CHAPTER 13: FISH FOR FALLEN LIGHT

"We need to
Sit on the rim
Of the well
Of darkness
And fish for
Fallen light."
(Pablo Neruda)

Kagome knows that it's strange, that probably most people won't understand how at ease she is. They would probably bring up all the times that Sesshomaru had tried to kill them. To which it would be so easy to respond that, hadn't Inuyasha tried to kill me when I first met him? The way Sesshomaru treated Rin was miles above how Inuyasha treated Shippo. Rin was pampered, schooled, loved. Inuyasha treated Shippo like a large flea.

Here Kagome had a large bedroom, a soft bed, clean clothes. She had a library to study in for school and no one to tell her she was wasting time. On the contrary, Sesshomaru seemed fascinated by the knowledge of her time, though he had no idea she was from hundreds of years in the future and that's why she had access to such information. He never pried, or tried to convince her that it was unnecessary for a woman to be so schooled. At first he made a point to say that she could teach Rin, if she so desired. But he always lingered, always seemed to be pretending not to listen, when she knew that he was. And then, unlike Inuyasha, he joined her, asking questioning, wanting to know more of what she knew. It was… nice to be appreciated for something other than her spiritual powers.

And Sesshomaru, for all of his stoic nature and aloofness, was easy to talk to. He listened, cocking his head her way when she spoke, and gave honest answers to her questions. He did not dismiss even her most trivial of queries, but treated her like an adult. And he never once asked her to find the Shikon no Tama, never once asked her what she planned on doing with it once it was complete, did not even seem to care about her spiritual powers.

Unreasonably, she knew, since she knew she could never use the Jewel of Four Souls to make a selfish wish, she wished that she could use its powers to heal whatever had been done to him. A part of him seemed so sad, so withdrawn into himself. She ached to heal that part of him, but she had no idea how.

So it seemed she would have to enlist some help.

Jaken was not all that difficult to track down. He'd been cleaning the manor nonstop ever since that morning Kagome discovered him in the kitchen. He'd moved on room by room, attacking herringbone floors and ancient rugs, dusty tapestries and porcelain vases with equal fervor. She's seen him scrubbing windows and molding and coming out of chimneys covered in soot. She'd be more inclined to help, except that Sesshomaru told her that Jaken rarely did a hard day's work in his life, it is time for him to earn his keep so she keeps her distance from him and lets him do his job.

Though she never quite knows what room she will find him in on any given day, since he seems to be cleaning things on more of a whim and less of a schedule, it is very easy to track down his muttering. The closer you got to his room of choice for the day the more she would hear muttered curses, threats, and general woe-betides. Today was no exception.

"Can't even find a measly servant to do this work. Have to make me do all of this dirty, cleaning, like a maid." Kagome turned the corner and saw that Jaken was up on a ladder halfway down a hallway of larger than life portraits. He scrubbed delicately at the paint, removing layers of dust and revealing the stern but beautiful face of one of Sesshomaru's ancestors in the heat of battle. "Don't get paid enough to –"

"Hello, Jaken!"

There's a yelp followed by the sound of crashing as Jaken screams and goes tumbling down, ladder and all.

She watches as rights himself and brushes off the dust, before glaring up at her. She just smiles down at him brightly, not taking offense in the least. "Hey, I was wondering if you could help me with something."

The glare intensifies. "What."

"Well…" She draws out the words as she rocks back and forth on her heels. "I had a few questions, actually." His eyes narrow in suspicion. "About Sesshomaru…"

"No."

"You haven't even let me finish!"

"I will not discuss my lord's personal affairs with a human girl – "

"But I want to help him."

Jaken's tirade cuts off with a snap of teeth, and he peers up at her suspiciously again. "Help him how?"

She shrugs. "I just… he seems sad. Lonely. I was just wondering if there was anything I could do to help. I mean, I know what it's like to have lost a dad, I don't know what I'd do without my mom. And my brother and I actually get along. He only has Rin. And you," she added as an afterthought, but the statement seemed to cheer Jaken a little.

He turned his head to look at the wall behind them. "They loved him very much, you know." Kagome turned her head to see a portrait of his parents. A ruggedly beautiful man, he was more like Koga than Sesshomaru, but they had the same markings, the same hair, though he had his pulled back in a high ponytail. His mother though – he had her features, her eyes, her graceful limbs, her soft mouth. There was so much of his mother in Sesshomaru it was almost painful to look at. "People think powerful demon lords are cold and distant, but they loved him, cherished him. Losing his mother was hard. But he was the light of his father's eye. That was harder."

She feels sadness well up inside her at the thought of a lonely young boy losing his mother, of a grown man forced to take control of these vast lands when his father departs, as well. Left all alone, with only a half-brother who he has nothing in common with. She wants to wrap her arms around that boy and tell him everything will be okay.

Surprisingly, when she thinks of that boy turning into the man he is today the feeling doesn't fade.

"That must have been… very hard." She thinks of losing her own father and the ache in her chest feels almost new.

"My lord had to grow up quickly, but he had assumed his role as Lord of the Western Lands sufficiently. He protects our borders and the people here, keeps the threat of Naraku at bay as best he can."

None of those things, however impressive, were the same as having parents who loved you. She decides to move along the conversation. "And what… what happened to his face?"

Jaken's brow furrows in thought. "A demoness, clearly. He does not like to speak of it, since the wound is still… obvious."

"Yeah, I'd noticed that it doesn't look like it's healing."

"Obviously."

"I meant," she said with a roll of her eyes, "is there something wrong with it? Something maybe I could do help?" She tapped her lips. "Do you think he'd even let me?"

Jaken is staring at her in a flabbergasted manner. "I could not presume to know what Lord Sesshomaru would or would not let you do. And I'm not a physician, so I don't know." There's a long beat of silence as her mind whirls with what little she knows of modern medicine. It's not much, and nothing to do with a wound the extend of what Sesshomaru has, but maybe with some spiritual power she could help, if the injury wasn't something more extreme. "Was there anything else?"

Jaken's impatient voice snaps her back to the hallway of portraits. "Hm? Oh, yeah… I read something the other day, something about mating or a title or something like that. I didn't really understand it. Do you… have any idea what that might be about?"

"Where did you read that?"

His voice is sharp, his eyes watching her keenly. She waves a hand dismissively. "Does it matter?"

"If Lord Sesshomaru knew – "

"He knows I saw it."

His mouth snaps closed again. "He does?"

"I just don't want to ask him what it was all about because he seemed… um… a little annoyed about it."

"A little annoyed?" The disbelief in his voice is palpable.

She waves her hand at him. "Can you answer me or not?"

"I can, but I most definitely won't! You can see from the portraits further down the hall how much the previous lord and lady cared for him. I'm surprised Rin hasn't blabbered about that damn Akira poisoning my lord's face. You could have found that out without pestering me while I'm trying to work. But I will not give you Lord Sesshomaru's personal information just because you're curious!"

"But… I just want to help." Her mouth is a tiny moue.

"Help some other way!" With that, he turns back and starts angrily setting up his ladder again, dismissing her without another word.

Kagome frowns at him and considers pressing the point, but it's probably not worth it. Her shoulders square. She'll just have to find out on her own. Hadn't she discovered mama's hiding places for her Christmas presents every year since she was ten? She could find out a bit of measly information, no problem!

She marches resolutely back towards the main part of the manor, never noticing how intensely Jaken watches her leave, his mind whizzing with plans… and with hope.