CHAPTER 4: A MOMENTARY GOLD

"She is like
The sun to night
A momentary gold.

A star when dimmed
By dawning light;
The flicker of
A candle blown."
(The Wanderer, Lang Leav)

He retreats into his quarters and he retreats into himself, growing desolate and bleak in his solitude. Jaken brings him information about his lands but he does not care to be reminded of what he is about to lose. So Jaken brings him knowledge of the whereabouts of his younger brother, but it makes him fly into a rage at the remembrance of what – and who – he will lost his seat to. Rumors of shards of the Shikon no Tama, of the undead miko, of Naraku. Sesshomaru cares for none of it. He does not wish to be reminded of the world that did nothing for him, of the lands that – though he cared for and protected them – abandoned him.

Rin seeks his company, too. She misses her lord and savior, the only father she has ever really had. She brings him flowers and pretty rocks, tells him stories of chasing butterflies and finding tadpoles and playing hide and seek with Master Jaken. He listens with half and ear, never able to reprimand her or dismiss her outright. But she can see that her presence does nothing for him. He is the aloof and cool self he was when they first met, not speaking, so far away from her that he might as well be a cloud in the sky, and she, a flower in a field.

Her stories become shorter and shorter. She comes to see less and less.

Until, suddenly, she does not come at all.

He supposes that Jaken continues cares for her, in his own grumbling way, because he can still hear Rin from time to time laughing and playing. Sometimes she runs down the halls, the sounds of her footfalls loud and rhythmic and thumping like his heartbeat. Sometimes her voice echoes through his cracked window, as she calls Ah-Un's name and chases birds. Jaken continues to clothe and shelter and feed her. And that is something.

Sesshomaru only ventures from the dilapidated wing where he resides when the hunger becomes so great he cannot think beyond the gnawing at his stomach. But he does not seek out his servant or his ward. He merely makes his way, silent as a wraith, to the woods beyond the castle. There he hunts for food, as animalistic as he ancestors, as wild as a wolf. He returns before dawn, as silently as he had left, and no one notices his passing one way or the other.

And so his life continues, for moons and moons and moons. At this point, all he does is wait for the day an advisor appears like smoke to tell him the allotted time has passed and this castle, the lands, all belong to Inuyasha and he must leave. Only a matter of time before his half-brother, gloating and idiotic and high on the new power he will have, barges in and usurps him. But the next person who barges into his chambers is not an advisor, nor is it Inuyasha. It is Jaken, panting and trembling and shouting words that do not make any sense to him.

"There's a girl in the castle!"

Sesshomaru turns, watching with apathetic calmness as Jaken shrinks away under the contorted mess of his lord's once beautiful face. "She will leave soon enough, I'm sure." This place had its ghosts, more real than people knew, though they were not what people expected them to be, and no one could stand to be in the ruined castle for more than an hour. "There is no need for such alarm." His voice grates with disuse, scratchy with the recollection that these are the first words he had spoken in a week. It takes an effort not to clear his throat and he continues to speak around the itch that words cause.

"Well she's already searched the ground floor and she's heading to the gardens." They hadn't been gardens in many months, but Jaken still called them that, though no flowers bloomed or birds sang or fountains tinkled.

"And what, pray tell, is this girl searching for?"

Jaken fidgets, his eyes glancing away as he attempts to hide behind his staff. "Well… you, my lord."

Sesshomaru blinks, his only sign of surprise. He arches his single slim brow at Jaken, urging him to continue.

"It's… the miko, the one that travels with your brother."

He blinks again. The only reason he can think of for that girl to be here is on some sort of errand for his brother. Maybe his advisor when straight to Inuyasha and he had sent her here to scout out his for his brother's weaknesses. He frowns. "Remove her."

He expects Jaken to answer in the affirmative, to turn and leave and carry out his order without question, complaint, or hesitation. But, instead, his servant stammers and continues to fidget. "Um… m-my lord, perhaps there is a… a better alternative?"

Chin tilted upwards, Sesshomaru stares down the length of his nose at Jaken. "Oh?" There is poison and death and promise in that simple syllable. It promises retaliation.

"The girl… she is a powerful…" Jaken swallows thickly, "a powerful miko. And… perhaps… perhaps… perhapsshecanhealyou!"

It takes a long moment for him to unravel the strung together sentence into individual words, and when he finally does, Sesshomaru opens his mouth to shoot the idea down. Jaken cowers back from the anticipated blow. But then… but then…

His mouth closes.

A look of contemplation appears on his face. It was true that the girl, for all her strangeness and oddness, was a powerful priestess, one of the most powerful Sesshomaru had ever seen. Whether that was because of her status as a reincarnation as Kikyo, the once protector of the Shikon no Tama, or her own innate goodness, he did not know. Perhaps it was some perfect storm combination of both of those things, or of many others. He did not often spend time musing on priestess' or his brother's companions.

But if she could truly heal this melted flesh on his face…

Then she could break the curse. If she could heal his face, he could find a demoness who would no longer have any reason to abhor the sight of his face. He could choose a mate, any mate. He would not be so discerning now and his only focus, as it should have been from the very beginning, would be to keep his title as the Lord of the Western Lands. It only mattered that he choose a mate before the anniversary of his birth.

The wheels in his head begin turning, letting different scenarios play out inside his mind about how he could demand, convince, threaten her to heal him. "Take me to her."

Jaken's eyes snap open, clearly shocked he has not been kicked into the corridor by a forcible boot. "I – yes, my lord!"

Sesshomaru follows the excited hopping of his servant at a more sedate pace. There is no need to hurry. If the miko had come to see him, she would not leave until she saw him or she searched every room in this castle. He remembers the fire in her eyes when he fought his brother in their father's tomb. She was stubborn and strong-willed, for a fragile human, and she would not give up until she made certain he was not here. A part of him was taken aback that he had not heard her calling for him, for, as soon as they stepped into the wreck of the gardens, her voice echoes down the pathways, calling out his name every so often in an undignified and personal way that makes his hackles raise. Jaken eyes him warily. "Leave." When Jaken blinks, Sesshomaru glares down at him. "Are you deaf? I can continue from her without your assistance. Leave." Jaken disappears faster than mist and Sesshomaru continues down the path towards the crashing footsteps of his brother's miko.

He thinks on what he knows of her, of how she is with his brother, with their other companions. He had not paid much attention to her, not giving her more than a few passing thoughts, but he remembered her with the young fox demon, mothering him as if he were her own. He thinks she will like Rin, which is a point in his own favor. He has seen her help heal her companions, people who she loved and trusted, without question. Even his brother, who is rough and rude and dismissive with her, is treated with care. Sesshomaru had seen the signs of her healing in bandages and in the residual sign of glowing power under Inuyasha's skin when they had met on occasion.

She clearly did not care that he was rude to her, loving him regardless of his flaws.

But she did care for them, which was where Sesshomaru would not pass the test. She did not care for him, did not know him. Until this moment, he did think, would not have expected, her to spare one more thought on him other than as a possible ally in their joint fight against Naraku. But whether or not she had come here on Inuyasha's orders, she had decided to come here, which implied that there was some, however slight, possible curiosity on her part.

When her voice calls out in a low, soothing tone, he tenses, wondering who she could possibly be speaking in such an affectionate tone of voice. He ventures around the next corner to the sight of her with Ah-Un, crowded around her, rubbing his two heads against her torso, looking up at her with wide, adoring eyes as she scratched between his eyes. The beast is practically purring he's vibrating so harshly with bliss. The miko is giggling at the display, either not noticing or not caring that the dragon is leaving streaks of dirt across the strange white top she wore. Her voice is full of warmth when she speaks to him. "You must be the beast everyone is so frightened of."

That would be the way he would get her to heal him, how he would get her to break his curse once and for all. He would gain her trust. It would not be hard. This girl who allowed Inuyasha to speak to her harshly and then run off to his undead miko. This girl who took in orphaned demons and cared for. Who came across a two-headed dragon in an abandoned castle and offered only affection. It would not be hard. He could do that. He stepped out to stand directly behind her.

"No, that would probably be me."