A/N: Again, if you hate me for Moral of the Story, please accept this as my apology. It's just pure Dadko loving Izumi fluff.
hereforthezutarastuff have I told you enough that you are amazing? Because you are. Thanks for beta reading 3
The first time Zuko held Izumi alone, she was almost four months old.
Of course, he'd held her before. She had been carefully placed in his arms just minutes after her birth. He had carefully, painstakingly carefully sat on the bed beside Katara where she was propped up by seemingly every pillow in the palace. Izumi slept in front of them for a century, a millisecond, and a dream all at once. Zuko doesn't remember if he blinked, the first-time parents dutifully watching their daughter slumber for the first time. When she awoke and started to fuss, Katara had taken her back and fed her. Zuko felt much safer with his arms around Katara, like he was less likely to break Izumi so long as Katara was holding her.
The fragility of babies ranked somewhere in between concern for his wife's swollen feet and baby proofing every inch of the palace on Zuko's list of things to freak out about during Katara's pregnancy. He was excited, ecstatic, over the moon with joy at the idea of becoming a father, of Katara being a mother, and of having a family with her. Though with all the world's knowledge one scroll or advisor away, Zuko was still terrified. He had so little experience with babies, and he kept hearing stories of all the ways they could get sick or hurt. They always looked so tiny, and Zuko couldn't help but worry he would do something wrong.
Katara had rolled her eyes, huffing at him. "Sure, they're fragile, but also they are pretty indestructible. Kids fall and hit their heads all the time and they're fine. I'm pretty sure Sokka was dropped as a baby and he turned out… mostly okay. It'll be ok," she had tried to reassure him, but her anecdote did little to calm him down. Later, she found him by the turtleduck pond, rubbed circles across his back, and told him how babies were like bending. They required time, effort, focus, and work. With those tried and true practices in place, no one would get hurt. He felt a little better after that, remembering the way he learned about the life that came from fire and how that had shaped his own destiny.
He was still terrified to hold Izumi, but learned as long as someone was with him, he could confidently hold her. Especially if Katara was beside him, steadying him, grounding him, he felt much better about cuddling his daughter.
For the first several months there was no shortage of people around to help either. Hakoda and Iroh seemed to be in a fierce competition for who could spoil his daughter the most. Gran Gran and Pakku also came up from the Southern Water Tribe, his grandmother-in-law assisting with the birth. Aside from Katara, Gran Gran could get Izumi to sleep the fastest.
Sokka and Suki stayed for a month as well, already planning playdates with their almost one year old. Suki kept dropping hints that they should plan better for their next kids so she and Katara could be pregnant together, an idea that terrified him more than drunk Toph recreating the Melon Lord story.
Aang flitted in and out of the palace every few days as he was prone to do. After Izumi was born, he performed a traditional Air Nomad blessing, which left half the Fire Sages befuddled at best and frustrated at worst when they couldn't reclaim their ceremonial hats that had flown out of the window. Aang said it was a part of the tradition, but Toph whispered to Zuko later that was a good old-fashioned Avatar prank. She hung around those first few months as well despite her loud proclamations that she never wanted a baby, which, Zuko later noticed, she only did when Aang wasn't around.
He was grateful, too, for the times his mother came, though he worried it only reminded Katara her own mother wasn't there. His fears would never be realized however, as Kiyi always tagged along and distracted Katara with her childish antics. His younger half-sister was exceptional with Izumi, carefully holding her and babbling on about tea parties and adventures they would go on together.
Slowly but surely, their family and friends left the palace, heading home only after making Zuko and Katara promise to come visit before Izumi's first birthday. Zuko felt no pressure to point out that this feat, visiting four different cities and an Air Temple in eight months, would never be pulled off. They left behind gifts of toys, scrolls, and enough clothes to last until Izumi's 5th birthday.
The morning after the last person left, Izumi woke up crying just as the first touch of dawn hit the horizon. Zuko, despite waking up with her and Katara four times that night, woke up as well. In his half-awake state he managed to loosely tie a robe around his waist before gently scooping his daughter into his arms. She stilled a little but continued to cry. Katara, perceptive to her baby's needs, started to stir from her sleep and move to tend to Izumi. Zuko frowned, taking note of the dark shadows under her eyes and remembering his wife had been up at the crack of dawn with their daughter every morning for a month straight. Though Izumi's rising with the sun hinted at a future as a firebender, the giddiness he felt at the possibility was short-lived when he saw how strained his wife felt from the erratic schedule.
"Shhhhhh," he whispered, bending over to plant a gentle kiss on Katara's temple, "I'll take Izumi for a walk. If it's a hungry fuss, I'll come back to you," he said. Katara mumbled a reply that might have been a "Thank you," but she was already rolling back over, burying herself deeper into their covers.
Zuko quietly slipped from their chambers, giving a small nod to the guards posted at their door, and made his way through the palace. In his sleep deprived state, he didn't realize he was heading towards the gardens until the ground under his feet softened to grass and the overreaching vines caressed his outer arm. He crossed to the bench in front of the turtleduck pond, wracking his brain for children's stories. As he walked, he carefully bounced Izumi in his arms, whispering soothing sounds since no tales suitable for an infant came to mind. Luckily, she quieted, and by the time they reached the bench she was still and calm in his arms.
He sat for a few minutes, enjoying the peace of the quiet morning, feeling Agni's flames fueling his inner fire as the sun crept over the horizon. He smiled down at Izumi, making a few silly faces at her, and she squealed back a happy little noise that set Zuko's heart aflutter.
It wasn't until they had been sitting there for at least twenty minutes that Zuko realized this was the first time he'd taken Izumi on his own.
His head shot up and he felt his heart start to race as the panic set in, a hundred terrible scenarios of how he could mess this up running through his mind. Unfortunately, Izumi seemed to pick up on the shift in his mood and started to fuss again.
Somehow Zuko managed to steady his breathing like he did during meditation. He stood and walked in circles around the bench, whispering, "It's ok, I've got you, you're ok, we're ok," over and over till Izumi calmed again. Zuko sat on the bench again, carefully adjusting his arms so as not to disturb her.
"You know," he said after a few minutes of silence, "this is the first time I've done this without your mother or someone else being with me."
He knew Izumi couldn't understand him, but at that moment she started to babble. He let himself pretend they were having a real conversation.
"You're right, it's pretty nice, just you and me. Definitely better than having your Uncle Sokka make terrible jokes over my shoulder the whole time. Although, and you can never tell him this, sometimes his jokes are pretty funny."
Izumi opened and closed her fist as she babbled. Zuko shifted his arm, and she wrapped her hand around one of his fingers.
"Yeah, I know. I'm lucky to have him in my life. I'm lucky to have everyone in my life. Your mother and you especially. That's… why I'm so scared I'll mess this up," he whispered.
Izumi cooed softly as if she was trying to reassure him.
"If your mother was here, she would say something about how 'the fact that I worry should be proof that I care' or 'a lot of parenting is instinctual, you just have to do it to know how to do it' or something like that," he paused, looking over at the mother turtleduck with her babies before looking back down at Izumi. "But I just love you so much. I can't imagine what I would do if something happened to you," he choked out, feeling tears well in his eyes.
Izumi shrieked, her happy baby shriek, and for a moment Zuko just looked down and marveled at the tiny human in his arms, this little bundle he helped make and would raise.
He laughed, the noise bubbling out of him like a fountain. Izumi seemed a little surprised at first but soon was shrieking again, smiling wide. He would swear she was laughing with him.
"You're right, Princess," he said in between chuckles, "Mom hasn't been wrong before, and she's certainly not going to start with you," he said.
Eventually, they both quieted, and Zuko was able to enjoy the calm of the morning again. He closed his eyes, taking deep meditative breaths. His toes squirmed in the dewy grass beneath the bench and his shoulders dropped as tension released from his neck. He opened his eyes when he felt a strand of his hair fall into his face. He wriggled his finger free to push the lock behind his ear and pulled Izumi closer to his chest before offering his finger back to her tiny fist.
He barely took in the ornate gardens, the way the rising sun tinted everything with a pink glow, the way the pond rippled when a turtleduck waddled in, or that the ends of his robes were dragging in the dirt. He was too mesmerized by his daughter, by the tiny life he held in his arms, to properly appreciate his beautiful surroundings. He marveled at the grasp she had on his finger. He memorized her features, her dark tuft of hair, her golden-brown eyes, her skin that was just a shade or two darker than his. He fell in love with her little smile as she gurgled up at him.
Izumi suddenly started to squirm and fuss in a way that he had learned meant she was probably hungry (he was 75% accurate with his guesses), so he stood and started walking back to their chambers. As he walked, he continued his one-sided conversation.
"I'm excited you're an early riser, because it means you'll probably be a firebender, and I get to teach you allll the breathing techniques and morning stretches. Someday I'll tell you about when Uncle Aang and I met the masters Ran and Shaw. Maybe I'll even take you to meet them when you're older. But your poor mom… she's a waterbender. She doesn't rise with the sun like us, so do you think we could try to let her sleep in a little?"
Izumi babbled and squirmed and he could have sworn she shook her head no. He let out a heavy sigh.
"That's what I thought."
He slipped back into their bedroom and started trailing slow kisses across Katara's face.
"I'm sorry love," he whispered, "but it seems she is hungry," he said as he kissed her forehead. She slowly stirred, yawning and stretching as she sat up. He passed Izumi to Katara and sat on the bed beside her while Katara fed her.
Zuko watched, always fascinated by the many facets of Katara. There was Katara the fighter, the one who could still whip him in a bending match. There was Katara the diplomat, who fought with her words to help her people. There was Katara the healer, who could stitch up wounds, both physical and psychological, with her touch. There was Katara the sister and friend, who cared so deeply and so honestly that she had left her home to travel the world with a boy she had just met. Unfortunately, back then, that Katara often translated to Katara the mother. As he watched her nurse their daughter though, he realized this version of mother Katara was different from what she had done when they were kids. It was quickly becoming one of his favorite sides of her.
He must have been staring for too long, because she looked up at him with a curious gaze, cocking her head to the side. "What? Is something wrong? Do I have drool on me again?" she asked as she tried to feel for drool with her free hand.
He smiled down at her and said, "No, you look perfect, love. Everything is good."
She raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief. "Are you sure? You're making a weird face. That one you make when you try to act all philosophical."
He mulled over the morning, wondering if he should divulge that this morning was his first with Izumi alone. He decided instead that he rather liked the idea of having a secret moment with Izumi, their little talk that she wouldn't understand, something for just the two of them. He knew confiding in Katara that he realized he could do this, really do this whole parenting thing, would earn him an eye roll and a loving 'I told you so'. He gave his own coy smile, like the ones she shot his way so often.
"Absolutely sure. Everything is good," he said.
And, for the first time since he found out Katara was pregnant, he truly meant it.
I hope this and Marvelous Night for a Moondance make up for any pain from Moral of the story. Let me know what you think! And come say hi on tumblr gemgirl28