NOTES: I wanted to explore the side of Spencer that processed his grief over Maeve's passing. There were so many missed opportunities to show his journey both in isolation and with the BAU family. I'm not sure where this will go but I don't think I'll delve into to many cases. This is more of a personal exploration of Spencer's character.
I hope you enjoy! Please please please feel free to comment or DM me! I've never done this before, and I'm doing it in order to practice writing. Thanks for taking time to look at this.
Content warnings (for the whole story) - suicidal ideation, drug abuse, and lots of sadness. (For this chapter) Some violence (it is Criminal Minds, after all).
The day that Maeve died, Spencer wondered why time didn't stand still.
He was there, blindfolded, sitting helplessly with a gun in his face, and he only had a fraction of hope that he could save her. While he dreamed of seeing her walk free, he knew that he probably wouldn't get that luxury. He only hoped that his lie would be convincing, so that he could watch her go. Seeing her head back to her life, the life she'd had before Diane stalked her... that would justify the hell he'd be whisked away to. A brief life with Diane, ending with a bullet in his brain the moment that she realized his love for her was a farce.
How sweet that short time would be. No matter what Diane did to him, no matter what he had to do to satisfy her, every moment would be treasured knowing that his love was safe. Safely away from Diane. Safely away from him.
But his aggressor's mouth on his had been too much. The violation would have been poor enough to trained lips, but he had only tasted one kiss before Diane's, and it had been far sweeter.
The next few minutes were a blur.
"Liar," Diane whined, and he lunged for her weapon.
Spencer had the gun by the nose, and then the gun had him by the arm. His ears rang at the shot, and his bicep raged with enough agony to knock him to the ground. But he was up in a flash, begging, pleading, reasoning - both with Diane and with a god he had no faith in. She can do it, Spencer thought as he blubbered meaninglessly to Diane, trying to gain back time. Diane will shoot me and then Maeve can make a run for it. He was prepared. Just don't hurt Maeve, and if she does get hurt god please let her kill me quickly.
And then Diane turned the gun to her head, which was nestled securely against his love's.
No, Spencer thought. "Wait!" Spencer screamed.
Why hadn't the world stopped spinning? Both women were on the ground, bleeding out, and he was standing. Why the hell was he still standing?
He wept. He wept for the pain in his arm,the kiss lingering on his lips, the blood on the ground, the blood that was locked safely inside of him, and the fact that the last two weren't reversed. He had seen himself dying for Maeve. He had seen them dying together. Never in his most terrible nightmares had he even considered that she would die and he would have to live.
Spencer fell to his knees, and let out a cry that emanated from his deepest parts. A cry that burned his soul.