[AN: Oh man, it has been awhile, hasn't it now! I do apologize for running off for so long. I'd absolutely love to give you some crazy Kakashi-like story about falling down a rabbit hole, banging my head, and then waking up nine months later to realize that it was somehow 2020. The truth, however, is far less interesting: I only have so much time in my day, and writing fan fiction, much as I enjoy it, is just one, small part of my life. That being said, I am very excited to be back with the next chapter of this silly little story and hope to be able to get back to writing and posting on here more regularly.
Now, about this chapter specifically. First off, hopefully, it's up to snuff and worth the wait! This is actually my first time writing from Naruto's perspective, and it was a bit touch and go (if Sasuke and Naruto was a sliding personality scale, I'm way on the Sasuke end of the spectrum, which I suspect might be why). The usual caveats apply. (1) This story is rated M, and given that it's bachelor party time, that warning totally applies to this chapter. (2) I do not own Naruto. (3) I take no credit whatsoever for inventing the concept of the Naruto-verse characters sitting down and playing a rousing game of Never Have I Ever. While I can't recall any specific stories where I've read this before, I'm sure it's been done, so kudos to whoever else thought of doing it before me! (4) I'd like to thank everyone for all the follows, favorites, and comments on both this story and Good Vibrations (as well as the shout outs on other platforms like Tumblr... that was so crazy to see!). It's been seriously flattering to know how many people have been entertained by my writing!]
It was good to be back in Konoha, dattebayo!
Sure, the honeymoon had been pretty great. Really, when would getting away from it all for almost a month with one's brand new wife not be? And, while he and Hinata had obviously been there for somewhat different pursuits than good old Ero-Sennin, Jiraya-ojiisan hadn't lied. The Land of Hot Water had been positively breathtaking. Ten out of ten, would do again.
But still. Fan-freaking-tastic waterfalls and cushy resorts paid for by Hyuuga clan wealth aside, Konoha was home, and there was nothing else like it. Particularly Konoha in mid-May. The wisteria all in bloom, the excitement of the upcoming Academy graduation in the air, the absolutely perfect weather. Not too hot, not too cold… exactly the right temperature for barreling across rooftops at breakneck speed in an orange-and-black tracksuit. And, of course, May also heralded the return of the Konoha commercial district's Saturday night summer markets, where one could buy the sweetest dango from dear Yua-obachan, the most delectable yakitori from Eiichi-ojisan, and the best-ever takoyaki from that cranky old fart with the wooden leg and eye patch whose name he could never quite remember. Akihiko? Akihiro? Akihisa? Akihito? It was something like that.
At any rate, the next few months of the year promised to be particularly interesting for Konoha's #1 Most Unpredictable Ninja. Not only were he and Hinata newlyweds with a fancy new three-bedroom condo to gussy up (or, in his case, outfit with enough instant ramen to survive a multi-week flood), but there was plenty of excitement on the horizon for the rest of the Rookie 12 too. Choji was due to be assigned his inaugural batch of cute little genin any day now (may tousan have mercy upon him). Kiba was finally, finally going make jounin (if he didn't lose his temper and threaten to set Akamaru loose on another difficult client). Ino and Shika had their wedding coming up in September, while Neji's and Tenten's long-awaited bash would follow a couple of months later. And, best of all (at least in his totally unbiased opinion), there was the developing Sasuke-Sakura romance to keep tabs on. (Or the "SasuSaku affair" as he'd been calling it for short. Just in his head and to Kurama, of course!)
As the perpetual third wheel on Team 7 (an honor he shared with a perpetually over-it Kaka-sensei), Naruto had been watching those two supposedly brilliant idiots dance around one another for way over a decade. As such, there had been nothing sweeter than witnessing the quiet hand-holding, furtive cuddling, and heated one-on-one Training Ground spars that had characterized the first few weeks of their official coming together back in April. The teme was actually doing it! Finally committing to a relationship with the kunoichi who had had his heart since the tender age of thirteen (not that Sasuke would ever fess up to that). Meanwhile, Sakura-chan was getting everything that that lovesick little genin girl who had long-ago giggled about what (more like who) she loved most on the Academy rooftop had craved. All jokes aside for just a minute, it was pretty effing adorable, and he was definitely looking forward to an update.
Which was why, upon crossing through those great green gates he so adored, Naruto had one overwhelming goal in mind (after dropping by the Hokage Tower to say "hiya!" to his tousan, of course, and getting a rather exhausted-seeming Hinata-chan safely settled at home). It was time for a Team 7 reunion lunch. Ichiraku's or bust!
With a little bit of arm twisting (because the teme could never give in to anything without a fight) and some well-deployed puppy dog eyes (Sakura-chan was such a sucker for them), Naruto managed to corral the happy couple into the little ramen stand that was his second home slightly after noon the next day. Very unfortunately, he was flying solo. For, while he told Hinata-chan that she was "perfectly welcome. Sakura-chan's always bitching about there being too much male testosterone anyway!," his new bride had politely declined to join in, noting with a sigh that the cooking fumes might make whatever stomach bug she'd apparently picked up in Hot Water country worse.
It was probably that gross-looking veggie plate she'd ordered the last night they were at the resort that did it. "Healthy" food was always way more trouble than it was worth.
They sat at the counter, Naruto on the right, Sakura-chan in the middle, and Sasuke to her left. After brief but ecstatic greetings from old man Teuchi and the lovely Ayame, they put in their orders - miso chashu pork for he and teme and a rather bland-sounding chicken shio for the pink-haired medic nin - and got down to business. Well, more specifically, Sakura got down to business, immediately leaping into the fray with question after question about his honeymoon.
"So, Naruto-kun, tell us about Hot Water Country! Was it every bit as magical as you and Hinata-chan had hoped? What was the resort like? The food? The drink? My parents visited Hot Water once, for some sort of business thing. They said the waterfalls were absolutely magnificent. Did you do very much tourist stuff, or did you mostly take it easy? Did you hike? Did you swim? Was the water warm? Did you try snorkeling? I've never been but have heard that it's really fun."
Sweet Kami, he had forgotten how chatty Sakura-chan could be. People always said that he talked too much, but she was certainly in fine form today. It was hard to get a word in edgewise!
As Sakura finally paused for a breath, Naruto did his best to answer a few of her questions. "The resort was really nice. Really pretty. We mostly took it easy… decompressing after the big day, ya know? Anyway, maybe we can talk about all that more when Hinata-chan can join us? She hasn't been feeling so good the last couple of days, so she's home resting, and I'm sure she'd love to give you her perspective. So… how have things been here in Konoha? Anything... interesting happen for you two while we were away?"
In truth, Naruto was really asking about his teammates' relationship, but some discretion was probably warranted. Quite annoyingly, Sasuke tended to be a bit private about such matters, whereas Sakura's total and complete domination of the conversation thus far seemed almost like an attempt to keep talk off of them. Which was kind of weird, now that he thought about it. Hopefully, they weren't fighting. Or hadn't broken up… that would be really unfortunate.
Sasuke shrugged noncommittally in typical Uchiha form, while Sakura kind of hummed a strange little nonanswer. With that, they fell into a silence that could only be described as "tense," Naruto observing his companions as closely as he dared.
Hm… was he just imagining it, or were Sasuke and Sakura exchanging some sort of look? Oh yeah, there was totally some major nonverbal communication going on. Now, was that sort of squinty-eye thing a good look from Sasuke or a bad one? The bastard was always such a pain in the ass to read. Oh dear, there went Sakura-chan biting her lip. That meant she was stressed. Must be bad then. Huh.
"Not… really," the kunoichi finally replied well over a minute later, green eyes darting downward to the worn counter. "It's been pretty much business as usual. I've got the hospital to keep me occupied as always, and Sasuke-kun has all of his Acting Clan Head responsibilities now, so we've certainly stayed busy! But enough about us. I'm really sorry to hear that Hinata-chan's unwell. Did it just come on recently, or did she start feeling sick while you were away? What sort of symptoms has she been experiencing? If it's been more than a few days, I'd be happy to stop by your place after lunch and see if there's anything I can -"
Sakura's awkward monologuing was cut off by the glorious arrival of three steaming bowls of ramen, carried over by a beaming Ayame. "Here we are, Naruto-kun, Sakura-san, Uchiha-san! Naruto-kun, we added a few extra slices of meat on top for you, just the way you like it!"
The lunch looked and smelled absolutely delicious. The perfectly tender pieces of pork, nestled lovingly into a thick, savory broth. The immaculately sliced scallions and bamboo shoots. Those two glorious egg halves, the yolks still slightly runny. It was art in its purest and highest form… the stuff legends were made of. Truly, after almost a month's absence, nothing could ever distract Uzumaki Naruto from his first bowl of Ichiraku's miso chashu pork ramen…
Except the sudden, jaw-dropping discovery that his two best friends had gone and gotten engaged while he'd been off on his honeymoon and had somehow neglected to inform him.
It was Ayame who clued him in. As she handed the bowl of chicken ramen to Sakura, her dark eyes widened slightly and her smile broadened. "Oh, that's right! I almost forgot to congratulate you, Sakura-chan! You too Uchiha-san! If I may say, the two of you make an absolutely beautiful couple! And that ring is absolutely to die for!"
At that, the medic-nin's cheeks turned violently pink, and her green eyes darted momentarily in Naruto's direction in a distinctly panicky fashion before returning to the woman standing before her. "Oh! Th-th-thank you, Ayame-san! Yes, it's certainly a very… exciting time for us!"
Congratulations. A beautiful couple. An exciting time. A ring. Perched right there for all to see on Sakura-chan's wedding ring finger. What was all THIS now?
Spoon inches from his mouth, Naruto turned left to stare down his teammates. "Is there, uh, something you guys wanted to tell me?"
Somehow, the kuniochi's flush deepened so that her face was actually darker in color than her hair. Even the usually unflappable teme looked somewhat caught off guard, dark brows quirked somewhat comically upwards and broad shoulders tense. Busted.
Sasuke recovered first. With a small sigh, he broke apart his chopsticks and turned his gaze to his steaming bowl of soup, as if he were giving a routine account of the weather. "We're engaged, dobe. The wedding's in June. We didn't tell you earlier because we didn't want you to make a big deal out of it in public. Any questions?"
Engaged. A June wedding. June. That was like next month. And they didn't tell him upfront because he made a big deal out of things. What complete and utter bull.
Naruto dropped his chopsticks onto the counter with a surprisingly loud clatter that had everyone else in the little stand staring their way. "Um… YEAH! How did all this HAPPEN?"
The bastard actually had the audacity to roll his eyes. Outrageous.
"I proposed. Sakura said yes," Sasuke replied shortly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which Naruto supposed it kind of was, at least when put like that. But that wasn't really what he'd been asking. He wanted details, dammit! Some insight into what exactly went down and when! As their long-standing teammate, the guy who had to put up for their mutual pining for years and years, he definitely deserved that!
On the other hand, a rather Hinata-chan-like voice reasoned, maybe, just maybe, he was being a little harsh. After all, wedding planning was stressful business, and dealing with crusty old Elders no cakewalk. Thanks to his own recent marriage into the Hyuuga clan, he knew way too much about that. And doing it all in just a couple of months? Yikes. He definitely didn't envy either of them.
And so, putting a lid on his own righteous anger (he could always whoop teme's ass later in a one-on-one match-up on Training Ground 3), Naruto forced his scowl to metamorphosize into a much more comfortable grin. "That's great, guys. I'm super excited for you, dattebayo! And teme, I know Itachi's probably got the whole best man thing all wrapped up, being your nii-san and all, but I am totally in charge of your bachelor party. No ifs, ands, or buts."
He paused, grin sliding into a smirk that was totally the result of Kurama's influence as a truly fabulous joke reared its glorious head. "Well, actually... there will definitely be butts, if you know what I mean."
Ha. There'd be butts because there were going to be strippers. He was so funny.
Or not.
Sakara-chan had apparently recovered from the shock of having her engagement revealed to her best friend by their waitress. Based on the vicious smack on the arm he had so unjustly received, she was apparently none too happy about said friend's suggestion. "NARUTO! If you even think about arranging what I think you're thinking about arranging, there will be HELL to pay."
Touchy. "Aw, Sakura-chan, it would all be in good fun. Definitely nothing to actually worry about. You can trust the teme and me to keep our hands to ourselves, dattebayo! I mean, maybe not so much Kiba, but he's already pretty much a lost cause at this point, as I'm sure you well know."
There. That was perfectly clear and reasonable of him. Much to his surprise, however, Sakura looked less than convinced. Well, she had always been a bit protective of "her boys." Maybe that's what this was about?
To her left, Sasuke shrugged. "Better drop it, dobe. Or else I'll tell Hinata what went down the night before your wedding."
What a dirty play. But the teme had a point. He definitely didn't want his lovely wife finding out that he got blackout drunk and attempted to break in to the very shop in which they were presently sitting to apologize to his "first love, ramen for forsaking her for that no-good Hyuuga heiress" less than twenty-four hours before they walked down the aisle.
(Okay. It was kind of funny. Depending on her mood, Hinata-chan might even think so too. But talk about embarrassing.)
And so, with a shrug and a chuckle, Naruto turned his attention back to his meal, ignoring Sakura's curious stare. "Eh, that's okay, teme. No need to resort to threats. I'm certainly not going to force strippers on you if you don't want 'em. Say… maybe we could hit up the mixed baths instead. Jiraiya-ojiisan's always raving about them, and I've heard the ladies love ex-ANBU Acting Clan Heads."
"NARUTO!"
"Kidding, Sakura-chan! Kidding!"
Wedding planning stress or not, someone needed to work on her sense of humor.
While Naruto had originally been leaning towards a night-before-the-big-day bash, given the complexity of everyone's (ie, Itachi's) assorted schedules, they eventually settled on throwing Sasuke's little shindig the following weekend, three weeks before the wedding. Which maybe wasn't such a bad idea. After all, he had been hella hungover the morning of his own wedding, and that had kind of sucked. And the teme didn't even have Kurama there to help metabolize away some of the liquor.
In deference to Sakura-chan's continued insistence that she would seriously hurt anyone who dared throw a bachelor party for her darling fiancee that included scantily clad and/or totally naked women, they had ended up settling on the Twisted Kunai as their venue of choice. Sure, the shinobi bar wasn't exactly fancy, but it was a safe, comfortable, familiar space. A place where a grouch like Sasuke might actually find it in himself to kick back a bit and have a good time. And, even if they couldn't have strippers, there was still the promise of copious quantities of liquor. Which was really most of the point of bachelor parties, dattebayo. Well, that and toasting the bachelor.
Naruto and Sasuke arrived at the bar slightly after 9:30 that night, after a bit of light pregaming. As was typical for a Saturday night in Konoha, the crowd was pretty lively. Fortunately, at the recommendation of the totally brilliant Hinata-chan, Naruto had called ahead and reserved a nice VIP table towards the back where everyone could gather, so they could hold court in true style.
Taking a sip of his beer (a nice, refreshing amber lager… gotta pace himself!), Naruto surveyed the current crew with a smile of satisfaction. All the major players were there: Shino, Kiba, Shikamaru, Choji, Lee (clutching a glass that he swore "on the Springtime of Youth" was orange juice), Neji, Itachi, and Shisui (the utter bastard had some nerve showing his smug face after all he had put Sakura-chan and Sasuke through!). They were joined by a trio of randos whom Naruto suspected Sasuke knew from his ANBU days and a quartet of Uchiha cousins whose names he forgot immediately upon learning them. (Which was no big deal. According to Sasuke, they were all pretty much interchangeable idiots anyway.) Missing in action was Kakashi, but that wasn't exactly surprising. Knowing the Copy Ninja, he'd probably saunter in close to midnight, give some lame-o excuse about cats and/or cacti, wish his ex-student many happy returns (if Sasuke was still vertical at that hour), and then head out five or ten minutes later with some vague bit of bullshit about old men needing their beauty rests.
For a time, Naruto contented himself with letting the assorted conversations drift. Kiba was telling the rest of the male Rookie 12 crew some ridiculous, very probably made-up story about this super-hot Kumo kunoichi with whom he had totally done the nasty back behind a waterfall on a recent mission. The maybe-ANBU dudes were sipping some sort of brown liquor and discussing upcoming vacation plans. The miscellaneous Uhiha cousins sat, glared, and were their sourpuss selves. Finally, Shisui and Itachi had ordered a couple of really fruity looking cocktails (were those mango margaritas? Who besides Sakura even drank those?) and were whispering about something or other in an undertone. It was probably classified given how Itachi literally never stopped working.
As for the bachelor, he seemed to be more-or-less enjoying himself. Since their lunch at Ichiraku's last weekend, Sasuke had been quietly grumbling off and on about why he even needed a bachelor party anyway. That being said, when push came to shove, he had followed Naruto along to the bar willingly enough and seemed appropriately touched that so many people had come out to wish him well. Indeed, if the Uzumaki didn't know better, he would have been tempted to call the smirk that had come over his face at some snarky comment Shika had made a couple of minutes ago a smile.
Around eleven, the lights in the bar lowered, the music rose a few decibels, and the dance floor at the far end of the room opened for business. Ever on the prowl, Kiba was on his feet in a flash, but Naruto was ready for him. Leaning across the table, he called out to the Inuzuka nin in his most authoritative "I'll be the Hokage one day!" tenor. "Oy, Kiba, you rogue. Sit your ass back down and pay attention. It's time for another edition of Never Have I Ever, and you're definitely not gonna want to miss it, dattebayo!"
Never Have I Ever. It was an exceedingly stupid game that had led to more awkwardness, embarrassment, and infighting amongst their friend group than Naruto cared to remember. It was also endlessly entertaining, a major bit of fuel for the Konoha rumor mill (how else would the world know that the legendary Uchiha Itachi exclusively wore boxers?), and a time-honored Rookie 12 tradition. Which made it a necessity for tonight's bachelor party extravaganza. Obviously.
Kiba settled back into his chair with a lopsided grin, a couple of waiters brought out trays laden with enough pours of sake to make even Kurama nervous, and Naruto rose to his feet, fully ready to take on his master-of-ceremonies role. While the Rookie 12 were old hands at the game and Itachi and Shisui had joined in a few times before, the ANBU-looking trio and assorted Uchiha cousins were unknown entities, so it would only be fair to make sure that the playing field was even.
"So, yeah, the name of the game is Never Have I Ever," Naruto began, surveying the table. "The way this works is we each go around in a circle one by one and say things we haven't ever done. It always starts with the phrase 'Never have I ever.' So, for example, if I was going first, I would say something like 'Never have I ever kissed teme over here.' Then, anyone who had kissed Sasuke would have to take a drink, and we'd move on to the next person, who would say something he hadn't ever done. The same thing would happened, and we'd move on to the next person. And so on. No explanation of what went down is necessary, but it's welcome if someone feels like sharing. Nothing classified - we don't want anyone getting in any actual trouble - and no lying… it kind of defeats the point of the game. So, yes, Choji, I heard you giggling earlier. That particular statement about never having kissed Sasuke wouldn't be allowed 'cause it's obviously not true. Anyway, I think that's about it. Does that all make sense?"
One of the Uchiha cousins was making a kind of fishy-looking face, but the rest of the table was nodding sagely. Ah, well, the slowpoke would catch on soon enough.
From the other side of Sasuke, Shikamaru cleared his throat. "If you drink, leave your empty cup in front of you. First to ten empty cups loses. Or wins, I suppose, depending on your philosophy."
"Right, great idea. Thanks, Shika." Man, ten cups seemed like a lot. Well, they were on the small side. And it was a bachelor party. "Okay, well, teme, as the man of the hour, why don't you get us started?"
"Hn." Sasuke nodded shortly, glancing around the table in a decidedly calculating fashion. Then, locking eyes with Naruto, he smirked knowingly. "Let's go with… never have I ever kissed a Hyuuga."
A low blow. Well, that was probably what he deserved for cluing Sasuke's cousins, brother, and probable ANBU colleagues in to their old Academy lip lock.
Picking up the nearest cup, Naruto downed the liquid in one harsh swallow, and then glanced around the table to see who else had fallen victim. Neji and two of the three potential ANBU guys were relatively expected results. The Hyuuga were major promoters of inter-clan relationships, after all, while ANBU had an impressive number of Byakugan wielders amongst its ranks and was known to be highly incestuous organization.
For a moment, Naruto's stomach flip-flopped uncomfortably at the sight of Kiba's empty cup, but then he reminded himself that Hinata had tons of cousins and considered the Inuzuka a brother, so everything was all good again.
Meanwhile, somewhere to his right, one of the Uchiha cousins let out a surprisingly undignified guffaw. "Really, Shisui? You've kissed a Hyuuga? Wait until Fugaku-sama finds out about that."
"Ah. Trying to knock me down a peg, Ebisu? Nice try, but he already knows," came the surprisingly good-natured retort. "Truth be told, it was way more than kissing, and he walked in on us midway through. I thought I was a goner, but ojisan just shut the door with an off-color comment about the viability of a Sharingan-Byakugan hybrid dojutsu and left us to it. And here we all thought he had no sense of humor!"
The Uchiha at the table snorted as one, while Neji scowled. Eager to avoid any fighting between two of Konoha's touchiest clans, Naruto turned his attention to Shikamaru, seated to Sasuke's immediate left. "All right. You're up Shika."
The Nara nodded, eyes narrowing as he considered his options. Unsurprisingly, when it came to Never Have I Ever, Shikamaru was a positively devastating adversary with a capacity to bring to light some of Konoha's most deeply guarded secrets. Why, it was thanks to Shika that they knew that Tenten's first kiss had been Hinata ("we were just practicing, guys!"), that Choji often went commando ("it's just more comfortable that way"), and that Shino had gotten to first base with a Suna nin during the Chunin exams. How he had managed that while the eyes of literally hundreds of proctors and judges and senseis were keeping near constant tabs on their performance (not to mention the Hokage himself) was still pretty murky. But it had happened. For Never Have I Ever never lied.
Shikamaru stretched, yawned, and fired. "Never have I ever had a threesome."
The gloves had come off early tonight, and the results were pretty devastating. Kiba, all three of the maybe-ANBU, one of the four Uchiha cousins, Shisui, and Sasuke all drank, joined, in a stunning development, by none other than the Uchiha Itachi. At the sight, the table fell into a stunned silence, multiple pairs of eyes turning in his direction. But, of course, true to his clan's reputation, he said absolutely nothing, smiling blandly and then politely nodding in Kiba's direction to proceed with the next round.
"Never have I ever made jounin," the Inuzuka rattled off, a rather sour expression on his face. It was a pretty atypical choice - he usually tended to swing for the sexual fences - but it certainly made an impact. Everyone but he and one of the Uchiha cousins downed a shot as a wave of grins, chuckles, and "hns" spread around the table.
The next few rounds were quite a bit tamer. As usual, Choji, Lee, and Neji keep things relatively safe and general audience rated, opting for some completely stereotypical statements about never not cleaning their plates, never skipping training, and never having worn a spandex jumpsuit, respectively. The three potential ANBU guys were also surprisingly uncreative, although one of them earned more than a few quality eye rolls for his goody-two-shoes volley of "Never have I ever failed a mission." Okay, Braggy-san.
Then, they reached the Uchiha side of the table, and things turned interesting once more. It started with the cousin whom Shisui had referred to earlier in the night as Ebisu. He looked to be about Shisui's age and had typical Uchiha looks - dark hair, bedroom eyes, slim build - his most distinguishing feature consisting of a bit of a hook nose. While Naruto usually preferred to give people the benefit of the doubt, he had seemed like a bit of an asshole, and his chosen Never Have I Ever statement, made while glaring daggers at Sasuke, firmed up that suspicion quite nicely.
"Never have I ever kissed a pink-haired medic-nin."
Ouch. Given that there was exactly one such individual in all of Konoha, there could be no doubt about whom the bastard was talking about. Of course, the results weren't a surprise to his intended target: Sasuke already knew that Kiba, Shisui, and Naruto had also had the fortune of kissing his fiancee before. That being said, why his dear cousin felt the need to remind him of it on his bachelor party night was quite unclear. Not to mention a real shitty thing to do.
"He's probably just jealous," Naruto whispered to Sasuke as they put down their sake glasses in tandem.
"Tch. Shut up, dobe. It's Ebisu. Of course he's jealous," he retorted with a smirk.
Uchiha clan dynamics were so weird.
The Uchiha who was apparently still a chunin was up next, and Naruto couldn't really say that he liked the look in his eye either. He had a bit of a ratty face, and the way he was smirking at Sasuke was kind of nasty. Like he was totally about to wipe the floor with his ass or something. "Never have I ever sucked dick," he crowed, dark eyes gleaming.
Two chairs down, Shisui snorted as literally everyone else at the table helped themselves to a shot. "Was that really the best you could do, Naoya-kun? You do realize that, in addition to your attitude being kind of backwards and homophobic, that that's a part of basic jounin-level seduction training, right?"
Okay. Maybe Shisui wasn't so bad after all. The whole trying to sleep with Sakura-chan thing back in March had been pretty unfortunate, but he was putting on a quality performance in his little cousin's defense tonight. And he was kinda funny, too.
The game ended eight rounds later as an apparently unflappable Shisui drank to the Nara heir's admission that "Never have I ever tried bondage."
"Really, Shika? With a signature clan jutsu like yours, I'd think that was a natural fit," came the curly-haired Uchiha's final retort from across the table as he set down glass #10 to drunken laughter. "Not that I'm volunteering, but you should really try it sometime."
"Ya know, teme, I think we were wrong. Shisui's a pretty good guy," Naruto observed with a chuckle, eyes sliding from the tabletop to his friend's face as the party began breaking up around them.
To his great surprise, Sasuke met his gaze over the lip of an empty Never Have I Ever sake cup (his ninth). Which, given how the rules of the game worked, could only mean one thing. Shisui wasn't the only Uchiha who liked being tied up.
"Wait, Sas. You, uh, haven't actually tried…"
Dark eyes rolled in clear impatience. "Dobe. What does it look like?"
Okay. So, Naruto was well aware that there were all sorts of weird ticks and kinks out there (not that bondage was even all that weird in the greater scheme of things) and that ANBU shinobi were, on the whole, a pretty… creative bunch. He'd also paid enough attention over the past few years to know that Sasuke was no saint and had been involved with his fair share of kunoichi, particularly during his ANBU days. Thanks to drunken nights such as this, he'd heard briefly about at least four different one-night stands, a threesome, several rotating partners who were down for seemingly anything, and a couple of seduction missions that were technically classified business.
The thing was, that something like bondage, at least to his mind, seemed so... personal. The sort of actively you'd only really attempt with a partner whom you cared about and trusted. Which didn't seem to fit pre-Sakura Sasuke at all. In the past, on those few occasions when Sasuke had talked about his assorted liaisons, he had made it sound like it had been just sex. A way to blow off steam, with no emotional ties involved. As such, this new revelation definitely demanded some further investigation. Unless…
"You and Sakura-chan haven't…" Naruto murmured, scratching the back of his neck nervously. Sakura really didn't seem the type, particularly given that he was pretty sure that Sasuke had been her first, but, well, one never knew! To be honest, he wasn't really sure he wanted to know...
Sasuke gave his dark head a short shake. "Of course not. Don't be stupid. It was… a while ago."
"You mean in ANBU?"
"Ah."
"Oh. Wow." Naruto chuckled awkwardly, playing with one of the empty shot glasses still on the table in an effort to relieve some of the tension. "You, uh, really did get up to all sorts of... stuff back then, didn't ya, teme?"
Sasuke sighed, running a hand over his flushed face. Was it just the liquor, or was Sasuke actually a bit embarrassed to be having this conversation? It was hard to say, and his ever-impassive tone gave nothing away. "It's not a big deal, Naruto. It wasn't anything serious. A one-time thing with someone I'd been sleeping with off and on for a couple of months. She wanted to try it, and... well…"
He trailed off with a shrug, clearly done with the conversation. But Naruto wasn't ready to let go quite yet. "And... have you talked to Sakura-chan about it?"
Sasuke scowled. "You really are an idiot, dobe. Why would Sakura ever want to hear about something like that?"
The blonde saw his point. Talking about kinky shit you used to do with other women did not sound like quality dinner date material, and Sasuke had always been pretty hopeless with putting his emotions into words. All the same, Naruto couldn't help but wonder whether a "don't ask, don't tell" policy was really the correct approach to take here. It certainly wasn't how he and Hinata handled those sorts of things, at any rate. Not that either of them had had anything quite like that in their relationship pasts.
"I dunno," Naruto mused slowly, trying to figure out how to best put all that he wanted to convey into words Sasuke wouldn't just "tch" at. "It's just, well, Sakura-chan's your fiancee. The woman you'll be spending the rest of your life with. Don't you think she… deserves to know a bit about your sexual history?"
Leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest, Sasuke looked decidedly unconvinced (he'd always been a stubborn one). Still, tempting as it was to let the matter slide, Naruto decided to give it one more try. For Sakura-chan's sake, if nothing else.
"Look at it this way, Sas. People talk."
The Uchiha snorted. "People like you, you mean."
Hey! Aware that this might be just the crack in Sasuke's boneheaded armor that he'd been looking for, Naruto suppressed his outrage at that totally unfair bit of slander and ran with it. "Exactly. People like me talk. And, when people like me - Kiba; Ino; that asshole cousin of yours, Ebisu; even, say, the women who you let tie you up -"
"Tch. Dobe, let's not misrepresent the facts as they stand. I never said that I was the one who -"
"That's not my point, teme!" Kami, the bastard could be so frustrating sometimes. Didn't Sasuke get that he was only trying to help him? "What if this mystery ANBU chick decides she wants to fuck with you, Sasuke? If she goes out and finds Sakura and starts telling her all the details of all the pervy shit that the two of you did? How you, I don't know, tied her up and tickled her sides until she screamed. Don't you think it would be better if Sakura heard about all that from you first?"
Another eye roll. "I don't really see why Akira would," he muttered, seemingly half to himself. "We both agreed it was just physical. It wasn't like we were ever exclusive or anything. She was sleeping with at least two or three other guys besides me. And Sakura knows how I feel about -"
He broke off, seeming to realize all at once where he was and whom he was talking to. "Tch. I'll think about it. Later. Okay, dobe?"
Naruto grinned widely, relief washing over him. For that simple concession was all that he had really been looking for. "Sounds good. Ya know, it took you long enough, but I knew you'd get there eventually, dead last."
At that, Sasuke's lips tilted upwards in a challenging smirk. "Dead last, hn? Last I checked, you were the only dead last around here. Well, you, my shitty cousins, and Kiba. You can all compete for the honor."
"Oh YEAH?" What an insult. To be lumped in with Kiba and Ebisu. It was unforgivable! Not to mention patently untrue. Because he had achieved all sorts of firsts lately and was totally going to rub them in Sasuke's stupid, pretty-boy face. "If you ask me, I've been beating you all over the place lately," he retorted heatedly, flush with the sweet, sweet taste of victory. "First one in a real relationship. First one engaged. First one married. First one to go on a honeymoon. First one with a baby on the way."
Oh shit. Naruto's jaw dropped open in utter and complete horror as he realized what his stupid, stupid liquored-up brain had made him do. Hinata had told him not to say anything about the baby. Something about how she was only like a month along, so the pregnancy as really just touch-and-go at this point. He never really understood all that medic-nin mumbo jumbo she and Sakura-chan were always blabbering about. But he'd still been meaning to respect her wishes all the same, it being her slightly pregnant body and all. Fuck. She was going to kill him. Gentle fist to the face, here we go.
Meanwhile, to his left, he could hear Sasuke chuckling, the sake clearly having an effect on him too. It was pretty obnoxious, utter and complete asshole behavior of the most egregious type. That was until he dropped a rather juicy bit of news of his own.
"A baby, hn? Nice try, but you'd best keep trying, dobe. I'm pretty sure I've gotten you beat there too since Sakura's due with our child at the end of the year."
Glancing up from the wooden table, Naruto found Sasuke staring back at him, the terror at having accidentally spilled Hinata's secret thirty second ago reflected in the Uchiha's own shell-shocked gaze. "Fuck. Naruto, forget I said that."
"Uh, sure thing, teme! And, yeah, same to you!"
At the very least, he now understood the mid-June wedding date!