The End of a Serene Quarantine
(Inspired by a very funny song from comedians Foil Arms and Hog on YouTube called Why The Hell Did Lockdown Have to End? I work in Healthcare so I'm allowed joke about this awful situation I think!)
"Ugh! Everything's starting to go back to normal," Remus sighed heavily, peering inside the restaurant window.
"You sound unimpressed, Remus," Lily snorted happily down the phone. "It's hardly business as usual!"
"I know, I know," Remus muttered, catching sight of his stupid frizzy hair in the window and wincing. "It's just… well, for someone who's borderline recluse like me, I've had the perfect excuse these past few months!"
Lily snorted again.
"Seriously though, I mean, I was dreading having to go to Clara's wedding," he said.
"Clara, the scary one from accounts?" Lily said, sounding far too jovial.
"Yes, Lily, the scary one from accounts," Remus deadpanned. "I was dreading that one, I'd probably have ended up at a table next to Leo from IT."
"Leo who never speaks?" Lily chuckled.
"Yeah, the very one. And Brendan who's going through a divorce," Remus said, feeling practically queasy at the idea.
"Ah, yes, Brendan who likes talking to you," Lily said, sounding almost sorry for him.
Almost.
"Lily, he's so painful! But then I feel so mean cause he's a nice bloke, annoying, but nice, and I feel dreadful avoiding him, but I never know what to say to help, and he keeps talking at me anyway, and I never know what to say to get him to realise I want to go, after half an hour of hearing about how awful Tara has been and-" Remus' voice sounded flustered as he vented to his best friend.
Lily sounded like she was suppressing a laugh.
"Fuck off!" Remus said, with a wry smile of his own. "It's not funny! Ugh, those awful work drinks nights full of awkward silences cause nobody knows what to say and the music's too loud anyway, and you end up drinking way more than you intended just to make it through the night and they're always on a bloody Thursday night for some reason so you end up in work the next day completely hungover and dying, with nothing to show for it!"
They both laughed.
"Fuck, my hair's disgusting," he added, looking at himself in the window once more. "I look like I'm trying to go for a 1980s mullet! Maybe with all the new rules I'll be able to go to the barbers and tell him to please not talk and just cut my hair."
Lily had gotten into a giggling fit and didn't seem able to talk.
"Well, I'm glad I'm keeping you so entertained, Lily," Remus hummed, smiling despite himself. "You know me well enough to realise I've just lost the perfect excuse, and I'm mad about it."
"Oh Remus, I've missed you so much! I can't wait to see you," Lily said, once she had stopped laughing at him.
"My borderline reclusiveness doesn't extend to you, no," Remus said, smiling widely at himself as he fiddled with the strap of his satchel, trying to open the bag. "I make an exception for best friends."
"I'm relieved to hear that! Does that mean you're still willing to meet James and me for brunch? Socially distanced, of course," Lily said. "We'll be there in five."
"I'm already here, Lily Evans," Remus huffed a laugh. "Fair warning, I'm wearing my joggers though, I like my lockdown casual look. I hope your rich boyfriend isn't going to make me look bad. This place is expensive. You're lucky I didn't show up here wearing my dressing gown."
A snort of laughter made him look up from his satchel.
"Wonderful," he muttered dryly to himself.
A Greek god-like man, with shoulder length silky black hair, wearing a fuck-off expensive, perfectly tailored suit and sunglasses was smiling at him, as though he had been listening to the entire conversation.
"Well, this day just keeps getting better and better," Remus said to himself, blushing.
Honestly, he couldn't have looked worse, he thought, catching an annoying glance at himself in the window once more. His joggers hung almost too low, he looked like he was all long arms and gangly legs, as though he didn't know quite where to put them all. He looked like he hadn't bothered brushing his hair (truth) and his short beard looked scraggly. Add in itchy eyes from his hay fever and dark-bags-under-the-eyes (his trademark look) and he was about as attractive as… well, someone particularly unattractive.
"You're not Remus Lupin, are you?" the gorgeous looking man asked.
Remus sighed heavily.
"Yes, yes I am," he said.
The dark-haired man grinned wide and took off his sunglasses, revealing glinting grey eyes, as clear as glass. He looked vaguely familiar.
"I'm Sirius, Sirius Black, James Potter's best friend," the man said. "I'm joining you guys for brunch."
Remus stared at him. He blinked a few times.
Oh.
OH.
The stunning guy from James' photos.
"I hate James Potter."
Sirius Black burst out laughing, throwing back his elegant neck.
"Oh, you're not the only one, believe me! You should meet his mother and compare notes," he said, grinning back at Remus.
Remus couldn't believe he had just insulted this man's best friend out loud. He had genuinely thought he was just thinking it.
"Well fuck," Remus said.
"Are you always this grouchy?" Sirius enquired casually.
"Yes," Remus said, giving up on opening his bag altogether and dropping it on the ground beside him.
There was absolutely no point, at all, in worrying about what sort of an impression he was going to make on this man. And he was probably going to have to meet him multiple times now (thanks Lily!), so he might as well just be himself.
"I heard all that conversation, you know, about the Serenity of Quarantine etc," Sirius continued, with a teasing look in his eyes.
"Well, it's true," Remus shrugged, running a hand down his face and immediately grimacing. "If lockdown had continued I wouldn't have to make up lies, pretend distant relatives had died, just to get out of-"
Sirius' laugh was warm and soft as he watched Remus get the alcohol gel from his bag and clean his hands.
"Why don't you just say no?"
Remus sighed again.
"Because… because, I'm socially awkward and I can't say no!"
Sirius raised his perfect eyebrows and Remus' lips twitched and he bit the side of his lip to stop himself from smiling.
"Are you always so likeable?" Sirius said, twirling the sunglasses in his hand.
Remus rolled his eyes and laughed.
"If grumpy is your idea of likeable I'd say yes," he said.
Sirius' grin widened and he looked at the ground momentarily, as though suddenly shy.
"Remus!" Lily's excited voice made Remus jump.
"Padfoot!" James' equally excited voice joined hers. "I see you met!"
"I wish we could all hug!" Lily said, pouting as she waved at Remus joyfully.
"Yes, we did," Sirius said. "You didn't tell me Lily's best friend was an Adonis! He probably thinks I'm a prick, in my stupid flashy suit. I came straight from work, just had an interview. I don't usually dress like this, trust me."
"Oh you brush up nicely, Pads!" grinned James, looking between Sirius and Remus ecstatically. "How'd it go?"
Remus watched Sirius' face light up.
"They just rang me, I got the job!" Sirius said.
"Fuck, yes!" James said, eyes blazing. "Go you! Does that mean we're talking to the new Physiotherapist for the ICU* in St. Rowena's Hospital?"
Sirius raised his eyebrows again with a face-splitting grin.
"Ah for fuck's sake," Remus muttered.
"What's wrong, don't like medical staff, Lupin?" James said, looking at Remus in surprise.
"No," said Remus.
Of fucking course not. I mean, bad enough that this Hot Sirius Bloke was chatty and seemed fun and with a good sense of humour. Now it turned out he was also a physio. He kind of had a bit of a thing for blokes in scrubs. And now all he could imagine was Sirius Black in pale blue scrubs that made his grey eyes and broad shoulders stand out.
"Do you not?" said Sirius, looking quite concerned.
"Er, well, it's just my… when I was growing up, I was always in and out of hospital for surgery after the car accident," said Remus, waving at the scars on his cheek and nose. "I decided I hated hospitals."
Lily's eyebrows shot up practically into her hairline. He never, ever brought up the car accident with strangers. Ever. He shrugged at her. He had no idea why he felt comfortable talking about it in front of Sirius Black.
"Oh, that's alright, Sirius hates hospitals too, most of the time, don't you?" James laughed, looking relieved, as they all sat around a large table. "Especially painful doctors like me. For a second I thought you had just scuppered my plan, Lupin!"
Remus' eyes narrowed.
"What plan is this?" Remus said.
He was very into plans, plans he devised himself, thorough and fool-proof ones. Not some random plans drawn up by an enthusiastic, loud git. Even a likeable one.
"My plan to set you both up," James said lightly, tucking into his Eggs Benedict. "Lily and I decided you'd be perfect together."
Lily facepalmed and kicked him under the table. Sirius, most surprisingly, turned a beetroot red.
"James, you're too obnoxiously exuberant," Remus said, after a short pause. There was no need to get embarrassed about something that was never going to happen. "Reserved, unsociable arses like me don't end up with extroverted, gorgeous blokes like him."
He had actually said that, out loud. Bollocks. Oh well, it was true.
James and Lily were grinning at him.
"What?" he said. "Do I have something between my teeth?"
Lily shook her head lightly and cocked it in Sirius' direction.
"What?" he repeated, in a somewhat snarky tone.
Sirius was twisting his napkin in his hands, smiling but looking at him nervously.
"Do I have a piece of lettuce in my hair, or what?" Remus said, shaking his head good-humouredly.
Frankly, there was simply no way this lunch could get any cringier.
"I mean, technically, I wouldn't be averse to your plan, Prongs," Sirius Black said.
He was talking to James, but he kept glancing at Remus.
"Excuse me?" said Remus.
"He's not usually this stupid," Lily said to Sirius apologetically, sipping her Prosecco.
"Technically or actually?" James said, biting into his roll eagerly.
Remus suddenly noted that neither he nor Sirius had eaten much.
"Er, I mean, I'd like to, well," Sirius seemed to be scrambling for adequate vocabulary.
"You're having me on," Remus laughed.
"No he isn't, not in the slightest," James said, with a cocky smirk. "He really likes you. He's been staring at-"
"Prongs!" groaned Sirius, hiding behind his napkin.
"No, hear me out, Lupin!" James looked like he couldn't contain his glee at his best friend's embarrassment. "He's been staring at my Insta since Lily's pics are on it, asking who you are, and why wasn't I introducing him to the cutest guy in all of London, commenting on your stunning eyes, your adorable curls, your gorgeous forearms, your long limbs, your bashful smile."
Remus nearly choked on his drink.
"Reticent smile, James," said Lily, who's shoulders were shaking with barely concealed laughter. "Get with the programme!"
"Yes, well, forgive me if I have the exact wording wrong, he's been basically driving me to drink, blithering on about how cute this Lupin guy is, till I had to do something to get him off my back," James said, matter-of-factly.
Lily smiled, head over heels in love with him.
"We're talking about the same Lupin bloke, are we, the lanky Production Editor in the boring Publishing Company with bad hair? The ugly bloke with the too large nose, who always looks uncomfortable in pics, like he's eaten a lemon, who tries to avidly avoid people at all costs and constantly moans about stuff?" Remus said, looking at Sirius as though he had grown two heads.
"I… " Sirius blinked at him from behind his napkin.
"I'm afraid that talking about a Moaning Lupin has rendered my friend into a bit of a blithering mess," said James, with a mischievous wink at Remus.
"I hate you, Prongs," said Sirius, his face peaking out from behind the white napkin to glare at his best friend.
James beamed.
"Well?" he said.
Sirius sighed and dropped his napkin onto the table.
"I told you he wouldn't be interested," he said, avoiding eye contact with Remus.
"Who… what? Me?" Remus stuttered wildly. "I never said I wasn't interested!"
"Really?" Sirius said, regarding him with a shocked expression.
"Yes, you idiot!" Remus beamed at him, with a self-conscious scratch of the back of his neck.
Lily fist pumped silently.
"Oh, right," Sirius said, looking immensely chuffed.
"Sirius Black is usually an almighty flirt, Remus, this is the first time I've seen him all flustered when trying to chat up a bloke," said James with an evil grin at his best mate. "He's usually all smooth and suave and confident."
"I prefer the awkward version, feels more familiar," Remus said, with a sassy grin at Sirius. "If you were too cool, I'd probably die."
"Awww, they're so sweet," Lily said, sighing with delight.
"I own a motorbike and I wear leather when I'm not in my work gear," Sirius supplied helpfully.
There was a victorious gleam in his eyes. Remus gulped and tugged at his collar, feeling suddenly too hot.
"I'm dead," he muttered, trying not to smile, downing the remainder of his wine in one go.
"I'm smitten," said Sirius, with a small grin, all sharp jaw and glorious cheekbones.
"I win!" said James, leaning back into his chair triumphantly.
I hope you enjoyed these smitten idiots ;)))