a/n: I don't have a clear outline for what's going to happen next, I just sort of have a general direction so we'll see how that goes for me.
Welcome to the new readers! A bunch of people very kindly recommended this fic on their tumblrs and I'm honestly so so so touched! Thank you so much for loving this story as much as I do. (Also, you can find me there as Fiercyy! Ask me questions, send me requests. etc!)
This is the 'everything is awkward and no one knows how to be around each other anymore' chapter.
Lets gooooo~
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if you can't hold on, hold on
Chapter 13
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Two years later…
You better believe it that Naruto was ready for a hot bath and a hotter bowl of ramen because he and Jiraiya had been on the road so long that his blisters had blisters.
In what order? A sniff at his armpit says one thing; a stomach cramp says another.
"My treat," Jiraiya offers generously, when the rumbling gets loud enough to be audible from three feet to the left. This is the deciding factor. Suddenly full of energy, Naruto leaps into the air in joy.
They're not even 100 meters past the gates when he sees her.
Sakura is always impossible to miss and she hasn't changed much in two years. Her hair is the same length it used to be, but the ends seem softer, like she went to a hairdresser this time. He supposes that Sasuke, who was the only one of the two with steady enough hands, couldn't cut it for her for free anymore. He can't tell if she's taller or the same because he hit his growth spurt and dwarfs her now.
When he notices the terrifying nature of her leather clad calves and is reminded of how they left things, she notices him back.
"You got so tall!" she marvels, seemingly forgetting that she's supposed to be really really mad at him.
Naruto scratches the back of his neck and counts his lucky kunai. "Finally, right?"
She measures herself against him and pouts. "Did you just get back?"
Jiraiya, who obviously finds this to be extremely boring, makes himself known. "Seems like it's your treat now, kid."
"Huh?" she quirks an eyebrow after the retreating sanin.
"Oh, Pervy-sensei was just gonna treat me to ramen, but now we can go."
"Naruto," she growls, "were you going to go to Ichiraku before coming to see me?"
By her tone and his experience living with her, he knows what the right answer is. But he's got a death wish so he gives her the truthful one. "Yeah. It was his treat."
Her knuckles crack audibly as she clenches her fists. His only hope is to distract her quickly. "But then I was coming right over, I swear! I figured you'd be at work anyway and I'd wait for you!"
She didn't send him lots of letters. It was hard when he didn't know where he'd be in a week. But from the few, he'd learned that she works at the hospital now. And that she turned his and Sasuke's room into an office.
"Where am I gonna sleep, by the way?" he asks.
"On the floor."
"No, seriously!"
She sighs "I will get your bed out of storage, okay? Happy."
"Yep."
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"So you're still mad at me." Naruto is skeptical. He can't imagine staying mad at anyone for two years. He'd forget what he was mad about.
"Yep."
"Come oooon Sakura!"
"Still yep."
"What can I do?"
She gives him a look for a moment then deflates. '"I don't even know. I think I'm actually more mad than sad."
Naruto left soon after Sasuke did. He had an opportunity to learn from Jiraiya—to get strong enough to bring Sasuke home. That was all he cared about. He didn't think about how Sakura would feel about it. Another teammate leaving. "I've be sad too," he admits.
Their ramen arrives and they snap apart their chopsticks. Sakura takes some hot sauce and shakes the bottle into her ramen three times.
"Thanks," Sakura says to Teuchi. Then, to Naruto. "That's okay. I used your action figures for target practice, we're even." He doesn't have a sister or any family, really, but from what Kiba says about Hana, Sakura feels pretty close.
"Sakura! Why! Those were limited edition firefighting turtles!" She might think he's kidding, but Naruto is actually a little upset. One of them was really soft and great to cuddle with. Not that he needs that anymore, he's basically a grown man!
Still.
"Maybe we should have invited Kakashi-sensei, had a real reunion." They both glance, without thinking to the stool Sasuke used to sit on.
"No thanks, I'm good." She takes a rude slurp of her broth.
"What does that mean?"
"It means drop it, Naruto."
"What if I don't want to drop it?" he needles, forgetting for a moment that he's been gone for almost two years and that he probably shouldn't be testing his volatile ex-teammates patience.
"Then you're buying and I'm leaving!" She gets to her feet and storms off.
"Wait!" he shouts after her, "Is my key still gonna work or did you change the locks?!"
An old man three stools down sighs sympathetically. "Wives, am I right?" He gets the sense that he does not want to be lumped in with this weirdo who feels comfortable commenting on other people's business.
"I'm 15," Naruto points out, "And ew."
He pulls out his wallet and spends the last of his cash on their ramen. Seeing as he did pay for it, he feels no guilt about eating the rest of Sakura's while he waits for her to cool off. He polishes off his bowl and slides hers closer to him.
A too deep slurp sets his mouth and throat on fire. Naruto lunges over the counter to grab Teuchi by the shrt. "Please!" he begs, "Water, oh my god."
Teuchi snorts, "Milk maybe."
No matter what, Naruto is gonna have the worst stomach ache, so he does not tell Teuchi that he's lactose intolerant.
"How does she eat that?!" he cries into the glass that's handed to him.
Oh god, two years of eating her own cooking has killed Sakura's taste buds. It's the only explanation.
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Kakashi, meanwhile, is miles away from Konoha. He's dressed as a civilian and an intricate high level henge disguises him as just another man among the crowd. No one is following him, but he doubles back and stops at various stalls anyway. He buys a chicken skewer and eats it as he rambles down a back alley.
Behinds him, footsteps. In a blink, the tip of his chicken skewer presses against their jugular.
He has not seen Sasuke in two years. He lowers his weapon.
The boy is closer to manhood now, but his cheeks are still soft with childhood. The disparity in height is the most destabilizing. He used to be so small. Seeing someone you love after a long time away will always stir up a lot of feelings, but the one that overpowers the rest is righteous anger at the world. That they had ever been apart in the first place.
Kakashi is not a man given to physical displays of affection, but that just makes his grief more evident as he pulls Sasuke into his arms.
They have communicated via Pakkun for the past two years, but this is the first opportunity in all that time for Sasuke to meet in person. It took a long time, but they finally trust him to come back. Sasuke had not told Kakashi what he's done to earn that trust and Kakashi will not ask.
Sasuke's shoulders shake but when he pulls away, his eyes are dry.
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It turns out, that Sakura's anger burns brightly but fizzles out really quickly. Naruto understands; she probably wasn't prepared to deal with him today. Let alone all the things he reminds her of.
His key still works, but she isn't home so he decides to give himself a tour. The apartment's changed a lot. In the kitchen/living room area the walls are a light blue instead of grey. There's a new couch in front of the TV, but it's the same TV and her red blanket is ever-present. The bathroom is cleaner than it ever was when they all lived here and the towels, shower curtain and soap dish, all match. Sakura used to be weird about them going into her room, so he doesn't, but he does take a peak into the room he shared with Sasuke.
She lied, she hadn't turned it into an office. The room was completely empty except for a mattress propped up against the far wall.
The front door slams open and Naruto dashes out to greet her. He stops in his tracks and takes in the scene.
Sakura's holding up one side of a bedframe that's turned on its side so it can fit through the door. It's parallel to the floor. She carries it in like it's nothing and walks by him into the bedroom he just exited.
"There you go," she proclaims, wiping her hands on her skirt. "Sheets are in the cupboard."
"Uh, Sakura, this is actually Sasuke's bed. Mine's the other one."
They both stop and Sakura stares at the floor with immense concentration while Naruto realizes his error. "Not that it matters, it's just a bed. Seriously, don't worry about this. This is great! Thank… you?"
She sighs and he finds himself being pulled into a hug. He doesn't remember the last person who hugged him but it might have been her. Naruto relaxes into Sakura and squeezes back, just as tight. They can get through this as long as they're together. They'll get Sasuke back and everything will be okay. They'll never have these sad, awkward moments again. He has to believe that or what's the point?
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"How long do we have?" Kakashi asks him.
"Couple hours," he thinks, "Maybe more if we move around." He's negotiating for more time and Kakashi must know it, but right now this meeting feels like the only lifeline Sasuke has to hold onto. Short notes exchanging coded intel haven't been enough for a long time. He's a cat in a den of snakes and every day they coil tighter around him.
They blend into the crowd, walking and talking surreptitiously as they circle the area.
"There's another lair in the Land of Waves where prisoners are kept for experimentation purposes. It's poorly guarded and should be easy to take. POWs are also sent there so if there are any Leaf nins who are MIA you might find them there." He rattles off as many details as he can think of-distinguishing landmarks, all traps that he noted. The faster they dismantle Orochimaru's reach, the faster the war ends. And he can come home.
Kakashi blocks his path with a hand on his chest. "Stop," he commands and they turn to face each other. The crowd moves around them, like a rock parting a river. They're hardly noticed beyond being an obstacle. He doesn't look like Kakashi right now, but his eyes make the same soulful expression. "This is enough. You could come home with me now, this can all be over whenever you want."
Except that's not really true, is it? Wanting something to end, does not make his actions any less necessary. Sasuke has wanted to turn around since the moment he left the gates, but he persevered. Because everything he's ever loved depends on winning this war and it would be wrong to leave any advantage on the table.
"I'm fine."
"Are you?" He resents the tone. It's been years since he's heard empathy in another human voice. "Look at yourself." He sees Kakashi's eyes flick to the scars along his arm and pulls his sleeve down to mask them. "You've done enough."
"I can't."
"You can!" It feels like Kakashi's yelling at him, but he hasn't raised his voice. It's like being scolded by his father, who always had a way of expressing disappointment very evenly.
"I can't," he makes sure to keep his voice down too, even though he wants to shout and rage and beg Kakashi to stop because tempting him with freedom is cruel. "If I were to leave now, Orochimaru would know his operation is compromised and he would move everything before anyone could reach his hideouts. We're so close, I can feel it."
Kakashi seems to remember himself and guides Sasuke into continuing their walk. "We're also close to the three year mark. You don't have much time left."
"I just need a little more time. I'm not strong enough yet," he argues.
"Four months," Kakashi agrees. "That should give us some leeway before the Living Corpse Reincarnation."
That decided, Sasuke asks the only question he really wants an answer to. The one thing he hasn't been able to ask about via Pakkun. "How are Naruto and Sakura?"
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"Welcome back, children," this, of course, is Tsunade's way of referring to Jiraiya and Naruto. Sakura is inclined to agree.
"Tsunade." She does not like the flirty lilt in Jiraiya's tone.
"Shut up," here, they align as well, "Jiraiya, I've got some shit for you to clean up. Naruto, now that you've come back, we need to reintegrate you into the ranks and get you the field hours necessary to take the Chunin exams again."
Sakura snorts, "Oh my god, you're still a genin?!"
"What! You mean you took the exams without me?" Naruto whines. "Sakuraaaa!"
She crosses her arms and glares at her former teammate. "What, you expected me to just wait around for you and—you know what? Shut up, I outrank you."
He can't argue against that foolproof logic!
"You shut up!"
Or maybe he can.
"Children!" Uh oh, this time, that might include Sakura.
She winces and apologizes to her mentor.
"We'll be reforming Team 7-"
"What? No!" Both Sakura and Naruto shriek.
"Why the hell not?" she demands, even though Sakura's pretty sure she'll figure it out in a second.
She hates that this is something she still cares about. Sasuke (and it hurts to even think his name) left them. He ditched her, unconcious on a bench in the middle of the night with a thank you, see ya never. Fuck that guy. Why should she care?
Because the memory of the end gets mixed up and overtaken by his kindness. By his patience. By his belief in her. Sasuke took her in, he helped make her stronger. They confided in each other about their families. He is so much a part of her that she has no idea how to carve him out. Sakura doesn't have any family left. She can get over this. Betrayal is forgivable and she knows his reasons were good. She has to believe it or what's the use of going on? He left for the same reason he does everything; to avenge his family. She can understand that.
But in the meantime, they have to keep a place for him. So that he knows he has somewhere to come back to, once they drag him home kicking and screaming. Reforming the team without him runs counter to that.
She's stupid. She has hope.
"Because Team 7 is me, Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei," Naruto speaks for them both, "Anything else is something totally different!" she couldn't agree more. Not that she wants to be on a team with Kakashi nowaways either.
Tsunade is unamused, "Call it whatever you want, call it Team Kakashi for all I care. Report for duty in two days at Training Ground 3, where you'll meet Hatake and your new team member. Naruto, you're dismissed."
Oh good, that means it's time for a lecture. In front of the Pervy Sage. Great.
"Sakura," she senses a warning in her teacher's voice. "You need to learn to work with others, you're running out of teammates." Chastisement from Tsunade is a daily experience, but she never stops feeling like a little kid being scolded.
"I know," she sighs, crossing her arms tight.
"Is this going to be a problem?" Tsunade asks, and there's only one right answer.
"No."
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Sasuke feels hollow, returning to base. He's not sure how well he masks it but then again it might help his cover. He left under the guise of searching for clues as to Itachi's whereabouts. It was part of his and Orochimaru's agreement. He can have his body after he kills his brother.
The truth is that he's squandering this time. He has more pressing concerns. When did that happen? When did his entire reason for living become the background noise of life? He has other priorities now. Perhaps it's a betrayal of his family, but there are people who are alive that he can protect. That is more pressing.
Maybe this is why he's cursed. His fidelity has been tested and he has been found wanting. He is weak. Perhaps vengeance is the correct thing, but he is too selfish to be alone. As long as he can carry his intentions in his heart, he can weather this time of false betrayal.
He refuses to die yet anyway. There's still time.
Sasuke glares at anyone who dares stare as he passes them in the hallways.
He's no prisoner. His room is not a cell. The bed is more comfortable than the one he had in Konoha. A dresser occupies one corner, a weapon cabinet in the other. His towels are carefully folded on a shelf. He grabs one, as well as sandals and shower supplies.
The communal bathroom boasts a row of shower stalls and a large, circular hand washing fountain with ten protruding spouts. It's late in the afternoon so the room is empty. His footsteps echo against the white tiles that cover the floor, walls and ceiling.
He wonders if he'll miss them all more, now that he's broken his fast. He hungrily gobbled up all the information Kakashi could share while they had time. Not that he knew much. Naruto left the village and hadn't yet returned. He admitted that Sakura wasn't speaking to him. He wonders who any of them have to talk to. When he left, he didn't think his team would fall apart without him.
A vow is only as good as your nerve. Sasuke learned that from Naruto. He vows that he'll fix it. Sasuke has a laundry list of gripes with the universe and he's ready to work his way down. No more waiting. It's time to get aggressive.
He pulls aside the curtain to his usual stall. Red finger-painted letters greet him from under the shower head.
I KNOW
BUT I WON'T TELL
With the Leaf insignia in the center.
Someone has been watching him.
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Kakashi has just taken off his shoes when there's a knock at the door. An ANBU agent is on the other side. She hands him a scroll and disappears.
He reads the short missive; his orders are clear. His team is being reassembled.
Pakkun suddenly appears in a puff of smoke. The pug looks grim as he drops a different scroll into Kakashi's waiting palm. It reads:
I am compromised.
a/n: Thanks for reading! As always, love to hear your thoughts. It was actually your lovely reviews that inspired me to keep writing!