CHAPTER 30
"Suicide. Last night…"
Finn's phone slipped out of his hand in shock and he sat down on the ground as his legs gave out. Trembling, he lifted the phone to his ear.
"What happened?" He demanded quietly. He heard Lieutenant Brandt take a shaky breath.
"After the mission… After the mission, he wasn't well. He was emotionally drowning and he had nobody to help pull him out. I'm sorry, son. As bad as it sounds, this stuff happens. Not everyone pulls through. People see bad things, and it becomes too much for them. I'm so sorry, man. I thought you ought to know. You've been invited to the funeral. Minnesota, three days. Look, I know you have schoolwork but…"
"I'll be there." Finn stated instantly. Lieutenant nodded.
"Okay. I'm so sorry, Hudson. Clint was a good man. He didn't deserve this."
"No, he really didn't." Finn replied as he hung up the phone. As soon as he was off the phone, he threw it at the other side of the room, causing it to collide with the glass pane of the side door of the house and shattering the window. Bella instantly sprinted into the room at the sound of the glass breaking and her eyes widened at the sight. The window was completely shattered and Finn was sitting on the other side of the room, his head in his hands and sobbing his eyes out. She crawled over to him and wrapped her arms around him.
"Babe, what's wrong?" She asked, comforting him gently. Over the course of the next few minutes, Finn managed to pull himself together enough to tell Bella about what happened.
"This is my fault." He finished, murmuring quietly. "I should have called him more, I should have checked in with him more. He went through the exact same thing as I did but he… he didn't have as much support as I did. This is all MY FAULT!" He shouted, slamming his hands against the wall in anger. Bella shook her head furiously.
"NO! This is not your fault, Finn! You did all you could! You can't be everyone's hero! You can't help the whole world. You already do so much for so many people. Here, drink this…"
Bella stood up and walked over to the liquor cabinet, opening it and taking out a bottle of scotch and two glasses. She poured two glasses and handed Finn one of them. Finn accepted it thankfully and stood up.
"I'm going to drink this on the balcony, okay?" He said, walking away, through the broken glass and onto the balcony. He looked at the stormy sky above and anger surged through him once again. He took out a lighter and a cigarette - something he only did in moments of pure tragedy - and he tried to light a cigarette. However, for some reason, his lighter was broken and wouldn't light. After a few moments of frustrated trying, Finn cried out in anger and hurled the lighter off the balcony. He looked up at the sky, directly at God, and scowled at him. Finn wasn't the most religious person in the world, and this… this just proved that there was either no God above, and if there was, that would be even worse. That would mean that God would watch all of the bad things that happen on Earth and watch them without a second care.
"You… You cruel, manipulative bastard!" Finn bellowed, shouting upwards at the clouds. "Was this all part of Your plan? It's all just a game to You, isn't it? Eh? Well, I know punishment, and he did not deserve that. He followed Your stupid rules, he constantly put his life on the line to save others and it still wasn't good enough! So what does it take to please You? Break Your rules and you fall! Follow them and you STILL LOSE?! Doesn't matter whether you're a sinner! Doesn't matter if you're a saint! Nobody can win, so what's the point? What's the fucking point?!"
Tears streamed down Finn's face as his voice trailed off. He spent the whole night sobbing over his friend's death and the next morning, he was on a plane to Minnesota…
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Three days later and Finn was sitting in Clint's funeral. The past few days had gone by both agonisingly slowly and extremely quickly at the same time and Finn listened as various family members paid their tribute to the fallen soldier. The funeral was an extremely unconventional one and yet it was quintessential Clint. Rather than a stuffy church funeral, Clint had clearly stated in his will that he wanted his funeral to be only close friends and family, and it was to be like his ideal Sunday night: a campfire and a Vikings game. The whole family and all of Clint's friends sat on various logs in a meadow in St. Cloud, Minnesota and they roasted hot dogs and mashmallows, watching the Vikings game and discussing their favourite times with Clint. During halftime, family and friends gave an informal eulogy. Towards the end, Finn took a deep breath and stood up, his beer in hand. He was ready to give a eulogy…
"Hey guys." He said. "I'm Finn Hudson. For those of you who don't know me, I was a… a friend of Clint's. I might have been a friend to him but he was so, so much more to me. He was my hero, my inspiration, my father figure. And he was my teacher. And he was my best friend. He always came through for me. If I asked for a leap of faith, he'd already be jumping. And now he's just gone. Thanks a lot, God! Thank you! You took my friend, the greatest man that I have ever known, and you ripped him off this Earth, way too young! Throughout my short time in the Army, and all of the time after, I looked up to him for guidance, more than he knew.
Finn took a deep shaky breath and tears ran down his cheeks but he forced himself to continue speaking. He now spoke directly to Clint, or his spirit anyway.
"I miss you. So damn much, dude. You fought so hard to be a good person, you made me believe that I could become better too. And I'm trying, but I kept falling short. But you never gave up on me. You just showed me how important and rewarding it was to be good. You didn't deserve this. I think everyone here can agree with me on that. But I think everyone can also agree that you're in a better place now. Problem is I don't think I'm going to be joining you."
Finn started to cry more profusely now, nearly sobbing in front of Clint's family and friends.
"So goodbye man. I love you."
With that, Finn sat back down at the campfire and took a swig of beer. Clint's sister, a 20 year girl named Sarah, turned to him.
"You know, Clint always said you were an amazing singer. I'm sure he would have wanted you to sing something."
Finn raised an eyebrow.
"Singing at a funeral. Isn't that kind of indecent?" He asked. Sarah laughed.
"We're sitting at a funeral campfire, drinking beer and watching the Viks game. I think decency went out the window long ago."
Finn laughed and eventually nodded. One of Clint's friends starting plucking his guitar strings and Finn started singing…
May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the light surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.
By the final verse, the whole group started singing along with him. It was a bittersweet memory: on one hand, they were saying goodbye to a dear, loving friend, husband, father and son, but on the other, never again would they bring together a group of people who loved Clint so much.
Finn flew home to Lima that night, completely worn out. It was like everything that could possibly go wrong in his life had. He was completely spent. He was in serious pain: he felt like he was being ripped apart, piece by piece.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"Hey, where's Finn?" Tina asked, curiously. The Glee club were gathered in Mercedes' basement for a Glee party and there was one notable absence.
"Um… an emergency came up." Bella murmured, shooting a look at Kurt, who looked close to blabbing. They didn't know whether Finn would be open to talking about it or not and they wanted to be cautious.
"Oh, no! Is everything okay?" Tina asked.
"He's at his best friend's funeral." Kurt blurted out. God, that boy was bad at keeping secrets! Everyone gasped.
"Oh my God! That's awful!" Quinn exclaimed. "Is Finn okay?"
"Yeah, how is Finn handling this?" Mike asked. Bella shrugged.
"Well, obviously, he's pretty angry, and really sad too." She admitted. "He blames himself."
"You know, I'm surprised that boy is still standing at this point." Santana remarked. Bella raised an eyebrow.
"What do you mean?" Bella asked.
"Well, with everything that's happened to him in the past two years, it's enough to absolutely break a man…"