"What the hell were you doing taking his call?"
The words lash against her soul but she stands in front of his desk stoically with her head bowed, taking it, thinking about her past mistakes and how she brought this upon herself. She knew talking to Cliff would land her here. With Josh furious at her again, and just when it had felt like maybe, just maybe they were heading toward getting back to normal.
"At least Amy is a professional. She seemed to understand. She even kissed me. On the steps. In lightly falling snow. Very romantic. We're off to a great start."
The pain in her chest is palpable. So strong she takes a sharp intake of air, but he doesn't notice. She wonders for a moment if she's having a heart attack before she's even turned 30.
"And I shouldn't even tell you this since you aren't senior staff, but I did work out a deal for Leo with the Republican Wonder Kid. I guess your sleeping with the enemy worked out for us after all, so good job."
Her heart shatters at his final words, leaving her numb and shaky. For a moment she thinks she might actually collapse. But somehow she remains standing, even though on the inside she's not even trying to hold on to the pieces, letting them splinter into shards so tiny the only thing to do is to throw them away.
"You can go home now. See you tomorrow." He dismisses her casually, not having really meant half of what he said, and not noticing the damage his words just inflicted.
She nods once as he picks up the phone, smiling to himself as he dials a number, a sure indication that this has nothing to do with work. Then she turns around and walks out of his office, as she goes, she hears the delight in his voice as his call goes through.
"Hey Amy…."
She doesn't remember grabbing her purse, or walking to the Metro without her coat. She doesn't remember the ride or letting herself into her apartment. She doesn't remember standing in front of the refrigerator with no appetite and no idea when she last ate. She doesn't remember falling into bed or laying there awake all night thinking about how she always makes a mess of everything, about how she's never good enough, about how she alway falls short.
She doesn't remember deciding that this time she's not going to run away. She doesn't remember deciding that it doesn't matter how much it hurts, she's going to keep going back every day because at least she likes the job.
She doesn't remember getting up out of bed in the morning, taking a shower and carefully applying concealer to the bags under her eyes. She doesn't remember leaving the house without breakfast. She doesn't remember how cold the walk to the Metro is without her coat.
All she knows is that she's going to be the best assistant that she can be. She's not going to give anyone a reason to fire her ever again. She's going to make this work. Because she works at the White House. And that's all she has left.