True Confessions
Sylvie Brett sat at her kitchen table alone, and was suddenly drawn out of her thoughts by the noise of someone knocking on her door. She wasn't expecting anybody, maybe it was Gianna wanting to discuss the last shift.
She opened the door and instead it was Matt Casey.
"Do you mind if I come in?" he asked.
She blinked, "Uh, no, no...come on in."
He did, and as she shut the door behind her, he told her, "I'm really not sure what to say. You storm out of Molly's and then you avoid me all shift."
"I know," she squeezed her eyes shut in dread of this conversation.
"I'm sorry if Gallo embarrassed you the other night."
Her eyes popped back open. "What? Embarrass...why would I be embarrassed?"
Now Casey looked confused. "I don't know, that just seemed to be the look on your face when he was talking about us pulling up on the scene."
The blonde woman stared at him and didn't say anything at first, then with just a hint of accusation she asked him, "Why did you lie to me, Matt?"
"Lie to you?" he repeated, even more confused now, "What're you talking about, Sylvie? I've never lied to you before in my life."
"Why did you say the others were right there? Why didn't you tell me that you jumped out of the truck and over the edge like an idiot!?"
"An idiot?"
"No gear, no coat, no helmet, do you have any idea how stupid that was?" Sylvie asked.
"You were just run off an overpass," Casey reminded her, "We were getting no response on the radio, we saw the ambulance turned over down below, for all we knew you were already dead or damn near to it. There wasn't time."
"Then why didn't you admit you jumped out of the truck to get to us first?"
"What would be the point in that?" Matt asked.
"Did you hear what Gallo said?" Sylvie asked. "'I gotta get to Brett, I gotta get to Brett'."
"Gallo's exaggerating," Casey said defensively.
"Why would he do that?" Brett asked.
"Because he's young and stupid," Casey answered without missing a beat.
"Mackey was down there with me," Sylvie folded her arms to her chest, "Why weren't you saying 'I gotta get to Mackey, I gotta get to Mackey'?"
Casey shook his head, "Sylvie, I honest to God don't remember any of that."
That let some of the air out of her sails. She unfolded her arms and wavered. "What?"
There was silence before Casey finally admitted, "The whole thing just kind of blurs together, all I remembered is we heard you on the radio, and then there was nothing, and we were all worried that you'd been killed. And when we drove by and saw the ambulance...I couldn't wait for Kidd to turn the truck around, there might've only been minutes, seconds left to save you two, I couldn't take that chance, I couldn't go through that again."
Sylvie blinked. "Again? What do you mean?"
"My wife Hallie was murdered and we responded to that call, I tried to save her, and I failed. Leslie Shay was murdered on a call, Severide and I both...I mean, I knew she was already gone but we couldn't give up, we kept trying to revive her the whole way to the hospital...Otis..." Casey's voice was starting to break, "died on a call, and we weren't able to get him help in time either...I can't go through that again, Brett, I can't lose another member of our House, not any member of 51, I would've done the same for any of our people: you, Kelly, Boden, Herrmann, doesn't make any difference, I'd do it all again to save any of them."
"Even Capp?" Sylvie couldn't resist asking.
Casey rolled his eyes as he thought about that one for a few seconds, "Yeah I guess even for Capp."
"Oh...oh," Sylvie said as she started to look towards something in the corner, "Well, now I feel like a real idiot."
Casey squinted at her through one eye, "Why would you do that?"
She turned back to him and admitted, "Because I thought the reason you risked your life to save me was because...never mind...just forget it, it was a stupid idea to begin with."
"Uh-uh," Casey shook his head, "you're not getting rid of me that easily...because what?"
Sylvie looked at him and sighed. "About a year ago, Foster got the idea that you and I were...together."
Casey blinked. "What? Where'd she get that idea?"
"I don't know," Sylvie said. "And then...Kidd thought so too...and they kept making all these suggestions, and I told them that there was nothing going on between us, but I don't think they bought it...and then, I started to think about what Foster said...and I tried not to, because it just seemed so ridiculous...and then, all these little things kept happening."
Casey's eyebrows knitted together as he inquired, "What kind of things?"
"I don't know...but Foster was convinced that you were interested, she said you should be because...well anyway...Foster said that you should've been interested in me because even she wanted me to jump her."
"Oooh-kay," Casey's eyes widened in discomfort, "That's just a little too much information."
Sylvie laughed, "No, see, it's not...well never mind..."
"Well, no offense to Foster, she was great at her job and we all loved her at 51," Casey said, "but she could have a fling with a parking meter, she wasn't the best voice of reason."
Sylvie sighed. "I know. It's just...after she and Kidd put the idea out there...I started thinking about it, and I tried not to, because I was worried where it might go...I mean, you were married to my best friend."
"And that's ancient history," Casey pointed out. "That can't be the only reason."
"No, but...and I don't mean any disrespect to Kidd and Severide, I don't, I love them both and they're great together...but for the most part in-house relationships just do not work."
"It definitely muddles things up," Casey agreed.
"Right? And I didn't want that to happen," Sylvie said. "And it's not just coworkers...the time I was involved with Antonio, first I have Gabby's passive aggressive disapproval of me dating her brother, he's a cop, he doesn't even work here and I still got chewed out for it."
"Family's difficult," Casey nodded.
"And then it was his ex-wife being hostile towards me, it was a bad situation all around," Sylvie said. "I mean he was a great guy, I loved being with him and I loved Diego, but I got hostility on all sides because I was with him. And I didn't want to risk something like that happening either."
"That's understandable."
"And...you know that Joe and I went out once?" Sylvie asked.
"Faintly," Matt answered.
"Yeah well, I don't know what kind of relationship we could've had because the first time we try being romantic...Otis's Babba is right there in the corner knitting watching us."
Casey choked on a laugh. "Seriously?"
"Ohhh yes," Sylvie replied sarcastically, "Ever slasher movie should have a Babba, all the teenagers would live much longer."
Casey busted out laughing at that, and it took a few seconds for him to recover.
"I'm sorry, continue," he said.
"But it's okay that it didn't work out with Joe because he and Otis were my friends, we were roommates, they were almost like having brothers, which I never had and I always wanted," Sylvie explained, "So it always seemed like I got the better end of the deal anyway. And then...I started thinking..."
"Okay?" Casey asked cautiously.
Brett was quiet for a minute before she confessed, "I started to think that maybe there was something between us and maybe I was in love with you...but then the more I thought about it I thought maybe I really meant like a brother...and it's just up and down, I keep shifting from one thought to the other and I don't know what the right one is, and it scares the hell out of me, Matt."
The Truck captain took this all in with a slow nod, he didn't say anything at first, but Sylvie could tell the wheels in his head were spinning.
"Well...I have noticed things changing between us since Gabby left...but, it's not quite what you were thinking."
"What?" Sylvie asked hesitantly.
Casey looked at her and answered, "That we became friends. I can't remember any time when Gabby was here that the two of us ever really interacted off the job. Do you?"
She tried to think, and shook her head.
"It's just..." she said, "I look around 51, and it's kind of like Noah's Ark. You know there's Kidd and Severide, Mouch is married, Herrmann is married, Cruz just got married, Ritter has a boyfriend...it's like everybody else is paired up with someone, and then we're the two odd men out. Does that make sense?"
"Yeah, I'm odd," Casey replied, "I've known that for a long time."
Sylvie laughed. "That's not what I meant."
"No, but it's true. Do you know why I told Hallie I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her?"
Sylvie shook her head.
"Because when I asked her out on a date, she said yes," Casey answered. "And I was so relieved, I asked her to marry me so I never had to go through that again."
Sylvie laughed. "You did not."
"Kelly's always had a way with the ladies," Matt explained. "I'd asked five women in a row to go out before Hallie...they all said no...I was terrified of having to go through that again, so when she didn't turn me down..."
"But you loved Hallie."
"Yeah, I did...but even if I didn't, and she'd said yes, I probably would've asked her anyway just so I didn't have to be alone, and I didn't have to try and fail to find someone else," Casey said. "Trust me, I'm horrible in the dating department."
"I don't believe that, you got Gabby."
"Yeah, that was a marriage made in hell, wasn't it?" he replied. "Besides, who was interested in who first? Shay would know that, and if she were here now, I'll just bet it wasn't me. So you see, our relationship was one sided before it even started. Once I realized she was interested in me, same thing, I wanted to be with her just so I didn't have to try finding someone else, because I hate looking, because I have the worst luck."
"That doesn't make any sense," Sylvie said, "what woman wouldn't be interested in you?"
"Take a look around, there're plenty of them," Matt told her.
"Well that's just stupid," Sylvie commented, "you're a great guy, you're a fire captain for crying out loud, why wouldn't a woman want you?"
"Ask them," Casey replied. "I have no idea what it is I always do wrong, but obviously it's something, or I wouldn't still be alone this long after my divorce."
Brett looked at him and said, "I hope I didn't scare you off the other day."
Casey blinked. "What?"
"When I said you were the one always there when I was in a crisis," she said. "I really sucked at trying to explain myself...if there had been someone like you back in Fowlerton all those years ago...I probably would've stayed, despite the crap I had to put up with from so many people...if someone like you had been there, it would've made it easier to stick around."
Casey had no idea how to respond to that one. There was an awkward silence between the two of them for several minutes, it was finally broken up by a small sound, which Sylvie realized was Matt laughing, and futilely trying not to.
"What is it?" she asked, a smile already forming on her face.
"Gallo really makes me sound melodramatic, didn't he?" Casey asked.
The two busted out laughing and mocked his description of what went down on that call and laughed themselves sick.
"So..." Casey said a few minutes later when they calmed down, "Are we good?"
The blonde paramedic let out a small half of a laugh and nodded, "Yeah...we're good. By the way, thank you for being an idiot and rushing to our rescue."
"Just doing my job."