The Time My Mouth Ran a Marathon
Last Time: "You left it o-" he began whispered before I hissed back under my breath, very aware of all the looks, "Yeah I know, I know, please go." Potter nodded and as he walked back out, sent a roguish grin my way making my heart go into flutters again and making Severus snap his quill in half.
Flutter that quickly subsided when I reminded myself that this was all just a new act for Potter.
His kindness and maturity, strange and as genuine as it seemed, wouldn't last for much longer. He'd be back to pantsing Slytherins and turning hallways into swamps in no time.
I was not, nope, I'm not even going to say it.
"There was a massacre occurring in room 612 of the girl's Gryffindor tower," Frankie said in her best, deep, dramatic narrator's voice.
"Although the murderess may look innocent, angelic some- ehm, Potter might say-" Frankie fake coughed and continued in that ridiculous voice of hers despite my fierce glare, "she shows no mercy to the dozens of aquatic lives coldly ended with moving only a single muscle."
Frankie continued on but I drowned her out and instead focused on keeping the dozens of chocolate frogs I'd consumed down. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.
Marly and Alice soon joined in on the 'let's hate Lily and make her feel like shit game.'
"The cause?" Marly asked, while perching herself on the edge of my bed.
"Potter," Alice said in a foreboding tone.
"The victim?"
"Chocolate frogs."
"The perp?"
All three paused as they met each other's glances, "Lily Marie Evans" before breaking out into peals of giggles.
"Ha ha ha, really fucking funny," I sourly said, glaring at the lot.
Who needs enemies right?
"You've got to admit Lils, this whole entire situation is really fucking funny. Sirius thinks so too." Marly gasped, only to be met with my foot kicking her off my bed.
Somehow the carpet's impact only exponentialized her giggles. Normally bringing up her on again off again but consistently dramatic relationship with Black would elicit groans and complaints from the girls but the only thing anyone could think of right now, unfortunately, was Potter.
Why couldn't they just put the record player back on and let me mourn with 'Yesterday' repeating over and over again in the background.
I rolled my eyes and groaned pulling my covers over my head, sending an avalanche of wrappers down onto the already littered carpet.
"Hope that's not the sound you made when James was passionately shagging you this morning," Frankie said from her safe position across the room, polishing her broomstick.
Well, safe until she barely dodged a projectile empty box that once housed my now depleted collection of chocolate frogs.
"Frankie" I shrieked as I emerged tomato-faced from my duvet.
"That's more like it."
"Ah, see there's that appeal."
"Sure James loved hearing that."
The girls all chorused, talking on top of each other, all taking the piss on this new rumor.
Oh yeah. New here? I'll catch you up on the latest Hogwarts gossip. Oh wait, actually, thank god for thin walls because I can actually hear Rosmarie Addams doing her rounds sharing the latest Hogwarts gossip, which, figures, I was at the top of today.
Let's listen in.
"Girls, girls, girls, you'll never believe this. Madison put your paper down, you won't want to miss this."
God, I can literally see her salivating getting ready to tell this for the hundredth time.
"I don't even have to introduce James Potter right?" Rosemarie said to an ensuing chorus of sighs and 'God he's hot.'
Debatable but moving on I guess.
"We all know how that uptight Prefect prude Lily Evans has him tied around her little finger and has been leading him on for ages?"
I guess hexing a boy means you're begging for a date now? Also, Prefect prude Evans has a nice ring to it- huh.
"Well the little whore finally gave in-"
Whore and prude are oxymorons but fallacy ignored, continue.
"Cormac said he heard them just going at it in the broom cupboard next to the dungeons and apparently he walked past it twice and they were in there for at least a good" Rosemarie paused to add drama and force everyone to lean into her and whispered, "30 minutes." And, of course, she was met with gasps, giggling, several girls saying 'God that lucky bitch,' 'Quidditch helped build that stamina up damn,' and something along the lines of 'I knew James was good but 30 minutes, geez.'
Who the fuck was Cormac? Actually, more importantly, where was he. Just want to talk.
"Then the little hussy shows up to Slughorn's class 30 minutes late with absolutely no shame, hair drenched with sweat and all sexed up, wearing his clothes no doubt- and wait, it gets better," Rosemarie's voice going higher and higher with excitement.
It was actually rain and grease, but sure Rosemarie.
"Potter himself shows up, looking gorgeous of course in his Quidditch uniform, her bag in hand and gave her the most seductive look in front of everyone and now he's her date to the Slug Club Halloween Masque Ball next week."
Wait, that was the Slug Club function Slughorn was talking about, and since when was Potter my date?
"God bloody fucking hell and Jesus Christ and Merlin up above," I moaned into my hands.
Alice slid beside me on my bed and soothingly rubbed circles on my back saying, "Everyone will forget about this in a week Lils, don't stress too much."
Frankie, on the other hand, showed no such sympathy and threw herself down in front of me and examined the golden embroidered JP on the sleeve of the crimson sweater that I, for some reason, was still wearing.
She held my sleeve up to my eye level for examination and mockingly said, "You know, the entire population of Hogwarts and I would probably believe you a lot more if you weren't still wearing his jumper babes."
"What would poor Amos think?" Marly mused, making fun of my old crush on Amos Diggory- quite possibly the most perfect person to ever exist but I digress.
Rolling my eyes, I tore my arm from her grip and scoffed. Seeing that everyone was staring at me expectantly for an explanation I stammered out, "Well, I-I'm only wearing it because… because it's very cozy. Right cozy. That's it."
Upon meeting their dubious gazes, I shouted in protest, "It's cozy alright!"
Still dubious.
Still.
Dubious.
"Fine," I proclaimed, throwing my hands up in the air, "I'll take the stupid thing off," as I roughly threw it over my head onto Marly's outstretched body, adorned with wrappers, onto the ground.
All the girls once again broke out into a fit of uncontrollable giggles following my ridiculous tantrum.
"Fine Lily, we believe you."
"Yeah, it makes total sense."
"We were just taking the piss"
The girls once again chorused, trying to comfort my grouchy mood.
Frankie, ever the fucking peacemaker, said, "I still don't know why you've been forced to hole up in here all day though, makes the rumors seem more true babes."
"That was an executive decision, made without coercion. Thank you very much," I protested.
"Thank you very much," Marly mocked, causing another round of laughter, myself included this time.
"Oh god, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't face anyone tomorrow morning," I groaned after the laughter had subsided.
Marly promptly sat up and took my hands in hers and said, "Okay Lily, look at me, this is the plan okay."
"Okay," I said all too trustfully.
"You're going to be strong."
"Strong."
"A confident woman."
"Confident."
"And tomorrow morning you're going to march into breakfast."
"March right on in."
"And you're going to proclaim something all right, repeat after me."
"All right."
"I Lily Evans."
"I Lily Evans."
"Am proud"
"Am proud...?"
"You can all say what you want and talk behind my back"
"You can all say what you want and talk behind my back."
"But you'll never take away my dignity and the fact that-"
"But you'll never take away my dignity and the fact that-"
"My first shag was with James Fleamont Potter and it was a damn good 30 mi-"
"Oh stuff it," I said, rolling my eyes and snatching my hands from hers.
Frankie couldn't handle herself and fell off of her bed laughing, joining Marly on the floor, while Alice tried to conceal her giggles and give me unsuccessfully sympathetic looks.
"Next you two are going to be sending each other love notes via ow-"
Before I could begin a projectile assault, throwing my wrappers and pillows at my traitorous friends, there was sharp tapping at my window as a striking black-feathered owl with amber eyes pecked at the glass.
Marly and Frankie stopped laughing and looked at each other,
"It couldn't be."
"Is it?"
"Am I a seer or something?"
"That's it, I'm sending in an official complaint about my T in Divination if that's what I think it is"
Whilst Marly and Frankie were chatting shit, building off of each other as usual, Alice quickly opened the latch and took the letter from the striking bird's beak. Scanning the envelope, she let out an uncharacteristic snort, and handed me the thin paper not even trying to conceal her amusement at the impeccable timing of this letter and started laughing out loud.
Frankie and Marly let out unbelievably high pitched shrieks and scrambled around me to snoop in on what Potter had sent me.
My dear Lilikins, my precious flower, my lily petal, my beloved, my lovely girlfriend,
(Which one did you like the ring of the most- for future knowledge of course)
It has come to my attention that you thoroughly enjoyed our rendezvous, or more directly, our intense shag. I'm honestly impressed with myself- 30 minutes is quite a feat I must say. Even Sirius agrees.
I'm dying to see you, or rather, my clothes very soon. Today's a double Quidditch practice, so does 9:00 on the pitch work? Bring clothes- my clothes I mean- your clothes are optional ;) and be ready for another shag, maybe Cormac will hear us in the locker rooms this time?
Your one and only,
James Potter
Tuning out the chorus of shrieks, giggles, and further accusations of having lied around me, I glanced once again at the loopy handwriting and doodles of lilies that surrounded the page.
It filled me up with unexpected warmth. But I don't like James Potter and I certainly do not like his handwriting and doodles of lilies, I told myself as I carefully tucked the letter into my nightstand.
Fuck.
"The black top makes your tits look great Lils, go with that."
"No I hear Potter's more of an ass man, I say go with the black skinny jeans- they really do make it look like our Lily has assets."
"Ooh but also that red top just cinches in her waist."
"Fully recognized Frankie but the cleavage on that is a no-go," Marlene said shaking her head, throwing clothes all over the room.
"What about both and unbuttoned robes over the top to make it look like she's not trying too hard?" Alice finally suggested putting an end to the debate over which items from our pooled pile of clothes would quote 'make Potter die.'
Something I was not averse to, I assure you.
"And that's why you're the one with the boyfriend."
"Genius you little minx."
"Frankie's a lucky man."
Marly and Frankie chorused making Alice blush beet red.
I only rolled my eyes and said, "I thought we agreed to stop calling Frank, Frankie- too much to keep track of. Every time you talk about Alice and Frankie looking like lovesick birds I can only think of our Frankie drooling over her morning coffee at Alice."
Frankie dramatically sighed and knelt down, clutching Alice's hand saying, "If only my true love would take me," and whilst being pushed down by a giggling Alice, "but alas, once again she has taken my heart and crushed it," ending her dramatics with an exaggerated fall.
"What would we tell Frank," Alice said, playing along for my sake so that the topic of James Potter might momentarily be dropped.
"Nothing darling, we would just run off into the sunset. We might be reviled, despised by society. But we will have each other and our love to keep us sustained," Frankie proclaimed, hand on heart.
Breaking character again, the dramatics were only Frankie's strong suit if that wasn't clear, Alice questioned, "Imagine if, after your mother's repeated pleas for you to find a 'nice Korean boy,' you brought me home."
"Oh my family would one-hundred-percent disown me, but it doesn't matter," and, once again resuming her faux-tender tone, placed one hand on Alice's cheek and said, "for our lov-"
Alice fell back, against my lap, and eyes squinting and shaking with laughter, said, "Lily, I tried so hard love, but I can't do this with Frankie anymore, it genuinely feels like we're about to run off into the sunset leaving poor Frank behind."
"Oh not Frank"
"Not Frankie-boy"
"Couldn't possibly do that to Frank."
"I don't know what we'd do without Frank."
Marly and I mocked, gasping in horror to add to the effect.
Atypically, just on time, my alarm clock that Marly mended to my great protest, began its monotone ringing. 8:30.
30 minutes until I faced my doom.
Almost as if they'd been summoned by the ringing, there was a quick succession of raps on the door. Eager to avoid further Potter questions from my friends, I jumped up and opened the door ready to apologize, yet again, at another noise complaint. I was instead met with a sharp slap to my face.
Losing my balance, embarrassing, I know, I told you I was puny and out of shape, I fell down against the door as Marly dashed to my side ready to protect me, Frankie and Alice closely behind.
As Marly helped me stand back up, I made eye contact with my assailant.
Reyna Dashwood.
She was normally drop-dead fucking gorgeous. As in, when other girls saw her in the hallways, they quite literally wanted to drop dead because of how much better she looked than them. It wasn't even funny.
Now, in rage, hands balled up into fists at her side, shaking, she looked better than I could ever dare dream of looking like.
God.
How fucking annoying.
Comparing me in full glam makeup with my favorite dress at the Christmas Eve ball last year and Reyna in her robes at 6 AM on OWLS day- it's very specific I know leave me alone- I was, once again, a shaved Niffler to a god. Aphrodite to be exact. Maybe that's why her and James had dated for three months, much longer than Potter's one-month average.
"Reyna, um hey this is all a big-" I began stuttering between words, glancing from her eyes to her fists nervously as I mentally braced myself for her to start pummeling me. I mean, I didn't blame her honestly. If some girl had shagged my ex-boyfriend a week after a highly public and messy breakup I'd want to pummel her face in as well.
Wait wait wait, except for the fact I didn't shag Potter of course. Somehow everyone was fully missing that point.
Fuck you Cormac. Whoever you are.
But yeah.
Ew.
Gross.
Just threw up in my mouth a bit.
But she quickly interrupted me, simply by putting her hand up. Jesus, even her hands were skinnier, shapely, and more polished than I was and would ever be.
"Thought you were always an uptight prude but I guess you were just a slaggy bitch, huh Evans?"
"Hey Reyna, I don't think that's-"
"I've heard about your little rendezvous with Jamsie." (Oh, don't mind my gagging, just threw up in my mouth again.)
I tried to play it off all cool and was about to defend myself when things took a turn.
"But I don't believe a single word-"
"Oh thank god," I said letting out a relieved sigh.
"Why the hell would my Jamsie leave this," she said, gesturing to her perfect body, hair, and face, "and go for- for- whatever you are. No, he wouldn't want to lay a finger on your homely ass after tapping this."
…
You know how some people say that they could tell certain events in their life would be life-changing right when it happened?
This was one of those moments that I would be telling my grandchildren about in 70 years. (Wait actually no I wouldn't.)
The moment when I really fucked it all up and ruined my life forever. (Yeah why would you be telling your grandchildren about this.)
You can say I'm being dramatic but you'll change your mind after knowing what words came out of my dumbass mouth next.
"That's actually so funny Reyna because you're right about one thing. I am a slaggy little bitch."
What are you doing Lily?
"In fact, I'm soooo slaggy that I'm surprised Cormac didn't walk past me and James going hard and heavy in the broom closets for the past week."
Um okay. Who even calls it going 'hard and heavy' anymore, Jesus Lily you're a goddamn grandma, go sit in the corner and knit a sweater.
"Um, Lily?" Alice said furrowing her brow knowing that I was spewing complete and utter bullshit. Marly and Frankie quickly shushed her wearing matching grins on their faces. No one ever stuck it to Reyna. Not even outspoken Marly and reckless Frankie.
"He moved on pretty fast from you. Maybe calling him Jamsie-poo every five fucking seconds wasn't the best way to inspire undying love?"
Nice Lily, you're telling her. Not!
You dumb bitch. What is your plan?!
"You know how it is, we just can't hold ourselves back. Wait actually you must not know how it is because I distinctly heard James talking about how repulsive your rank-"
Alice quickly slapped her hand over my mouth and shook her head at me furiously, eyes wide with shock, before I could dig myself further into a hole.
It was at this exact moment I'd realized what I'd done.
What ensued was the type of silence rare at Hogwarts, especially in the girl's dormitories. The type of silence where you could hear a pin drop. Not only was I silent, Reyna silent, my friends silent, but the entire floor was utterly silent.
Huh. I guess my voice really does carry. Fuck.
Finally breaking the quiet, Reyna croaked out, "I don't believe you."
Same girl, I don't believe me either. I actually don't believe I just said all of that. I don't believe that I will choose to leave my dorm room for the next week. In fact, I don't believe I will ever show my face to society ever again.
Before I could respond, Frankie, in an attempt to shoo Reyna off, said, "Honey, go ask him if you're that curious." Reyna glanced at Frankie for a moment, then back to me, then to Alice's guilty expression, back to me.
"Fine, I will," she said narrowing her eyes at me disbelievingly but obviously shaken, as she spun on her heel and started walking out of our corridor. Her retreating figure followed by four pairs of eyes and dozens of eavesdropping floormates.
When she was out of sight we all let out the breath we'd been holding and muttered a collective, "Shit." My world had just exploded into chaos
AN: Hey everyone, any guesses to what's gonna happen next?
Please review and let me know your thoughts on this story, any positive feedback or constructive criticism is soooo appreciated. I'm always looked to get better and I'm writing this for you guys, so definitely let me know!
Thanks everyone!