it still wasn't finished, and he wanted it to be a surprise.

If he'd still been living with his Father, he would have snuck up there the second he could, more out of spite than curiosity.

But he wasn't living with his Father. He was living with Henri. And he trusted Henri in a way he'd never trusted his father before.

He would wait until Henri invited him to find out what was on the third floor.

It was the least he could do.

Because it goes both ways.

You do not need to forgive the people who hurt you, ever. You don't owe them anything.

And it goes both ways.

You do not need to be forgiven to do better. You do not need anyone's permission to stop hurting people.

And even if you do change? Even if you do become a better person? Your victims still do not and never will owe you forgiveness or pleasantry.

Forgiveness is not a reward waiting for you down the path labeled "do better".

The only reward for being a good person is being a good person.

You can't fix the past.

All you can do is move forward, and leave a better world in your wake.