A few weeks go by and I have to admit, I don't know how I get through. I think about Joey every single day.
My friends help, they help cheer me up and try to get my mind off it. They are there for me all the time.
Finally, I try to act normal around them so they think I'm over him because I should be over him by now... even though I'm not.
Then, we're watching tv one day and somehow Joey appears on the screen.
I honestly think it's a dream at first. Maybe I'm finally going crazy, but my friends see it too.
"Oh my god!" we exclaim in unison.
"That's Joey!" Phoebe squeals, pointing at the tv.
"He's an actor?" Rachel exclaims at me.
"Apparently!" I answer, completely shocked.
We all watch him play a neurosurgeon named Drake Ramoray on the soap opera, Day of Our Lives.
I'm watching him motionless. I haven't seen his beautiful face or heard the sound of his voice in weeks and I'm not okay.
When the episode ends, my friends turn to me.
"You okay sweetie?" Monica asks.
"Yeah, of course. I didn't even know he was an actor," I assure them.
"How cool is that?" Rachel beams, amazed.
Everyone gives her a stern look.
"Really, it's fine. I'm happy for him," I force out.
I'm not sure if my friends believe me, but they let it go.
I'm sitting in my apartment feeling weaker than ever. Seeing Joey's face again, now I really can't stop thinking about him. Soon, my mind starts wandering to what he smells like, feels like, tastes like.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I saw him again? I mean, it has been nearly a month. I made it a month. And I don't have to tell my friends, no one even has to know.
I pick up the phone and hold it in my hands. I put it back. This is a bad idea, I know it is.
I feel myself pick up the phone once more and then I'm dialing. I should hang up, but it's ringing now.
"Hello?" I hear his voice on the other side. I've missed him so much.
"Hello?" he repeats.
"Hey - you free?"
I meet Joey at his place and when he opens the door, I can barely catch my breath. I can't believe I'm here. This is wrong, I shouldn't be here, but I lean in and find his lips and this doesn't feel wrong. This feels so right. This feels like the only thing I need. So, I keep kissing him and he guides me to his room.
We fall onto his bed and he's over me, kissing me more and more.
"I saw you on tv," I hear myself interrupt us.
He pulls back.
"Oh yeah?" he smiles.
"Yeah, I didn't know you were an actor," I comment, wondering why I'm having a conversation with him instead of kissing him.
"Well, I couldn't book a job then," he explains.
"So, is this your first big thing?" I ask.
"Yeah, biggest gig I ever booked," he tells me, absolutely beaming.
I move to sit up, so he sits back to allow this. I look at him and he waits for me.
"Why didn't you tell me when you got the show?" I question.
"Uh, we weren't talking - I thought," he answers nervously.
"You still could have warned me," I shake my head.
He looks at me confused.
"Why would I warn-" he starts to ask.
"So, I could prepare myself to have to see you again. That I'd have to think about you again!" I shout unexpectedly at him.
He looks completely caught off guard.
I spring up from the bed to get some distance from him.
"Chandler - I..." he begins.
I hear him get up too, he's behind me.
I turn back to him.
"And I never even stopped thinking about you!" I yell at him.
He stands speechless.
I knew this was a mistake. I knew I couldn't handle this. What was I thinking?
I pick my coat up from the floor and turn to leave.
"I never stopped either," I hear him say behind me, making me stop in my tracks.
I turn back to him slowly.
"What?"
"I... never stopped thinking about you," he repeats for me.
"Really?" I barely get out.
He nods.
"I've never felt like this before," he tells me.
I can't move, hearing him say this.
"How can I believe you?" I say out of fear.
He looks upset, but he only shrugs.
"I don't know," he whispers.
"You don't want something casual anymore?" I confirm.
"Not if it's with you."
"So, you want me to stay?" I ask.
"Yeah," he nods.
I step towards him again and he waits for me.
I stare into his eyes, then down at his lips. I slide my hands down his face. Could he really be mine?
I spend the night at Joey's. I do, I give in - how could I not?
I wake up in the morning in his bed and he's next to me. I'm still nervous he's going to wake up and want me to leave. This all seems too good to be true.
When he finally stirs awake, I don't say anything to him, but this time he greets me with a "good morning".
"So, what now?" I ask, wondering how he'll respond.
He takes a moment, he looks like he's thinking, making me more nervous with every passing second.
"Breakfast?" he offers.
I smile slowly at that response. I suppose that is a good start.
At breakfast, I decide to lay out some rules. If this is going to work, I can't be constantly questioning what's allowed.
"So, I'm gonna want to talk," I blurt out after the waitress leaves with our orders.
"Okay," Joey answers, suppressing a smile.
"I'd want us to get to know each other more - if we're not casual anymore," I tell him sternly.
"We can talk," he smirks.
"So, where are you from?" I ask.
"Woah, getting right to it," he pretends to look surprised. It makes me smile.
"Come on," I push.
"Queens, what about you?" he answers properly now.
"Long Island. Did you move to Manhattan to be an actor?"
"Yeah, been trying for four years now," he replies.
"Well, it's working now," I remind him.
"Oh yeah, guess so," he smiles proudly.
The waitress returns with coffee.
I wait until she leaves again.
"So, what made you change your mind?" I can't stop myself from asking.
"About what?"
"Me."
He shrugs.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you," he reminds me.
"Yeah, but how has that not happened before? I mean - I'm just surprised, it being me and all, I'm sure there were a lot of others..." I begin to ramble, playing with my fork for no reason.
"Chandler," he says until I look at him again.
"I like you," he states clearly, which makes my heart race again.
"You might, we don't know each other that well yet," I debate stupidly.
Why am I arguing?
"I think I know you a little," he responds.
"Mhm, I'm not so sure," I shake my head again being way too difficult for no good reason.
"I know what you like in bed," he mentions and I blush wildly.
I look around, hoping no one overheard that.
"Okay, umm maybe we lay low on that kind of talk in public," I whisper embarrassed.
He smirks at me.
"Got it, no sex stuff," he speaks still normal volume, which makes me panic again.
I look around nervously once more.
"Chandler, we're fine," he snickers.
The waitress returns with our food then. We thank her.
"Umm, so are pancakes your favorite food?" I ask him, desperate to change the topic.
He begins cutting into the pancakes he ordered.
"Every food is my favorite," he smiles and then takes a large bite.
I chuckle.
"Okay, that's easy enough."
We continue with breakfast, luckily only talking about our friends, family and jobs.
After breakfast, Joey has rehearsal. We walk outside together.
"I'm this way," I point behind me.
"I'm this way," he points in the other direction.
"Well, breakfast was nice," I tell him.
"Yeah, it was," he agrees.
We stare at each other until we both grow goofy smiles.
"We can still kiss, can't we?" Joey asks.
"Yeah - of course."
"I didn't know what the new rules are," he smirks.
"We can kiss," I state with a smirk.
"Okay, kissing is allowed, but no sex talk," he recalls.
"I meant not in public."
"And we talk to each other now," he says concentrated, like he's trying hard to list another rule.
I chuckle.
"Stop making fun of me."
He closes his mouth.
"You're gonna be late for rehearsal," I snicker.
He steps closer to me.
"I don't care," he breathes and then he finally gives me what I want and kisses me.
Somehow, kissing him feels even better now.
When he draws back, I can't help, but smile instantly.
"You free tomorrow night?" he asks.
This is real, I can't believe I made this real.
"Yes."
He kisses me once more and then leaves for rehearsal.
I head to the coffee shop.
All my friends notice something different about me.
"What's going on? You look so... happy?" Ross challenges.
"Gee, thanks man," I roll my eyes kiddingly at him.
"You are glowing," Phoebe observes me strangely.
"I spent the night with someone," I grin at them.
They gasp with excitement.
"Who?" Rachel presses.
"Um... Joey, actually," I reveal.
"Oh honey, no that's a bad trap to fall back into," Monica urges with concern.
"Yeah, he doesn't want to commit," Ross reminds me.
"Well, he says he changed his mind," I tell them.
"But has he really?" Monica asks disbelievingly.
"I... think so," I reply.
"You know, he's an actor now. He could be lying," Rachel jumps back in, just as worried as everyone else.
"I don't think he was lying," I attempt, but already I'm wondering if they're right.
"We just don't want you to get hurt," Monica says.
"I know... I still have feelings for him," I admit.
"Well, obviously," Phoebe comments and I shoot her a glare.
"But you need to be careful," Ross comments gently.
"Well, we had breakfast this morning," I reason.
They all look at me weird and that's when I realize I made them believe Joey and I were dating the whole time. I never mentioned it was only casual, so breakfast wouldn't be a big step up for him.
"I mean, at breakfast he seemed really genuine. You know, when we talked," I cover up quickly.
"Well, I hope he is," Monica states, rubbing my hand.
"Me too," I breathe, way too nervous now.