Chapter 19 – Distrust and Bond

Eton and I headed towards the library. I am excited to see the library. No matter what anyone says, I love to read, and a library is one of the areas that I feel safe. That is when I noticed a gray skinned toned Sangheilian in black armor stopped in front of Eton. I observed that she was leaning in towards him with more than an acquaintance would. This was familiar stance was more of something that I am not sure of. When she talks, oh gosh, her voice is very grating just like a nail being drug along a chalkboard. I wanted to place my hands on my ears to muffle the sound. Though I knew it would be rude of me to do that. Then she called me a human pet.

Who does this female think she is? Then these words came out of her pathetic mouth. "I am his lover."

My whole world just stopped. I could not comprehend what she just said. She was his lover! He lied to me. How could he after what I told him. That I would not be that person. How could he! I glared at him then at her. I did not want to be in this hallway with this female and with Eton.

Even when she touched him, he did not push her away. He did not do anything. He leaned into the touch a bit. I felt disgusted, humiliated, used, and above all misguided. This soulmate bond, what a joke. Now I can understand why humans find their soulmate then branch off a bit. Only with the consensus of their mate. I am such a fool to think that I have finally found someone. I was better off alone and ready to die in battle.

"Val," Eton's whispered. Oh, how my heart breaks when I hear his voice now. "We never had a relationship beside a mutual understanding that it was for sexual release." I saw him reach for me. I did not want to be touched at all. Then she was there pressed against him with need. I felt my breath be taken away from me at what I was seeing. I needed to lean against something sturdy and non-disgusting. I feel like throwing up.

"Then why did she say that she was your lover?" I felt bile rise as I said that. I glanced back at him and the need to just run was there. "I need to take some time. I am heading back to my ship."

I need to get away, far away from him. I cannot look at him or any of his kind the same way. I walked away and down the hallway. I was out of that hallway and I took off in a dead run back to the human ship. I saw many Sangheilies looking at me with slacked jaws. I knew they were unaccustomed to seeing an enhanced female human running down their halls away from somewhere else. I could see the end of the main hallway that connected to the human ship. The only thoughts running through my head was to get away and never look back.

I reached the deck of the hanger bay on my ship. I slowed down from a dead run to a walk in a matter of minutes. I headed towards my room, ignoring anyone that tried to talk to me. I did not reach my room in time. I was unlucky. John was there in front of me with his hands on my biceps. I saw the Arbiter next to him. I felt disgusted just looking at him. I did not want him touching me. I tried to back away, but it would not happen to the grasp that John had on me.

"Val," John's smooth voice called out with a look of worry on his face. "What happened?" I shook my head lightly to tell him that I did not want to talk about it. "Tell me what happened."

An order, that is what I got for not talking. I looked him in his eyes and John flinched back. I chuckled at him and it turned into a full laugh.

"John," My voice came out watery from all the mixed emotions in my chest. "How do you destroy a soulmate bond with out either one being killed?" I saw the look of horror pass over his face. Thel stepped forward, placing a hand on my shoulder. I reared my head back and I broke out of John's grasp. I looked at the Arbiter with loathing. I moved around both with enough distance between us to fit a full suit of armor and headed to my door. It hissed open and closed. There was a distinctive sound when the doors lock.

I headed to my bathroom, stripping along the way and turned the water on to almost boiling temperature. I then stepped into the water to burn away the feeling of the soulmate that I was supposed to have but not.

I do not remember how long I have been standing there under the water that remains hot. I just know that my skin is a red color and I need to change everything in my room to not smell like him or remind me of him. I walked out and identified everything that would have his touch or things he has touched. I just went into numb as I gathered all the things and placed them outside of the door.

Placing new sheets onto the bed, I felt relieved that I was able to change everything. I skipped dinner and headed straight to bed.

Laying in bed the feeling in my heart became heavy and slightly unbearable. I pushed the feeling aside. I was not going to do anything that the bond wanted me to. It has gotten me into a lot of heartache as it is, and I will not continue with it.

The feeling turned into a pounding against my chest and head to move me in the direction of the distress that I was feeling. I was having none of that. I do not care if John or the Arbiter went to talk to the Fleet Master about this predicament, but I was done. I want the days to go back to simpler times.

I laid there staring at the ceiling trying to figure out my next move.

"This is a huge clusterfuck as it is." I mumbled as I turned and became comfortable. I fell asleep to the voice of Orion reading out the book that I had been reading.